katlin
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Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:11:41 PM | Of course ...I ..would. A lot of women want all the attention, and really don't care about your family or obligations. Family comes first...Krekker.
I am a care giver and I've seen too many of the elder shoved aside or treated as children.
Respect is what the seasoned citizen needs and wants.....not all that many receive that.
One day, we all will be in the place they are.........What a guy.......
She's out there....don't worry....something good is worth the wait Krekker.
I'm older then you I believe, but your message hit me first. I haven't posted in a long time.
Poor guy......you're my target. ( haven't looked at your profile and won't ). I don't think....
Write if you wish. I don't get in here much, accept lately, I've been curious. I'm going to close down my bio again this weekend.
Katlin
Katlin | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:27:19 PM | | Being in that situation myself, I have to say there are some pretty different people out there. My dad passed away in 1993, and my mom has been by herself ever since. My brother lives on the other side of the province and my sister lives on the coast. I made a concious decision last year that I would be the one to take care of my mom. She is not inferm still gets around pretty good, but age is catching up. I can keep busy doing things around the house. My brother and sister want her to sell and move into an appartment, but when you have been somewhere for almost 40 years, you want to stay there where it is familiar and you feel secure. I am young enough to take care of things, so that is what I am going to do. I intend to stay here permenantly, and well if someone can not handle that, really is there problem not mine. My mom will not be around for ever, but want to make her comfortable and she is happy having someone around. I think sometimes people thing of family as competition, not in my mind, there is enough of me to go around, just have to be patient. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/7/2006 1:37:12 PM | I would have no problem with it but NOT if they were living with that parent. That would be just too much for me to deal with while trying to have a relationship with someone.
Living nearby the elderly parent is okay. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/7/2006 7:39:24 PM | | Yes, I would. I lived with and gladly cared for my parents until their passing, and only wish it could have been ten more years, so I could still have them in my life. If I met a man who did the same it would be a plus in his favor. It would tell me we share some core values where family was concerned. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/9/2006 8:44:54 PM | I also took care of my dad in the last 10 months of his life and it was overwhelming. I barely had time to myself let have a social life and I was married at the time! It seemed my dad always needed me. I was always driving to his apartment to solve a problem. The problem was usually just lonliness. He was pretty ill although we didn't know it at the time. He phoned me night and day, he needed this or that. I had to take a stand finally and got tough with him. (Tough love!) But then he started phoning 911 and it all got out of hand. Even after he entered a care facility, the phonecalls continued at all hours. I tried to take a couple of hours for myself one day before I went to work and dad phoned from the hospital (he was in for tests) and actually yelled at me because I wouldn't bring him the cookies he wanted! I know he was scared and was reaching out. By the time he passed away I had been through it all. If I had been single at the time, there was no way I'd have time to date. My time wasn't mine.
Krekker50, bless you for caring for your mother. Your are a compassionate man. I don't know why women would stop talking to you when they found out. Women are always saying they want and kind and caring man. Perhaps they feel you wouldn't have time for them. Still, doesn't make much sense to me. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:19:38 AM | Response to Msg 1
Krekker,
I respect you for looking after your mother -there is a special quality in a person like you.
I would imagine from a woman's perspective she might tend to think you would definitely keep care of her too....solid core values.....a keeper
I would also imagine from another woman's perspective they might not want to be in a position of two women in the house...and/or playing second fiddle......
For the ladies that stop writing.......just carry on and don't take it personally......:)
Wishing you the best Krekker......you will definitely weed alot of little fish out with this one.....
Have fun!
