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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:16:37 PM |
So no one has answered my question what are single men missing out on by ot dating single mother's? What do they bring to the table that maks them more attractive then women without children or who have grown children?
Or we can turn this round. What can a childfree woman bring to the table that a woman with children can't?
not that I like the phrase 'bring to the table' makes it sound very materialistic. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 1:49:45 PM | Um- if I didn't make my man feel special I am thinking he wouldn't be sticking around for long.
And once again, speaking only for myself, before child I was all over the place. I used men, never wanted to settle down, I paid my own bills always but I'd be damned if I shared with anyone.
After having a child I am more stable, calm and have learned the value of a relationship. I have learned the difference between acquiantances and true friends. The importance of really having someone share your life. The true meaning of compromise and sacrifice. I am a MUCH better girlfriend/friend/overall person since having a child.
So THAT, is what I, a single mother, brings to the table. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:03:35 PM | So no one has answered my question what are single men missing out on by ot dating single mother's? What do they bring to the table that maks them more attractive then women without children or who have grown children?
Johne102...I did answer it, a few pages back.
My answer: nothing.
I don't bring anything better or worse to the table that any other woman does.
I think that the laws are screwey in Canada for someone dating a single mom and having to pay child support, and I understand your frustration at this, but instead of telling us how bad it is (and the majority of us are in the US, where this law doesn't exist), why not start a movement to get the law changed. Start locally, get enough support to go to who ever the government reps are for your province, etc... build it up.
I agree you guys are getting the short end of the stick in Canada, but that is not the fault of all the American women on here, and I don't like being labeled as a "dead beat" date because I have kids. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:19:00 PM | ^^^You could date a single parent and you would not pay support...if you marry or live common-law if they have kids you are on the hook.
Many ask why men will not date single mother's (not you) but some need to read the threads.
To me there is less hassle and less potential legal liability in the future in dating a woman who does not have kids or who has children who are adults than there is dating a single mother. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 2:47:35 PM |
So, you are saying that if this guy is decent, he will be willing to continue the relationship with the kids, even paying for them. Now the question would be: If the guy is so decent, WHY DID SHE LET HIM GO IN THE FIRST PLACE?
Actually “lucky_vet” said the man was decent. I’m just posing the hypothetical scenarios that could be considered. I personally would never ask for child support from a step-parent. However, if I was with someone for a significant amount of time and they had made the decision to be a part of my family, I would hope that he would want to continue some sort of relationship with my child, if that’s what they both wanted.
Woman who do not have children seem to be able to make the man feel special and can often spend more time with the man. That is attractive...so what does a woman with children bring to a relationship?
Are you really saying that women with children don’t know how to make others feel special? Maybe the women you have met just don’t like you, and therefore don’t go out of their way for you. If I like someone, believe me, they know it!
I think that the laws are screwey in Canada for someone dating a single mom and having to pay child support, and I understand your frustration at this, but instead of telling us how bad it is (and the majority of us are in the US, where this law doesn't exist), why not start a movement to get the law changed. Start locally, get enough support to go to who ever the government reps are for your province, etc... build it up.
Just to clarify: “once it is established that a 'step-parent' stands in place of a parent, the court has discretion to set his or her child support obligations. The courts have adopted a variety of approaches to this issue and, therefore, there have been calls for more direction in the law. However, the Government believes that allocating child support responsibilities to step-parents is a complex task and must be driven by the facts of individual cases to attain a fair result.”
This law is not about dating. It falls under the Divorce Act, which includes Common-Law partnership. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 3:29:36 PM |
Or we can turn this round. What can a childfree woman bring to the table that a woman with children can't?
Lots more free time.
More money for shared expenses (house, cars, etc).
Generally, less baggage with the father(s) of the children.
Just off the top of my head.
