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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/2/2006 10:25:36 AM | Are you asking if you should forgive her: yes.
If you are asking if you should give her another chance?
I would say this woman needs some help. Once trust is broken it is a very hard thing to replace. If you want to eventually get back with her. I think you should take it slow, she that she goes for help, from your statement, this gal has a pattern that needs to be broken.
while she is getting individaul help, you may consider sorting out our feelings and maybe going for joint counsiling.
I have been in your shoes. I have forgiver my ex wife, but I also know we could not put it back together. because she will not admit there is a problem.
I wish you the best of luck.
Dan | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:19:40 PM |  Okay, I'll bite..... Claypot, Now why would you say that i'm "busted" ? Busted doing or saying WHAT anyway? Oh, i'm still around on this site, and I still keep up on the forum that I posted. What more can I say?
This next part is for drhooven, I thank you for your opinion. Your words are very wise and said quite well! For an update to this old situation; Rainynights has a wedding all arranged. She's planning to say her vows once again to another poor soul. (if your wondering, I do know who he is). He is a nice type, as far as I know anyway. He's more than likely 'Too Nice' for her ultimate satisfaction to be finally quenched. The date of her newest marriage is Sept. 16th, right around the corner! Does she move fast or what? Nope, I as of yet, have not received an formal or otherwise, invitation. (Shucky Darn!) 
I thank everyone who has threaded onto this post. I read every thread, and I receive solice from each and all. Just1957 | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/3/2006 2:54:25 PM | Cheating is about an underlying problem in the marriage, and mostly likely with the person's sense of self, i.g., honesty, trust, repect issues. It is not about forgiveness, its about understanding that this is not a healthy relationship or marriage. Move on to understanding why you attract someone so toxic and dysfunctional. Good luck....
ps the 4 marriages was a huge clue.... | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/4/2006 9:04:29 AM | Forgive? Yes, if you can. Some people have a very hard time forgiving. Some would rather hold grudges and try to justify staying mad. The Bible does say to forgive. That doesn't mean forget. We learn from everything that happens to us in life. And forgiving doesn't mean taking her back. I like what one of the other gentlemen on here said - "Hate will destroy whatever good you shared." I've been through a divorce myself, and am remarried. My ex and I are still very close friends. We've finally been able to talk about some of the things that happened, and try to put it behind us. And we've learned to forgive each other for it. But that doesn't mean that we're "seeing each other" again, getting back together, or anything like that. We were best friends, and are almost back to that point. His new marriage is extremely rocky, to put it mildly. Mine is doing well. But I can still be there for him, as a close friend. There's nobody else in this world that knows us better than each other does, given all the years we were together. Trust was broken, and it had to be earned back. And most of it it has been. You can't have even a real friendship without trust. But we're at different places in our lives now. We have forgiven each other. We trust each other. But it's still hard to forget things that happened. Sometimes it IS possible to forgive and go back. But in your case, when it's a "repeat offender", there should be red flags right from Day One. It's probably a moot point now, anyway, seeing that she's about to embark on victim #6, I think it is? It sounds like you have your head screwed on straight, and know what to look for, and won't let anything like this happen to you again!
~Deb
The grass might look greener on the other side, but that grass just might be AstroTurf. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/4/2006 9:15:05 AM | | Why of course, you should forgive her! That doesn't mean you have to accept her back and put yourself in that very bad situation again. If taking her back is your intention, you should definitely lay down some boudaries. Counselling would be in order. I would recommend that you read a very good book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger, " Ten Stupid Things Men do to Mess Up Their Lives". Forgiveness is always the right thing to do. Being a door mat for someone's mental, emotional, verbal, or physical abuse is not. My ex didn't cheat on me, but she had/has some very deep emotional issues that effected me very deeply, as well. I have forgiven her, but I would never put myself in that position again. Good luck with your dilemma! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/4/2006 3:01:12 PM | I'll be honest with you. I didn't forgive and I won't forgive. Why because I deserve better than that, how could anyone say they love you and mean it after that? I walked away and divorced him. Come on why ask for more? People can say they forgive you but do they really? no..... I'm a forgiving person but there is a line you just don't cross and this is the line. Cheer up life does get easier and you will be happy again. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/5/2006 12:49:58 PM | | I fore gave my ex husband for several times for cheating. I worked 3rd shift at a shop for 10 hours a day not to mention i was 8 months pregnant and not interested in sex in the least when he was very interested so when he first cheated i thought it was my fault. I ended up hurting myself on the job and was doctor ordered to bed rest and at home all the time for him. I found out that he didn't really want me home all the time cause he had several females show up looking for him and was not happy when very pregnant me answered the door but i still forgave him cause i loved him. after i had my 1st son still could not work but i was very interested in sex and my ex husband was not. i think he said i had gotten to fat and ugly for him to think about doing anything with me, this was only 2 months after i had my son. Then he started not coming home like your ex wife did and i stared getting ugly phone calls in the middle of the night from one of his lovely ladies who didn't have the stretch marks and all. I fore gave him for her. Then i became pregnet again about 9 months after and 30 lbs later after my first son was born. about a month into my pregnancy i found out he was seeing some else once again. i did not forgive him that one and finely came to my senses and left him. People like him can not be happy with just one person i guess. anyone looking for greener pasters after they say i do will never change in my opinion. and i have learn my lesson you only get one strike with me know when cheating is involved. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/5/2006 7:44:37 PM | Hey just1957 you are welcome. Time for you to forgive and move on.
