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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:11:26 PM | Cornflake,
Yes you may have to be alone. Finding that special someone is extremely hard and adding a kid to the picture does not make finding that special someone any easier. The problem is that a lot of women are under the false sense that men are going to be falling over them and their kids, that is why there are so many women that end up single moms. There are several strong and mature men that do not want to take on your ready made family. And they have the right to not want a ready made family. They made a choice to be mature men who did not go out impregnanting women and when they get ready to settle down it will be with a woman who has been waiting to start a family the right way. Date, boyfriend, engagement, marriage and then kids.
Instead of worrying about another guy being strong and mature enough to handle you and another guys responsiblity.....why did you not seek out these requirements in the man you had the child by? I mean if he was a strong, mature and responsible guy, he would stay and take of the children with the woman he created them with wouldn't he?
I mean I would think that is what a responsible guy does right? He steps up to the plate and takes care of his responsiblities. He makes an honest woman out of the woman he had a child with and marries her. If you chose a nice responsible guy, that is what he would have done right? Having a child by someone is a huge commitment, don't you think? You want someone mature, but I don't think it's very mature to become a single unwed mom at 20. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:23:39 PM | I think a lot of people seemed to be kind of missing the point of the thread. You see it a lot on these boards where single moms tell other single moms that a guy who won't date her is simply "missing out" on something special.......without really knowing anything real about them. Maybe they are missing out maybe not. Maybe she's single for a reason.
Not every single mom out there is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Simply being a mother doesnt make them as an individual better than anyone else. As a matter of fact if they are an especially young single mom it says a lot of negative things about them. Yeah good great, you decided to have your kid when you got prognant, but........why were you pregnant?
The blanket "he's missing out" thing needs to end. The tihkning of "single parents are the hardest working beings on the face of Earth!" stuff needs to end too. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:24:39 PM |
Wrong. With a childless woman, you only risk a broken heart. With a single mom, you risk a broken heart and a broken life.
Oh, give me a friggin break..
Yeah good great, you decided to have your kid when you got prognant, but........why were you pregnant?
To answer this for myself, I was married to a man for three years and THEN WE decided to start a family...but, apparently I AM the minority
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:33:44 PM | | What are you missing out on..It's the same thing as when anyone says "we'll it's thier loss". I would hope each person thinks of themselves as a good person. When someone says "it's their loss" they are referring to themselves. The person who rejected them has missed an oppurtunity to get to know a good person. Of course this is extremely objective and it will always be and should be. When a guy rejects me do i think my myself well it's his loss anyway. Of course I do. I know my qualities. I know what good things I bring to the table. The guy is missing out on that. plus it makes me feel better about myself and helps me get past the sting of rejection. Whether people want to admit it, that's why it is said. Being a single parent or not has no bearing on why this statement is said. It is said to make the person who is rejected feel better about themself. there is nothing wrong with that | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/3/2008 6:43:09 PM | For the record, I tend to prefer single mothers (with older children, usually). Not always, because every person is different, but it seems like I've had healthier relationships with them. I'm a big believer in the idea that having kids makes women better people most of the time. So, I end up dating single moms fairly often.
Adamkevans, you are a single moms sucker just waiting to happen. You sound just like the syrupy nice guy that sees the single mom as hard working and reliable just because she can't go out a lot and has to cook and clean for her kids. A single guy like yourself should see them as time constricted indivuals with some other guys kids. Single moms will pounce on your nice status faster than you can say jump. You know why? Because while they were out giving it up to the bad boys, you were left out in the cold. Now that they are left out in the cold it's time to find a nice boy/chump. The bad boy guys that you grew up disliking and getting punked by are the ones whose children that you are going to end up raising. Canada isn't the only country where laws will hold you liable for another mans child. There have been many case of the such right here in the US.