And just for the record, before I get flamed into oblivion by some of the oversensitive people in this thread, I actually do date single mothers--but this is the reality. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:14:00 PM | It can be a wide range of people, yes my children will always be top priority, next would be my family, I see my parents 4 times a week, we are very close. I meet up with my sisters and Nieces twice a week, I visit my grandmother once a week but just lately have been doing alot more for her, hours down the hospital etc as theres nobody else who can spare the time, I always, always spend a saturday evening with my friends.
I can't fail to notice that "my boyfriend" is not in that list. To accept not being #1 is a thing, to accept not being even #6 or 7 is pathetic. I can imagine his thoughts: "Gee, she's so selfless that she put me at the bottom of her list, or better yet, not even in her list. I'm so lucky I'm so open minded, I could have missed out the chance to be with a selfless person whom puts others before herself."
I would not change my life for anybody
Good for you, now if some women stopped having tantrums just because men think exactly like that.... | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:17:43 PM |
once it is established that a 'step-parent' stands in place of a parent, the court has discretion to set his or her child support obligations. The courts have adopted a variety of approaches to this issue and, therefore, there have been calls for more direction in the law. However, the Government believes that allocating child support responsibilities to step-parents is a complex task and must be driven by the facts of individual cases to attain a fair result.
The reason to put "step-parent" in quotes is because it's not meant for real step-parents, but for "the guy we will label as step parent, whether he wants it or not". And you call it "attain a fair result"? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 5:28:19 PM | Why not just accept the fact that because you have children some men ewill not date you..our laws in Canada just make it too unattractive..and then there is the drama of the child who does not want to listen to mom's new boyfriend or to the step-father if you get married...sorry too many headaches for some so just accpept that you might be alone until your children are full grown.
I do not wish my money to go to someone that has children that are not mine.
So what am I missing out on? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 6:38:22 PM | Good for you, now if some women stopped having tantrums just because men think exactly like that....
Why us men shouldn't have standards according to a lot of women. If we do, we're being shallow, callous, and closed-minded. Damn right I have standards and single mothers just don't meet them. Never have and never will. And if that means I'm bound to live my life alone, then so be it. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 7:57:53 PM |
After having a child I am more stable, calm and have learned the value of a relationship. I have learned the difference between acquiantances and true friends. The importance of really having someone share your life. The true meaning of compromise and sacrifice. I am a MUCH better girlfriend/friend/overall person since having a child.
So THAT, is what I, a single mother, brings to the table.
Single moms are in a position where they are at an disadvantage in the dating market. Sinlge moms know this and guys know this. Women get knocked up and find themselves with a kid and no man, and then began talking about how they are sooo... responsible and mature when this is not impressive but only what you are suppose to do as a parent. Sacrifice is the act of giving up something or something more desirble. Not going out for the night to be with your children is not sacrificing, not being able to take that vacation with your friends because you need to be at home with your children is not sacrificing. Men do not think you would make a great girlfriend because you have another man's child. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 9:08:04 PM | There’s nothing wrong with having standards, in fact I can’t think of anything better than a man who knows what he wants & is honest about it. I don’t think anyone should settle for less than what makes them happy.
I don’t think EVERY woman here is trying to convince anyone that single parents are better, but it is disheartening to see so many stereotypes thrown around.
Single moms are in a position where they are at an disadvantage in the dating market.
Being single can be a challenge for anyone, if it was easy to find a partner, then none of us would be here. I, in no way feel that I'm at anymore of a disadvantage than the next girl. We all have some aspect of us that isn't going to appealing to everyone. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:38:27 PM | LoveLaughter,
Yes...you are at an disadvantage in the dating field. Can you go on spontaneous dates, quick weekend getaways, or last minute parties at the drop of a hat? Someone has to watch your kids right? You do not have the same amount of freedom that a single person with no kids have. And even when you are not with your kids, you are still a mother, you still have to be concerned and worry about the well being of your children. The dating scene is not a open luxury for single parents. Children can turn a simple dating situation into a very complex ordeal. That is the disadvantage, when women start to realize this maybe so many women will not be so quick to become single moms. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2008 10:59:45 PM | Actually, I have the same flexibility as most people, considering I have a full time career. I have shared custody of my daughter & I have a very positive relationship with her father, so you can’t play the drama card with me, either. Even people who don’t have children can’t always take a weekend away at the drop of a hat.
