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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/23/2006 2:03:37 PM | | Well I'm Forrest...Forrest Gump and my gf is a really smart girl. When I tell her I wanna be a shrimp boat capt. She pats me on the head and says; "that's nice" then she laughs. I think she likes me. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/23/2006 2:12:16 PM | Well, most people click when they are as similar as possible. This goes for likes, dislikes, hobbies, interests, height, weight, etc. IQ is just another one of those traits that, if similar, will attract you to a person of a similar IQ. I'm not claiming the statement is correct as I haven't done any research on the matter, but I can really see how it might be. Oh by the way, a 20 point IQ difference is HUGE. Here is the breakdown:
80 or below: I'll be politically correct here and say "something wrong"
80 - 100: less than average intelligence
100 - 110: average
110 - 120: above average
120 - 130: well read, bright, intelligent people.
130 - 140: Bordering on genius.
So as you can see, a 20 point difference can mean the difference between average and bordering on genius. I think if you're going to use IQ similarity, it should probably be more like 10 or even 5 points.
As to how to find out a person's IQ, most people would have no reason to know it, so it's difficult. There are online tests though, which might give rough estimations. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/23/2006 2:19:53 PM | Some people do not have a need for much similarity in their relationships. Then again, some people do not desire very deep relationships, either. In either case, I really can't relate.
~Aurora | |
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Hezron
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Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 81 | |
| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/23/2006 2:51:04 PM | | The seminar dude also has a sideline in selling banner ads to online IQ tests which are designed to make everybody a match. Go figure. IQ tests are subjective and prove nothing other than how much of the same stuff you were taught as the dude who wrote it. Nuff said. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/25/2006 6:18:08 PM |
Well my ability is directly proportionate to my blood/alcohol level.
The more I drink the more brilliant I am!!
ROFL UGgggghhhhhhhh....  I laughed so hard, that almost brought a tear to my eye. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/25/2006 7:03:25 PM | | Ok, I'll jump in. I've never ever met anyone who I felt was more intelligent than I , at the same time, I've yet to meet someone who didn't have something to teach me. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/25/2006 9:37:20 PM | People who walk around showcasing their intelligence level tend to come across as pompous and arrogant .There are so many different types of intelligence that to date someone based on their IQ level, seems a bit limiting.There are emotional,intellectual,mechanical,musical and so many other different types of intelligence. Someone who scores lower than you on an IQ test may be a musical genius, or have a way of understanding others on an emotional as opposed to intellectual level that is close to genius.Im not going to post my "number" here,because it seems like an arrogant thing to do.Suffice it to say,I have no trouble holding up my end of a conversation,which is precisely what I look for in a potential dating partner:) | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/25/2006 9:44:53 PM | | ^^^^^^ What she said!!!!^^^^^Kat, you are so right!!!!! So, I second it, what Kat said! | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/30/2006 7:47:16 PM | I respectfully reiterate to my question.
To anyone who would know about such things: if you are looking to meet an "intellectual" with a similar capacity for abstract thought, and you know there are only a small percentage of people who fit the bill, what do you do? If you find the "Mensa Personals" earlier suggested to be a problem, because not all people with high IQs join Mensa, just those who want to be in a high-IQ club, is there a better alternative?
Thanks. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/30/2006 9:08:04 PM | Well, I meant the MENSA comment in jest. I think the best way to determine intellectual compatibility is to read and listen carefully. People who have limited educations but who are on the upper end will certain fall out on this but for the most part, we are not discussing merely I.Q. but also applied knowledge and the capacity to think creatively.
To identify them online, assuming minimum suggestions of intelligence have been met (e.g. degree or position indicative of intellectual capacity), one merely needs to engage them in a dialog. Vocabulary, structure, and the ability to describe abstractions and/or provide anecdotes generally give you an idea of another person's mind rather quickly. Getting them live via phone or IM helps to filter and of course, despite the norm for online behaviors, you can just meet them and figure out if they have a brain.
