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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/23/2006 9:06:57 PM | Skeptical, no one is insulting you. Just telling you the way it. It is okay to lie to others, but you shouldn't lie to yourself. Go to any popular night spot were good-looking girls go to meet guy and watch. Every good-looking girl there will act as if though looks are the only thing. They will be practically throwing themselves at the great looking guys and they will not give average looking guys the time of day.
Don't listen to the politically correct nonsense girls say because their actions speak louder than their words. You may wish it wasn't that way, but you have eyes and all you have to do is look to know what I'm saying is true. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/23/2006 10:52:08 PM |
Do you trust your body and 'intuition' or do you trust some artifice created by your society?
What are internet dating sites but an "artifice"? Trust my "body" to tell me how to maneuver through all the vague and conflicting signals in determining interest? I don't know about you, but I cannot smell pheromones, or differentiate between a friendly smile or a sexually interested one. Please explain what you mean, because obviously a lot of us are missing such intuition. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/23/2006 11:08:17 PM | The problem isn't with you...First off, REAL MEN comibine the qualities of the jerk and the
nice guy into one fantasizable package. Think of it, jerks have a life that doesn't include you, nice guys have a life centered around you. Too much of either and you'll get bored, or angry.
It's even simpler if you just think about what you're missing and open yourself up to what makes you breathe, instead of suffocate. Just trying to help!
Good luck! | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/24/2006 1:45:47 AM | Wow, this thread is great! I am going to save a few 'nuggets' of information. I really like some viewpoints.
Here is mine which is similar to some others:
Women want their lover to treat them like a woman. The jerk simply wants sex so his whole approach is sexual which makes her feel like a woman. The nice guy remembers how women always say 'i hate when guys mention sex all the time' so being the nice guy, he never mentions it. He never acts in a sexual way. He never says or does anything to make her feel like a woman. He treats her like a friend and that's it pal, it's all over but the cryin'.
I used to be the nice guy. Latched onto this really hot woman. For years, we talked on the phone almost every day. Never had one argument. Talked and made each other laugh. We liked the same things. However she was in a LTR with an incredible jerk. Threw things around the house, broke things, treated her kid like garbage while treating his kid like a king. And she'd call me 'he's such an a$$hole I swear I'm leaving him' so I'd get all excited thinking 'this is it, I'm jumping in'. Next thing you know 'well we talked it out, everythings fine'.
This happened roughly 10,000 times. Lol, one time she calls me. "I left him" she says. "Come hang out with me at this hotel". I thought, 'ok, THIS is it. For SURE this time'. I go over there. We spend hours talking, listening to her cry, we ordered pizza, watched a movie. About 2 hours into it I slowly realized I was her girlfriend. I finally said, at 5am, 'I have to go to bed'. Next day she was back with him.
Well we got to be such good friends that she would just about coach me when I would meet a girl. She'd tell me 'don't do her the small favors she will ask at first. Like running to the post office for her, or anything like that. She's testing you. You ONLY have time to see her, you don't have time to run her errands'. Sure enough, I was actually asked to make a post office run on the 2nd date!! I said no and you should have seen her face. Shock. I would help her if she needed it, but I wouldn't do little things for her. I also wouldn't answer the phone every single time she called. I would call back within 30 minutes. I wouldn't hang out with her at every request. I would tell her I'm hanging out with the boys tonight.
Let me tell you that was one passionate relationship. Sure I got her flowers and a card for valentine's and things like that. But I began to recognize the times I would just be a doormat and I refused.
So 6 months go by and we realize we aren't really made for each other. So she tried to break up with me. like 5-6 times lol. Once, the breakup lasted half an hour. She called back and said 'I can't do this. Come over after work and bring condoms' haha. The last time she dumped me she sounded very serious. At that point I was so tired of her bs (she was on several meds for anxiety and depression) that I said 'ok, see ya'. I didn't call or text. 3 weeks later she calls and asks me to come over. I said no, it's over.