Children are not the only thing in life which require a commitment or responsibility. Unless of course all you care about is dating and your main priority in life is to find yourself a mate.
That is the disadvantage, when women start to realize this maybe so many women will not be so quick to become single moms. Wow, what an ignorant thing to say. I don’t really know many people who set out to be single parents. I do know, however many people who were married for years before they got divorced. Don’t be so naïve; sometimes relationships just don’t work and you have to make the best of that situation. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:25:42 AM |
The dating scene is not a open luxury for single parents. Children can turn a simple dating situation into a very complex ordeal. That is the disadvantage, when women start to realize this maybe so many women will not be so quick to become single moms.
Agree. The pattern of single un-wed women in this country giving birth is pathetic to say the least. Maybe if a lot of people thought long term instead of just for today, we wouldn't be here having this discussion. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 4:27:29 AM | Wow, what an ignorant thing to say. I don’t really know many people who set out to be single parents.
But they sure don't try and PREVENT it either now do they? Explain to me why a good majority of 20 something women are lugging around 2-3 kids and a lot of 30 year olds have kids approaching or are in their teens. They might not set out to do it, but apparently they don't care if it does happen. And by your rationale, it's not anyone's fault that a lot women are giving birth to children outside of marraige. BS. Ladies, you ger pregant it's your fault for not trying to prevent it, period. It doesn't magically just happen.
You know what's so bad about dating these days? When I see someone I'm interested in the first question that pops into my head is how many kids does she have. That should say a lot because I doubt I'm the only one who thinks like that. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:01:56 AM | | Hey Fab. I read your profile and it sounds like you really want to find a great guy. But how long have you always wanted to find a great guy? Cuz if the father of your child does not even see his kid, well that does not sound like a great guy to me. So why would you waste your time with a guy like that? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 7:58:42 AM | Well, this is a huge post. I have read some responses and was super dissapointed with all the negativity from some men. It's definitely discouraging to see that some men fail to see anything positive that may come out of being with a single mom.
Obviously this is a personal issue... I am a proud single mom.
What are men missing out on if they chose not to date a woman who has kids?
Plenty. I will use myself as an example when answering this question... I know it does not apply to all cases -
Men will miss out on dating women who are independant providers. They will miss out on the opportunity to be welcomed into a pre-existing family relationship. They will miss out on more love and cuddles. They will miss out on being a role model. They will miss out on the pride that comes when you realize that the child(ren) are something truly special, and that these children think you're special too. They will miss out on unconditional love. They will miss out on stability. They will miss out on a woman who do better for herself as a result of being a single mother.
Single mothers have hectic schedules, the good ones prioritize their kids over anything else. Most of us try and make the best of our situation, and personally, I fight against the terrible stereotype that has been placed on me as a result of wanting better for myself and my son.
If you are seeking a strong, independant woman who can take good care of more than herself, who wakes up everyday to make a better life for her and her family... you'll be lucky that a single mother let's you into her special life. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:14:37 AM | | I do not feel I am missing out on anything by not dating a single mother. I have a few friends who are single mother's and they wonder why no one wants to date them. They all seem to think that they are entitled to a great man. Funny no one told me that...no one is entitled to a date or a marriage and some people need to understand that. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2008 8:55:22 AM | I do not feel I am missing out on anything by not dating a single mother. I have a few friends who are single mother's and they wonder why no one wants to date them. They all seem to think that they are entitled to a great man. Funny no one told me that...no one is entitled to a date or a marriage and some people need to understand that.
That's the scary part man. Thinking that somehow a rational man is going to want that. Ladies, most of those men thought or are thinking about their futures by taking measures to prevent unwanted pregnancies. It's ashame that a lot of you didn't run into them sooner. | |
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