| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/1/2006 9:21:09 AM | I can understand where your coming from on this one. First off I do not think kids are baggage, and people that do feel they are, well we just wont go there. I never included the ages of my kids in my profile. But found when i was messaged and then would chat with guys, I would be asked there ages, which I told them, generally it was good bye and no thanks. And honestly if a person does this then its not worth knowing this person and not worth having him around my kids. I have since changed my profile and have included there ages, and my messages have declined...lol, but i'm ok with that. Because the guys that do message me, understand that I do have kids. I have met few a couple of guys that do have kids and they understand your situation as they themselves are in the same situation. And I do agree with what one lady said, I would much rather be out in a park having fun with the kids, kicking a ball, and doing the bbq thing. Then sitting in a bar listening to loud music and drinking, but then again i've never been a bar person to begin with. Yes my kids are no. 1 in my life, but there's room for that one special guy to be no. 1 also if I should be lucky enough to meet him. I also have somewhat of another problem I'm widowed and find this also seems to scare some guys, not sure why?? but it does. So to all the single mom's and dad's out there with kids, I have the upmost respect for you all.
AC | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:43:39 AM | | I've heard this question asked a lot since I started dating. I guess you just need to look for the right women. Personally, I am a single mother and I ONLY date men with children themselves, and it's just a bonus if they're raising them themselves, because it says a lot about them as a person and as a dad, and the list goes on. So you need to probably look a little harder, but there are women out there who respect single dads and actually want to date them. | |
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Suecat
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Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 54 | |
| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/2/2006 8:53:17 PM | Bambam524...your problem is not necessarily that you have 2 children, it is that you have 2 teenagers! It is amazing how many people are prejudice against teens. I personally feel teenagers are wonderful. I have two myself. They are just adults in training. The most amazing things come out of the mouth of a teen! They can learn from us, just as we can learn from them.
Do not despair single Dad's. There might not be as many women available in this catagory, but you can be sure that the ones who are, are of much higher substance. While children do complicate the relationship, the joy of having all those young people around make it all worth while. When you actually see it working, the satisfaction must be great. We all must believe that there is someone for all of us. In time, all of these life mysteries will be unveiled. We must be patient. Darn it! Not something I do particularly well, so don't take lessons from me!
Susan | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/2/2006 9:24:03 PM | i commend you and all the single dads ,and actually i wouldnt be one to run..im a single mom
like me ..you are raising your kids-i think it scares men off too haha..i have a 4 year old and 16 yr old..my preference is to find someone with kids-only thing i would be concerned with ...
is if they were willing to accept me and my kids:0)i find it appealing ..always wanted a big family.Youll find the right one..the right one will want you and accept your kids-will be a great friend to them as well as your friend/lover.good luck guys...i'm fishing for a single dad lol | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/2/2006 10:02:38 PM | I can't answer for other women, but I'd love to meet a single dad. I'm a single mom, and I think it would be so nice to date someone who has been through a divorce too. Raising these terrific kids of ours is always priority #1, it has to be. I'd like to date someone who is as busy as I am, that way our time together would be really terrific.
Take care & good luck to everyone of us out there! | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/2/2006 11:01:56 PM | Whewwww. Good hour of reading ( with the little one on the lap) Okay you all will make me go back and fine tune my profile ( want to make sure everyone is crystal clear on me), But I tryed to be Straight out the gate.
1st)Be greatfull of the runners !! 2nd) Stop with all the praise. About how great and Good a guy it is to be a single dad... I hate when I hear it. A child is not a car, jacket, some household gadget. A child didn't get on the "here I am world" bus. It's called RESPONSIBILITY. Not only is it my job to do the best I can and put her first until she is an adult. But I am also raising someone who maybe a future world leader deciding what's in the best interest of the seniors( You and Me)....lol FYI I dated and married a women that came with 2 boys under 4 y.o. at 21 which I was the sole Supporter/Father figuire but ran from others.
