| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:01:12 PM | People get "forgiving" and "forgeting" mixed up. You can forgive a physically abusive spouse, but that doesn't mean you would be gullible enough to remain with them(forget that it happened). With such a person, it would be best to leave, forgiven or not. Adultry, can be looked at in a similar fashion, there is a good chance that they will do it again.
Personally, I would say yes to forgiving, and no to forgetting.
Haka | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 3:54:25 PM | Yes I would. Christian or not (I am by the way) you must forgive no matter what it is. If you dont forgive then you can never be forgiven by God. No one is above sin. We all have done it. Its a fact. If you think a sin you sinned. Its that simple. Allthough she was in the wrong you still have to be the bigger man. But that dosent mean you get back with her. You are obviously a very good guy. And your kind is rare. She obviously has fidelity issues. I mean come on 4 marriages. But hey people can change. If a person loves somone enough they will do anything to make it work. You obvioulsy loved her and still do. But she has to love you the same, in order for anything to work there must be communication, trust and above all God(love). Any one can say they love God but you have to really love him. True love is the love of God, Gods love for you. You have that you can love just the same. And in any relationship it is 50/50. She lost out on a good man. And I hope you see that. Forgive her but personally, everyone deserves a second chance. Go to counseling. See the family pastor. Do what you have to. No one can tell you what to do when it comes to getting back with her that is your call. But yes forgive her. YOU ARE AND WILL BE THE BIGGER PERSON IF YOU DO.
"FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE FLORY OF GOD;" ROMANS CHP 4:vs23
I hope I helped.
God bless | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:00:02 PM | Wow, and I thought I was the only one that hooked up with the special ones.
The answer to your question is Yes to forgiveness BUT not to forgetting. "Cheaters cheat and liars lie" so do not be suprised when it happens. What I love is when someone is cheating with a cheater that is actively cheating on someone else and are suprised when it happens to them. Anyone can change but will they and will it stick are the real questions. More often then not it is more work then it is worth and they go back to the same ole same ole.
One bit of advise I would give is not to be an enabler. Boredom may be the excuse this time but more then likely it has to do with lack of drama rather then something to do. I love the line from The Last Boyscout where Bruce tells his wife to "get a dog" because she claims she was lonely and that is why she cheated.
Lastly, on the off chance (yes, at heart I am a closet romantic) that she may want to do the work in earning back the trust that was lost it would be better not to burn the bridge but maybe put a heavy toll on it. Friends and friends only. Once they see that you are not going to just take them back they usually get nasty and move on to some other sucker.
I have a simillar situation with my childrens mothers and the only reason she would come back is because I have custody of our children. The door is not locked but for all intentions and purposes it is closed. I love her dearly but I have to love her enough to be her friend and her friend only for all of our sakes.
Z | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 4:00:26 PM | | Hay Man take it like a man if she did it once she will do it again but that is only my opinion but that is what I did I was married for 23 years and never new anything and there was not anything going on till she left but when she tried to come back ( HELL NO) I belive in respect so you can do what you want but she did'nt respect you. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/22/2006 9:58:58 PM | | Thats right once a cheater always a cheater.. But some where there has to be a guy out there that will stay faithful.. Not all men are dogs just some. And the ones who are make the good ones look bad!!!! I've seen it.. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/23/2006 1:07:35 AM | dude its funny i came across this iam going thru the same thing as we speak...(read/type)
except my girlfriend/bestfriend for 5 yrs left me for someone and lied to me for the past 3 months about things its a long story but the point is i know how you feel and you wish it could all just go away and return back to the happy times.................but it cant and never will
its hard to come to terms with that but once you do youll be ok atleast thats what everyone keeps telling me
there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of her....her smile ,her personality her awsome looks but then i think of all the lies her leaving me at home on the couch in a state of depresion i could not handle while she was off cuddling and stuff with this other guy
anyways be strong hold you head up and tell that b.... to f-off cause if she hurt you once she will hurt you again!!
take it easy !
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/23/2006 10:10:37 AM | Forgive,,,,,,Yes.............Forget,,,,,, ~NO~
Forgiveness is for your own health and does not mean you should forget... And does not mean you give them another shot at your heart.. In my opinion Adultry is the worst crime you could could commit against another human-being.. ~The pain inflicted by the one you Love and trust the most on this planet,,,,,,,,,,,,,,~Well I would not wish that on the Devil himself,,,Multiply Hell times three,,,Thats what divorce was for me..
~Fortunately I was blessed with some good friends and a close relationship with God to pull me through..Couple of Divorce Care classes didn't hurt either.. And it took a few months to figure out that I could not fix me broken heart.. Nov 3rd 2001 I learned the secret.. And will pass it on.. Its so simple,,,,,,,,Yet so hard!
But I found only God can mend a broken heart....Simple right?
~Well heres the hard part,,,But first you must give him all the pieces.. ~Thats Right! ( All the pieces ) You cannot hold back the stuff you can fix yourself.. He needs all the pieces...
In Nov of 2001 I was able to do this ..God mended that broken heart and ripped up soul of mine.. And my friend Jesus replaced the pain in me heart and soul with a Joy that I knew could never be there again.
