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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 8:27:23 AM | faithyangel wrote:
I am a single mother of a beautiful two year old. I never knew myself inside until I had my son. Children are truly God's gift to people.
--Yes, God creates children and little bunnies, and billions of them in Africa and China.
--What makes yours so special? All are special but why your specifically?
I think if men limit themselves to only single women without children, they are missing out on feeling comfortable and safe in love.
--No, there are plenty of situations where children make it harder. Men know it.
I am not saying they should date only women with children but they should keep that option open.
--Fine but a negative is not a positive in most cases. There are exceptions.\
The other side of this is that the man might get attached to the child and clash personalities with the mother. Then the man is stuck without the opportunity of seeing the child again after he and the mother have split ways. It can be considered a double edged sword.
--Yes, that is a negative but that's life.
The one phrase I can stand is "baggage." I do not think people should consider a living, breathing, feeling, human being someone's 'baggage.'
--Baggage refers to the left over negative feelings towards men that resulted in the man not having the same unconditional love as a woman. Men don't carry the child inside them and bond like women. So, they don't have the same attachement and women think mem and women are equal in all ways. They are NOT.
Before I had Xavier, I had never considered children but ha has brought so much life and love and unmost astonishment into my life, I am not sure how I carried myself through the day before him. The most wonderful thing is to see a little smile cross his face when he learns something new or discovers something I thought was frivilous.
--There are also many negative aspects that he man takes care of like medical bills and you not being able to work etc. You give a man no credit for seeing anything but the smile. You need to get real and see a man for what he is.
When his face lights up and he runs to me and says "mommy" ...it then I know True, unbreakable LOVE in its purest form
--Yes, thats sweet but when the child breaks stuff or poops in the car or ruins a vacation, that is reality in PURE form.
--You project your feelings of joy to a man, but don't relate to the costly realities of raising a child. Coping skills brought with years of marraige might cure this if you are alert and smart enough. Emapathy goes both ways. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:01:55 PM | | I think it depends on the guy. Im a single mom myself and have sometimes you end up with just another kid to look after. Some men just dont grow up enough to understand that just because your a mom and spend the day looking after the kids dosent exactly mean that you want to do the same for him too. Dont get me wrong or anything. I was raised very old school and strongly believe in look after you man but if you cant put your shot in the clothes hamper or wipe the seat then you need to go back home to your own mother. Single mothers need a man that will remind them that they are still a sexy woman not only someones mom. Sigle moms are no diffeent then single women. we have the all the same needs and feelings. the only diffrende is that we have a kid(s).Single moms need to date men..not men who want a second mommy.I am willing to cook and clean and treat my man like he the king of the castle but if he wants to be the prince then he needs to find another kingdom. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:25:31 PM | Let's get real here now.
If a man is single and has no kids of his own, why would he want to get involved with a single mother. As for me, I don't have any kids, so therefore, I prefer the same. I have nothing against single mothers, but I want something of my own, not someone else. For instance, if I was a single father, then by all means, I would prefer a single mother over a single woman. I always prefered someone in my own catagory. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:47:29 PM | warmheart wrote:
I am willing to cook and clean and treat my man like he the king of the castle but if he wants to be the prince then he needs to find another kingdom.
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What woman would accept a man that thinks his wife is his mother? That is crasy.
I am not sure I understand you.
Wives are wives and they clean and cook but are not his mother.
That is, how I understand a wife.
Wives that stay at home (no outside work) + do clean and cook, and care for the kids right?
The wife still works plenty with the kids and house and all.
If the husband pays the bills, the wife still does this right?
The husband makes 110K$/year and they take nice vacations and have 200k$ cash saved in the bank.
And, you don't do his laundry?
He takes you out to dinner at nice places.
You ski for 4-5 weekend/season at Colorado Ski resort. You own your home outright.
And, you don't do his Laundry, but you do your kids laundry?
Are you for real?
Is that treatment like a Prince and are you feeling like the hired help, not a wife?
That is what my wife had til she died.
She thought it was great. She would do anything I ask for and she worked more hours than me, but not paid hours.
Really, you wouldn't do that for a man you loved?
For real?
If the man says, you can only spend 35k$ on the new car but he doesn't want a loan, you say ok right?
If he says, he wants to cut the ski lodging to 80$/night, and no more lessons for the kids, you say ok right?
You don't charge up the credit cards if he says not to cause you are living in your means.
You don't do it right?
You agree to a budget and spend within that an don't spend the savings unless you both agree.
