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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 3:32:28 PM | Hey guys,
I looking for a little advice.
I recently decided to go after my ex for child support. I'm a student and I want to be able to put away some money for Talon's future care, and right now I can't. My daughter's father pays support for her, but I never asked him for support for my son it didn't seem fair.
Originally I wrote my son's father a letter and asked him to start paying a certian amount per month. He ignored me, so I decided to take legal action.
I was only going to ask for the amount stated in the guidlines, but the councelor I spoke to said, no way, I should be requesting extrodinary expenses too.
I have been finacially responsible for my son for 7 years now, but... the councelor is right a disabled child can be costly in some ways, like he still needs "Good-nights" for bed time.
Anyways some of you have been through this, and do you think that it is wrong to claim extrodianary expenses? | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:48:24 PM | Hey again,
I've noticed alot of the other autism threads have popped up lately, the debates ect...
I recived an email today regarding the prevalance of autim in the US, the numbers have gone up again.
It was 1 in every 166 children affected, and now 1 in every 150....makes you go hmmmm.
Any ways here is the "offical" CDC report if anyone is itrested www.cdc.gov/autism
Later
Dawn | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:58:54 PM | I just wanted to post something. I am very excited to find about this forum. I am a "single" mother raising a son with Asperger's Syndrome. Within this group, though, I may be unique in that I have it as well as does my brothers. My struggles to get help for my son, beginning at age 4, are what led to diagnoses for all of us and our journey to enlightenment. My son was kicked out of 3 daycares before kindergarten. He was originally diagnosed with ADHD by the Developmental Evaluation Center. He was like a ping pong ball bouncing off the walls, ceiling, everything. When I took him with me to stores, he invariably had a meltdown and we would have to leave. If I hadn't had a strong family network, I wouldn't have been able to cope. When my son went to special pre-k, which I stumbled across when he was kicked out of the last daycare, they taught me how to deal with his melt downs and reassured me that it wasn't my fault. Up until then, I was a basket case and trying so hard not to go insane. God is the only thing that kept me going. When my son went into kindergarten, the teacher suspected OCD and suggested that he be seen by a psychologist for diagnosis. The psychologist diagnosed him Aspergers and referred us to the doctor who has changed our lives, Dr. Rick Ellis in Norfolk, Va.
Dr. Ellis guided me through contacting TEACCH and rallying the school's help in dealing effectively with JK. Through insurance, I was able to get my son a mentor in 2, 3 and 4th grade who worked with him in developing social skills. My son went from failing in 2nd grade, being in an isolated special ed classroom, to being fully mainstreamed and prospering. He tied for 1st place in the school in 3rd grade on the National Science Merit Competition.
Today JK is in 6th grade. He made the transition from elementary to middle school and is once again floundering. Before 5th grade he lost his mentor because insurance said the school should pay. The school said he didn't need one, which at the time, I had to agree. He did pretty well. But 5th grade is different from 6th grade. Dr. Ellis has had me request the school do a functional assessment and behavioral and emotional assessment, which is going on right now. This year, I will push the issue, but I don't think it is necessary. His school teachers and counselors are real caring and are doing everything they can to help.
My message to everyone is that early intervention is the key to success. How my brothers and I survived without it I don't know. I just know my son and I wouldn't be where we are now if it wasn't for it. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 7:59:31 PM | Justduckygirl:
Do you receive Gov funding to help pay for stuff like Therapy... are you paying for the workers in school with him... Are you paying for the workers in Daycare with him.. If the answer to most of these is no... Then why should you be requesting more money simply due to the Autism...
I would simply be requesting to have him pay the Basic CS every month... And ask him to help contribute to extras for his son... If you go for extra expenses to, when you truly don't need them, might cause more of a rift between your EX and you then there already is. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:12:25 PM | Spider
Yeah I'm just in the process of gettting all of that funding crazyness sorted out. And it does pay for the most part for therapies, daycare aid ect...
Some of the probs are, my son is too old for daycare, by that I mean most places won't take him regardless if he has an aid or not, so I end up having to have a experinced sitter ($15+perhour) or get family members. This is what I have always done,but my schooling is getting more demanding And i need more study time.
There is also the question of things like diapers and food, my son is a picky eater and I use things like "Boost" ect (when I can afford it) for milk and vitamin replacement.
My two problems are that one, the father won't even respond to me,and I already do all the extras, but I feel like why should I be soley responsible, he is his child too.
And the extras take away from my daughter, she already has a lot that she has to get okay with, like a brother who doesn't even play with her .