this is the exact problem..single moms are consistently berated for stating thier views and defending themselves and arguing the points they are trying to make. Here a single guy say his views, which is the opposite on other childfree people, and this is the reaction it receives. A single guy like himself should see single mothers, or anyone else for that matter, however he choses to. So should everyone else. Everyone is allowed to date who they want. Get over it and move on with your life. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:00:12 PM | | NotInnocent.....If Adamkevans wants to waste his youth and energy on a single mom who is not capable of giving him the attention, time and devotion that a single man/no kids deserves, then that is his fault. Let's just hope that the bio dad doesn't show up and throw a monkey wrench into his good intentions. Afterall it is the bios dad right to be in the single moms life. Adams you say that you do not want to be a dad...well dating single moms will be your biggest mistake. If you become serious with a single mom, for instance...marry her, you are marrying her children also and single moms will expect you to "step up to the plate". Single moms say it allllllllll the time......."He is a great man, he accepted my kids and loves them and treats them as if they are his own", this is a common statement among single moms, and they will expect the same from you. So start saving up your money and get ready, because braces and school fees are not cheap! | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:14:28 PM | | I don't know why you'd deny any child love from anyone, seasiren. Blended families are undeniably more common these days, and I think when everyone is involved, parents, stepparents, grandmas and stepgrandmas, the more love the kids get. How is that a bad thing? Love is love. If someone loves me and loves my kids, it doesn't make them 'a sucker that I've been just waiting to sink my hooks into'....(not a direct quote but mostly your words). I just think you hate people. Probably yourself the most, to come on here constantly and attack people you don't even know. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:15:18 PM |
If you become serious with a single mom, for instance...marry her, you are marrying her children also and single moms will expect you to "step up to the plate".
What part of "I would not get serious with a single mom who expected something like that" did you not understand? Again, unless, of course, you think all single mothers are a bunch of evil succubi who are ALL going to screw you over and try to make daddies out of you--which I don't. And for that matter, I've dated more than a few single mothers, so I happen to know for a fact that they're not all like that.
It's like I said. If you're not a complete dumbass about it, it's really not hard to tell the good single mothers from the bad. Besides that, I really don't think some single mother who just wants my income is going to wait possibly YEARS for me to move in with them--but a responsible mother who puts her kids first will have zero problem with moving that slow for the sake of her kids. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:17:55 PM | Side note, but I just realized something kinda funny/ironic.
I'm getting bashed in this thread for saying I will date single mothers, while I'm getting bashed in another thread as a "single mother-hater" for thinking women with infants shouldn't be worrying about dating.
Can't win with everyone no matter what your opinion, I guess. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:23:27 PM | | Didn't you know, adamkevans, that everything in life is black and white, cut and dry and there must be no deviation from the plan??? lol Didn't you know that witch hunts begin when you dare to challenge the high and mighty? These threads are ridiculous. People are just trying to live their lives, you know? And so many want to come on here and condemn them and tell them they're doing it wrong. I say live and let live, and I do get upset when someone rips on my entire life. So I guess I'm guilty too, but I hate the haters. Not the people that actually see that life is really what happens when you're busy making other plans....and that people are fallible. It's what you do after you fall to get up that makes you who you are. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:28:16 PM | What part of "I would not get serious with a single mom who expected something like that" did you not understand? Again, unless, of course, you think all single mothers are a bunch of evil succubi who are ALL going to screw you over and try to make daddies out of you--which I don't. And for that matter, I've dated more than a few single mothers, so I happen to know for a fact that they're not all like that.
Dude: I have no beef with you, but I gotta pipe in here: you're being VERY naive. You may have firm intentions NOT to get suckered in, but do you REALLY believe that a single mother with less-than-honourable intentions is gonna lay out her plans in plain sight for you to see? Not all sneaks and crooks are mustache-twirling Bad Guys who wanna tie you to the train-tracks, you know. If liars/cheats were so easy to spot, there'd be none of 'em left by now.
It's like I said. If you're not a complete dumbass about it, it's really not hard to tell the good single mothers from the bad.
Well, then, I guess I must be a big ole dumbass, since I was absolutely CONVINCED that my ex-wife was as sweet as honey right up to the time she hit me with "I wanna divorce!" Guess what? She was a big ole MEANIE before, during and immediately after our divorce! Geez, was I ever STOOPID for not seeing that when we got married! I mean, people are SOOO transparent with their motives, and they NEVER bother HIDING things!
(geezus, what are they feeding kids today?)
