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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 12:28:06 PM | "Do they just feel "inferior?" Why is it, when a woman is educated, self-sufficient, knows what she wants, and what she will tolerate (and NOT tolerate) in a relationship...why do they equate this with 'Feminisim??' I love being a girly-girl...but I can also run with the "big dogs" when I have to...why is this such a threat to men??
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Actually, it's not the indepedence, etc etc etc they don't like, it's their *itchy attitude and the constant chip on their shoulder.
Anyone gender can be indepedent, I have my own place, I pay my own bills, but I don't make a big deal out of it like these so called "Empowered" women
Alot of so-called indepedent women, like to scream from the top of building their independence, usually when a woman does that, it's not about that.
They have a tendency to "Wear" their independence as if it were some "badge of honor"
The reason they say this? Possibly because they believe it or they think by saying it, you are being put on notice, she would have no problem dumping you if you don't toe her line. 'Cause that's what independent women do!
Women who shout independence from the mountaintops are likely anything BUT.
Those who posess true power have no need to flash it... they let their power and actions speak for themselves.
Me personally I'ld take an independent woman over a dependant one in a minute. But I'm not naive enough to think those women who are overbearing, controlling and who have major issues are independant
I'm agreeing with the OP too, by the way. Women going around loudly proclaiming how independent they are remind me a lot of men going around loudly proclaiming how tough they are. Both are usually putting up a front and tend to fold like cheap paper when presented with any real challenge.
The truly tough and independent don't need to go around shouting it from the rooftops-their actions do all the talking for them. | |
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DBD27
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Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 52 | |
| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 12:29:52 PM | It is not a threat to men. Education isnt important to me. Being self sufficient is not a threat, knowing what you will tolerate is a given for any person. I think maybe you are just getting bullshit excuses | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 1:36:55 PM | | We are threatened by independent, educated women because it reverses the whole entire rules of relationships and gives all control to the more dominant one in the relationship. I'm not saying that this is wrong, but it should be the guy who wins the girl over not the other way around. Also, these type of women not only intimidate some guys, but also completley confuse the hell out of some of us because of how most of our mothers taught us how to treat a woman; which is the exact opposite of how these type of women want to be treated. | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 4:33:38 PM | Yes.
If she is independant; that would mean that I have no importance to her, nor do I have any of her cares, reliance, or efforts focused on me.
I would prefer an "inter-dependant" gal myself.
INdependant means you are all for you; and look after YOURSELF. I am kind of lookin for someone who may have the inclination to look after me too; and allow me to do the same for her.
I do not wish to join a relationship with "two individuals".
I prefer the relationship with "one partnership".
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 4:50:06 PM | I have heard this comment from many women over the years. If you are so smart why do you
think this can be the only reason men shy away from you. It must be men.....it can't be me.
Quit your winning......I can't talk for all the men but it drive's me nuts.....not threatened | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 5:01:56 PM | Poor Sanschele. You're getting kicked in the butt a little, aren't you ?
Hey, I've kinda had this happen to me on more than one occasion. I may have someone over for dinner and he'll say "you're so great, why don't you have someone"? What do I say, " I guess it's just not my time yet." I even had one guy say "I seem a little desperate", but what he didn't know is that I would cook for any of my friends not just him. I am very kind, good sense of humor, lots of fun, but not needy. My life would be enhanced by having someone to share it with, but by choice not by need.  | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 5:30:33 PM | A REAL man would not be threatened by a successful woman. He would see her as someone who can fend for herself and not rely on any crutches. Her intelligence would be viewed as refreshing, a positive..not just a pretty face but brains an actual conversation. Her great career, owning her own home etc just complients her. Shows she is a go getter, a "can do" and "will do" individual. A real man would hop on the opportunity to be with a successful woman. If he is successful in his own right why should he be scared. A real man knows together they achieve HUGE things and be one of those power couples.
Now if a man is insecure then he should stay away from these woman/me. His insecurties will lead him to say such things as "She thinks she is so great..." etc.
I've gotten the "Oh" look from 1 guy who found out what I have achieved and is in the process of accomplishing. Most men I find are delighted to know I'm doing it big for myself. I for one will not apologize for my success. I worked too damn hard for it. There is a very good chance I will make more than a potential mate. Oh well my pockets shouldn't be any of his concern until we combine forces and decide to build a home/family together. I don't rub my accomplishment's in anyone's face, so no one needs to feel that I'm trying to El Capitan.
