| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 9:27:31 AM |
(2) One reason is sexuality - the "a$$holes" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings The implication here lies in portraying confidence, when the real truth simply lies in the fact "bad boys" think every girl wants them 24/7. it's not hard to miss cues from women when you think EVERYTHING is a cue. (3) 'Nice guys' think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny - sending all nice guys to Let’s Just Be Friends-land The implication here lies squarely in the stereotype of 'Just Friends'...Not to belittle the "when harry met sally" wonderland this concept regurgitates, but i've never seen anyone in this scenario treat each other as friends. In fact, it's kind of hard to swallow the "friends zone" when it's anything but 'DOORMAT' (look, it's a stereotype, plus a really really old lie to boot. And everyone knows it's a lie, subconsciously) One of the best explanations yet. What happens when a formerly non-aggressive decides to "turn it on"? He is so unpracticed that he is soon marked as a nuisance at best or gets accused of harrassment at worst.
The counter to that is simply trust. Just because one isn't interested in sex, doesn't mean your body loses it's 'edge' or something equally silly. Sort of like whining about 'blue balls'
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 8:33:16 PM |
You'd think so wouldn't you? I thought so too, except that's another lie altogether. There's a base assumption in that statement that goes like this, "seduction/sex/lust/love is a learnt skill" (practice makes perfect, etc) with another deeper implication that people shouldn't trust their bodies.
The counter to that is simply trust. Just because one isn't interested in sex, doesn't mean your body loses it's 'edge' or something equally silly. Sort of like whining about 'blue balls'
The sexual urge is certainly real and natural, but "seduction" is quite another matter. This is part of the socialization that supposedly all go through during their teenage and young adult years. But let's say you were a member of a fanatical religious cult that forbid dating? What if you simply accepted whoever your parents or a matchmaker picked for you? You quit the cult and find that at an age where seduction would be second nature, there is only a blank spot on your brain?
Yes, it seems to be a widely-held belief among men: "If you don't use it , it will rot off." Seems more likely to happen if you use it indiscriminately. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 10:22:53 PM | | The thrill of the chase. You want what you can't have. you're young...when you grow up you'll realize that you want something better. Getting hurt will get old and bad boys will be less fun. Its really more of an age thing that alot of women just need time to find what makes them happy. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 10:40:06 PM | you're problem is that you, are a basic woman... typical, hormonal, drama queen, spoiled by society into thinking that a guy should be doing everything in the relationship and yet be the "cool" guy...
problem with that is... cool guys, aren't cool because they're nice, they're cool because the "azsholes" in all the movies are envied and popular... being nice isn't popular, it's often assiciated with some poor **stard living in his mommie's basement...
Tell us, what is it that he did to be called an ***hole?
Or rather... what did you tell your family and friends that he did...
here's a hint, when it comes to complaints you have about your bf... DON'T TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY... first off you'll exagerate to get sympathy, secondly they don't love him as much as you do, so after you've complained and gotten everything off your chest and you feel better and probably have forgiven him... they haven't, and they have no reason to! So the next time he comes around and get the cold shoulder from them he's wondering what the hell is wrong... if it comes out that you told on him like a little tattle tale... there's gonna be this tension between them and him... and it will bring all that crap back up again for you...
shyt...
You screwed up, ok fine. Admit it, let him go for his own sanity and yours, try better next time!
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 11:04:12 PM | that is so true when you said "The jerk has been playing you all along and uses his overconfidence to create a need to be validated in you. The secret? You are worth more than any man. Don't depend on him or anyone else to validate you. Nothing you can do will convince the jerk or bad boy to treat you right."
i dated a jerk and we broke up and im in the same boat as the girl who posted the reply. lol i dont know why i like jerks either. my ex contradicted himself and in the end always found a way to make me feel bad when i did nothing wrong and he lied,etc. lol relationships are ****ed! lol...thankfully theres lots of fish in the sea! | |
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vivid
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Joined: 6/30/2006
Msg: 106 | |
| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 11:09:29 PM | I know I am a loser for harassing and loving an ***hole, but I also know I am not the only one. So thats my story Whats my problem?