0:)
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 10:50:04 AM | Taking care of your mother is a very admirable trait. It shows you love your mother and care about people. People that don't understand this are usually self centered and only care about themselves. These are the types of people you want to stay away from....and I mean stay far away from. I've been learning that people, men and women now a days are a lot like this, they are very shallow and totally into themselves only. I work with Mentally Retarded Adults aged 40's and 50's they are wonderful people and I totally love my job. My friends, (not all of them, but the majority) can't understand why I would want a job like this, why I would want to take care of mentally retarded people. These "friends" are very self centered, only think of themselves and are not very good friends. Whenever I've truly needed them and called them, I don't hear from them. Yes, I know it's time for new friends. I've begun to call them acquaintances for that really is what they are. I feel sorry for them, to not want to commit to a friendship, I guess they will be single the rest of their lives, for if they cannot "commit" to a friend, they sure as heck can't "commit" to a husband. Good luck with dating through this website. I really am enjoying the threads and talking to the men that respond to my ad.  | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:10:18 AM | hi there
My answer is yes i would. I know people giving 24/7 care to a parent need breaks away that do not involve their duties to parents care. Been there done that.....
I took care of my mom til she died. I had very few dates during that time. I finally got brave i guess you would call it and asked a few fellows to honestly answer why they didnt want to persue a relationship or even just date..........
Sometimes i get too blunt for my own good lol
anyways, the two fellows i asked, their response was...they did nt want to get emotionally involved cause my mom was part of the package. They didnt want to end up looking after her and supporting her as well
as if i d have let that happen......sure wasnt giving me much credit for my integrity.
so needless to say, after my mom died, they were NOT on my dating list! lol
good luck! take care | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:23:27 AM | | I think a lot of women....no, men AND women....are looking for someone to care just for them. That may sound shallow and selfish but most of us here at our age are through raising our children and an elderly parent is much like having a child to compete with. Other times people are just exhausted from caring for a sick marriage or going through a nasty divorce or perhaps they have spent years taking care of an ill spouse. They are looking at this new opportunity to be free of all that. However, if you find the woman who is right for you she will work with you or at least support you in your efforts to care for your elderly parent. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:57:19 AM | sistermary....funny note on what you said
we know where their children are going to park them, don't we. My daughter has told me repeatedly...you better behave and be good, remember I WILL be picking your nursing home someday. lol I hope she doesn't mean it like that, but then again, she just might.
But I met a man once that wasn't strictly taking care of his mother, he lived with her for convenience sake. After his divorce he didn't have anywhere else, and his father was very ill. Dad died, mother was left alone, it just seemed reasonable for him to stay where he was. But she couldn't stand me. If we even attempted to chat online, she would call him away for different reasons.
So there is a difference between taking care of an elderly parent, and letting that parent control your life. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 6:22:14 PM | If you want to learn about the kind of person you're dating, have a look at he/she treats other people in her life.
This absolutely includes parents. If I met someone who didn't look after anyone in his family, that'd say volumes about him. And it would make him the kind of guy I couldn't wait to get rid of.
I think this approach also needs to extend down to everyone we deal with - again, if I see a date ignoring or treating badly a waitress, then I'm outta there.
We need to be kind to others. Life's too short to be anything other than generous. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 6:42:37 PM | | I am presently caring for my elderly dad, and it is not an easy task to do, but I feel that anyone who wishes to see me must understand about my dad. As our parents get older it becomes nesessary for them to be assisted with their daily care. The men whom I have met have been willing to share their time with me knowing that dad is here. I try to make time for both my dad and the guy who I am seeing. It has not been a major problem as of yet. I feel if someone cares for me he will understand and appreciate the need to care for our parents. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 7:56:21 PM | Krekker50
when they found out they just stoped talking to me
I would not say this was shallow but “cold hearted”.
I took are of both my parents at the same time. My mother had cancer and my father had Alzheimer’s. My personal life was ho hold for quite a long time but to me it was worth it. My kids had seen what I did for my parents and they will learn to always help especially when someone is sick. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 8:07:04 PM | It is a shame that some people are so shallow that they dont see the benifits of being with someone caring enough to care for an elderly parent
Krekker i would toss the pole back into the water unfortunately you reeled in a bad fish - dont worry about it toss it back and start again. Most people would think you are a great guy for caring for an elderly parent and even be willing to roll up their sleeves and lend a hand and anyone who doesnt isnt worth thinking twice about. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 8:20:38 PM | ... having cared for both parents at different times, I have a "soft spot" in my heart for anyone who finds themself in that position .. it can zap your energy, mentally, physically and emotionally. I would certainly date a person who is caring for elderly parents .... and try to help in any way I could ..... there are time limitations and energy limitations that would have to be dealt with, but if this was the person I cared about ... they would be dealt with ......  BJ | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 8/10/2006 11:21:57 PM | I agree with MSG 14....I would be right in there and helping with whatever I could do to help if my partner...or person I was seeing, was caring for an elderly parent...not to score brownie points with that person...but it would allow me time with that person which I may not otherwise be able to get....and also would lighten their load emotionally and physically at the end of the day..... thus maybe allowing us some quality time together later in the day.
