| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/1/2006 10:30:00 PM | while i'm not a "loner" per se, i do like my time alone.
and, after a series of relationships that really went nowhere, i'm quite content to be around my friends...a girlfriend isn't high on my priorities right now.
if, however, someone were to grab my attention, then maybe...but for now, i'm pretty happy where i am. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/1/2006 11:41:08 PM | I spend a lot of time on my own, I am building my business and working on projects that interest me
IE
I have LOTS of stuff to do that does not get done if I am at movies,dinner etc
my question is more for those other people that always need to be out with friend at dinner,movies,dancing,shopping etc
what gives with that?
why so needy?
does your head blow apart if you are not around people? | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 12:27:25 AM | I am what you would call a loner, not by choice. That is the way it has worked out I have gotten tired of the game and will not playt any more. I have had a lot of heartache and pain
in my life with realationships and want no more. I thought I would try thiss POF and in over a year and half it has been nothing, as of the last few months I read the forums. In here no one walkse out, wants to know how much I make, no cheating. What more could a man want | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 2:39:43 AM | I really like this thread, it has given me an oportunity to evaluate myself, every single reason everyone here has given a reason to be a loner I have a little bit of in me. The only thing about being alone is I miss sex alot, I actully sometimes wonder what it would be like to b Asexual. It might make me see things more clear.
A freind of mine was asexual and I didnt understand. Id say "Look at that girls ass" he would say "I dont see what the big deal is" then begin to tell me about a book that is way better then any girls ass. He himself use to just sit and think.
I like our friendship because we could co exsist without very much interaction, he would come over and maybe he would watch a movie while I played video games or vice versa. The only talking would be just a little thing here and there. It was a really good friendship to me. We could hang out and totally be self absorbed and still hang out.
weird huh | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 3:24:26 AM | outsidemyself
I hate the word asexual it make you friend sound like an earthworm,but I get your point
it is a good one,just think of what a man could do if he wasn't always pre occupied by
'scoring women' | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 4:51:33 AM | | first post, woo hooo. I may fall into this category? If everyone were the same in this world, it would be boooring - no scientists, mad musicians, etc. I think, in a nutshell - most guy's get to point where they tell themselves - no relationship is better than a bad one. Good Choice! | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 7:24:15 AM | Have to just say though, this concept that the guy the OP is talking about, him staring off into space thinking with no distractions as a sign of depression. I totally don't get that impression at all, and this might have to do with the fact that I do this allll the time. My weekend mornings (when I'm not working) consist of me waking up but laying in bed for an additional 2 to 3 hours, just thinking. I'm not the least bit depressed, although I've had my moments in the past. The odd thing is, is the times I've been depressed is when I wanted people around me the most. When I'm my usual self, I love nothing more than those quiet times for deep reflection.
I love the comment on a couple posts back about having a friend come over and doing your own things. I used to have a friend like that as a kid, I'd go to his place, or him to mine, and we'd sit outside on a summer day under a tree and read about 20 archie comic books each, not saying a word to eachother, lol, then we'd go to our respective homes for supper, and considered eachother the absolute best friends on the planet, and we barely even spoke. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 11:26:00 AM | I'm moving toward loner-hood, but as some have said, not really by choice. Fact is I try and try and just don't get anywhere. After your tenth or your twentieth or fiftieth attempt to even get someone to talk to you you start to expect failure. Soon after that you stop wanting to even play the silly game, and at a certain point giving up on love and being alone is just a hell of a lot easier than going out looking for more punishment. There's an old saying: "When you're already in a deep hole, stop digging". I'm very close to throwing my shovel away. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 2:20:00 PM | blackbird, i can relate. i think there's a quote by winston churchill > "never, never, never give up" ... I hear all the time - "when you're not looking, love will find you". Well, i don't know if i believe that one one more quote (sort of) ... This isn't exact, but my niece told me about people trying to bury a mule in a hole, the mule stepped on everything that was thrown in the hole to get itself out. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 4:02:31 PM | | for kayakchick, I personallly have decided that if I've niot found someone by my 40's I'll forego marriage and go on with my dreams and wishes for my future . Not really odd I myself don't like emotoinal pain so I tread causciously? with ladies I like. judgmental ?? Alittle. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:56:50 PM | I am a loner, but not like the guy you've mentioned. I do want to date someone and have a relationship. I also want to get married and raise a family someday, just don't want it to be with just anyone.
