| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/7/2006 4:37:00 AM | | What realy hurts is after 24 years of marriage my wife passed away from cancer. A few days later my step daughter tells me that her mother my wife had a one night stand. But wouldn't say with who. Well the husband is always the last to know. But I loved this woman so I went to her grave and forgave her. Their was nothing eles I could do. But now I feel it is very hard to trust again. If people that are married would tell one another when their not happy and why I feel that adultary would not happen. Maybe I'm wrong but not I would be more into wanting to know when to look for the signs of unhappyness. If you realy love someone you will forgive once but not twice........ | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:23:40 AM | HI just wanted to say yes FORGIVE but I could never FORGET I have been in 2 serious relationships in my lifetime and just can't seem to figure out why someone who appears to have it all at home and then some could ever even want to cheat but in both of my relationships(one was a 20)yr marriage) my lover and what I thought was my best friend cheated I am still currently having a struggle in my heart from the most recent one he is leaving to go camping this weekend with his other lady. I just keep hoping that there is a guy out there that will see my ad and need a good honest woman to love and be loved in return NO CHEATERS PLEASE don't know how much more my heart can handle, just know that I am a better person to be able to look beyond the hurt that is in my heart today and know too that there is sunshine somewhere out there..... Good luck with your cheater.pmscricket: | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/7/2006 9:08:04 AM | | Oh certainly, and while you are at it I think you should lie down in a mud puddle and let her walk on your back. If this doesn't show her much more she is than you then perhaps you could let her tattoo LOSER on your forehead and buy her a John Deere to run over you with. What the H is the matter with you man? ANY cheating and a relationship is JUNK. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/7/2006 11:19:54 AM | | Forgive her for your piece of mind, but don't forget! I wouldn't take an ex back if they cheated on me, no way! Marriages are a bond, and If your not happy and want someone else at least respect your partner and tell them how you feel. The trust is gone, and believe me, when i say it is very hard to trust someone that has done that to u. You need trust in any relationship for it to survive. Do you really think you could trust a person like that??? | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/10/2006 4:04:53 PM | I would and I did. It didn't make any difference, she left me 4 months ago and is still with him in another province. I won't let 4 bad years ruin the wonderful 28, that's the decision I made. We stay in touch, if she is ever in a jam, i'll do what I can to help. We didn't end things mean or ugly. But she had an opportunity to change her mind and still hasn't, so that is that. This really was counter to her character, I still have no idea how she could see it through with a clear conscience. Forgive if you can whether she comes back or not. Hate will destroy whatever good you shared. It is hard, but it is amazing the capacity to overcome hurt.
Just checking things out from Northern Ontario, hope nobody minds a tourist. Take Care. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/11/2006 10:06:19 AM | Hi folks! Man I just can't believe all the tremendous responses that have been posted! I once again thank you all for sharing your views and past experiences. My chin is on high,and I once again feel very strong and confident in myself esteem. Please don't let the responses ever stop! Many a person can learn from absorbing what others say and feel! Plus none of us have had to fork out any cash to a professional! Bravo to the common people!
By the way, I have (for my own sake) forgave her! I shall not ever forget!
