| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 3/13/2007 8:01:50 PM |
Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Of course I would. A man's devotion to the care and comfort of an elderly parent would be a sign of a very loving heart, and it would show me that he was a man of good character. Just the kind of qualities I like in a man. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:46:28 PM | I would not ask a current or former G/F or SO to come and help me with the care I am providing at present to my elderly parent. It is my duty and I do it myself, with some help from paid helpers.
What I expect from friends of my family-parents, relatives and friends of mine is some moral support only, for my mother (visitations, etc) and/or me, and I am not getting that, for the most part. They are too busy for that!!!!!
I am "alone" without being alone!!!!
I seek new friends from all over the world for quality sharing of my somewhat limited free time but I am not looking for an LTR G/F to turn her into a free care provider for my relative. That would be inhuman and simply not fair!!!! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 3/14/2007 10:04:17 AM |
I seek new friends from all over the world for quality sharing of my somewhat limited free time but I am not looking for an LTR G/F to turn her into a free care provider for my relative. That would be inhuman and simply not fair!!!!
No, you wouldn't ask, but if someone cared for you in a generous and loving way, and offered to help, then I hope you would accept. :)
What I expect from friends of my family-parents, relatives and friends of mine is some moral support only, for my mother (visitations, etc) and/or me, and I am not getting that, for the most part. They are too busy for that!!!!!
Nick, I'm very sorry to hear of your lack of support from friends and family members. That's just not right. It's hard enough to caretake when others cooperate and assist, but I can imagine how isolated and alone you must feel right now. Your conscience will be clear though, and you will know that you gave your mother a beautiful gift. I admire what you are doing. Your mother is very fortunate. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 3/14/2007 10:11:23 AM |
No, you wouldn't ask, but if someone cared for you in a generous and loving way, and offered to help, then I hope you would accept. :)
No, I would not. Would not be fair. I get some help from paid helpers. No "free lunches" from G/Fs or SOs. It would not be fair. I insist.
As per the rest (kudos etc), thank you, and I return them to you for what YOU did, that is admirable, but I am merely doing my duty. Which is mine and mine only since I have no bros and sisters. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 1:03:59 AM | | Here's to you! I agree totally. I took care of my dad for the last 2.5 years until he passed away three weeks ago. In my profile I mentioned that I take care of my dad (terminally ill with cancer and severe emphysema) and I believe this is why I had problems getting responses or interest from a gal! I can't figure out what would cause women to want to stay away--and not even chat!?!? | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:57:44 AM | | As someone who lived with and cared for my mother the last two years of her life... I certainly wouldn't fault you! I wouldn't trade those two years for anything and if someone sees that as a minus for you, then that someone is not someone you need in your life. Keep on taking care of mom, you only have one and she's more important than some idiot that'll stop talking to you because you're doing the right thing. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 4:50:47 PM | Well Krekker50, I don't think much of those types of women at all!
We've all had or still have aging parents that will or do need taking care of. If someone sees that as a problem - it's THEIR bloody problem! I just hope when they get to that point in life, their kids are there for them.
My hat goes off to you Krekker. Your mom taught you well. Family still comes first and shows you have good and decent values.
As for the women who stopped talking to you, consider yourself blessed that they did. The last thing you need is to take care of a selfish, spoiled, child. A 'real' woman would never behave that way. She'd be in there rooting for you and offering her help, or at best, a shoulder to lean on. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 5:30:45 PM | Krekker50,
I agree with SandyMac (see Msg #4) ... the fact that you are taking care of your mother in her later years is a very admirable trait ... not somethting that should scare someone away. My guess would be you are better off without someone who would be scared away from you doing the responsible thing.
Gary | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 7:43:06 PM | Kudos to you, Krekker50, for doing what any loving child should do. I work in health care with seniors and hope that, when I need it, someone will give me the quality of care that I now give to my clients.
Any woman who can't see the honourable qualities you possess is not worth another thought. She is obviously not considering the fact that, if you are going to step up to the plate when your parents need help, you will be there for her when she needs it.
Bonnie | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/1/2007 8:21:04 PM | | Krekker..first; I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. I think you were a remarkable man for caring for your Mom. If a woman can't understand the need to be there for your parents, then your better off without them. My husband's family is just as much my responsibility as it was my husband's, as far as I was concerned. My husband passed away 4 yrs ago, and my mother-in-law has no one else in her immediate family, except me. So, I have stayed here caring for her because I think it's the right thing to do. There are women out there who will support you 100%..so don't give up! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/2/2007 6:35:02 AM | As a health care aid I work with the elderly everyday. It's very sad to see them alone and struggling to survive because they don't want to give up the home they've lived in for 50 or 60 years. Most are alone and have no family members left. Whats really sad are the ones who do have family, but no family support.
Would I date someone who is looking after his elderly parents? In a heartbeat. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/2/2007 8:08:12 PM | | I can feel what you are going through.I dated a woman in Jersey City,NJ and she was taking care of her mother along with working all the time. I lasted about 9 months in that relationship. The person has to realize that instead of looking at it as though she is your Mother but as a child who needs constant protection.The child would come first and so will your Mother.This has to be a understanding up front.A woman would know what it takes to care for a child so she would be more understanding.For me I am ashamed of myself.I walked out on her because I just couldn't take it anymore.I wanted to go out all the time and be alone and it was always something came up. You have to explain yourself up front and be honest about it so the person doesn't do like I did...Good Luck...Jeff | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:25:03 AM | I think it is great that you took care of your mother!! A lot of men wont. Any women who can not understand the reasons why you are doing so is not worth your time and are very selfish and thoughtless.