In the long run it will hurt her more, when it all catches up with her.
Wow it is not easy I know, makes it hard to trust anyone.
Just don't give up, but pay attention to the red flags.
I've ingnored them and gotten burned. I now trust my instincts.
Good luck! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/10/2006 4:29:47 PM | | i agree with jjkitty, if you can't be faithful then you should not be in that relationship(unless it has been agreed to by both parties). i have never believed that , oh it just happened crap because i have been plenty drunk enough and had enough sense to stop the situation where it was at and if you can't control yourself when you drink then i don't think you should be drinking. i would not hold a grudge against someone who cheated on me and they can have all the forgiveness they want but i would not continue the relationship past that point. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 9/15/2006 7:52:26 PM | Forgive but don't forget. People make mistakes and mistakes should be forgiven but, never forgotten. My ex cheated on me and we have been divorced now almost 20 years. Funny thing is he is one of my best friends. I know he was unable to keep his zipper zipped and it did me no good to hate him for his lack of ability to control. He has asked several times over the years to get back together but I also believe in "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me." So forgive the idiot, divorce/leave the him/her yet stays friends so you can have the time of your life watching them twist in the wind by making the same mistake over and over and over and .....  It's great fun. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 10/19/2006 8:56:50 PM | | You need to forgive for your sanity. Forget thats another story. But if you don't forgive her she hold power over you, which intensifys your pain..... If you want to move on in your life forgive her and lift the weight from your shoulders. I speak from experience! I always blamed myself, I now know better. Hope this helps alittle bit, there are lots of books you can read to help you along your journey....... | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 10/19/2006 8:57:27 PM | | You need to forgive for your sanity. Forget thats another story. But if you don't forgive her she hold power over you, which intensifys your pain..... If you want to move on in your life forgive her and lift the weight from your shoulders. I speak from experience! I always blamed myself, I now know better. Hope this helps alittle bit, there are lots of books you can read to help you along your journey....... | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 10/19/2006 9:12:18 PM | JUST1957, Absolutely Not - No forgivness for a Hoar. My Ex- Like yours decided she needed to loose weight, and suddenly wanted to have a breast "Enhancement" after losing 20 lbs.
Funny 4 weeks after surgery she was caught humping my then best friend by our ten year old son. When she finally left the house , her sudden weight loss came we see came from the cocaine she was getting from her boyfriend Angelo who owned a Cingular cell phone store in Farmington down the street. Well, NO FORVIVNESS IN MY EYES, and yes he can have sloppy seconds for all I care. He has since opened a Sub shop on the east side, and is NOT ALLOWED around my children at all. Since my divorce my kids and I bought a house in the same area and she can go party and do her drugs with her 60 boyfriends at the Manhatten club where she works in Novi. We are much happier with just the three of us and no cheating /Lieing tramps in the house. So if your on the east side and you meet a SUB shop owner named Angelo D. Keep him away from your girlfriend or wife cause he'll stab you in the back just like the both of them did to our two children.
Good luck with your decision, mine was pretty easy.
No Forgive and always forget. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 5:24:55 AM | I think you should just forgive her & move on with your life. Why dwell on it? You got hurt, people everyday get hurt from things like this. If you keep posting stuff on here pertaining to this subject you're dwelling on it & still living in the past(just1957) I went thru it also. Although, my husband(now an ex) didn't pay any attention to me, he made remarks about my double chin, my weight, etc..... I got too comfortable in my marriage I believe. I started losing the weight, we did eventually divorce, but then he wanted me back! He should have made an effort to want me then. Now he's a bitter sarcastic man who lives alone & wanders thru websites like this looking for the "perfect woman" Good luck to you anyway. But still, move on & look to the future | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 8:35:16 AM | | I have recently been left by my husband of 5 years...he left me for a co-worker of his who was also married...I blamed myself for months, wondering if I had only done this, or if I had only done that, but you know what? He was going to leave, no matter what I did or didn't do. My life changed in 2 minutes, and it left me sitting there thinking, what the hell just happened? He came home that day looking for an excuse to leave, and he found one...and as he was walking out the door, he yelled to me, "I hope he's worth it"...when all along, it was him who was running to his married whore the whole time. So, after time, I learned to forgive him for what he did for my own sanity, I had to. I could no longer take responsiblity for his actions. He came back around a few months later, wanting to fix our marriage, but yet, he was still going home to her. This made no sense to me, seeing how I was his wife, and he owed her nothing. Yes, I still love this man, with everything I have, but would I take him back? If I did, I would have to worry about if he is taking too long at the store, is he calling her? Or, when he is at work, is he seeing, and talking to her? Do I really want to put myself through all of this? He says he has a hard time trusting ME...figure that one out. I was the one who stayed in the marriage, he was the one who walked away when things weren't going his way. Forgive, yes, forgive yourself, because you cannot control what your spouse does...and you cannot blame yourself for their actions. Take care, I hope this helps you in some way. Remember to love yourself, and know that you are worth so much more. | |
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! Haven't even read the posts, just the question, there are NO reasons for anyone to stray. If someone else is what they desire, then have it but pack your sh*t on the way out. JMO
You can forgive but never forget ...... What comes around goes around !!! 
