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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/25/2008 7:35:04 PM | I am perfectly relaxed, schmell. The only people upset are meggzey and, apparently, you.
The opening words in her first post were that the man should shut up because he hasn't given birth. Her next comment is that her child comes first ALWAYS. and the man should suck it up. I'm not sure how you understood those particular phrases to mean the more reasonable second post which indicates that she DOES have room for both her child and a partner. I guess the two of you must be psychically linked.
Secondly, I didn't say that her child is spoiled or that she treats her partner like crap. I questioned the validity of the comments she made. That's my right as another poster, so suck it up!
Third, I like meggzey, so there's no reason for you to jump to her defense--it's childish and undermines her credibility. I appreciate the majority of her posts and enjoy discussing issues with her--most of the time we agree. I even agree completely with her second post where she calms down and states her beliefs rather than just ranting at a MAN. It's not my problem that she didn't type what she meant in the first place and didn't like getting called for comments that weren't reasonable and in actual fact she backtracked and changed to be more reasonable in her second post.
If you don't like to have someone question your comments or hers, then say what you mean in the first place. Don't whine, cry and rant when your raving (that you didn't even mean) is taken at face value. It's no one's job to read anyone else's minds here.
Nutt | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 12:45:53 AM | | im not upset chocnutt.. I was just questioning the validity of your comments as you were hers. Its my right as a poster too. So why dont you SUCK IT UP!! as you so nicely put it to me. Oh sorry didnt mean to offend the forum queen!! thats the impression im getting when i read your posts! when did she say that a man should shut up. She didnt state that. She said dont go there. Funny how you change a persons words around. I just read this forum and couldnt help but jump to the poor girls defence.You say you agree with her second post. Her second post only goes into further detail cause you picked to peices her first post and wanted explanations!! I dont think she did backtrack. She still states in the third post that her childs needs come beforea mans, JUST LIKE SHE POSTED IN HER FIRST POST. Im all hotheaded cause its people like you that really get me cranky. Anyway no point defending someone, as you seem to think your perfect and know everything. Oh nutt its hard to be humble isnt is.Especially when your perfect in every way!!! LMAO Just for the record no one else questioned what she was saying. I think you will find a few posts saying good on her. You seem to be the only person that picked her post to bits!! Anyway i dont even know why im sticking up for someone and getting my head bitten off for it. Just read it and you just sound like your giving the girl a hard time. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 5:24:40 AM |
Many men have priorities in their life that have to come first and cannot devote 100% of their time to dating a woman. Anyone ever been a cop girlfriend/wife? (or any serious time consuming proffesion?) How many dates got canceled because someone was robbing a liquor store, dinners went cold becasue there was repeorts of a suspicous person next town over, how many romantic nights planned fell apart because some idiot decided to drive drunk and wrap himself around a tree, how many times have we had to stop in the middle of sex because his partner is getting his ass beat and needs back-up, how many weekends trips that we couldnt go on because he has to sit in court alll day, how many times in the middle of a conversation his radio goes off and he forgets what i was saying, how many lonely friday nights because some illegal immigrants just washed ashore on a boat,,,,and SO ON!!!!!!!
His schedule was just as or more demanding as mine as a single parent. I think that that gave us a huge underlying respect for each other.
And somehow we still managed to love each other.
Sigh, and you DO know what the divorce rate is for guys that "put their job first" is right?
In comparison to the general population they tend to have a dismal track record, and these are the people you would choose to compare your situation too? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 5:31:22 AM | | well that is your problem mramylife for assuming things without knowing what is going on. You arent a parent, so how can you know what a parent means when they say my child comes first. I never find the need to spout that off to anyone. Everyone I meet or go out with is smart enough to know that I will put my sons need over even my own. I have never once had a man complain that i didn't pay enough attention to them, nor have I once had a man tell me that they felt second to anyone in my life. What I need to do for my child has always come first. What I need to do also changes constantly based on what is going on at the moment. Currently getting him to boyscout meetings and activities and another meeting is priority and is something that needs to be done. Sounds ridicilous to a non-parent i am sure. However with the way things are with him, these little things are not wants, although my son may say he wants to go to scouts, he needs to go, needs to be there. which means i don't date on wednesday nights, or a night when there is a scout activity. guess what there are 6 other nights of the week, it can be worked out. Same with the other thing. Next week it may be something else depending on the way the wind changes. There is a fine line between needs vs. wants of a child and it constantly shift to the left and to the right. The things i need to do for my child today are different then even a week ago. Parents have to walk this fine shifing line everyday to try to teach out kids how to be good, productive, happy citizens of this lovely world. If you don't like it or cant's deal with it, I offer you a simple solution.. don't date parents.. problem solved.. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 9:13:13 AM | notinnocent. The need to juggle is exacty what armylife is pointing out. That's what pisses me off about so many women. Many are so offended by the fact that a man is commenting on something that you don't even bother to actually read and take in what he's typed. It doesn't apply the other way though, women feel that we have the right to rake men over the coals for their own bodies and personal choices.