Arlo 
(and, just for the record, I DON'T think that most, or even many, single mothers have mercenary motives. So, don't anyone even try that strawman argument)
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:43:40 PM | Well, then, I guess I must be a big ole dumbass, since I was absolutely CONVINCED that my ex-wife was as sweet as honey right up to the time she hit me with "I wanna divorce!" Guess what? She was a big ole MEANIE before, during and immediately after our divorce! Geez, was I ever STOOPID for not seeing that when we got married! I mean, people are SOOO transparent with their motives, and they NEVER bother HIDING things!
Sigh.
You know that's not what I meant. Or you should have.
But whatever. I'm wasn't saying you can't ever get blindsided or people can't ever get taken. That was so NOT what I was saying.
But you know as well as I do, that MOST of the time, if you get to know someone long enough, you will know whether they're a piece of crap or not. Is there still a chance they could be closet shitbag who's going to screw you over later? You betcha. But you date someone for three or four years and they've shown no sign of being anything but a decent, responsible person--well, then the odds are greater that that's exactly what they are.
Now if you move in with some person you've only known three months? Yeah, your odds are shit and you're just damn lucky if you don't get screwed over.
But if you give it enough time for all the skeletons in the closet to come out before you dive in, you can USUALLY know what type of person you're really dealing with. Not always, but usually. At the very least, you're improving your odds exponentially.
And that's why I'm not shitting myself with fear at the prospect of dating a single mom. That's all I was freakin' saying.
So, whatever.
See what I mean, people? You can't win no matter what you ****in' say around here. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 5:57:02 PM | (me) Well, then, I guess I must be a big ole dumbass, since I was absolutely CONVINCED that my ex-wife was as sweet as honey right up to the time she hit me with "I wanna divorce!" Guess what? She was a big ole MEANIE before, during and immediately after our divorce! Geez, was I ever STOOPID for not seeing that when we got married! I mean, people are SOOO transparent with their motives, and they NEVER bother HIDING things!
(adamkevans) Sigh.
You know that's not what I meant. Or you should have.
But whatever. I'm wasn't saying you can't ever get blindsided or people can't ever get taken. That was so NOT what I was saying.
Actually, it was.
You were implying that people can see through the nefarious schemes of others, because you were being needled about not minding dating single moms.
But if you give it enough time for all the skeletons in the closet to come out before you dive in, you can USUALLY know what type of person you're really dealing with. No always, but usually.
That is not what you were saying before. You didn't qualify it with "USUALLY". Now that you feel you're being taken to task on it, you're trying to save face. It's about time to get out of Dodge, l'il Buckaroo.
Anyway, somewhat off-topic: but, I notice you use a LOT of swear words when you "talk". You might be surprised to learn that THAT'S probably why you "can't ****in... win" around here.
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 6:12:22 PM | You were implying that people can see through the nefarious schemes of others, because you were being needled about not minding dating single moms.
Yeah, I was, and you can. Most of the time. Pardon the ever-frickin'-life out of me for not clarifying that.
I know you're a mind-reader and all, but are you REALLY so silly that you think I really believed and was saying that you can know what someone's going to do 100% of the time ALWAYS EVER EVER EVER? Really? I mean, seriously, that's just kinda retarded and ridiculously anal on your part.
Maybe, just maybe, it's more likely that I was speaking generally and didn't get super-specific because I was already involved with a pretty long conversation with someone who was in the process of busting my balls? Ya think?
And furthermore, maybe that gigantic chip on your shoulder toward your ex-wife is making you nitpick anything someone says that relates to her, ya think?
Good grief.
Anyway, somewhat off-topic: but, I notice you use a LOT of swear words when you "talk". You might be surprised to learn that THAT'S probably why you "can't ****in... win" around here.
I'd much rather be someone that uses some colorful language than be someone who can't disagree with another poster without oh-so-maturely ridiculing them. I'm just sayin'. Makes someone seem pretty bitter.
P.S. Flame me into oblivion. I'm done with this thread. I think I've had enough ball-busting to learn me not to to say anything nice about single moms. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:01:59 PM | You were implying that people can see through the nefarious schemes of others, because you were being needled about not minding dating single moms.
Yeah, I was, and you can. Most of the time. Pardon the ever-frickin'-life out of me for not clarifying that.