You would do that right? | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 4:52:52 PM | What are they missing? - Possibly a fine lady, and a wonderful life, same as they would if they refuse to date redheads, or gals over 6 foot or under five or ones with blue eyes or geminis.... THey are missing a chance... "
Dragon, I believe there's an EXTREME difference between refusing to date a redhead, and not wanting to date a single mother.
There are alot of issues to consider when dating a single mother.
How well do the kids behave, if they are little hellions that break stuff, and she doesn't do anything about it, then forget it.
Then there's dealing with the Ex husband. And of course, the more kids she has, the less likely a single man with no kids won't date her.
I have met some single mothers that have real nice kids as well, so they keep them straight.
I would probably date as single mother, but probably would consider not marrying her though. | |
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xeodis
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Joined: 1/28/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/14/2005 7:14:57 PM | If a guy passes by a woman and doesn't give her a chance just because she is a single mother then the first thing he is missing is a brain. I mean they are women and more often then not more mature then those without ( not saying all of them) but depending on age the younger mothers usually don't have time for games they are forced to grow up and begin to look at the world through an adults eyes. Single mothers of an older age have alot to offer as well. The big question is whether or not the guy can deal with the fact that A single parent has responsibilities and can't just go out at the drop of a dime. If he can get past that and be a man about it then you will see that most single women are worth sooo much more then people think.
hey that is just my two cents take it for what you will  | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 4:03:29 AM | quote On the other hand dating most single moms is great if all they want is s3x.
?????
.......ok..........
Thats a new one........
Single moms must be sex machines, huh?
What, in your mind, makes single moms "great if all they want is s3x" over all the other women out there?
Because as far as I know, from all the single moms I know, myself included, we are MORE careful about who we date and who we have sex with. We (The single mom women I know and myself) don't feel comfortable having our kids wake up to some man they don't know in my bed. We put our kids FIRST. A long term relationship, and waiting to get to know our potential partner before we have sex is what we want, not sleeping around and having to explain why there is a stranger in Mommies bed. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 6:42:01 AM | | ok all i am single dad with kids and dating single moms worries me because i want my kids treated as the other children are bacause i feel i would treat hers the same as i treat mine the reason i worry about this is i have already had someone do this to me i know not all ladies are like that but it does spook me | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 3:19:26 PM | A single mother would put her kids first, which is the right thing to do. So when a man dates a single mom, who should he put first?
Last year I dated a single mom, she told me her child was allergic to my dog and ask if I could get rid of my dog. I sure did get rid of her and fast too. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 7:54:15 PM |
Well, I'm a single father and If I date a woman for 2 years she's obligated to pay child support til my daughter is done university. she's must also pay half of her tuition.
Holy crap. That is the most messed up thing I've heard in this thread. You don't have to do anything but date someone for a couple of years and you owe them child support?  | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/15/2005 8:43:40 PM | Here is how I see it.......You will date and fall in love with whom ever you choose. What are we missing out on if we don't date women without children. I am a single parent myself and no one is mising out on what they might not want. A woman with children makes the,m no better than a woman with children. It all comes down to take it or leave it | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/16/2005 5:26:31 PM | They dont miss a thing its the same as many things in life we have to take decisions with especially within jobs, again its the old whatifs
A woman with a kid is the same as a woman without a kid but with more responsibilites, same person, same attitude theres pros and cons to it of course but thats the persons personality (you have good mums and you can have very bad mums, watch the news shocking) | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 3:26:47 PM | | your missin out cause we rock...just because we have a child means nothing other than we are more responsable than other woman ..because we have to be.....I mean its there decition not to date a woman with a child but hey..like i said...there loss! | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 4:01:09 PM | If a man opts to not date a single mom he's not missing out, because it's not a situation in which he'd be comfortable nor is it one from which anyone (mom and children inclusive) would benefit.
I certainly don't feel like I'm missing out on anything being a mom, and I sure as heck don't want to date a man who has an aversion to children. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/19/2005 11:01:40 PM | men are missing out if the choose not to date single moms becuase alot of single moms have it together. they are ready to cut the crap and stop being pety and have a relationship. they know what they are after and usually dont want to play games. and who ever said dating single moms is just for sex is wrong. sense i had my baby i havnt had sex. not because i cant get it but because im not looking for the next conquest im looking for something real and just cause i have had a kid doesnt mean im easier then anyone else.
hey guys have the right to choose. some people just arnt ready for the resonsibility and i respect that but there is alot of good stuff about bieng a single mom. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/20/2005 8:22:10 AM | I agree, single parents have good things to offer, but I am one, so I am a bit biased. Even so, I won't date a single mom. Why? Well, first of all, I have a child and I don't want any more. Sorry, but you're a package deal and that doesn't interest me. Secondly, I find that most single parents in my age group are looking for marriage. Yuck! Thirdly, single parent usually means "messy situation with an ex." Again, no thanks. Fourth, it could lead to a confusing situation for my son.