Both of my parents are getting up in age (74 & 79). My father battles 4 different types of cancer and is in the last stages of CLL (lukemia). I do not live with my parents but I do live near by in my own place. I am the oldest of two children by 7 years, and the one who is able to be the most help. If any man that is interested in me can not understand the proble that one day will be with the state of my parents and their declining health....then he can leave. My parents brought me into this world and took care of me when I was unable to care for myself, and have been there for me when I have needed them through the years....I will not walk out on them when they need me now in their last years. They have and will always be apart of who I am, any man coming into my life as a friend and mate is a gift and a bonus....but only if he is understanding of everything! | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:54:11 AM | I'm just wondering...what would a S/O do if you suddenly needed to be looked after for the remainder of your days, when some of them wouldn't even look after the very person who gave them life?
OT: of course I would be (and am) with someone who is looking after an elderly parent.
*C* | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:50:03 PM | am responding to this thread because it explains WHY I am in the town I have listed on my profile.
If you read my profile, you will note that I live in Royse City which is a SMALL town which is about 30 miles to Dallas so it is not too far to date and my elderly mother (my father died when I was 12 years old and I am an only child) is the ONLY reason I am in this town.
While I do not like Royse City and long for the daily life of the big city, I feel that I have a responsibility to help look after my mother. She takes care of her affairs and we do not spend a lot of time together. And I bought a house that I would be close enough in case I was needed but not too close where we got in each other's lives too much.
As far as dating, It has NOT helped. Women say that they want a guy that will honor his parents but in reality, they seem to think that this issue will one day be the only thing I can focus on.
Of course the fact I am retired and I have enough time to take care of mom if need be and still have time for a relationship does not seem to enter into the minds of women living in my area.
I have said that a lot of Dallas women say one thing and do another.
But if I have to choose between dating a shallow woman just to have company or help the person that has been the ONLY one in my corner when I have gone through some really bad stuff and can still call and ask advise and what have you, then I will choose my mother any day.
The thing is, I have time for BOTH dating and if the need arises, then I can still take care of my mother.
And women need to remember if I am not willing to take care of my flesh and blood, do you think I will take care of YOU when you need help?
I never said Dallas women were not shallow but I keep hoping I am proved wrong. | |
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| To love boat about lack of replies
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:57:12 PM | Women are after three basic things and it will never change. Money, what you can do for them, and someone they find attractive.
And these women are probably afraid you might actually ask them to provide a little help like wait for the plumber while you take a parent to the doctor.
Dating leaves a LOT to be desired.
Thank God there are other options.
But I do prefer a real relatioship.
Buyt I am at the point of my life that I do not believe this is going to happen.
But I keep trying and maybe I will be proved wrong.
The difference between me 20 years ago was that I was willing to put up with the dating BS.
As I get older and have been through more than my share of the BS, I find that I can take dating or leave it if push comes to shove.
The main thing is that a lot of women complain that they can't find anyone . Maybe they should be less picky and more reasonable because as we get older, life becomes more complicated. | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/8/2007 9:20:38 PM | OP, I am moving my Mother to a lovely farm and plan to take care of her financially and any other way she may need for the rest of her life.
If someone has a problem with that, then that is their problem and I am not about to change a thing.
I think the society is so "throw away" these days and I am proud that I listen to my own mind, my own heart and do just exactly what I feel is right.
I am impressed that you are caring for your mom, heck she did carry you for nine months, feed, dress, bathe you for many years, made sure that you had what you needed and it is time for a bit of payback,, if some women dont like that... too bad, no loss,, they probably just didnt want anyone else in your life... hang in there...
there are lots of good women out there, it just takes time... I also dont feel you should disclose personal information until you are in the more serious phase of a relationship, it is really none of anyone's business but yours...
BL | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 9/30/2007 3:58:09 PM | Options:
To be a nice person and help, with them or her, or him or both, as they cannot take care of themselves, old age homes, retirement how shallow
Do something worth while in your life that is not selfish
All I can do Is hope there will be someone for me when I can no longer do it alone.
I cant see a retirement home, so what is left? I have no family
All I can say is how lucky they are to have someone I wont be that lucky
If I dont , then I take it a day at a time but now i am not worrying about it.
Lots of living to do yet, enjoy
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 10/2/2007 6:24:57 AM | I wonder if anyone noticed how so many women on POF say
a guy is a loser if he lives with a parent/parents
well I guess that makes some people like krekker a loser in thier eyes -- i just wonder what those women will think and how they will feel when they get that old - or do they think they will be young forever
As a person that does the same thing you did krekker - i understand fully how you feel and can empathise
too hell with the ****es that think what you did makes you a mommas boy or a loser -- they will wish they have some one like you in thier life one day
Interesting how its generally the people who are "only child" who do this
guess "only childs" are not that spoilt or selfish as they are portrayed to be | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 10/2/2007 8:29:31 AM | | those woman who would date a guy who is looking after his mom is a loser herself . she has no morles . someone told me . IF , they are looking after mom or dad they are ones who will be loving and NOT a hot head . I am living at home and taking care of my mom . | |
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| Would you date someone that is taking care of a elder parent?
Posted: 10/2/2007 9:29:43 AM | | as one who lost the beautifull butterfly who carried and brought me into this world - i, too have to prepare for taking care of my dad.........and will probably date someone in the same situation - face the same difficulties and for sure it would lighten the load and complexities of dealing with health issues, meds, lonliness and all that other stuff that happens when one loses a life partner....and aging......but life still goes on - right......we still need to reach out and touch someone else - for purely physical and selfish reasons....to be able to take care of someone or something else - have to be able to take care of oneself first..... | |
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