Krekker..those that shunned you...were quick to judge ...and not looking at the big picture.
I am in the midst of caring for my mother who has cancer...and yes....it is very difficult to balance your life with some "me time".....and I have been on a few dates and have found for the most part the men have been caring about the situation...but I find it scares most off...prejudging the situation and thinking that they will have to deal with your emotions ...... well as far as I see it..... this is life......and emotions (in various forms) are part of life and love and relationships...
Health and Happiness to all
Andy | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 3:32:10 AM | | I took care of my parents, then my much older sister. In reading some POF topics, many people responded that it would be a "red flag" if a person was still single and had no children over 50 years old. I spent my lifetime helping those I loved, and so I guess that makes me not relationship material. It hurts me to think that what I did, somehow makes me a social freak. I understand the topic. But do you who have responded realize how others on POF make us feel? The way I see it, people who unselfishly see to the needs of others, would be people well worth knowing. Or is kindness and self sacrifice character traits to be avoided in the relationship arena? | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 8:41:20 AM | Congrats on your humanity Krekk. I married a guy in 2000 who was taking care of Dad and visiting Mom in the nursing home. Then I took care of my husband when he was going north for the long winter.
My current guy just lost Grandma, who considered herself like his mother.... he financially assisted her until her death, as she wouldn't move out of her house and live closer to where he worked.
We should respect our parents and ourselves enough to care for one another when we can.
I, quite frankly, wouldn't get INTO a relationship if I didn't want to care for my spouce, and his parents, when the time came.
You have to have empathy, tolerance, patience, understanding.... and if my guy didn't have those qualities, he couldn't take care of ME should something happen. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 9:05:52 AM | Taking care of elderly ,can be difficult,to say the least,and joyful least we forget the positive side of service.
I took care of my 100 yr,old Grandmother for five years,and was ever so grateful for that time with her,she passed last fall,I think I might have five years before My father might be needing some assistance.
Dating proved to be somewhat hard to do,during that time ,but not impossible although ,not many could see themselves as my main interest in the long run. When someone feels that way there is really no argument ,changing how a person feels is up to them.
So you get to a point that you must believe they were, and you are not, compatible .
For me that is understandable.
the most difficult part is Friends who seem to somehow feel ,that in care giving ,your not thinking of yourself enough,(selfish) ,I agree with the previous poster ,many people see this as a liability .Not a capacity to love.
And I must also agree that scheduling is more of a challenge !
on occasion I have responded to these naysayers with ,see you at the local nursing home!
on alternate Saturdays ,cause I'll be busy | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 11:57:35 AM | I would hope so. That's my life right now. On the other hand, I waited to go on here until I knew that it won't be much longer until my Mom will need to go into a home. She has severe dementia and can't be left alone. It's stressful enough for me that I wouldn't dream of bringing someone else into the situation. That just wouldn't be fair.
~maybe | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 12:53:17 PM | | I'm in a similar situation with the OP. I watch out for my mother who is 90. Even though she's doing well for her age, she still depends on me for a lot of things. If she has to run errands, I take her. That can eat up time. I do all of her yard work as well as my own, which can tie me down during the warm months. So I don't have time for "spontaneous weekend getaways". Unfortunately, many women just won't accept it. It's like all there is to life is playing. If you have responsibilities, and you take them seriously, they don't want anything to do with you. I like to have fun as much as the next person, but my family comes first. I guess they can't see that if you are dedicated to taking care of an aging parent, it's an indicaton of how much they would be dedicated to you. | |
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