I don't want to be greedy, but I'm tired of being a doormat too. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:28:15 PM | Justducky:
I can appreciate the feelings behind the issue.. But they truthfully need to be dropped from the issue. You may feel for your daughter... But that can't really be a factor in this either. Depending on the type of Therapy you set up, you could use the Therapy Sessions as daycare at the same time...
When I had an ABA team going they came into my home to work with my son, And did 3 hour sessions usually.. So you simply schedule the therapy sessions to commence after school. And even arrange for the therapist to pick your son up from school.. Come to your home, and conduct the therapy..
If you read the guidelines for hiring therapists, the only stipulation they require is the person be 19 years of age, and pass a Crim record check... Only your consultant must have a certain level of education...
So we used to do whats called running a Green Team... I had 1 therapist whom took direction from myself and thje consultant, and I paid about $16 an hour. She did 1 session a week with my son, and would keep in constant contact, and read the log book regularly...
The remainder of my therapists I would pay in the range of $10 per hour... Most were just getting out of highschool, or in college or something... But they would come into my home for the therapy.. And during the time they were here, I would simply disapear to do some shopping and crap. I trusted them in my home... And had a cell in case there was an emergency... So why did I need to be there?
Just trying to brainstorm some options... If you have some questions, feel free to drop me an Email, or ask in here... Would be happy, as I'm sure others would in trying to offer suggestions to help. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/10/2007 8:39:40 PM | Thankyou
Spider
I did ask here because you do always give well thought out consise responses.
First, as to my daughter, more what I ment was that money gets spent on my son, that is not spent on my daughter too.
Also I worry about the future, right now I have no job, I only work April to Aug so I want to put money away for both of them , and get life insurance ect.... I can't do that with my present income (you know starving student and all).
Her dad contribute and I think Talon's dad should too.
You could be right, I may have to seperate my feelings from the situation. It just doesn't seem fair (I hate that)
I don't use the ABA therapy, but his OT therapy does co-enside with some of my classes so those are used as "babysitters"
And I do get help for respite, and child care subsidy, however that said then taxpayers are supplimenting me and the other parent gets away scot free.
I do alright right now, and have for a long time, but... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/11/2007 5:34:22 AM | | i have a child with aspergers which is autism unlike adhd can not be helped with medication. The only thing available for kids with autim is melatonin, a hormone which they lack, but it only makes them sleepy. it si very hrd wrok, but my son hs not only n amazing sense of humour, but is now learning tolead a norml life flies aircraft, saved two lives, apprehended a muggar nd refused to tke a rewrd and yetstills drives me crazy. There are ways to help them, sadly people are so hell bent on putting labels on everything and forcing drugs down kids and cooplaining they can't cope or there is no help, they forget few fundamentl things. If you would like to chat, i hope i can help you find a release. My son is 14, i rsied him on my own with three other children for 12 years xxx | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/11/2007 3:23:12 PM | to my son with autism.so sweet an unique,
pray some day he will speak.
i watch you grow and smile at me
trying to figure out ,how life would be. you have autism,which you struggle with every day
but mommy is trying and will continue to pray.
you look so happy with smiles on your face.
if i could take away the confusion ,i would take your place.
i love you son more than i can say.
your love is so so real in every way.
your progress is slow,and sometimes very hard to understand.
but no matter what i will hold your hand.
i reach for the stars every second i breath in a day.
my dear boy,i am so proud of you in every way.
you look at everything so pure and real.
i wish i could undertand how you feel.
please talk to me sweetie,just let me know.
it will happen even if its slow.
god bless my angel ,be with him today.
as i will continue to pray... melissa | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/11/2007 3:26:18 PM | | my son is non verbal,,mr,autism,sleep disorder,and aggressive.hes 7 now...very happy sweet boy though..i praise you all in my situation.god bless | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 2/11/2007 3:29:26 PM | frinkfest.com
awesome sight for autism.....sad song | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/4/2007 6:25:06 PM | Hey all you parents out there
I have a question:
My son is 10 and severly Autistic. Today he expressed that he really wants a bike. I have never had any success in teaching him to ride a bike.
So, my question is can you teach an autistic child a bike (it took 2months to teach him to put his shoes on, 6 to use the tolit and 4 to put his own clothes on). Can it be done?
I'm going to phone his OT tommorow and ask her too, but parental imput is often more effective than that of professionals.
Thanks all | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/4/2007 8:03:10 PM | Not sure about the bike question.