If it helps, I can be the greatest ***hole that you've ever met. We can raise
***hole children together and have an asshole dog. I can meet your ***hole
mom and dad. And live like ***holes. I think you make a great ***hole!! | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/21/2006 12:14:55 AM | | Other than perhaps low self-esteem and most people suffer from that, there is nothing wrong with you. You were in a long-term (over one year) relationship. Typically it takes a year of grieving to get over it. I know it is very tough and hard on you now. However, it is a little more than half over. In another six months, you will be over your grieving and able to get on with your life. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/21/2006 2:13:27 AM | | oh I just checked your age...dat says it all. Let me guess you met him in a bar and he came up in his tight jeans and made you laugh all nite and the next morning you were boyfriend and girlfriend...chalk it up to experience. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/21/2006 4:58:25 AM |
Let me guess you met him in a bar and he came up in his tight jeans and made you laugh all nite and the next morning you were boyfriend and girlfriend...chalk it up to experience.
Heh, or if its in Vegas, the next morning you were husband and wife, married by Elvis!  | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 4:31:03 PM | Very simple, most women like to look up to their man. ***holes keep them on their toes and a little off balance at the same time. Not to mention every women thinks they can change their man. Guy who are ***holes also look even more like saints when they treat her right, and thats what women remember.....the good times.
For a fact I've had relationships where I was a total ass, and some where I was a total saint.
Trust me I cared more for the girl I was dating when I was a saint, and cared a lot less for the ones when I was an ass.
However thAt being said, I know now in my experiences that If I'm with someone and I start getting in to ***hole mode, then she's not the one. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:02:20 PM | Women are more sexually attracted and responsive to symmetrical men, and symmetrical men exploit that advantage.
Otherwise, it is a matter of looks. You prefer sex with good looking men, even though you know they will consider you nothing more than a sex toy for their pleasure. | |
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delve
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Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 116 | |
| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:14:17 PM | I think you're addicted to the drama and the attention it is getting you from your friends and family (positive or negative). I think you even posted here to get attention. Why else would anyone admit to loving an ???hole?
Get some hobbies, interests, and a real job and then you won't have time for any of this crap In fact, you'll probably be embarassed if it ever crops up in your life again.
All of this women love jerks/men love ****es crap is just pop-psychology for those with low self-esteem...jmho. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:17:17 PM | Well, you do not have a problem. You have not met the right guy as yet......I am going to give you this guys name......he is the gentleman of all.....knows how to treat woman....great guy....his name is Len...if you want more info about him send me a message via pof.....
SD | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:21:34 PM | | men who are ***holes are typically alpha males and have more testosterone than the good guys, it's a chemical reaction and it's hard to resist for the average female. It sucks but it's true. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:21:35 PM | First off, I believe the premise is flawed. Maybe most women your age, some of us are a bit older and wiser (hopefully!).
Some women (and men) look for a project, someone to completely change. This satisfies a need to fix things and/or be in control. A bad man to this type of woman is a challenge.
There are also women (and men of course) who get their fix off of drama, as others have said. Real life is too boring, they think that conflict is interesting and exciting.
Either situation isn't really about the other person at all, but satisfying some need within themselves, therefore doomed to failure.  | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 6:27:02 PM | | Who knows? When I was closer to your age I lived next to a girl that was always crying on my shoulder about the way her boyfriend was treating her and telling me what a good guy I was. She even asked me to call the cops if I heard him beating her. I don't like to get involved with someone who is involved, but I told her if they ever broke up I'd like to go out with her. She turned me down. Go figure. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:08:39 PM | She turned me down. Go figure.
You are not listening. She turned you down because you were not looking and the other guy was. Unattractive guys are okay for friends, but not for dating and sex. 11 times out of 10 young girls choose good-looking sexy guys to date. After girls have had their full of sexual flings, they may settle for some average looking guy that will be dependable. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 8:21:01 PM | GoodKittyGoneBad I was thinking you had to be a lot younger. If you seriously believe this, then good luck with that, sister. 
Alpha males? Quit watching Discovery Channel!! There are few correlations between the animal and human species. And that's not one.
There are not "alpha males" in the human species. 
Don't buy into that BS, which is totally what it is. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/22/2006 10:25:18 PM | 98-Muffy In response to msg 17
mmmmmm...in all fairness, i once attempted to agree with you, and probably spouted the same sage advice. I'm sure it's still sage advice to you and others. Obviously i currently disagree with this point of view.