JustMe1957 | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/12/2006 8:28:55 AM | | WELL, LETS SEE. I'M GOING TO REPLY TO THIS BECAUSE APPARENTLY THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY RIGHT? AS FAR AS ADULTRY GOES, I AM IN AGREEMENT THAT IT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, EVER! TO ME YOU JUST WANT A PITY PARTY. BECAUSE YOU FAILED TO EXPLAIN THE "REAL STORY" DID YOU MENTION THAT WE SLEPT IN SEPARATE BEDS FOR ALMOST 2 YRS? DID YOU MENTION THAT YOU NEVER PAID ANY ATTENTION TO ME? WE LIVED AS FRIENDS & NOT HUSBAND & WIFE? ALSO, THAT I TOLD YOU I WAS SEEING SOMEONE? IT WAS NOT LIKE YOU DIDN'T KNOW, ALSO, WHEN THIS ALL STARTED IN AUG I MOVED OUT IN SEPTEMBER. WE ARE DIVORCED & YOU TOLD ME THAT THIS AFFAIR WAS YOUR FAULT, THAT IF YOU HAD PAID MORE ATTENTION TO ME ETC... IT WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED.SO DON'T MAKE IT SOUND LIKE WE WERE SLEEPING TOGETHER WHEN THIS ALL HAPPENED. MY GOD, WE DIDN'T HAVE SEX IN 2 YRS!!! IT SADDENS ME THAT YOU WANT SYMPATHY & WE STILL TALK ON A DAILY BASIS, GEEZ, I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK ALL YOUR PICS FOR THIS SITE! TALK ABOUT BEING A FOOL! I HOPE YOU FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR BECAUSE AS YOU & I & ALL OUR FRIENDS KNOW, THAT "MAN" WENT TO PRISON FOR BEATING ME, SO I GOT WHAT I DESERVED. BUT QUIT PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND & THEN STABBING ME IN THE BACK ON SITES LIKE THIS! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:55:59 AM | | Hey lady---how about having some independance---and finish a relationship (you consider poor--and may be is) before you start a new one. If you can't do it yourself, you don't deserve, nor will find yourself in, a good relationship IMO. There are a lot of guys out there that think they own their woman---- why?--your selling your married yourself to the highest bidder. How does it feel to be meat? | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/12/2006 4:49:05 PM | | Well considering that I too have found my self looking for the greener grass......and I too found myself in the abusive relationship (physical and mental) you have to stop and ask yourself were you really happy with her if you weren't questioning her. If you were not seeing it or mabye you didn't wanna see it....I feel that if you can find it in your heart to forgive her that mabye you should.....you will never know unless you try and you don't wanna hate yourself for the "you never know's" | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/14/2006 5:26:52 AM | Well rainy....becuz you lacked the attention you felt you needed and becuz he admits (as you say in your post) that he didnt give you that attentiion. does that still give you the right to commit adultry? I am as we all are,,,entitled to our opinion and my opinion is,,,no that does not give you the right to cheat. If you were that unhappy and he refused to go to marriage counseling,,then you proceed to dissolve the marriage, the right way.
However, with that said, you certainly did NOT deserve to be beat up by your bf and i truely hope he gets his due in prison! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/14/2006 5:16:22 PM | dont forgive, it would not work. she will keep doing it. I am assuming something happened to her in the past and she cant come to terms with it. maybe mommy didnt hug her enough. I am not saying that to be a **** but I am telling you as someone that understands
ciao | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/14/2006 7:45:46 PM | No, I would not forgive your EX....My experience was, I dated this man for 8 years, never
looked at another woman...then he started dating a coworker who he knew for a number of years. Then he said, he had to choose..me or her. He chose her. DO NOT FORGIVE.:
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/14/2006 7:46:31 PM | | DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! if you do, it will haunt you for the rest of your life, they will usually cheat again and again, and anytime you argue it will come up how she is a rotten cheater, trust me on this been there several times, | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/16/2006 1:14:59 PM | | Humans make mistakes and can be given a second chance, even for such a big mistake as that. But you have to be careful and look at history. Was it the first and only time? Is there remorse? Was there a long relationship before it happened or early in a marriage? Did you go to couselling together after? Are you able to trust again, is it even in your nature? There are red flags for sure in certain circunmstances, but I would never say that nobody should ever be forgiven. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/16/2006 2:34:24 PM | Ripley speaks from wisdom again. :) good stuff.
The problem is something your Priest will never tell you. Human beings are not monogamus creatures by nature. If we were, this site would not exist, and this lady would still be on her first marriage. What we do have is intelect, and the ability to make decisions (divorced 5 times does not show good decision making skills). Rainy can't make a decision to save her life (and she might have lost her life with that old fling).
I am single because I will not put myself in a position of a lady leaving me for no good reason. I put myself out there to meet gals, but I am very carefull about how far it advances if I get any bad vibes. She has to be a woman with honesty, and integrity. Not being happy is not a good reason for divorce, because nobody can make you happy. You have to learn how to be happy with yourself (something we all have to work on to some degree), and then you can be happy with somebody else. If a woman depends on a man to make her happy (which is the number one reason for divorce and cheating), he is going to fail sooner or later. It is not humanly possible to make somebody be happy for 40 plus years, and it really is not anybodies job to do so.