My best friend in Niagara Falls has an autistic child, he is a sweetiehe just turned 4 a few days ago and has been learning to use the potty for the past few months (he really wants to wear BIG BOY underware!!)
I just emailed my friend the business card idea. I think it's a GREAT idea!!! | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/5/2007 10:59:23 PM | Today he expressed that he really wants a bike. I have never had any success in teaching him to ride a bike.
Start him out with an adult tricycle (nothing at all like the "kiddie" trikes). This way he can learn the mechanics of riding with much less of the balance issue coming into play as well as the "rules of riding" in a way that you can easily accompany/supervise.
Once he has learned the safety and mechanics then you can have him practice in a controlled area with a bicycle to get the whole balance and more speed parts down.
I've used this with many autistic kids and, as long as they are functional enough to learn and remember to practice safe riding (and have the balance for it) they can usually transition to a bicycle.
Even if he can't make the transition to a bicycle, most kids I've known think the adult trikes are pretty cool in their own right. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/6/2007 10:13:23 PM | Thankyou for the suggestions
I emailed the school district OT and she sent me a site for bikes for disabled children. Kinda like the adult tricycle, but with higher seat backs and specialized handle bars. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 9:15:28 AM | I was reading my sons progress report from school and there are a few things that bother me. Hes making very good progress with sitting still.. holding up his hand...staying longer in groups and also lowering his need to step out of class when hes getting upset.
Almost every category that he needs to work on all of his frustrations ends in violence. As i read it I have to say I was shocked.At home he wouldnt DARE get out of line because he knows he gets in trouble...hes allowed to get upset.. but hitting throwing a fit and cursing seem to be saved for school.
I just dont get it.The teacher wrote it doesnt happen often but when he gets worked up he erupts.My son has a full-time worker thats assists him in class (thankfully!) but now im very paraniod that this will continue for years. Perhaps its a different environemnt that upsets him>> I think as the school year progressses hes being challenged more and its upsetting him. My son has a few low patience tolerance...when he doesnt get something right away he will twist turn whine and get PISSED OFF at it.
Oh another thing we found out through the GOV funding...a special needs care group is coming to the school to have an assembly with the younger grades to teach them about SOME KIDS ARE DIFFERENT Im really pleased they are coming in a few weeks my sons teacher will be setting it up with the principal... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 10:21:00 AM | Tinkers:
I noticed the same sorts of things with my Son... I remember attending the Safety Plan meeting for him.. And the things being said made him sound to be little horror in the school. And it made me feel like I was doing some wrong... because also he doesn't act this way at home..
One thing I took note of though when allot of this was happening was during transition times.. Going from 1 activity to the next.. Or from like class to Gym, and back again.. And that it had more to do with his not wanting to make transition then it did with him simply being a rukus in the school.
I asked for a copy of the class schedule for the week and went through it.. And noticed that they have Gym 3 times a week... But at all different times... And then they music once a week, but on different days each week to accomidate when the music teacher would attend the school that week.
Also as result things in the class itself would fluctuate on quite regular basis as to add some variety for the rest of the students... Each one of these things in itself were not bad things.. As the class a whole benefited from the change in routine now and then.. And it breaks up the mundane for the students...
But for my son, it was a bit of a nightmare.. As he had trouble following along even from day to day... So we worked on getting the aid to start the transitioning about 5-10 min early for my son when things didn't follow normal routine... And allowed for couple extra breaks for him in there to make the adjustment easier... Quelled allot of his bolting, and hitting behavours..
This is just my personal experience... But it might be worth asking a few direct questions as to when things are happening... You might notice a trend, that the school staff aren't... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 11:55:22 AM | Autism is a developmental impairment built around a fundamental problem with the control of gene expression by a process called: methylation.
Autistic children, whether they have full-blown or high functioning autism (Aspergers Syndrome), have the following metabolic issues:
They don't control energy metabolism correctly. Part of this lies in how their liver, muscles and intestinal tracts function in energy production, and this carries over to brain cell energy, coupled to faulty neurotransmitter action because they are chemically coupled issues. They lack the ability to properly carry out methylation reactions in cells, a problem called hypomethylation. Because of this problem, they have a problem with the function of their immune system and the systems within all cells that protect against oxidative damage. They also have a problem with sulfur and metal metabolism.
All of this has been spelled out on numerous websites and forums for parents of autistic children.
The bottom line is that its treated *very successfully* with diet, exercise, supplements and behavioral modification.