He's clearly indicated that he knows that children are important and that parents' responsibilities are nonnegotiable. He's saying that there should be room for everyone and that the parents who concern themselves ONLY with their children are not doing anyone, least of all the children, any favours.
Nutt | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 10:07:44 AM |
Im a kind caring compassionate lover and girlfriend to have. Just one thing my girl comes first. If you cant understand that. Bugger off and dont date me!! The men i choose to date though are alot older than you over the age of 21 thats for sure, and they have a certain maturity to them and they understand this and appreciate that quality, that i am a good mother that cares for my child!
Why is that mothers have this need to say: I am a good mother? When they are trying to justify why they are also a good woman to date? The bottom line is you are not as available as the woman who has no children....you have greater time constraints...you have more issues that have to be dealt with....they may not be able to romp in the house if their are children....basically single parents are not as available as single people without children.
That my child should come first
It takes a fine mature man to date a single mum!!
Why is it the mantle that single mothers sit on...that us poor saps need to be mature to date a single mother. I was never mature in my younger days and i dated and partied with a number of single mothers. I just had to realize that there were priorities or situations one had to be aware of.
Thats the sacrifice you make when you become a mother
One of those with inflated images of what motherhood is and how they measure up with that image.
That is the sacrifice that any parent should make for their children. but you love the mantle of motherhood.....which is perhaps a great marker..or flag that indicates any male would be a distant 3rd class priority in any relationship.
But there does appear to be a number of pedestals and mantles you suggest one can find you sitting on? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/26/2008 2:52:55 PM |
notinnocent. The need to juggle is exacty what armylife is pointing out. That's what pisses me off about so many women. Many are so offended by the fact that a man is commenting on something that you don't even bother to actually read and take in what he's typed. It doesn't apply the other way though, women feel that we have the right to rake men over the coals for their own bodies and personal choices.
He's clearly indicated that he knows that children are important and that parents' responsibilities are nonnegotiable. He's saying that there should be room for everyone and that the parents who concern themselves ONLY with their children are not doing anyone, least of all the children, any favours.
Nutt
Nutt, thank you for reading (and UNDERSTANDING) what I am saying.
Let me give a hypothetical situation.
Two single mothers have dates with a two single, childless men, both of whom put a good deal of effort and attention to detail into planning the dates, and suddenly, two hours before the date, the children of both have to go to the doctor because they came down with an illness. The single mother,s being responsible parents, call their respective guy and cancels because she has responsibilities to her child. Now, this is what a good parent does, and no one can assail either of the mothers for being a bad parent.
However, this is where our story of the two diverges.
The first single mother knows that they guy put a good deal of effort into planning a nice evening for the both of them. She understands the the responsibilities of being a single mother screwed up their plans for the evening and have made life a little more difficult for the single guy. She wants to make it up to him, and consequently, she plans a nice dinner for the following week.
The second single mother has an attitude that says, "Well, the guy knew I was a single mother going and that the needs of my child would come first. He either has to suck it up, or find someone else." The effort that the guy put into the planned evening doesn't matter to her, nor does she feel a need to appreciate what he did.
Can you see the difference in these two scenarios? Both of them put the medical needs of the child above dinner plans with man they were dating, which is the correct course of action for a responsible parent. But that does not mean the two are anywhere near equivalent people outside of being single mothers. One asked what they could do for the relationship, and one asked what they could get out of a relationship. Being a "giver" and being a "taker" in a relationship has absolutely no correlation to being a good parent one way or another, but the "taker" used single motherhood as an excuse to be a "taker". | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 10/27/2008 9:19:39 AM | Everyone has there own idea of who they want to date .
No matter what is come down to that you need to be honest about what you want and be honest with who you want to date .If dating a single mom is not for you then stay any for single mother all together.
There are good and bad people in the world no matter what that is just the way it is .
Just like there are good single mother and bad ones i have seen good and bad single moms , just like i have seen good and bad single father . As well i have seen good and bad men and women with out kids .
