| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 3:48:09 PM | LOL...I hate to say this, but I'm not a car...I don't have to "sell myself" to anyone...
Sorry, but the fact is, you have to show that you stand out somehow. For some guys, it's easy to accomplish (like me: just roll up some tinfoil and toss it in front of me, and I'll be captivated!  )
I am a naturally fabulous woman, and if a man see's that and likes it, then he is free to persue me as he pleases...I will gladly decide if I'm interested in him or not.
In the mean time, I am not going to sit around and worry about a single man with no children being interested, either they are or they aren't....but I'm not selling myself either.
You say "tomato", I say "tomahto". You have to present yourself somehow; if you don't like calling it "selling" yourself, then by all means, find another term that you like better.
But: do you go grocery shopping in curlers, a mu-mu, and dirty slippers?
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:19:15 PM | I have issue with this Arlo.
But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT. Out of 100 single moms, on the other hand, 99 of them may be spectacular and stupendous; what makes the ONE that I'm interested in dating, stand out from the rest?
Don't you consider it the responsibility of not only yourself to figure this out on your own with everyone you date, not just single moms, and also the responsibility of everyone you date, not just single moms?
Personally, I blame myself and the other person if they turn out to be a dirty dog. Them for being a dirty dog, and me for not seeing it. I think this holds true in all relationships. You want proof? There are plenty of 'golddigger' threads to read, and they are not all talking about mothers. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 5:28:20 PM | | You are right, my man, got the best of me, I cooked for him, cleaned, took very good care of myself, keeping up with boys keeps me in shape. I have a very big heart and have alot of love to share but what do men know, I guess that is why we call it the opposite sex. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:06:22 PM |
(Arlo) But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT. Out of 100 single moms, on the other hand, 99 of them may be spectacular and stupendous; what makes the ONE that I'm interested in dating, stand out from the rest?
(SimmahDahnNah) Don't you consider it the responsibility of not only yourself to figure this out on your own with everyone you date, not just single moms, and also the responsibility of everyone you date, not just single moms?
If I'm dating someone, they've already done something to attract my interest (and presumably, I have attracted theirs). I'm not gonna date someone boring!
(SimmahDahnNah)Personally, I blame myself and the other person if they turn out to be a dirty dog. Them for being a dirty dog, and me for not seeing it.
There are two entirely separate issues there: the other person being a dirty dawg, and you not perceiving it. The other person being a dirty dawg is TOTALLY not your responsibility. You not perceiving it IS your responsibility, but that hardly marks you as deficient; it merely marks you as human.
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:15:14 PM |
You not perceiving it IS your responsibility, but that hardly marks you as deficient; it merely marks you as human.
Oh. Thanks for clearing that up, because I thought you just said this:
But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:24:49 PM | (Arlo) You not perceiving it IS your responsibility, but that hardly marks you as deficient; it merely marks you as human.
(SDN) Oh. Thanks for clearing that up, because I thought you just said this:
(Arlo) But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT
Initial attraction is different than the dynamic/mindset that takes place during dating/a LTR. I'd be willing to make sacrifices for a woman I'm dating, that I WOULDN'T be willing to make (or even CONSIDER) for a woman I was meeting for a coffee date.
Also, I don't attract people, then IMMEDIATELY go looking for what's "wrong" with them.
Arlo
EDIT: And, I think we were using slightly different interpretations of "responsibility": I got the impression that you were saying you were "responsible" for the other person being a dirty dawg. My response to that is, "The other person would be a dirty dawg regardless of your presence. Don't blame yourself for someone else's character." | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:27:53 PM |
Initial attraction is different than the dynamic/mindset that takes place during dating/a LTR. Also, I don't attract people, then IMMEDIATELY go looking for what's "wrong" with them.
I'm still not following. So are you saying that when you first initially meet someone, you potentially tell them if they are a mother that they really are not for you, and you think they should start doing parlor tricks? Parlor tricks that you wouldn't expect from non-mothers? I'm sorry Arlo, I'm calling b u l l s h i t. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:36:34 PM |
(Arlo) Initial attraction is different than the dynamic/mindset that takes place during dating/a LTR. Also, I don't attract people, then IMMEDIATELY go looking for what's "wrong" with them.
(SDN) I'm still not following. So are you saying that when you first initially meet someone, you potentially tell them if they are a mother that they really are not for you, and you think they should start doing parlor tricks?
Trying to attract attention with the goal of ultimately attracting a mate is hardly a "parlour trick".
Parlor trick that you wouldn't expect from non-mothers?
No. How silly.
I'm sorry Arlo, I'm calling b u l l s h i t.
*shrug* And I'm calling "pseudo-intellectual sophist".
Arlo | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:38:08 PM | Wow Simmah where did you get that interpretation?