To find them in the real world, simply go where people with brains go. I personally prefer the bookstore because I'm a bibliophile but there are other places equally suited. Museums actually work, galleries are better; readings and showings also work.
To find the brain-jocks, try specialty training facilities, the guys at the gym who don't lose focus or ogle hotties, or even the bookstore sports section. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/30/2006 9:16:34 PM | | the only way is by psych testing...probably some ethical problems here in doing that..IQ is correlated with grades and academics so u might surmise their intellectual quotient that way....is that really neccessary? the problem with traditional measures of IQ is that they may only look at one dimension of intelligence...check out gardner's theories..in other words..he may be dumber than u on academics but smarter in street smarts...remember crocodile dundee??? | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/30/2006 10:54:18 PM | IQ level is one little facet of a person. It was created at the turn of the century and used for Army recruits. It's strictly cognitive, pure information processing. You can have a brainiac for a partner and they can't connect why up/down of the toilet seat bothers you so much. In the 80's a new test came out called EIQ (Emotional IQ) and gives a better idea of a person's social intelligence or empathy. If you tell someone you had a bad day and they know how to fix your downspin instead of topping it with a worse story, well that beats a Mensa member hands down when you think of spending your life with someone.
In the end they are just numbers. It never should be as cold and uncaring as comparing numbers and saying "nope, sorry, you're 2 points under my minimum!" You have coffee a few times with someone and you can easily ascertain if you are comfortable with them or not. If they don't catch your humor or understand why something is important to you you may want to move on.
The internet is a great way for first contact and breaking the ice with today's busy lifestyles but you will never know who someone truly is until you take the time for real human contact through meeting them for some good 1 on 1 conversation. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/30/2006 11:25:37 PM | There are lots of ways to tell how smart or educated someone is..............communication, maybe?
Ask them about their education
Ask them about their knowledge about this or that...........
And then if you are like a few on here, when they write you back you can pick away at what they say or how they say it and their syntax etc.
You just have to be observant, thats all. Buccaneer38 | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 5/31/2006 1:15:21 AM | Some people have had tests some don't know the results. Childhood tests can change over time.
I do believe it makes the relationship far more compatible if the IQ's are close. It is good, I think, early on to clear the IQ's just to avoid problems later. For example a person with an IQ of 177-183 is going to relate to life differently than somebody with an IQ of 145.
When a couple have to make major joint decisions, they better be processing the information the same way to avoid genuine and heartfelt disagreements. Irreconcilable differences it's sometimes called. | |
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LBP
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Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 94 | |
| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/20/2007 9:58:32 PM | I can actually see some validity in this. I don't think you need an IQ test to figure it out though....just talk to the person.
I haven't done an official IQ test done but did some online ones and came out somewhere between 130 and 140.
I can't remember my last serious ex's but it was around 150 or 160 I think. Extremely bright in sciences, music, human behavior etc. Intellectually it felt we fit very well together. Most of the guys I date actually have a high IQ, I don't need a test to tell me that...you can tell just by the way you converse.
The last guy I dated claimed to have around a 170 IQ, had several degrees (2 in engineering). Again, very talented in music and pretty much anything he wanted to do. I found him very emotionally and socially immature though. Instead of working on those areas, he was pretty arrogant about how everyone else was just stupid.
Most of the guy's I know who have been tested for high IQs were tested due to behavioral problems they were having in school. I had a lot of the same behavioral problems but was never tested...I just got detention LOL.
Seriously though, I just find we relate better on an intellectual level. Perhaps the higher your IQ the more important it is to find someone who can relate to the social/emotional challenges you encounter when you have an intelligence which is above average. We don't fit in.
@buccaneer - education has nothing to do with intellect. It has far more to do with opportunity. I have no degree but compete with those who have degrees for the same jobs. Some spend years learning what some can learn on the spot and just seems like common sense to them.