On with the program.... Can't answer what would make a women do what she does. Cripes if I could do that I'd be the richest most powerfull man in the Universe..  But I would like to take this second to advertise my ideaology for all the single parents that truly love their child/ren. A) Being 100% honest from day one, including with yourself and profile. B) Before you act or do anything/something make sure you ask yourself 2 questions in this order and make sure the answer to both is YES ..or DON'T DO IT...#1) Is it in my childs/ren best interest ?? #2)Is it healty for me ??
Children are wonderful, and if you are doing your job right will bring you more joy then anything else in your life. Your child is what you mold them to be, are the leaders of tommorrow, and are where we all were one day not to long ago.
Thanks for the in-sight/knowledge I received from the reading,as well as thanks for letting me pass mine along.
BDJ | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/3/2006 4:32:55 AM | i've had the same problem as everyone here and is hard for me as a single mother of 3, but i dont look for a wallet like someone here said. i can take care of my kids and have till today and i am proud to say with nobodies help. i dont run from single dad's, i would like to meet one. i will say that my kids are my life because they are and i someone does not understand that well too bad for them. i dont date anymore because i dont trust just anyone to look after my kids and when asked on a date i let them know that i dont have a sitter and i do take my kids a long. it would be so nice to find someone who would like to go out have ice cream or take out lunch with the kids at a park or some place where the kids can have fun too. but than again this is just asking for too much, just remember our kids are and will always there a partner wont... so just make the best of it and love them, they will love you back.....just open up your heart to anything, good luck to you all
corazon | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/3/2006 6:05:48 AM | Hi,
Couldn't resist replying to this post. I think, regardless if you are single mom or single dad, its not without struggles and complications. Yes, our kids are our life, as it should be. Those who are not with those responsibilities find it difficult to relate. I have single "older" friends who have no children, and those with. So I have heard both sides. I have been on my own with my kids 10 yrs now. And like some, was sort of forced into the single situation. Having been widowed and then divorcing an abusive guy, who hasn't been in the picture for yrs. Nothing like scaring someone away! lol.
But I embrace every challenge in parenting. And have to say my kids are well adjusted, sane, independent, lovable and smart. And all thanks to me. I take all the credit. So, to boil it down, I think those with children, can only respect, understand, sympathise. Our breed is much more loving, less self-involved, more appreciative. OK, I have a feeling will get some flack from the single non-parentals out there. No offense please.
But embrace life and our children. Its truly a gift.
Sher | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:27:00 PM | thank you for that it is hard enough living life with all the things that go on day to day.
and having a girl makes it that much harder knowing that someday she will have to go through this stuff.
the most that a father can do is be their for her all the time and pass on the golden rules and hope they sink in
you know honest, loyal, dont smoke, be safe (when we have to deal with that ?)
driving  BUT AND I THINK THIS IS THE IMPORTANT ONE. ALWAYS LET HER KNOW THAT
NOMATTER WHAT SHE CAN TRUST YOU ,AND COME TO YOU FOR ANYTHING.)
if you dont have her trust she will go somewhere else and ask ! | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/18/2006 2:56:08 AM | You would think with all the deadbeat dads out there someone who is taking care of their kids would be respected. But no its like I have a desease 
Actually I shouldn't be like that these days.
Five years ago the only dads who got custody were absolute prime father of the year material. The girls should have been falling over one another to get to them.
But they werent
And they still arent.
Despite the fact that ANY dad you gets custody still has to be better than average.
So I have absoloutely no idea either. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/18/2006 3:05:10 PM | My boyfriend is a single Dad of a 16 year old son. When i was looking for "the one" I admittedly was not looking for a man with any children at all even though I already have a son myself.
The reason is that I "percieved" that my dates would not have the time to spend with me and that I would be last on their priority list between work and and their family. It appeared to be too much to take on from the outside.
I have spent 3 years dating single guys that have never been married looking to recreate starting over as i would like to have more children myself. Many of the single guys that have never been married that I went out with in their late 30's and early 40's I have found there is a BIG reason why they are not married. The biggest reason I ran into is them having no idea how to truly share their lives with another. Not all are like this, but that is the majority of who I met.