Looks alot m0re like, "initial meeting just feel out the persons character, have a bit of fun but don't worry much about the "what ifs" and possible repercussions at such an early stage. LTR though you might be wise to know a person much better, so then possible deal breakers have come up by that stage" | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:48:00 PM | Loony, I'm getting that interpretation from this:
Sure: out of 100 single moms, there may be one who is not intent on taking a guy "to the cleaners" (I'm just making up numbers for the sake of argument, not to slag single moms). But, it's not the responsibility of MEN to determine if a given single mom is a good or bad financial (and other) risk, but on the single mom to show how she's DIFFERENT and STANDS OUT. Out of 100 single moms, on the other hand, 99 of them may be spectacular and stupendous; what makes the ONE that I'm interested in dating, stand out from the rest?
EVERYONE has to try and "sell" him- or herself in life. Single mom-hood doesn't exempt you from the realities of life.
I don't know how you got out of it what you posted in that last post....cause those are two different conversations. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:54:17 PM | Perhaps I should have used quotes.
Initial attraction is different than the dynamic/mindset that takes place during dating/a LTR. Also, I don't attract people, then IMMEDIATELY go looking for what's "wrong" with them.
I'm still not following. So are you saying that when you first initially meet someone, you potentially tell them if they are a mother that they really are not for you, and you think they should start doing parlor tricks? Parlor tricks that you wouldn't expect from non-mothers? I'm sorry Arlo, I'm calling b u l l s h i t.
I don't know but it really looks like some sort of major misinterpretation from here. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/6/2008 6:58:52 PM | | I guess I'm just always the same person, and that's why this is hard for me to wrap my head around. I am who I am in the beginning, middle and end. The only thing that changes for me in relationships from the beginning to the middle is how emotionally close I am to someone and how close I let them be to me. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:25:46 PM | I donot think men are missing out on anything by not dating a single mother..it is easier not to date them.
Thanks john, for coming back and letting us all know how you feel. I think most of us were confused as to where you stand on this issue. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 4:53:10 PM | | now i am a single mother and i am 21 i think that alot of men and i use the term loosly when it comes to guys my age, think thst that they are missing out on something if they date a single mom. mostly because there time to just go out randomly for a night of drunken debotchary. and i am sorry but this is true that is how i feel on the issue. i cant just go any where and do anything on the drop of a hat. my son and his feelings come first. my mom was the same way. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:05:28 PM |
My limitations are only physical.....I repeat myself because single mom's keep starting these threads.
This particular thread was started on 2/18/05. The other two I see you posting on are also similarly frickin' old. The one is up to like 99 pages now.
WE GET IT JOHN. Why don't you? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 5:40:34 PM |
I donot think men are missing out on anything by not dating a single mother..it is easier not to date them.
^^^ Did everyone hear that...?!....johne, you are full of surprises........whoda thunk...?
Men are not missing out on anything at all if they choose not to date single moms....they aren't gaining anything either...
except maybe for johne....he seems to be in need of some mothering...c'mere johneboy let mama kiss it all better  | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:30:11 PM | Sorry I do not need that drama and financial risk a single mom brings to dating. Why would I want to date someone who has another man's child? Some need to remember that not everyone wants to provide for another man's kids.
Single mom's should understand that they are not the first choice of many men in the dating world. If I am going to miss listening to a teenager say "You are not my dad I do not have to listen to you."
That is fine with me. Some kids are awful and show no respect because mom does not have any rules or discipline...so who would want to tolerate that.
And then we have the legal liability issies...sorry not for me.
What is a man gaining by dating a single mom other than potential drama and legal liability?
I always wonnder why a woman with children is single..if she is widowed fine...if not then why could she not make the relationship work with the child's father?
If she has multiple children with multiple men that is just a hornets nest I would not get involved with again...and what does that say about her? To me it says she is iresponsible. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:37:04 PM | Oh johney.....say it again....please...
and again and again...and again...and again...and again...and one more time just incase I don't see it .....in every fuking thread that you can possibly squeeze it into..........!
Good lord boy, if you are going to be excessively redundant...at least try and mix up the conjuctions and articles....and maybe through in the odd preposition...
if not then why could she not make the relationship work with the child's father?
'he' wasn't my number 1 priority.....what did I need him for? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 5/7/2008 7:50:49 PM | John, that was really refreshing. Really.
if not then why could she not make the relationship work with the child's father?
Maybe her husband didn't want it to work? Maybe he was a humongous jacka$$ and it was a poor environment to raise the kids in? Maybe she did try? Maybe he beat her? Maybe he cheated? Maybe he gambled away the rent money month after month? Maybe he up and left? I think you get the point. Why does it have to be her fault?
You said your gf knows you post on these threads....I wonder if she also sees the bitterness you have toward women in general. Because that's what we ultimately are, women. We happen to be mothers also, but we are all women. So do you hate women? Hate single parents? I wonder what motivates you to do this, honestly. I mean aside from the not raising other people's children because you don't think teenagers are the most polite people, and the whole money issue. | |
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