If we don't have money/education/career etc...we are frowned upon.
If we do have money/education/career etc we are frowned upon.
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 5:50:32 PM | | A lot of times when I see a women who is educated, self-sufficient, and poised, two things cross my mind. Number one is a great girl like that is probably already taken. They don't show single the same way a woman who is not as confident does. Number two is if I know she is single, I wonder what I could possibly have to offer her that she either already doesn't have, or couldn't get for herself. This may be a throwback to an era long passed, but men (and I mean every man whether he admits it or not) need to be needed. We have to feel that there is something you need us for that you just couldn't do without. That is the simple bald truth. Men need to feel they possess some inner quality, (or outer) lol that women will just die for. We want to give, more than we want to recieve. At least the good ones do. | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:04:39 PM | Jwa...good answer..example: I'm on date..getting to know each other..he says, "hey baby, love your legs,(when in essence he claims to be educated to the NINTH degree..8 years of HIGHER education), and this is ALL that he can come up with for intelligent conversation?
You obviously have a problem with ANY women based on your past negative posts..whatever happened to you..get over it. Not all of us are ball busters. Independence and success does NOT MEAN that I have no humility...Humility is the RESULT of being independent and successful.....and hey, if men are threatened by that?? Then move on..to the next 'mommy'.
Sanschele | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 8:39:25 PM | | I can only say for me, but I'm not threatened by the type of woman you desribe, but I prefer to go out with a "woman", not someone that thinks they rule the world or any of that crap. I've also found out in my own experience, that a woman that classifies herself as you desribe is usually WAY to set in her ways for me. | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:25:41 PM | They? I don't believe you are talking about all men are you?....lol....:)
It is nice to have the privalege of friendship with an intelligent educated lady.....although being educated does not make a woman or man intelligent....
I say if you are independent, educated, and a real woman.....then go for it dear......and all the more too you......:)
I am sorry to hear that the men you meet or pick are threatened by an independent, educated woman........and one could not comment on the reasoning why the men you meet equate this with Feminism.... Recommendation, might be to find yourself a man that is accepting of a woman with your assets...:) A man that believes in equality. I believe in equality but personally I try to stay away from big dogs....scarey....lol
One day there will be a man appreciative of you and will sweep you off your feet...or maybe you will sweep him off his feet...:)).....and the interesting thing is.....he might be the crossing guard.....or janitor....:)
Love conquers all....:))
0:)
PS -women = men men = women
*now would I enjoy a ride in your boat...yes...
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:42:43 PM | | it is truly amusing that when someone has a crappy attitude about the opposite sex and it shows in their post, threads and profile and they will use any excuse possible to avoid any responsibility for failed relationships."its my looks, my job, i'm too idependant and successful, i'm too good looking "etc etc etc.. whether your male or female, it might just be because your a jerk | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 10:56:36 PM |
Do they just feel "inferior?" Why is it, when a woman is educated, self-sufficient, knows what she wants, and what she will tolerate (and NOT tolerate) in a relationship...why do they equate this with 'Feminisim??' I love being a girly-girl...but I can also run with the "big dogs" when I have to...why is this such a threat to men??
I don’t know, personally I have never been intimidated by anybody. | |
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czgeek
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Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 70 | |
| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:03:02 PM | Well, I'll drop in here w/ my ex-GF from, oh, 10 years ago. Very independant, very intelligent, a wonderful mom w/ 2 kids, she had just moved out this way and got a 'temp' job (to offload my workload, in a sense, I'm in CT, was driving up to a new building we had just bought up in MA for 2-3 days a week for a year, they hired to to take over the work up there so I didn't have to travel so much...)
Anyways, 4 months later, we were trying to get her hired, but she found a full-time job elsewhere... I took her out to lunch for her last day, and, well.. we wound up making out and dating after that (so much for me not driving up there 2-3 days a week, it just became every weekend instead of during the week ;-) ).