I know you're a mind-reader and all, but are you REALLY so silly that you think I really believed and was saying that you can know what someone's going to do 100% of the time ALWAYS EVER EVER EVER? Really? I mean, seriously, that's just kinda retarded and ridiculously anal on your part.
People were offering their opinion of what they saw as your Pollyanna attitude towards relationships with single moms, and what COULD happen. Your response was to suggest that you were immune to being duped, because you were too intelligent to fall for it, implying that anyone who HAD fallen for "it", wasn't very intelligent. Now, I know my language isn't as "colourful" as yours, but I do spikka de Inglais good enough to understand what people are saying, when they say it.
Makes someone seem pretty bitter.
Me? Nah; I'm sweet as pecan pie!
Anyway, somewhat off-topic: but, I notice you use a LOT of swear words when you "talk". You might be surprised to learn that THAT'S probably why you "can't ****in... win" around here.
I'd much rather be someone that uses some colorful language than be someone who can't disagree with another poster without oh-so-maturely ridiculing them.
I only ridicule the ridiculous. I don't have the power to make anyone anything they're not already.
If something's worth saying, it's worth saying without all the swears. You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 7:18:55 PM | Hey. Chief. I said I'm done. You win the internetz. I'm not in the mood to have everything I say nitpicked anymore. I promise I won't respond to you after this.
So why don't you lob a few more personal attacks at me so you can keep showing everyone what an internet super-stud you are and call it a day. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/4/2008 8:31:35 PM | | Seasiren..Of course we say that all the time. our children are part of us. they dont' accept them, then we move on. That ia the same as saying "he is a great man,he accepted me for who I am and treats me well." I hold nothing against you for not wanted to date single parent. I havn't seen anyone else on here berate you for your choices in that respect. So why do you get on here and consistently spew negative comments all over the place. This world needs more positive thinking, not negative. If your sole purpse in life is to make someone feel bad about themselves, then I do hope you seek counseling. Oh..and about stepping up to the plate.. I do expect a man to step up to the plate, just like you do. I image that if a man didn't step up to the plate (assuming the plate is whatever your expectations of a man are) that you would leave them. Well so would I. single mom or not. Aside from me having a more positive outlook on life and me having a child, we are not all that different. i'd betcha if we took what we wanted in a guy and put it next to each other, they lists would be extremely similar. your right braces and school fees (whatever that is anyway) aren't cheap..but that's what insurance and savings accounts are for.. every single parent I know has both..can't say that for my childfree friends..perhaps the guys who date childfree women should start saving.. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/5/2008 4:53:26 AM |
If you think single mothers have issues, you should give some of these a whirl. It's not that uncommon for guys to not want kids, but it's much more abnormal for women to feel that way. They're programmed to want babies.
And here i was thinking that you were sincere perhaps a little inexperienced and not yet jaded to the real world.
So if the woman are programmed to having or wanting babies. Are you then suggesting that men are programmed into going out on hunts and physical mayhem?
Because if you support one gender being programmed then the other other gender would also have some programming that also is being suppressed?
And yes some of the single mothers you will meet are worthy of gold. One thing you will need to learn however is you should not mention weight and woman in the same sentence. Or you may get asked how much is she worth.....and that may mean she will translate your $$$ value with size or weight. Now after being married...and having daughters....you learn these things....like you learn to be creative when she asks if her butt looks to big in that dress.....and saying not to big is also not prudent...
But give it time...with a few more years and some real experience you will grow. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/5/2008 5:55:20 PM | westpark. These people can use a laugh.
Adam I don't think I've taken my turn at Bashing you yet, lol. So here it goes.
So what it boils down to is you play the odds and hope you don't get a bad roll on the wrong single mom? Here something to consider. Should you live with one for 6 months here, then split up amicably, and her company shuts down so she decides to enroll in school but needs social assistance to do so... Ka-ching, guess who is knocking on your door looking for a hand -out? That's right thr FRO against the mom's wishes will track you down, and if you don'y pay 1st you lose your licence to drive (thus possibly your job and ability to pay aswell), after that it is off to prison.
As much or even more than the single parents themselves with time constraints or whatever I would hazzard a guess that silly laws like that make parents even more disadvantaged in the dating pool.