That might make me a hypocrite. But I also understand there are those who won't date me for the same reason, among others. It's all personal preference. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 6:28:44 PM | Vandelai -
Truly, I see no difference, each rejection is based on a preconception of who that person is.
Dealing with ex-husbands, is only minorly different that dealing with ex boyfriends (and let me say this, from bitter, heart breaking and RECENT experience... with ex-husbands, all you have to deal with is 'kid' issues usually, with ex-boyfriends you are running real risk that you will give your heart away, only to have her missing him and wanting the ex back and all that crap, then you have ugly scenes and stupid crap... at least an EX husband is generally ALWAYS out of the picture romantically and permanently... )
AS for the little hellion aspect... you know... that MIGHT be a valid concern, or it just might be that they are missing the male aspect in their lives... depends on whether the mother is trying or not... if she is trying, and simply needs a little help and PARTNERSHIP, and you are man enough... why not... if on the other hand, she just lets it go on and does NOTHING about it and is not even trying.... well then she may not be the one for you... however... her is a positive aspect of that... you KNOW about this deficiency up front. As opposed to a gal with no kids, and you fall in love and then have kids and find that she has NO clue or interest in REARING the children....
But... if you find a lady attractive, and like her... but dismiss her out of hand cause she has kids... you lose... cause you haven't even given it a chance... and she could be exactly what you were looking for as a person, a lover, a wife, a helper, a companion, and a partner for life... would you NOT consider that a tragedy?
Dragon Rider... | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 7:43:38 PM |
just because we have a child means nothing other than we are more responsable than other woman
I don't think that having a child outside the marriage is more responsible than not having them.
some people just arnt ready for the resonsibility
Some of us are ready for our responsibility. But other guy's children are not our responsibility.
But... if you find a lady attractive, and like her... but dismiss her out of hand cause she has kids... you lose... cause you haven't even given it a chance... and she could be exactly what you were looking for as a person, a lover, a wife, a helper, a companion, and a partner for life... would you NOT consider that a tragedy?
I think that I wouldn't lose a thing, because if she's a single mother, she's definitely not what I'm looking for. | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:09:57 PM | Tango - I think we have had this discussion... but... I will have another go... nothing else going on at the moment...
Without assigning blame for her being single... if her personality is a fit, she is well groomed, clean, healthy, cares about herself, feels the way you do about things, is smart, pretty, intelligent, witty, and has all the other attributes that you desire in a mate and partner, what is there about having a child that makes her so abhorrent?
As for being responsible, if the child is healthy, happy, reasonably well adjusted, and taken care of in an appropriate manner.... does this not show a high level of responsibility?
And true, the child is not your responsibility, unless you choose to be part of his/her life. To what depth will depend entirely on your character... but could you see where such a child might be worthy of your love, guidance, help and caring?
Just my opinion, and one that has been good for me mostly, won't say I haven't been hurt... but, I still am proud to be the way I am...
A side note Tango... and no slur or slam intended... but would you be a practicing Catholic? Just curious...
Dragon Rider... | |
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| How are Men missing out, If they choose not to Date sigle moms
Posted: 4/21/2005 8:39:41 PM |
Without assigning blame for her being single... if her personality is a fit, she is well groomed, clean, healthy, cares about herself, feels the way you do about things, is smart, pretty, intelligent, witty, and has all the other attributes that you desire in a mate and partner, what is there about having a child that makes her so abhorrent?
I think "abhorrent" is a word I'd never use. Yes, she can be all those things, but in the long term, I want to rear my own children. So, I'm not wasting my time, nor hers.
Besides, have you seen some of the posts single moms place here?
"My child will always come first!!"
"If you can't handle me being a MOM, then BEGONE!!"
Great sales pitch, isn't it? Looks like they have a lot of love to give 
Wouldn't you think that, maybe, men would be more receptive if they wrote something more along the lines of: "I'd like to find a good man who will accept me and my child and I'm eager to make time for us."
But, instead they put something like: "Yeah, that's right, I have a kid! He's more important to me than YOU'LL ever be! But if you were a REAL MAN then it won't bother you. So don't waste my time!!!"
Thanks, but no, thanks.
could you see where such a child might be worthy of your love, guidance, help and caring?
Most of those women say they don't want a father for their children, so I'd be redundant in that family.
And no, I'm not a practicing Catholic. | |
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