Its been five years and the joy is still there,, strong as ever.. Sometimes I feel I need to shout it from the rooftops I cannot put into words this feeling.. And I have tried for years to explain it to others going through Divorce... ~But I keep trying and hope I can help others to understand,, You need to forgive ,,and ask God for help to truly heal from divorce.
And jumping straight into another relationship..~Temporary fix at best...
Off me soapbox fer now~
God Bless
~Kowboy | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 11/23/2006 1:53:26 PM | You know, I wouldn't bother to post a reply to this, being such an old topic. But from my own personal experiences, I felt I needed to. My ex-wife <---emphasize that.....had admitted to me that she had cheated on her then boyfriend, and father of her 3 kids, with his own cousin. She said it was due to lack of attention. As I found out for myself, she was an attention hog, and it was just not possible to give her the attention that she required. She claimed that she felt bad about it, and would never do it again. But, guess who was the next victim of her infidelity? TWICE! Yes, I forgave once. I learned too! It affects my judgement of women til this day too. I guess you can call it my own protective barrier so that it will never happen again. I am sorry to the ones that I may not have been fair to. It's a phase I have to work thru. Good topic, by the way. I needed to vent a bit. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/20/2006 4:10:36 AM | Yes, by all means forgive, this is not to say in forgiving you keep going back to the abuse!
Forgiveness is for yourself, but it does affect the other person forgiven as well. If we do not forgive this is baggage we carry into our next day and beyond. If you believe what God says then you have no choice really.
Your lady is in a horrible pattern of behavior that she must break. It is so sad being stuck in a place such as this.
You sound like a compassionate man and forgiveness is for you and closure for pain and sorrow created from another.
In forgiving it does not mean we forget. What was done is done and it is a memory we carry with us.
It certainly will affect your ability to trust another woman until you work through all the issues in yourself this has created.
Best to you on your journey!
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/20/2006 12:11:24 PM | ABSOLUTELY NOT!
THE FIDELITY BANK & TRUST FUND IS A TOUGH CREDITOR; ONE DEFAULT WILL GET YOUR ACCOUNT CLOSED! HAHAHA IN MY BOOK, FAITHFULLNESS IS NOT NEGOTIABLE, NO EXCEPTIONS, EXTENTIONS OR REFUNDS!!!!!!!! DUH!!!!!! IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH ME YOU ARE A STRAIGHT SHMUCK!  | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/20/2006 1:37:43 PM | Back in 2002 I married my 3rd husband, a man whom I had loved since I was a teenager. We were so crazy in love and then suddenly.........I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. The doctor said my drive would drop for a bit until I got the hormones in balance. Anyway, by the time I got things straightened out, my husband was NOT ONLY sleeping with a co-worker but his ex wife. I still love him and I have forgiven him, but I DID NOT forget and neither did he when I kicked him out 2 years ago. That was the 3rd husband to cheat on me with another woman. I figure I am done and going on with my life. If I find another man I am interested in, the fear is always there. So, after some babbling, yes I can forgive but it doesnt mean I have to live with it or them | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/21/2006 7:20:34 AM | This is my second post to this question.
I was married for 30 years. At times I suspected he was cheating and I talked about this with him. He of course said he was not. I even asked a few different times "what in the world have you done that you are guilty about"?
Thirty years later the truth comes out. To make a long story short. It is ok to go by our gut instinct. If we suspect something is very wrong, mostly likely it is. How much time one is willing to try and work it out is up to the person.
After I found his wedding ring in the glove compartment of our car, shortly before I walked away, it did not cause me to question myself anymore. The truth of the kind of man he was, was out in the open.
I read his journal thinking it was mine, same cover. When I saw it was his I wanted to see if he and I saw our marriage the same way. Surely, I knew all there is to know about my man, after thirty years, right? What I learned was his infidelity very early in our marriage.
His response; he did not tell me because he knew I would leave him. I could have forgiven him this and moved forward in our marriage, but I decided it was not best for us both.
I did forgive him, not so much for him, but for me. Life is way to short to hold onto unforgiveness, plus not forgiving another has so many ramifications.
Valuable lessons have been gleaned from the hurt and pain and I am movin' on.
Life is wonderful!
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/25/2006 1:56:00 AM | well with out trust there is not much respect after that happens. My x worked in a factory full of women and he had a favorite all the time. Even though I dont think he was meeting them outside of the work place it was still considered cheating on my part. He could come home to me and get sex and go to work and get his emotional needs met. He did not like to commit and it was his way of not commiting to just me or just them. He did not have to take out the trash for them and I was the mean one because I made demands on him that a partner would. Now he is alone and so am I but I have the morals and values and the respect of me kids, I cant forgive. I want to but I cant. It is like taking posin and expecting him to die by staying bitter and not forgivning him but i dont know how so I am not much help I guess
Lisa | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/26/2006 1:50:01 PM | it took sopme years but with time comes wisdom... LOL
seriously I've come to the realization the my ex's adultry was a simple case of..