I can't say that I'm a loner by choice, it's the way my life as gone and I'm not unhappy about that aspect of my life. I have one true friend, my best friend, and it's all I need. Would I like having a few more friends? Of course I would, I'd definatly have more of a social life. Maybe that's why I spend so much time online, I get to chat with various people, it does'nt make me feel alone as much.
If you came to the conclusion that he was odd without asking him any other questions, then yes, you are judgemental. That's what judgemental people do, form opinions without gathering further information. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 6:14:31 PM | I have been reading all the various posts from different people and its been really cool to see a different perspective of it all ..
I also learned that I struggle big time when I am by myself .. the lonely bug kicks in .. however .. i never have a problem doing things by myself .. movies .. working out etc .. but i really struggle being by myself at home ... guess i have a few issues on that one eh :) LOL ..
Im challenging myself to spend the weekend puttering .. on my own .. reading ... tinkering ... etc .. hopefully i will survive it with out banging on the neighbours door craving for conversation with an adult .. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 10:02:57 PM | i would wonder if the guy just became frustrated with dating. The biggest thing, I think, is that not everyone feels a need to be in a relationship or married. Yeah, it strikes people as odd......but if he's happy that way, I wouldn't feel sorry for him. He'd probably be upset if you did.
I know even at my age of 31, I sometimes get kind of tired of people wondering about me (as in being gay or something) since I don't jump into pointless relationships and haven't yet even considered getting married. I just bought a new house and am really feeling at home, and while I don't rule it out, I wouldn't just let someone into my "world" on a whim. We guys sometimes feel a lot of pressure in the dating world as well....some women are better than others....but as a guy I really feel that you have a lot of pressure to impress the woman, plus you often are the one footing the bill.....not always, but i think as a guy you need to be prepared to be the one taking that responsiblity initially since it goes that way often. I think some guys get burned out on that....maybe he loved someone and it didn't work out, and he realized that it was OK on his own after he healed.
I don't rule out getting married some day, but it's not high on my priority list.....and not on it at all until I find the right person. With the divorce rate as high as it is these days, it's probably a smart thing to do the older and wiser you get. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/2/2006 10:12:41 PM | | I think you are being judgemental. First of, not everyone wants to be in a relationship. Not everyone wants to eventually get married, have kids, and live the white picket fence lifestyle. I find a lot of women can't understand this. They are raised to think that is the ultimate goal in life. I'm not even talking about people who feel like they've been burnt too many times, or haven't found the right person, or fear they'll lose half their estate if the relationship ends. I'm talking about people who genuinely don't care about being in a relationship, almost misanthropic but not so extreme that they hate all people, just being in relationships. This fellow probably fits into this category. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:14:10 AM | Anyone else find this odd ? or am i being judgemental ?
=================================
Kayak
You are being totally judgemental the way most women are with guys. And this is why they prefer to stick to themselves. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:20:37 AM | Kayak
That's pretty much my lifestyle at the moment.
But here's a point that you havent thought about. I was just having a snack and inhaled a bit of hamburger. So for the last hour I've just been leaning over the kitchen sink coughing and spittting. I can do that in peace because I don't have a nagging partner carring on about either my health, OR the "mess" I'm making of her sink. (Strange how it's her sink untill the time comes to actually do the dishes in it.) | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 2:26:21 AM | hopefully i will survive it with out banging on the neighbours door craving for conversation with an adult ..