But with having bad experiences with men in the past i know that not all men are the same and that goes for us women we are not all the same . You should never judge someone by what someone else has done to you .
Just treat people that way you want to be treated .
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 1:33:09 AM | | well im not missing out on dating a single mum as i would prefer my woman to be childless like me so we could build a great loving realtionship and build our future together as so many other people out there want there own family and dont want to raise another man children upbringing so its no lost to us anyway if single mums think men are missing out on dating single mum its no lost to them if they dont want to get involved and have a realtionship with the single mum its not there lost either as the same with childless woman | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 3:33:22 AM | Since I became a mom almost 6 years ago, I've become a better person. When I had my daughter a year ago, I became an even BETTER person. She helped me realize that I have to get my $hit together for her and her brother. That's why I'm back in school for Medical Assistant I'll be graduating in Feb. I'll take care of some things that I have to get taken care of then I plan to buy my first home.
I love my kids for everything that they've done for me and for just being there. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here today. Seriously... I probably would have killed myself...lol. They just helped put everything in perspect and that THAT route was a permanent (sp?) solution to a temporary problem. They (ESPECIALLY my daughter) saved my life. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I was an alcoholic, and a complete mess. THANK YOU BABY GIRL!!!! | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 9:21:37 AM |
I love my kids for everything that they've done for me and for just being there. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here today. Seriously... I probably would have killed myself...lol. They just helped put everything in perspect and that THAT route was a permanent (sp?) solution to a temporary problem. They (ESPECIALLY my daughter) saved my life. Before I got pregnant with my daughter, I was an alcoholic, and a complete mess. THANK YOU BABY GIRL!!!!
So you were an alcoholic raising your son? Why wasn't he enough to stop you from drinking but your daughter was? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 11:16:10 AM | | Men who choose not to date a single mom might miss out on meeting the woman of their dreams or they may avoid a lot of heartache. These types of threads are way too generalized to have any real meaning. Just being a single parent doesn't make someone more or less of a person. Follow your own instincts and avoid labels...that is my best advice. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 12:12:25 PM | IF they chose not to date us, it is their choice. We do have more to offer than what they assume could be... being (them) considered 'second' choice in life. Compassion is one trait that seems to be missing in life when dating...Compassion for others, what they have experienced etcs....
All adults should consider...our children are the future, if you misguide them, abuse them or neglect them ..what are you contributing to the future? Doesn't everyone wish to be a role model in raising our children?
As parents (men and women) we have made the choice to be their for our children, they will always come first...it is a choice, we are either responsible or not. In life, we have the option of omitting a pregnancy or the responsibility of raising our child/children. It does take two to conceive, only one to decide to omit or walk away from that childs life. I can say I am a much more blessed person from having my children, they do bring a constant light of joy to my life..those that don't have or are not blessed with children may not understand this. For those of us that do have achild/children...we are blessed.  | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 4:12:15 PM |
So you were an alcoholic raising your son? Why wasn't he enough to stop you from drinking but your daughter was?
I left my ex, he had custody of our son, and I was trying to "solve" my problems with a bottle. Once I got pregnant with my daugther, I realized that I was killing myself and that my problems were getting worse not better. I realized that just because you don't know you have problems because you're tanked off your ass, doesn't mean they're not there or getting better...
Its not an excuse, but if I had to make one up, that's it... There's no excuse for drinking like I did, just because my life wasn't what I wanted it to be... | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:06:40 PM |
I left my ex, he had custody of our son, and I was trying to "solve" my problems with a bottle. Once I got pregnant with my daugther, I realized that I was killing myself and that my problems were getting worse not better. I realized that just because you don't know you have problems because you're tanked off your ass, doesn't mean they're not there or getting better...
Its not an excuse, but if I had to make one up, that's it... There's no excuse for drinking like I did, just because my life wasn't what I wanted it to be...
You should be proud of yourself for turning it all around. That is an astounding accomplishment. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:09:50 PM | | Thank you futureshock. I don't know how I did it. The night I found out I was pregnant with my daugther, I put the bottle down. I haven't even been to a single AA meeting. I'll have a drink once in a GREAT while, but NO where near what I was. I think I've had 3 drinks in the last year. If that much. lol. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 8/2/2009 5:37:32 PM | Aww soldier. You really do think highly of yourself don't you? Well good for you cause no one else will put you up on that pedestal so go ahead and heave yourself up there. 
Oh and I don't fvck fat guys. never have...never will. We all have our standards. | |
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