She got lonely one too many times and I was not there one too many times.. yeah I forgave her, but like everything else time brings about a different perspective to what really was the problem. for me anyway | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/26/2006 8:37:19 PM | People prone to such boredom should not ever be married. Hell, I mean by the 4th time don't you think you'd start to realize that the only dissatisfying part of all of your past relationships and marriages is yourself?
I say go ahead and forgive her if you think it's right, but only if you can honestly say it's right. Forgiving such behavior will probably just lead to more of the same, and I don't think I need to point out again that if she screwed up several times in her past and she hasn't learned her lesson by now she probably never will. | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/28/2006 11:23:24 PM | | heck no my friend...you deserve better than that BS...hold your head up high and except nothing less than the best for you...get out!...move on...next...get yourself together before you get into any other relationship...no lilly padding like frog now...take time to heal...and get over this woman she is trouble of the highest form..run man....you didn't do anything wrong! it is her poisen not yours! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/29/2006 7:55:32 PM | I would prefer to start with...'HOW MUCH do you VALUE yourself??' Your EX is an EX for a reason...and some 'leopards' just DON'T change their spots...are you more afraid of being alone or of the love you ONCE had for her...since if you love her NOW the same way you did when you said 'I DO'...I would have to think...the fear of loneliness is at play here rather than a heartfelt and lived committment. And yeah...I have been solo for 10 yrs...no reg dates, holidays alone...no SO in my life...and thats ok...since I would rather have the right one...than just ANYONE ...since if I don't love myself... how could I expect someone else to love me??!! We all make choices in life... some good, some really bad...but none the less - they are choices WE make..and have to live with....what makes your EX any different?? Its your call no matter what I write here or others say ...since you asked...my opinion is this: if I were in your shoes... there would be NO DOUBT that the 'TRUST' factor was unrepairably broken for life... and I would not want to live constantly wondering 'is she or isn't she?' For me...without trust and honesty...their is NO and NEVER was a relationship. Best of luck ... broken hearts are hard to mend...of that I know too
She* | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 12/30/2006 1:40:20 PM | Well, if you love her and you find it extremely difficult to live without her, I would forgive her and give her a second chance. If she learned her lesson, she will treat you like a king that you deserve to be!!!!!
Best of luck to you!
p.s. I am a firm believer in forgive and forget (especially when love is involved)! | |
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:14:35 AM | This question is one of those requiring some back ground information as people men or women do not just go off and do this at random ..and if they do wow you have to correct the mistake of joining up with them , but this is a case of a certain problem type ..
In general if a man or woman strays off into the Adultry land ( dont ya just love that word, it pops up only when some one is offended) there is a very good reason for it .
Mom may have to go find a kind soul to help her keep her sanity because she loves her kids but the husband is a brut in many different ways to ruin the home relationship..what else can she do .........oh ya and then he rags around about what she did ..of course he will NOT forgive her as this is to admit his failure to treat her right.
On the other side of the coin there is James Bond going around saving all those bad marriages by consouling these mentaly frot women that need a kind word/deed un fortuately those women not having spent time with James have nothing good to say about men
on a more serious note most men are good husbands for so long as they can take it , given the fact that the sexual relationship at home is not up to want he wants or needs ..perhaps mom has cooled off considerably..there is the question of sacrifice ..but whos ?? after one hits a certain age this becomes a major issue, and if miss wiggley down the street becomes available..well things can happen....the poor guy lived on beans for so long he could no longer help himself....if the wife being an intlligent woman knows she froze him out..she might forgive and look the other way..only they will know for sure
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 1/11/2007 5:26:58 AM | This question is one of those requiring some back ground information as people men or women do not just go off and do this at random ..and if they do wow you have to correct the mistake of joining up with them , but this is a case of a certain problem type ..
In general if a man or woman strays off into the Adultry land ( dont ya just love that word, it pops up only when some one is offended) there is a very good reason for it .
Mom may have to go find a kind soul to help her keep her sanity because she loves her kids but the husband is a brut in many different ways to ruin the home relationship..what else can she do .........oh ya and then he rags around about what she did ..of course he will NOT forgive her as this is to admit his failure to treat her right.
On the other side of the coin there is James Bond going around saving all those bad marriages by consouling these mentaly frot women that need a kind word/deed un fortuately those women not having spent time with James have nothing good to say about men
on a more serious note most men are good husbands for so long as they can take it , given the fact that the sexual relationship at home is not up to what he wants or needs ..perhaps mom has cooled off considerably..there is the question of sacrifice ..but whos ?? after one hits a certain age this becomes a major issue, and if miss wiggley down the street becomes available..well things can happen....the poor guy lived on beans for so long he could no longer help himself....if the wife being an intelligent woman knows she froze him out..she might forgive and look the other way..only they will know for sure
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| Would you forgive your EX when they've committed Adultry?
Posted: 1/11/2007 10:06:20 AM | | this is my oppinion from a woman..once a cheater always a cheater rather its a woman or a man..who is to say she comes back after 6mth she gets bored again and starts it all over..i say ur a good man move on and find some1 to make u happy life is to short for games..and whoever ur wife is shame shame on her...i know love hurts sometimes but just keep ur head up high and move to the next chapter in liife..cuz u dont deserve that crap | |
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