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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/29/2008 8:16:47 AM | Back on topic folks..how are men missing out if they do not date single moms?
Well thy are not missing out on anything really other than risking being held in loco parentis (if they mary and divorce a single mom) and as I stated earlier they are missing out on being dis respected in some cases.
To the single moms the men may be missing out on ytou and your child and that couold be true but how are we to know you are the exception unless you show us you are?
Ir is not a man's responsibility to date a single mom...it is a single mom's responsibilty to show us that she is worth dating/taking a risk on. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/29/2008 9:29:31 AM | | It is sad to think that you would go into a marriage with divorce on you mind. You need grow up. Marriage is a lasting commitment. When someone breaks that, naturally you don't want to stay married to them. But to enter that state thinking that you don't want anything to do with a woman because she could divorce you is really sad. I hope that you meet someone that can get you past that. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/29/2008 5:16:28 PM | | ^I have met a few single moms who say they know the law and how to use it...so you are telling me some are not entering marriage thinking of divorce? They said that on date number 2 0r 3. Some go into to datinf seeing $$$$ | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/29/2008 6:02:04 PM |
It is sad to think that you would go into a marriage with divorce on you mind. You need grow up. Marriage is a lasting commitment. When someone breaks that, naturally you don't want to stay married to them. But to enter that state thinking that you don't want anything to do with a woman because she could divorce you is really sad. I hope that you meet someone that can get you past that.
Sound like no "because" she could divorce him" but because "if she does she has the legal ability to royally screw over any guy she hold a grudge against". It can and does happen
We buy insurance for our homes and cars, for our very lives when we have others depending on us, but guys have zero insurance that a single mom will not screw us over, possibly not even at her request (but that is a topic for "welfare moms", and who is to sy that after split whether or not she'll be in need of assistance).
So thhe question becomes "if a single parent would like to have more potential dates, what can he/she offer in the way of insurance?" And they will still have fewer dates especially in the younger crowd. Some people just want more time than a single parent has or the ability to do some crazy spontaneous things (like kayak northern rivers for a week.... try doing that on short notice with kids involved). | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:35:19 AM | Women can say the same about men. We get screwed over too. This is no reason for us to go into a marriage relationship thinking about divorce. I am by no means saying that you should date a single mom or dad...that is a personal decsion. I am simply saying that going into a relationship with a jaded view, is really sad. I think that anytime we limit ourselves like that we are really losing. And these are ppl...not things... no insurance nessacery lol...although should you find some...share the website please | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:53:29 AM | It should not matter if the woman you dating or having a relationship with is a single parent, surely you are with that person because you love then or love being with them
And you should accept her children as your own, that is a relationship!
Or am i old fashioned.
Paul (uk) | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:54:18 AM | Women can say the same about men. We get screwed over too. This is no reason for us to go into a marriage relationship thinking about divorce.
"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst", and all that. Burying your head in the sand, to POTENTIAL problems and difficulties doesn't make them go away -- any ostrich can tell you that.
am simply saying that going into a relationship with a jaded view, is really sad.
And, I agree. However, going into a relationship with the best information possible (including all possible outcomes -- heck, with the divorce rate approaching, if not exceeding 50%, I'd even say LIKELY) is simply PRUDENT, not JADED.
I think that anytime we limit ourselves like that we are really losing.
Again, I agree. But, informing yourself is not "limit(ing)" yourself, but rather giving you MORE options. "Forewarned is forearmed", and all that...
Arlo  | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 5:26:32 AM | | Jaded is jaded, you can quote stats all you like. I have already gone through that after 5 years of marriage, HE left me, HE got a girlfriend, HE gave up on our marriage....do I think that the next time I marry it will be the same?? NO. I saw my parents be married for 44 years....quiet literally until death do them part. I would never enter into something as serious as marriage with the thought of things ending, that is just silly. And limiting yourself is not being forewarned...its still putting up a fence and saying "I will not becuase..." that is a limit, my friend....again this is just my opinion. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:34:33 AM | | ^^^ That is just foolish. If the guy you were interested in had 6 kids and you both work, they you would have to be a fool to not protect yourself and your childs interests with atleast a pre-nup........ now try dating a woman and be upfront that if it proceeds well you will still require a pre-nup which will preclude you from being responsible for the others children that predated the relationship. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:13:09 AM | ^^^^^^^Loonytuz:
A penup can not contain a clause waiving child support of pre existing children from a previous relationship..that pre nup would not stand up in court.