Bottom line is, I stopped being the nice guy doormat. And it immediately attracted a good looking female that I had a great time with. It ended amicably (no tears or fights) but I learned a good lesson from it. If a guy can combine the sexual attractiveness of the jerk, but maintain the decency of a nice guy, he will get women of high quality.
Don't be her girlfriend! be her BOYfriend. And that means showing her you look at her as a woman not a buddy. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/24/2006 6:36:35 AM | Wakedan, An excellent story. You left out how
I used to be the nice guy. Latched onto this really hot woman.
Seems like a contradiction. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/24/2006 9:12:21 AM | | Hmm ..can't say that I love ***holes. I will say I've liked guys before I figured out they were ***holes. I can say that I've liked some guys after finding out they were an ***hole because I tried to remember the good times. I can't say that I've actively seeked out an ***hole though ...... | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 11:46:02 AM | It's all about 'looks' usually. If an average male is 'real' nice (while pursuing a date), they're weirdo's. If they are good looking, all they have to do is show an ounce of humanism and they're 'saintly'.
I remember seeing a re-run of an old gameshow episode of the "Dating Game". One of the tricks the females use to find out what the men look like on the other end of the wall is to give various contestants an opportunity to rail on the other person. They probably choose the already confident sounding person to rail on a weaker sounding person (which should be punishable by execution the following morning). This girl asked one of the contestants who described himself as "a wild and craaaazy guy", to sing a song about the person sitting next to him. Needless to say he railed on him big time. In a perfect world, when time to choose the date, she would of reasoned "I now know who the '***hole' not to pick is". But no, she picks the "wild and crazy ***hole"! "The Dating Game" show was a program where one could abandon all humanism in favor of being an ***hole, and still maintain approval from the audience. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 11:50:15 AM | If I get one thing from this thread, it's how important balance is. Too much jerk is bad. Too much "nice guy" (ugh! the term should be outlawed!) is just as bad.
A balance of aggression and kindness is best. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 1:10:08 PM | | If it was true that all women love a$$holes, and we "can't help it" because of our DNA and brutish, animalistic nature, seems like a lot more guys (ahem!) would be in relationships. *eyebrow waggle* | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 1:38:15 PM | | Most guys are in relationships. The women are compelled by their nature to seek out the sexy hott men for short-term sexual flings. Then after they are impregnated they seek out a dependable 'nice guy' that will be a good provider for long-term relationships. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 1:46:50 PM | Really. Explain to me then why the number of men on this site looking for relationships, such as yourself, exceeds women by so many, and why married men looking for intimate encounters ouweighs women looking for the same (or, as you say, hot guys for sexual flings) by as much as 6 to 1?
You really throw around your opinions as if you believe they're true. I'd like to know the basis of your "facts," because reality doesn't bear them out. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 2:16:32 PM | There are a ton of men on this site, many more than there are women. This makes sense, women choose who they have sex with, so they have the social leverage to be few in number but demand the attention of many. This is no different than a job getting many more applicants than it has positions. The better the job, the more applicants, the more rejections. The worse the job, the fewer applicants, the lowering of basic standards of who you can have working for you. If men controlled access to sex, you'd see fewer men here and a large gaggle of women chasing them. The numbers breakdown is only a reflection of the social structure of dating and who controls the access to sex.
But out of those men, only a few have what women tend to want. Good looks, money, etc. But all of those men go after maybe 2 percent of the total number of women on dating sites. The good looking ones. Without those 2 percent of women, the men wouldn't show up, the site and any dating site would collapse. So as much as you women hate the good looking blonde bombshells of the world, without them, dating sites wouldn't function at all and you would get no benefit from them at all.
1) Most men chase only a very few of the select women
2) Those very few select women only respond to very few select men, if at all, who chase them.
3) Everyone else, the women no one are chasing, and the men no one wants chasing them, have to settle for each other. And that's where all the hate and anger and bitterness comes in, from the people who want the few select "good catches" but reasonably can't get them.
As for why some women love a.ssholes? Well, if the guy is one of the select choice few, it's pretty simple to see why. Or if he is at the top of the heap of the kind of men she would probably have to settle for because she can't get the select choice few, that's pretty simple to see why too.