On the other, to an extent I agree that most single parents of infants have much more pressing concens to deal with than dating. It is hard to come down on either side with out knowing the entire situation and the person involved (my ex for instance had and never was treatted for post-partum depression, not a good candidate for dating ontop of the responsibility of a new born). Some may have the infant situation fully in hand, and an adequate support network that allows some time for dating, while others will lack one or the other. ....... You single-mom basher you. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/5/2008 10:15:28 PM | | Adam, you keep saying "If she's nice" and "All single moms are not like that". Well she can be the nicest person in the world, but that does not make her exempt from the problems that come along with dating single moms. You are a single man with no dependents....do you seriously want your woman to be connected to another man and have beared his child? Do you really want to come second to her kids? Do you want to become an instant dad? You probably don't have a lot of money now, but let's say that you marry a single mom and while you are married you aquire a lot of wealth and the marriage doesn't work out. Half of what you have will go to your ex-wife and her kids. A single mom being nice does not eliminate the problems. I'm sorry but you guys just don't think things through. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:16:13 AM | There has been enough single mom bashing on here. Yes we have children....and OMG your right, they have a daddy....wow. Now, lets be a little mature about this, my son has a father, his father is involved in his life, we have a wonderful relationship, now that he can see his son and have a girlfriend...(which is by the way, why he left to begin with) I'm good with that because it makes my son very happy. Now, let me say this, I have a lot of free time...I have a built in babysitter! Am I able to go out every single night? No, but I would not have done that before my son either, so no change. Am I still fun and young, and loving life? Absolutely. I love that I have a child, do I really care if someone doesn't want to date me because of him? Not at all, I don't want to date someone that doesnt want to date me. I'm happy with my life, I have a beautiful, well adjusted son, a great career, I'm continuing my education, and I still have lots of time to date! Where is the downside? And I just want to say, if your single, and don't want to date a single mom....why are you in a single parent forum??? This makes no sense to me, have a great day!!!! | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 8:51:07 AM | Yes I agree some of these posts are ghastly its like saying Black people can play basketball well. Some of you out there are putting Single Moms into a label I am sorry if you have had bad run-ins with woman with kids, but we are certainly not all like that. There are different kidns of people in all sorts of situations and I don't think Single Moms as a whole should be discussed so seriously anyone who has rude things to say and are being all negative F*ck off
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms?
I will answer this question very easily, because in the lot of Single Moms there could be one that isnt' going to take you to the cleaners; or have you pay child support for children that are not yours (which by the way I think is a load of crap) Single Mothers are still woman and a lot of us are good looking; and charming and have maybe more attributes than someone without kids I certainly don't know any single Moms that are selfish, but that's just me :) I can't speak for Single Mothers as a whole cause it doesn't exist | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 9:35:57 AM |
How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms?
I will answer this question very easily, because in the lot of Single Moms there could be one that isnt' going to take you to the cleaners; or have you pay child support for children that are not yours (which by the way I think is a load of crap) Single Mothers are still woman and a lot of us are good looking; and charming and have maybe more attributes than someone without kids I certainly don't know any single Moms that are selfish, but that's just me :) I can't speak for Single Mothers as a whole cause it doesn't exist
Sure: out of 100 single moms, there may be one who is not intent on taking a guy "to the cleaners" (I'm just making up numbers for the sake of argument, not to slag single moms). But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT. Out of 100 single moms, on the other hand, 99 of them may be spectacular and stupendous; what makes the ONE that I'm interested in dating, stand out from the rest?
EVERYONE has to try and "sell" him- or herself in life. Single mom-hood doesn't exempt you from the realities of life.
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:34:20 PM | LOL...I hate to say this, but I'm not a car...I don't have to "sell myself" to anyone...I am a naturally fabulous woman, and if a man see's that and likes it, then he is free to persue me as he pleases...I will gladly decide if I'm interested in him or not.
In the mean time, I am not going to sit around and worry about a single man with no children being interested, either they are or they aren't....but I'm not selling myself either. This is really silly to even be talking about. The answer to the question is your missing out on a chance to meet an intoxicatingly wonderful woman. My advice is get to know ppl as friends, and see what happens. | |
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