I finally decided to open up my mind and see what it would be like to date other divorcees like me with children and it has been a night and day difference! I met men that did not fear real commitment, want to be married and do not want to keep looking for the perfect woman as they are much clearer as to what their needs are and understand fully about family.
I think you should be proud to be a single Dad and do not hide it. The biggest hurdle is that you need to make her feel safe and that you will have time for her. Do not bring your
child (ren) into the picture too quickly. Make sure you are serious about her before going to the next level with your child(ren). Give your one on one relationship lots of time to grow first.
I hope this helps,
K | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/18/2006 3:29:14 PM | Is it really that much of an issue?? Maybe thats just their excuse...................I mean its only dating........You are not asking them to marry you or become a replacement mother for your children..........Sounds like your kids are on their way to adulthood soon anyhows.......
Maybe there is something about you that you are giving out that is turning people away...........Desperation maybe??? I dont know...... Just a theory............
Tsk tsk.
I did an experiment sometime back on a different site. If I don’t mention I have kids my response rate improves by a factor of 5……. That is a VERY big difference. Using this as a basis, it would appear that as many as 85% of women consider kids to be an instant deal-breaker in the dating world. They will not respond. They will not get to know you. Assumptions are made.
1) There is still the stereotype that women make better parents. It is assumed that the man simply wants to date to find a new “mother”.
2) Children cost money. Because the man takes care of his children he will have less money, making him less attractive.
3) People hate competition. Knowing that children are involved the woman feels like she needs to compete for affection.
4) Women that have already had children feel they have already done enough work with raising their own.
5) Despite our pride in our evolutionary process we are still governed by our natural instincts to a large degree. There are a lot of people that feel they would not be able to give love to a child that is not biologically theirs. We can already see a foster system full of older children that are not being adopted.
6) It is assumed that there must be an evil “ex” involved that will make bonding with the children difficult or impossible.
In Canada, custody is broken down in the following averages. Women will get primary custody 90% of the time. Men will get custody 5% of the time. The last 5% will enter the foster care system. So what do these numbers mean? Children require an investment of time and affection so there will be less for the relationship. Generally this means it is easier to date someone without children. Because men seldom get primary custody women can expect that the majority of the men that approach them will not already be caring for children. There is less competition for affection and resources.
Single mothers have their own set of problems to deal with. They are affected by a number of stereotypes that men don’t have. Single mothers are often portrayed as irresponsible, desperate, and easy. The older the age group, the more likely a woman will have children. Getting into their 30s there are is a substantial number of single mothers getting back into the dating game. Unless a man wants to have a much smaller pool of eligible dates he must consider single mothers. Single mothers have a much easier time finding a date than single fathers because of the numbers. The biggest problem single mothers face is the quality of their suitors because of the aforementioned stereotypes unfairly assigned to them.
From everything I have read and seen I would guess that the actual dating pool for single fathers is perhaps 10% of single women or less. While this is a small number, it IS a significant one. The greatest advantage for single fathers is we attract some truly amazing women that look for who we are instead of what we can do for them. Quality over quantity. In the end I would guess it’s actually harder for single mothers for having the reverse. I would not envy them for getting more attention.
*sigh* It is still generally expected for men to make the first move. I really wish it would be easier to know who that 10% is before messaging so we don’t have to see all those discouraging read/deletes though. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/18/2006 4:55:28 PM | | in my experience they don't all run I have custody of my two girls, and have dated a few women since my divorce unfortinatly its finding one that respects your bond with your children, and parenting still that I have found difficult. I think the big problem here is that you not only do you have to bond with this person, but your children have to bond with them as well. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/18/2006 7:49:01 PM | | it really is almost the same thing with single moms. i have alot of guy friends who are parents but don't have custody and they think single moms are great. personally i myself would rather date a man who has kids. he knows how to deal with children and understands the love and attention children need. its even worse for me because i have a child with add and a child who is autistic so not many men wanna be tied to a woman who has a child with a severe disability. or guys will state they can't support my children. it always makes me aggravated because i have supported my children since they were born and never asked them too. if the man wants to its one thing but they are my children and my responsibilty. dude just hang in there somewhere out there is a woman who like me would rather have a man who has children too. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/19/2006 11:55:52 AM | I am a single woman, with no kids...and I dont think that if i met a guy that was amazing, but also had a child or children, would make me run away screaming.