In simple terms, women would rather get the worst of the best, than the best of the worst. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 2:53:18 PM | Explain to me then why the number of men on this site looking for relationships, such as yourself, exceeds women by so many, and why married men looking for intimate encounters ouweighs women looking for the same (or, as you say, hot guys for sexual flings) by as much as 6 to 1?
OpheliaBonBon, fortunately MrGordonGecko has explained that far better than I possible could. He and SinbadSailor always get it right and, whenever they speak, they do it in a way that is clear, convincing, and easy to understand.
They are head and shoulders above me. I sometimes get it right and, even when I do, I leave myself open for comebacks, barbs, and personal attacks by a dozen people.
In any event, studies have indicated that women 'square the circle'; that is, they seek to become pregnant by symmetrical men that have good genes, but are not good mates, and marry less symmetrical men that are dependable and good providers. Since children with better genes are more likely to survive, that is natural selection at work and explains why it is in women's DNA to be attracted to a$sholes.
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 6:40:50 PM | What "studies"? That's my original question. And for women to be attracted to men with more aggressive qualities is a very different story from your assertion that "women are compelled by their nature to seek out the sexy hott men for short-term sexual flings. Then after they are impregnated they seek out a dependable 'nice guy' that will be a good provider for long-term relationships." According to what you just said, women would NEVER want the nice guy and would prefer to stay with the best source of genetic material.
Which would be all well and good if we were cows, incapable of rational thought. Moo! | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 7:36:44 PM |
What "studies"? That's my original question. And for women to be attracted to men with more aggressive qualities is a very different story from your assertion that "women are compelled by their nature to seek out the sexy hott men for short-term sexual flings. Then after they are impregnated they seek out a dependable 'nice guy' that will be a good provider for long-term relationships." According to what you just said, women would NEVER want the nice guy and would prefer to stay with the best source of genetic material.
John 6-81 is right.
Your profile states you are 41 years old. Well, is the dating same now at 41 that it was at 21? At 31?
As women get older, they lose their social leverage to demand the very best potential mate. A woman is probably, in a physical sense and a fertility sense, is going to be her most attractive probably in her late teens to early twenties. How can you be sure? Look at all the archetypes in society for what is deemed as the most appealing and desirable women. In Hollywood, it's the young actresses around that age. In porn, it's women just hitting 18 years of age. For fashion, it's younger models. But what's the constant in all those industries? The most desirable women last for a few years, they have a very short prime in their professions and then they are gone. Snap of the fingers, they are gone. Another hot young woman comes to replace them.
No one is going to blame a hot looking young healthy woman to try to find the best mate possible. But shes not going to stay young and beautiful forever. And when she stops being beautiful and ceases to have that mass appeal, her options narrow. The very best men out there, the best quality and the most to offer are not cycled out like the women. They have no incentive to keep an aging beauty around, they just find a new woman. So all the women in decline have left are the men they ignored when they were younger. That's all that's left. Take that or keep waiting, and the longer you wait, the quality of your mate is going to decline. Not sure? How easy is it going to be to find a man you want at 55 versus 25?
Women want to sell the bullshit that they have "matured", well that's not it. When a woman is in decline, she has fewer options. That's not maturity, that's being forced to date within a whole different pool of men or simply be alone. Socially men are not stigmatized for their age as long as they are relatively healthy, good looking and have money.
How can you be sure?
Sean Connery or Clint Eastwood can bag as much tail as they want. Young, old, dark, light, three at a time, doesn't matter. Age doesn't not limit them.
Lauren Bacall and Angela Landsbury were absolutely stunning when they were young. How many current young handsome bucks want to sleep with them now? Even with their fame, their options are seriously curtailed.
So yes, John 6-81 is right, some women overestimate their marketability. They bypass lots of solid and decent mating options when they are in their prime, they wait too long and those options dry up. Those men are not going to wait forever. And then those women get old and they find the dating pool has thinned out. More of the men their age are married, committed or otherwise conflicted (divorced or gay) There's a reason why older women complain that no one is out there for them.