===========================
If you want to chat with the neighbours get onto the roof and do some repairs or painting up there. I've been puttting a hot water service up there over the past few days and have had quite a few interesting chats. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 4:29:28 AM | thats pretty sikk if he is content with that life.
i think all of us like some time to ourselves to be at peace and reflect - this guy just takes it further... power to him | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 4:47:22 AM | kayak, i hope you don't feel like this is a bashing session I think when someone sees characteristics that they do not recognize, it's scary or odd to them. In a nutshell, some people like alone time, others don't. I bet you there are times and situations when a loner would like to have your personality. I have to level with you though - we wouldn't make good neighbors. I've had my share of neighbors, and alot of bad luck. Some neighbors want to be involved in your life, bring you supper, etc. Some neigbors don't want to know anyone. I probably fall in the middle. I like to be cordial, maybe bring in their newspaper and garbage cans when they're away, and a polite wave. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 4:55:38 AM | I love being alone, but not lonely. This is the path I have chosen, accustomed with solitude all my life, perhaps long before I was born. Never had a problem of eating alone, traveling alone, attending concerts alone, not to mention sleeping alone That's why I'd decided not to have kids some years ago. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I'm not sure if I can take up that responsibility and I don't want my kids to suffer in any way under any circumstances. Look, the world is a whole mess.
Believe that's something to do with genes, but mostly to do with choice. Yet on the other hand I'm very passionate to my friends and family, that many people find it special quality in an Asian. I love hugging my pals all the time, male or female. Every time I see my nephew and niece, they must give me a real big hug otherwise I won't let them go. Once I wrote a letter telling my dad I loved him (for Chinese it's almost a nut case). And my brothers are very close to me that they call me Sis.
From time to time I do miss the feeling of being loved, or afraid of losing the ability to love someone. Hence I'm not shutting down myself but preparing for the right person to come along. I remember loving my ex boyfriend for 5 years in a long distance, when finally we're together, I kissed him every 10 minutes when we're walking on the pedestrians. He was a bit shy and embarrassed at first, but when he got used to it, he missed it. What an intoxicated moment to cherish, no wonder I'm alone.... but not lonely...... | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 5:32:26 AM | | Very interesting thread....many good comments....I agree with most, the solitary life is a viable and positive choice for most people. I too have a myriad of friends and family, etc., but no significant other. A very wise person once said the problem with intimacy is that it's TOO intimate. A close relationship will eventually be crushed by the weight of expectations; whether it's who's going to control the remote to who's going to take out the garbage. That being said, it is still possible to find a compatible partner, and balance the need for space and togetherness; just that it is a viable option to "take a break" from seeking one for however long it is required. Many of us find the words of Thoreau to ring true "I have found no companion as companionable as solitude"..... | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 5:34:26 AM | Message to Pseudosun
Don't find this bashing at all .. I didnt undertstand the persons lifestyle .. so I posed the question .. and I am getting very interesting responds back .. I have learnt more about this person .. and understand him a tad more .. i will leave it at that .. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 5:47:14 AM | Kaya,
I find it odd as hell. creepy even. If he is a mad scientist or artist, maybe ok. otherwise, RUN!!!
oh yeah, dont ask what he has in the bag. | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 6:32:29 AM | I didnt find it creepy .. just odd .. until he invited me over at 10 a.m. to his place .. upon my arrival he was already into the rum and coke... smokin his stoogies ..
To the person who referenced choking at the sink .. if you had someone there .. they could have:
Ask, "Are you choking?"
-If the victim can speak, cough, or breathe, DO NOT INTERFERE.
-If the victim CANNOT speak, cough, or breathe, give subdiaphragmatic abdominal thrusts (the Heimlich maneuver) until the foreign body is expelled or the victim becomes unconscious.
There are certain benefits of not living alone :) sorry had to be said | |
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| Loners - what gives ?
Posted: 6/3/2006 8:24:16 AM | I've been a loner for a good part of my life but balance it with some relationships.
He's happy alone since it's easy to not be if you want to put up with other peoples crap. | |
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