So men are not missing out on much as often dating a single parent is nothing but a hassle in many ways. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:45:44 AM | | I know a prenup waiving CS is invalid for your OWN children for obvious reasons. But surely we have not decented so far in lunacy that a clear statement that someone who is not a parent of children can not in the future be held liable financially in the future should the relationship sour? If it is the single moms...... there is your answer right there. Even if you personally might not do this we have no way to know that and no form of protection from that. Would you eat an apple if you knew that 1 in 20 would make you sick for weeks? Not likely unless there was a reliable method of discerning the rotten apples from the good ones, or at the very least insurance to cover expenses while you recover. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:00:26 PM | ^Loonytunz...the child support act and divorce act make no consession (or difference) for biological or foster children. It has been applied and rejected by the courts but has been applied again..as it stands now the only way out of paying child support for a step child is not to take on the rile of step parent.
Some single moms wonder why they can not get a date...would you say this is one reason why? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:32:42 PM |
as it stands now the only way out of paying child support for a step child is not to take on the rile of step parent.
Actually...
A co-worker of mine had to pay support for a child that was not biologically his.
Some years ago, "Dave" was contacted by "Mary," an old friend who had fallen on hard times- lost her job and apartment, ex wasn't paying support, etc etc... She asked if she and her child could stay at his place for a few weeks, until she got on her feet again. Being a generous guy, "Dave" agreed.
There was no sex involved between "Dave" and "Mary."
Months later, after "Mary" had moved out, "Dave" received an order to pay child support-
Simply because "Mary" and child had lived under his roof; and because "Mary" had filed for AFDC. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 6:56:49 PM | | If they don't want to date a single mother, that is their choice. I am a single mother and I do not have a lot of problems with men wanting to date me. The ones that don't want to date just because I have a child are the type that don't want responsibility and commitment anyway, so I am not really losing out on anything myself. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:00:22 PM | | I have been through this myself and I have friends in various states who have been through the legal system with this. In every state if a couple is not married there MUST be a paternity test before a child support order can be issued. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/1/2008 4:31:48 PM | | it dont matter to me to if a guy doesn't choose to date ladies who have kids.. matter is what you are feeling about who you and not what other man think. cause it doesn;t bother me none. cause i am happy the way i am .. and i like to make friends and its good to have you know. there are single dad's out there too cause they are to scared to admit that their single father's ever think that take care.. later | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:17:48 PM | Yeah, I really don't want to get my ass torn up like Johne for saying this, BUT...
I agree with him on a couple things.
For the record, I tend to prefer single mothers (with older children, usually). Not always, because every person is different, but it seems like I've had healthier relationships with them. I'm a big believer in the idea that having kids makes women better people most of the time. So, I end up dating single moms fairly often.
THAT SAID...
If I lived in Canada like Johne, there's no way in a million years I would ever consider dating a single mother. It wouldn't matter how great of people they were, it wouldn't matter how much I thought they would never screw me over. I just wouldn't do it.
Because life is too short and too hard as it is to go putting yourself in a position to have it ruined for the next 18 or less years just because you dated someone. I've worked hard for what I have. I've got a lot to lose. It's not right that I could end up having to pay for a child that I didn't create. If I had wanted to be a parent, I would've had children of my own.
That's just asking too much of guys. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/1/2008 5:23:41 PM | It's not so much dating it is if you marry a single mom or live common-law that you can be in trouble or to completely rule it out...don't date single mom's.
I still do not see what I am mising by not dating one other than future headaches. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/2/2008 4:31:43 PM |
I still do not see what I am mising by not dating one other than future headaches.
Johne, why do you feel you have not been heard sufficently enough?
Quirky, why do you feel the urge to needle Johne rather than address the legitimate issues brought up? Perhaps single status has less to do with children thn other factors for some. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/2/2008 5:12:53 PM |
The ones that don't want to date just because I have a child are the type that don't want responsibility and commitment anyway, so I am not really losing out on anything myself.
They may want responsibility, just not YOUR responsibility. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/2/2008 7:30:52 PM | | We all understand the liability of dating a single mother in Canada. The whole possibility of having to pay support for a child that is not yours. WE GET IT! But maybe if these men just picked better women that would not do this they wouldn't have this worry. I am a proud, independent woman. And I would NEVER go after a man for monetary reasons when he was not responsible. It all goes back to the type of people you choose to associate with. | |
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