I think that if i was younger and wasnt happy with my work and content with my life, then yes, i would have probably not been interested, but I know a few single dads that are awesome guys who are very much dateable material.
I think that maybe some women just know that the process of dating a single dad is not what it is with Mr.-No-Kids...and that can be more of an issue then the fact that they have children.
So...yes, I would date a single dad because i understand its important for his child(ren) to come first, i understand that things come up, and i also understand there is another woman (who is an ex) that is regularly involved in his life. I also would be aware that its best to not meet the kids until it was more serious, and that sleep over's wouldnt be cool either until the relationship was at a more serious stage...I would be comfortable with all of those circumstances if the guy was great, was interested in me and showed that he was open to a long term commitment...for sure!
I think for single dad's its good to just keep trying and meeting people (as much as you can with your busy schedule) and to just take it one step at a time...i think ladies dig single dads, just not ones that want you to be their kid's mum INSTANTLY...or to mediate between a crazy ex...thats just not cool.
Good luck !
i'm hoping the single dad i met on saturday digs me...cause he's a cool single dad (and pretty handsome too!) | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:50:13 PM | It's quite simple, actually.
For the same resons men give. 1.They are afraid that MOm is looking for a husband and/or father to the kids 2.All they want is a house call every once in while and don't want to be attached to the kids. 3. They don't want kids interfering in any unscheduled time they may want to spend.
Does this answer your question just a little? | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/19/2006 3:13:34 PM | | Alright, you're all scaring me. I'm a single father of 4. They live with me full time. My wife and I just separated last January and I am just now trying to get back into the dating scene. I can't believe it's as hopeless as most of you make it sound. If anything a single mom should know that only a single dad can appreciate her situation. Anyway, like I said I’m just getting started but hopefully I'll have far different stories to tell soon. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/19/2006 4:41:49 PM | ^^^ You're doing fine. You just started and already have someone marking you in their favorites.
In the end I've found it easiest just to let them find me. I'd say 90% of the women I've dated messaged me first. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:13:45 PM | I think women believe that if you are single and looking for a girlfriend and you have kids, that you as a man are looking for a mother for them... Any more women dont want to get attached to the children and it not work between the two of them and the children get hurt any more then what the originally did in the first break up. Some women dont want to be considered second to anyone even children...( thats childish to begin with but unfortunately its true!!!) I despise women for some of there traits, and hate that it makes other women look bad, even to the point that other men wont consider another woman because of the bad seeds that ruined our good nature..I on the other hand Love kids...I have one of my own who is almost grown and wouldnt give up for anyone... Kudo's to you, and hats off to dad's across the nation who raise there children, or to the ones who dont but who support them and stick with there vistation
Good luck to yall on your adventures | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/22/2006 5:23:50 PM | Hi There, You are either meeting the wrong type of women or they are fools. {lol} I'm a single mom of 2 teens myself and dating a single dad would be wonderful. Most single dads are responsible, considerate, reliable men. Any woman who doesn't have interests in men like that would be a negative aspect, and with children involved, should not be welcomed. Good luck with your search. | |
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| why do women run when they find out your a single dad?????
Posted: 6/22/2006 5:35:24 PM |  I think it is GREAT what you are doing, and keep right on doing it. I personally dont understand that none of these single moms that are out there havent scooped up all the single dads, but that is just me. Dont give up hope and faith, and someday you will have it all, great kids and a wonderful relationship to go with it | |
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