There's no "nice guy" and there's no "bad boy"...that's like talking about women and Madonna/Whore complex. It's merely pop psychology. Let's "pop" the thought bubbles shall we and show this 'debate' for what it really is.
(1) "The debate of nice guys vs a$$holes is one of the oldest of relationships and seduction issues." The implication here is that it's the oldest debate running - not. Ask yourselves something different: How did seduction evolve? Assuming we don't all live under rocks, the seduction technique would solidify after a few million years, add in language and bob's yer uncle, fanny's yer aunt. sex.
(2) "One reason is sexuality - the 'a$$holes' are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings" The implication here lies in portraying confidence, when the real truth simply lies in the fact "bad boys" think every girl wants them 24/7. it's not hard to miss cues from women when you think EVERYTHING is a cue.
(3) "'Nice guys' think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny - sending all nice guys to Let’s Just Be Friends-land" The implication here lies squarely in the stereotype of 'Just Friends'...Not to belittle the "when harry met sally" wonderland this concept regurgitates, but i've never seen anyone in this scenario treat each other as friends. In fact, it's kind of hard to swallow the "friends zone" when it's anything but 'DOORMAT' (look, it's a stereotype, plus a really really old lie to boot. And everyone knows it's a lie, subconsciously)
(4) "Woman like men who have a spine! Who have the confidence to stand by their own opinions." The implication is obvious: REAL MEN don't cry {etc, et al., ad finitum} Look, i'll make it simple: There are a great many guys out there who HAVE girlfriends or wives who are perfectly "nice", have great sex, and possibly even be in love (and know what love is)
In closing, anyone buying into the blather about niceguy/badboy fails to realize that some guys really don't want sex 24/7. We can't all be dogs humping the nearest feminine appendage at the drop of a hat. And simply having that urge doesn't convey one iota of 'confidence' (the 'urge' is backed up by millenia of tradition in 'seduction', so i suppose having "one's own opinion" is a big fat lie as well) 99- Tierran52One of the best explanations yet. What happens when a formerly non-aggressive decides to "turn it on"? He is so unpracticed that he is soon marked as a nuisance at best or gets accused of harrassment at worst. 101-Muffy
You'd think so wouldn't you? I thought so too, except that's another lie altogether. There's a base assumption in that statement that goes like this, "seduction/sex/lust/love is a learnt skill" (practice makes perfect, etc) with another deeper implication that people shouldn't trust their bodies.
The counter to that is simply trust. Just because one isn't interested in sex, doesn't mean your body loses it's 'edge' or something equally silly. Sort of like whining about 'blue balls' 102- Tierran52The sexual urge is certainly real and natural, but "seduction" is quite another matter. This is part of the socialization that supposedly all go through during their teenage and young adult years. But let's say you were a member of a fanatical religious cult that forbid dating? What if you simply accepted whoever your parents or a matchmaker picked for you? You quit the cult and find that at an age where seduction would be second nature, there is only a blank spot on your brain? Yes, it seems to be a widely-held belief among men: "If you don't use it , it will rot off." Seems more likely to happen if you use it indiscriminately.
Yeah, no. Your "turn it on" (non-aggressive) stance is the same as your "socialization" stance. It's only a "learnt" skill because societies create their own versions of 'romance' or what have you...oh sure, if you don't want to trust anything but some protocol on "seduction" and do it poorly, i'm damn sure you'd be accused to harrassment or worse.
Lumping in 'biology' ("sexual urge") with some trumped up technique clearly doesn't make any point what so ever, especially when your argument makes a forced distinction between the two (obviously implying the absence of the technique creates a void that can't be filled naturally)
Do you trust your body and 'intuition' or do you trust some artifice created by your society? Remember, there's alot of peer pressure and an amazing amount of history behind the concept of 'romance' that beggars the imagination. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/23/2006 8:35:17 PM | | thanks for the insult there John. How do you know what she looked like, what he looked like, or what I looked like then. We were about the same age at the time. I could tell you what I think of you, but I don't like being a complete jerk. It's obviously not the grand opinion you have of yourself. | |
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