Will a woman take a nice guy? Sure if shes got nothing to offer or she overplayed her hand and her options have dried up on her. But if she has the option? Probably not. That's why men should never get married, because the women most likely to desire marriage and give him the least bullshit are usually the ones just a very short time away from their eventual physical decline in their attractiveness.
This is why I encourage all young men to wait. To put off any kind of long term commitment until they are past 30 years of age. They'll be in their prime earning years. They'll have time to establish their finances and living situation and they will have the option to date younger and on their terms. Time is only on a woman's side from about 16-32. Time is always on a man's side as long as he has his health and money. But that's not easy to see as an 18-22 year old guy just trying to get laid all the time.
A woman in her prime who loves and pines for an a.sshole is wasting her time. Because time is not on her side. Those who don't take the time to realize that, often end up alone. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 7:40:13 PM | I'm no expert but I have a theory if it's not too late. You sound like you are saying anyone is better than noone, even if he is an a$$hole. My theory is that you are not well defined as an individual. You need to be more comfortable in your own skin, find an activity that had nothing to do with your time together. if you can be content on your own, a good man will come into your life, you will exude calm confidence and will attract the right kind of man. As long as you can't stand your own company, or don't know how to be an individual, you will flounder.
Or I could be completely wrong, in which case please disregard all of this. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 7:43:20 PM | It is not called..............'LOVE'
rather it is lack of 'love' for yourself...that keeps you in the circle
of accepting less than you deserve!!
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:01:21 PM | | And that ridiculous evolutionary drive garbage from the psycho engineer on meds...if true, here is how it works today. The brute who used to bring home mamoth steak, he is digging ditches now, or crawling out of them after a night of drinking with his idiot friends. The dominant male today is earning six figures and driving a Porsche, using his brain. But don't worry about it, you are wrong anyway. It's about self esteem. If you think you are crap, that is all you think you deserve. Get out there and be an individual and learn to succeed in the things you attempt, and don't be afraid to try the impossible. Gain some self esteem and you will hold out for someone worthy of you. We are all in the pond, it's a shame that some will settle for the stuff floating around on the sandy bottom. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:13:11 PM | | A lot of times you don't realize they are an ***hole until you've dated them for a while :) True, deeply justified hatred, like love, takes time to develop - | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:35:03 PM | | I posted here before, but I will add to it. This is a question most people have to think about and look deeply into their hearts and ask themselves what are the thing(s) they are doing wrong, becaue there are many. Not to go into detail about this, But'aa this thing is a dilemma that IS fixable and SHOULD be fixed sooner then later because the results are NOT in your favour or anyones if we make the wrong decisions like this. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 5:32:49 AM |
They bypass lots of solid and decent mating options when they are in their prime, they wait too long and those options dry up. Those men are not going to wait forever.
My favorite is the other thread "keeping it in the family" or something, with the girl who had this guy who for 10 years was interested, was always there when a relationship failed as her 'rock' to cry on his shoulder, etc... and she blows him off for 10 years, and then is upset because "now she's ready" and he's with her aunt. Like, uh, hey girl, he's been there for 10 years, you had your chance and didn't take it, you can't resent him for moving on and finding someone - like doesn't *he* deserve happiness too? | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 5:58:33 AM |
What "studies"? That's my original question.
The following are a couple of studies:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19960101-000028.html
http://www.dailybruin.ucla.edu/news/articles.asp?ID=35365 | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 6:05:27 AM | It's because nice guys are too available, you go to their house they are gonna be there, pick up the phone, ditto. It's human nature sometimes to take for granted to go for the exciting option. You can not be friends with the bloke you mention, it ain't gonna work cut all ties banish photos to the dustbin and move on, he has. Not sucking up but you're a great looking gal with her whole life ahead of you; just don't keep going for the same type of guy! or you're gonna keep repeating your mistakes and it's gonna get real boring, real fast. Good luck for the future.  | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 9/3/2006 6:47:49 AM | | It's kinda of a shame because if anyone has the power to end male '***hole-ism' it's females. It's sad when they continue to 'kiss' an ***hole's ego. | |
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