On the other hand, you should show your lady that you love her, and visa versa. I had a bed time argument with my old GF, and I went to the couch. She thought I did not love her any more. When you realize that your life really means nothing in the grand scheme of things, you realize that all you have is making yourself happy before you die. You will be nothing but a memory to a few people, that will eventually die also. You will be forgotten, so you might as well make the best of yourself while your living. You have to do that for yourself first, and depend on yourself, becauase nobody can do that for you.
IMO--relationships are the most risky thing we can do today, so you have to be carefull who you decide to be with. The emotions of failure can be overwhelming, and put the strongest minded person in sever depression. If the premiums would not be to high (and they would because of all the failures today), a relationship insurance policy might be a good idea. :)
Now a lot of ladies may look down on me because I have never been married. They think I am the risk. They may think I don't know how to handle a good relationship. But I am smart. I didn't really go for a great relationship until I knew I was ready. The huge red flag is several marriages with no good explanation for divorcing. They took vows (which means really nothing). Four divorces trumps most everything for me. I know a bit about probabilities (how to mathamatically figure them out), and 4 major failures in a row do not equate to a high probability that the 5th one will work.
Valid reasons to divorce? abuse--mentally or physically is about it.--Knowing who your getting involved with with is a must, and all you really have to do is look at examples around you to get a good idea of what is good and what is not so good, and read between the lines a bit. Be smart, it is your life that you are partically putting in some body elses hands. I may be a looser because I never married, and don't have any kids of my own (which I resent of myself)---but here we are--all loosers---getting advise from other loosers. What a bunch of loosers we are--lol. It's better to be a looser and realize it, than be a looser in denial. At least I have a chance of being a winner. I won't have that chance if I hook up with the wrong woman---and she won't either. It would be nothing but a waste of presious time. I do not condone subserviant relationships, but it does seem (seem) to me that most women today are not qualified to have an equal relationship (they seem to want more--it is all about their happiness today). I have all heart for a qualified, attractive woman---but one with 4 divorces will be nothing more than friends with me. I will stay single before I will give part of my well being to a person that has a terrible track record. To be a better person, you have to surround yourself with good people--that definatly includes your mate. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/16/2006 3:25:45 PM | Well, i have been there before.........and i know how you feel as far as loving someone......but you must take into consideration yourself as well.......if you take her back....sometimes thats telling them its "ok what they did" and there will be an opening for her to do it again.....i am sorry that happened to you......but it does take alot of thought......
its really up to you..........if you want to live in fear if she will do it again....... in my experience once a cheater always a cheater.....something was missing and probably always will be.......but its totally your call.........good luck to you | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:08:48 PM | My view is opposite of yours cuterguy. My marriage, nobody gave it a chance, too many 'risk' issues at the front end (lousy jobs, no money, too young, etc.) - that was 32 years ago. Okay, it ended, but i wouldn't trade 1 minute of the first 28 years for anything in the world. If I'd been cautious, I would have missed all those years with the best person I've ever known.
I approach relationships like I did learning to ride motorcycle: get on, ride or die trying. If you live, there ain't nothing like it! Same with relationships. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:17:53 PM | I can see your point HIGing. Good memories will stay with you till you die. And I can relate with the motorcycle thing. I raced Motocross for about 10 years. Your right--there is no other machine on earth that makes you feel as good as a motorcycle does--unless you crash hard. :)
The problem is, 4 years of tough times ended 28 years of great times. That is a pretty big investment to toss out. Could you and the wife may be, worked around the problem? Tell me it was not because she was not happy anymore--please (assuming you did not abuse her). If your not cautious--you can still get lucky (and could still loose if you are cautious). But I bet you have a lot of friends that did not have it as good as you did. I still think a lot of my old girlfrind also. She spoiled me (for the good) and made me a better person. Most women will have a hard time measuring up to her.
I do agree with you though on your side. No guts--no glory.
SuzieQ---your a sharp lady. | |
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