She was making more money than me at the new job, and bought a house a couple months later. Did that bother me? Not in the slightest. We had a wonderful time together, but she was very "control" oriented, and it ended 6 months later with her *demanding* that I marry her. And I actually would have, but I wanted to talk about things, because it *did* mean me quitting my job of 10+ years, selling my house, moving 200 miles away, finding another job, etc. And her attitude was "no, no talk, you have to decide *now*". So I said no, because to me marriage is supposed to be a 2-way street, a mutual decision, its not a demand.
I have the fun of working with her now, we both telecommute (I recommended her, we still talk, she was looking for a job, and she's a damn good worker). We've had some interesting chats about that, her comment was "new job, just bought a house, whats next? ah, a Husband!" -- and I told her yeah, and I wasn't going to be content being her "arm candy" husband, and she actually agreed thats "what you would have been". She was married a year after we broke up, and just got divorced last year (I kind of felt that was coming 3 years ago, talking to her, but wasn't going to say anything at the time being the ex-BF, kind of awkward).
Interesting comment she made to me a few weeks ago though, she has a new BF who I've talked to, seems like a nice guy... and she said "I dont' think I've ever *let* a man really love me" (to which I said "no sh*t, I've been there"). She's *so* independant, she refuses to let a man do anything for her, she tells me how "guilty" she feels when he does something nice for her, like an expensive dinner or something.
So no, I don't have any problems with an "self-sufficient" woman, in fact most of my GF's *have* been very self-sufficient, and I enjoy having a woman who doesn't "need" me... but on the flip side, let a man be a man once in a while, let him take care of you and shovel the "I don't *need* him to do that" under the carpet... no, you don't "need" him, but isn't it nice to have someone do something for you "just because" once in a while? Just as women generally don't want to be treated as an arm-candy "accessory" (or most of them anyways), men don't particulary want that either. | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:04:49 PM | I think that sometimes, women like to convince ourselves that because he isn't interested he must be intimidated by our brains , wit, careers , successes. I have yet to meet a man who was threatened by the fact that I am independent and intelligent. In fact , any guy who I've spent time with (talking , even as friends) have valued those traits!
The only time things broke down was when I was dating a guy who made a lot less money than I did - didn't bother me at all but it sure wigged him out.
had nothing to do with my being smart or independent , it was purely about the $$$
we all want to feel needed, there is a difference between self sufficient and "I don't need anyone for anything"
I can do a lot for myself , but not everything!
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:39:47 PM | I don't think my education or resume has even been requested by any man that wasn't offering me a job. At least not until after we've corresponded or talked a bit and decided that we might enjoy each other's company based on much more important things. Then it might come up as a conversation starter at some point. Definitely never been a deal breaker either way.
Unless you shove your education and independence down a man's throat, I have found that most appreciate it. I think the men that are attracted to me are so because I am able to carry on a decent conversation, humble enough to know that my accomplishments are far more important to me than to anyone else, and sensitive enough to know that I don't have to build my self esteem through diminishing someone else's. And, I'm old enough and smart enough to know (and admit) that if he doesn't like me, it just might be that he just plain doesn't like me, not necessarily that he was intimidated or threatened by my overwhelmingly incredible resume.
A man's sense of humor, general intelligence (the kind that isn't measured by initials), and his ability to value someone's heart and soul more than looks and bank account......that's what I find attractive. And it's just a guess, but, reckon it's possible that real men just might see things the same way.
Sapphire | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/21/2006 11:51:42 PM | Not to start a rucus, but I've always beleived "independant woman" was an oxymoron. Anyway, it's not threatening to me. It's just unattractive. Why do I want a girl that is comparable to what I want myself to be or what I would imagine my guy friends to be. Successful, educated, self-sufficient. Sure, it's nice to say a woman is, but if you add it all together, those are traits a man SHOULD have. Not to mention if you're self sufficient, why are you worrying about getting a payload that doesn't suit the role.
On the other hand, I suppose I'm "Old Fashioned". | |
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| Why are men threatened by an Independent, educated woman???
Posted: 5/22/2006 8:15:42 AM |
"I dont' think I've ever *let* a man really love me" (to which I said "no sh*t, I've been there"). She's *so* independant, she refuses to let a man do anything for her, she tells me how "guilty" she feels when he does something nice for her, like an expensive dinner or something.
That's exactly what I meant too. | |
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