| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 1:02:51 PM | Well I have worked in nursing homes and home health. I was with my dad the day he took his last breath and had my hand right on his heart when it took its last beat. It dont get no better than that. I think you are a wonderful person, after all if it wasnt for your mom you wouldnt be here. Too many people think its the responsibility of someone else to do that, nursing homes etc. Congragulations and if women dont respect you for it, you dont need them anyway | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 1:14:23 PM | | OP, 13 years ago my father moved in with me...2 years ago I bought another house, and he stayed in my first one...10 months ago he moved into my new house as he was terminally ill at that point...I took care of him until the end...Anyone who wouldn't date me because/while I cared for my father isn't someone I want to be with in the first place. Family is everything; they're there for you and you're there for them. If someone doesn't understand that, whether they had that themself growing up or not, then I don't want to be with that person. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 10:55:18 PM | | My father passed away when i was 29 in 1984, and I moved from Minnesota to Cal to help take care of my mother , 6 years ago she got Althimers and my 3 sisters in I took care of her till she past away 20 years to the day my father died. Anyone who has taken care of someone with this sickness has my deepest respect. I never had anyone worth being with not want to date me because of helping with her.She passed away the day after my daughters wedding 2 years ago. If I met someone who didn't take care of a parent I wouldn't date them. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/12/2007 11:06:50 PM | Yes!! Every story is worth a look at. I took care of my dad for awhile and I wish I had him and mom both to look after. It would be better than now not having them around. I miss them both. But I am happy that I am from a large family and have lot's of nieces and nephers to spoil and drive my brothers and sister crazy. LOL!! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/13/2007 7:50:06 AM | | I find it admirable that you took care of your mother and for the women who stopped talking to you......very shallow indeed. I wonder if later on in their lives they will have anyone taking care of them? My answer to your question is YES. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 8:45:36 AM | i'm caring for my pop after a dibilitating stroke.....
i hate the nursing home thought....
i date, but funds(lack of) and availability aren't something easily understood these days.
it's not dissimilar from having to arrange for a babysitter i suppose....but definately cuts in on the bring 'em home thing......that hurts. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 9:16:26 AM | I'd have to give this question a 90% "yes"....
that 10% is to give me an "out" were I to find myself involved with someone who was involved in an unsafe, unhealthy(emotionally), manipulative or exploitive caregiver situations,or where the caregiving situation has arisen out of guilt( or greed) on the part of the caregiver.
Cindy O | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:40:25 AM | OP I can certainly relate to what you are going through. My mother is on oxygen 24/7 and my dad has Alzheimer's. I manage to get to my place often enough to do the upkeep and cleaning. The rest of my time I am either at work or at the folks house. Yes it could cut into the time required to date. Although since there is no one in my area that really doesn't matter. If there was I would make the time.
OP anyone who would be shallow enough not to take this into consideration is not worth your time to even worry about.
A person has to wonder if they plan on ending their days in some nursing home forgotten and unloved. And where will they be if you get hurt or sick. Also I bet their ideas would change if it was their parent or themselves that needed that care. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 11:40:37 AM | I have heard of shallow people before, but this post just took the cake.....Anyone who would condemn someone for takin care of their elderly mother. I just wonder how they treat their parents or how self centered they are. I moved across the country to help my mother when my father took sick. Then when my mother took ill & she could no longer take care of her house, I never even debated over moving in, with my own child to help her. Sure, I took some insults from some immature people over me living in her house. But family means everything to me, when anyone needs me I am there. Whether, that cost me the man of my dreams, I don’t think so, because the man of my dreams would understand & be by my side. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 1:08:26 PM | | Anyone that cares/looks after their parents when they need help as they get older ,shows that they not only respect but love their parents enough to put themselves last! A selfless act! Anyone who would not talk/date someone because of those circumstances are very shallow and selfish and best avoided! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/14/2007 3:32:14 PM | Someone who takes care of their parent(s) is to be applauded - not abandoned! It shows a level of love and caring that is incomparable. I'd absolutely consider that to be a plus.
Kudos to all who have been the loving care-giver for their families and friends (and to all who are currently a loving care-giver)!! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 3:32:52 AM | Although it seems quite noble that one is caring for an elderly parent, I would not date them. They would NOT be available for the type of relationship that I wish to have.
Just because a person is wonderful & has good character (or a strong sense of guilt or an ulterior motive) does NOT make them my soulmate.
Been there, done that. Was wonderful to a man caring for his Mom. He cheated on me & married her instead.
Some people compartmentalize or "split" ie; they can be great to their kids or parents, or a leader in their church, a star at work, but a scoundrel in their relationships w/ the opposite sex.
He kept contacting me AFTER he married HER & tried to "carry on" w/ me. Good character? He foisted Mommy off on new wifey. Then he'd have time to play footsie w/ whoever.