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/20/2007 11:23:38 PM | | Having IQ's that are close isn't that important, I know couples that have vast differences that get along great, as well as some that are very close and don't. Being smart or dumb doesn't make a person more or less successful in a relationship, there's alot more to making a relationship work than what IQ a person has. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/21/2007 12:42:09 AM | I used to wrestle on the pro side of this and now I am more on the con side. I've been reading Goleman's book EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE in small stages while I sauna and I gotta say the guy is definitely selling me on his way of thinking. People skills, patience, assertiveness, good hearted, wisdom... all of that and whatever else you want to call it.
But the best relationship I ever had I suspect her intelligence and mine were very similiar. Mine was more math based, but I do OK with words, hers was definitely words and people.
Gotta disagree with the OPs post with the beginning of this thread, though, about the 70 IQ. People below 86 generally don't have enough IQ to even keep from wetting or crapping themselves. Fact.
The IQ test is just that, a test. Not so much a test of intelligence as it is a test of knowledge, and knowledge can be remembered and regurgitated out without a lot of thought. Also IQ tests tend to have large cultural variations per the part of the country, so I once read. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/21/2007 1:16:52 AM | I'm half native and half white. So I am rather good at translating some native philosophy.... we would say that a person is five things in equal measure,, intellect, spirit, emotion, body, sexuality.
One wants to find their equal to connect with in all five aspects. Which is virtually impossible to find in one person. Surely each of your best friends is your match in one or maybe two.
It feels like you hit the jackpot when you meet your match in two...which is fine., as you can have friends that match your other aspects, in order to have your needs met. As long as in the other aspects you arent so far away withing a relationship, so that either up or down that it is repulsive, in energitic terms like the wrong end of magnets.
I am quite an intellectual frankly, its the way god made me. I have fallen in love with my intellecutal matches and or my spiritual matches or let's say mind and sex, or physical and emotional...and it it was fine unless, I am an athlete and they are a chain smoker, that is repulsive. When Cheryl Crow fell in love with Armstrong,, she took up bicycling...no doubt they had a terrible mismatch otherwise and it ended.
The fact is it is very boring to always have to come down to someone else's level in any aspect. To be a great lover and adventurous and be with someone who is very uptight. To be an athlete and be with a donut eating couch potato,, to be very deeply spiritual and be with a complete scientific atheist or bible thumper. To be very affectionate and big hearted and be with a cold hearted detached sort. These are the problems.
I don't know about the validity of IQ. I personally need a smart fellow who has a trained and expansive mind and is knowledgeable on many levels to find him interesting. NO one will convey that in a profile, it comes across in conversation. But if you are high in any area, and therfore above average or far above the norm, you then are more rare and finding your match is difficult. | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/21/2007 2:54:32 AM | Several years ago the smartest man in America said something similar as to having an IQ within 20 points. If there is a greater difference chances are you are not going to understand one another. In my own reasoning there is only a little bit of truth to it, in my personal experience. The degree will vary from person to person however.
Really smart people know how to be effective around even the stupid.
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/21/2007 6:37:08 AM | Wechsler defined IQ as "the aggregate or global capacity of the individual to act purposefully, to think rationally and to deal effectively with his environment." Still, the notion of IQ is limited. IQ tests do a good job of predicting short-term future behavior, are a good predictor of academic performance, and yield valuable information about a person's relative cognitive strengths and weakness. However, they are less accurate in long-term predictions, they are biased toward analytical and scientific modes of thought and they don't reward creative thinking. They also sample behavior from a particular socio-cultural milieu... they're culturally biased.
I prefer Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences. He defined seven 'intelligences':
logical/mathematical
linguistic
spatial
musical
bodily/kinesthetic
interpersonal
intrapersonal | |
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| The IQ in relationships
Posted: 1/21/2007 7:26:36 AM | | Love doesn't measure itself by intelligence, it grows freely so it doesn't need to think. | |
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