Tsk tsk.

I did an experiment sometime back on a different site. If I don’t mention I have kids my response rate improves by a factor of 5……. That is a VERY big difference. Using this as a basis, it would appear that as many as 85% of women consider kids to be an instant deal-breaker in the dating world. They will not respond. They will not get to know you. Assumptions are made.

1) There is still the stereotype that women make better parents. It is assumed that the man simply wants to date to find a new “mother”.

2) Children cost money. Because the man takes care of his children he will have less money, making him less attractive.

3) People hate competition. Knowing that children are involved the woman feels like she needs to compete for affection.

4) Women that have already had children feel they have already done enough work with raising their own.

5) Despite our pride in our evolutionary process we are still governed by our natural instincts to a large degree. There are a lot of people that feel they would not be able to give love to a child that is not biologically theirs. We can already see a foster system full of older children that are not being adopted.

6) It is assumed that there must be an evil “ex” involved that will make bonding with the children difficult or impossible.

In Canada, custody is broken down in the following averages. Women will get primary custody 90% of the time. Men will get custody 5% of the time. The last 5% will enter the foster care system. So what do these numbers mean? Children require an investment of time and affection so there will be less for the relationship. Generally this means it is easier to date someone without children. Because men seldom get primary custody women can expect that the majority of the men that approach them will not already be caring for children. There is less competition for affection and resources.

Single mothers have their own set of problems to deal with. They are affected by a number of stereotypes that men don’t have. Single mothers are often portrayed as irresponsible, desperate, and easy. The older the age group, the more likely a woman will have children. Getting into their 30s there are is a substantial number of single mothers getting back into the dating game. Unless a man wants to have a much smaller pool of eligible dates he must consider single mothers. Single mothers have a much easier time finding a date than single fathers because of the numbers. The biggest problem single mothers face is the quality of their suitors because of the aforementioned stereotypes unfairly assigned to them.

From everything I have read and seen I would guess that the actual dating pool for single fathers is perhaps 10% of single women or less. While this is a small number, it IS a significant one. The greatest advantage for single fathers is we attract some truly amazing women that look for who we are instead of what we can do for them. Quality over quantity. In the end I would guess it’s actually harder for single mothers for having the reverse. I would not envy them for getting more attention.

*sigh* It is still generally expected for men to make the first move. I really wish it would be easier to know who that 10% is before messaging so we don’t have to see all those discouraging read/deletes though.