Doing ONE thing that appears good on the surface does NOT make for a good partner | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 4:22:50 AM | Well considering I work with the sick and the elderly, I have somewhat of an understanding of this type of situation.
I have nothing but praise for people that care for their parents, they cared for US for all of these years, so why not return the favour?
It's a damn hard and frustrating thing to do, but it was damn hard and frustrating when our parents decided to have us!
If a person cannot accept the fact that you are a caring, considerate, and loving person, then to the gallows with them, let them feast on their own vanity. It's an act of true love and committment to care for your mother, I commend you.  | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 5:44:37 AM | I am taking care of an elder parent, and there isn't much time for anything else. If the parent is physically challenged but mentally capable it may be possible to date someone. It is not an undertaking that starts at a certain time and ends at a certain time. Personality changes may occur and some can become quite demanding, making you 'on call' 24/7.
Not everyone is capable of meeting these challenges on their own, besides trying to have a life of their own.If there are support workers involved that allow you the freedom to get away and you are capable of truly putting youself outside the 'role' of caretaker, then you may be 'available' to date.
My mother has Alzhiemer's and has a loving companion at this time. However, there will come a time when I will have to move in with her and take care of her because he is elderly also. Dating will not be an option.
If you are physically and emotionally drained there isn't much room for a relationship, but support of a good friend is badly needed. If someone is willing to be there for you during the 'rough' times, then you will know they will be a good 'candidate' for a LTR.
Anyone looking for your 'full attention' and availability will be disappointed. However there are many who are just looking for companionship to begin with and would be willing and happy to enjoy whatever time you have available, knowing and understanding your circumstances.
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 10:59:36 AM | "Taking care of" has too much range to be handled with a single answer. It could mean anything from general looking after to intensive nursing. My Godfather lived in a kind of Sanford and Son situation with his dad. It never got in the way of dating --- for either of them.
On the other extreme, if a person is the sole caretaker of a senile or severly infirm parent then it should give some pause to anyone who considers dating them. That is very very hard. I could see dating someone in that situation to provide them with occasional respite -- the we are "just friends" thing. I can't see anything serious developing though. That is just too much to ask of an outsider, especially if the parent has no say in the matter. Would it be right to inject yourself into this elder's life against their will?
What about the long haul? I know of one case where this guy took care of his ailing mom for years and also had a serious girlfriend. Finally, his mom did die and that changed everything. His greif was so profound and his life was so disrupted, that his girlfriend couldn't stand it and she had to break it off. My guess is that is quite common, knowing how solidly people can be attached to their parents.
Years ago we were better at dealing with this kind of thing ala Grandma Walton. When you live in a multi-generation household because it has always been that way, you are likely to be better at working with that. You would have seen it done before by the very parent who now depends on you. You would have a better perspective.
Angel is right about people who seek a relationship to palm off some responsiility. Here in Arizona, with our large elderly population, you always hear stories of people getting married only to free themselves up for a few rounds of golf. It DOES happen. It makes no sense to deny it. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 11:09:15 AM | Certainly I applaud anyone who looks after another person. I have done it myself more than once. It might show character, or it might show that that person is so attached to the one they are caring for that they are not ready for a relationship. Each situation is different.
When it comes to my personal preference, I want someone who is a free to in a relationship as I am.
If you are considering a relationship with someone who is caring for a elderly relative it is similiar to considering a relationship with someone with small children. There are going to be bad times during the caring process where things are not going well. These time will probably upset the caregiver to the point that it will interfer with their other relationships.
It is one thing to be in a happy established relationship and have to deal with elder parents of one of the people in the relationship need major care. That is just part of adult life.It is another things to try to start dating someone under those circumstances, and requires that we find someone circumstance that we think that we can be comfortable with. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:10:59 PM | I took care of my mother and would do it again. However, I wasn't dating at the time, but had to postpone my divorce for a few years. When you are a caregiver for the elderly, you have to make time for yourself, or you will get burnt out.
Would I date someone who is caring for an elderly parent? I see no reason not to, as long as they have or take the time to be in a relationship It is really not much different then dating someone with children, you get a sitter for them when you go out, and chances are by the time they are taking care of their parent, it won't last forever.
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 1:24:07 PM | For those of you so quick to commend those caring for elderly parents, have you ever considered that SOME adults do not take care of their elderly parents because those same parents abused/neglected/mistreated them as children?
Just some food for thought. Life usually cuts both ways. There's shades of gray, everything is NOT so blatantly black and white. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 2/15/2007 2:28:56 PM | Question is:
Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
If they have time then Yes, I would.
My family was always there to pick me up when I fell. I see my mother ever week for lunch and a movie. I will continue doing the once a week thing unless she needs more. Then yes I will step up to the plate.
To me family is everything. Can't understand that then you'll never understand me. Oh family is not just blood, it also includes those friends and S/O that become family.
Share a little peace guys & gals!
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