MungoJoe inadvertantly hit on a key theme: pushing neurological development for reflex, balance and motor coordination. That is essential, especially in childhood, for brain development for one simple reason:
It encourages blood flow. That, in turn, improved energy metabolism (in all humans, not just autistics), and that energy metabolism and blood flow encourages, along with supplements and diet, brain cell repair.
Brain cell repair is slow in autistics and it can be made worse by blood sugar balance problems (which they naturally have) , a lack of adequate oxygen due to faulty blood flow.
Sarai, the problems you are reporting with your sons flagging attention and socialization issues stems from the shift in growth as he enters puberty. That places a LOT of stress on his brain because he already has faulty energy metabolism.
Unfortunately, in order to master the art and science of not only managing, but reversing many of the symptoms of autism, you must read. And read. And read.
This is a good start point:
http://www.nutritional-healing.com.au/content/condition.php?condition=Autism
and this one, too:
http://www.healing-arts.org/children/autism-overview.htm
Read this one: http://notmercury.blogspot.com/2006/03/glutathione-what-is-it-and-why-should.html
You see, its not about mercury excess. Its really about very impaired natural ability to detoxify mercury, an element that has become more abundant in the environment but for most children and adults, does not pose a significant health problem because they are able to move it out of the body by binding it up and excreting it into the lower intestines.
That requires selenium. Selenium absorption is impaired, as is zinc and copper. Zinc, copper and iron are three metals that must be precisely balanced within the body. Its not, because selenium is not reducing mercury for disposal in the liver and intestines.
Rather than confuse you further with chemical terms, read these sites. Know that there are physicians AND LABS that specialize in measuring the metabolites in those with autism, so that diet and supplements can be adjusted to avoid build up of one or shortage of another.
Successful modern treatment of autism is a multi-modal approach - and it goes far, far beyond simple behavioral modification and socialization tutoring. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:23:02 PM | hmm yes spider Im sure alot of it has to do with transition and change. He goes into class 5 min early to "settle in" and is allowed to play with a ball or a toy for a few min while the gym class is begining then he wants to jion in...but.. he gets mad when its over and its time to go back to class.
Me too reading this report i was envisioning a demon child. I sometimes have dropped my son off at school at he went in happily plus the teacher has made no notes regarding wanting a meeting...and that she was happy with his progress.
Hes doing pretty good with his OT and his speech therapist at hmy house and grammas and then we will have to see about the summer months. Sadly his funding will decline after that (crappy) if you know of any suggestions of play centers ect let me know... Id love to get him involved in that! | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 2:57:30 PM | MY YOUNGST SIN HAS JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH ASPERGERS AND ADHT, SOMETIMES IT IS SO DIFFICULT AND THEN TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE PEOPLE HEALTH PROFESSIONALS INCLUDED SEEM TO AVE THIS STEREOTYPED VIEW ON HOW AN AUTISTIC CHILD SHOULD ACT ETC.
RE THE VIOLENCE THAT I HAVE SEEN PEOPLE DESCRIBE HERE THAT IS SOMETHING E IS REALLY SHOWING AT THE MOMENT HE IS ONLY 3 BUT WEARS AGR5 CLOTHING AND IS SO PHYICALLY STRONG IT IS UNBELIEVABLE. I AM A BIG GUY 6 FOOT 5 BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE TO USE ALL MY STRENGTH TO CONTROL HIM AND OIF COURSE ITS GOT TO BE DONE IN SUCH A WAY THAT HE IS NOT GETTING HURT.
REGARDING NO 1S COMMENT ABOUT PEOPLE SAYING SORRY HERE PEOPLE JUSTTNED TO STARE AS IF HE IS JUST A BADLY BEHAVED CHILD AND I CAN SEEING THEM LOKING AT ME SHAKING THEIR HEADS IN DISGUST.
ONE QUESTION I WOULD LIKE TO ASK THOUGH DOES ANONE HAVE EXPERIECE WITH DIRECT PAYMENTS AS THIS SEEMS LIKE A STROING OPTION TO ME SINCE MY OTHER SON WHO IS 6 SEEMS TO BE MISSING OUT ON SO MUCH SINCE ALL MY TIME IS TAKEN UP WITH E
ANYWAYS APOLOGIES FOR DRONING ON  | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 3:24:45 PM | HUH??????????????????????
Im sorry but you arent very clear at all in your post and you are all in caps wich is really difficult to read.
Now.. with an autistic or hyperactive child you can only restrain them so much or someone will get hurt. One thing I have found is the weighted vests or the wieghted blankets cna calm them down. My son used to head-smash so badly he would split his head open..I thoguht it caused brain damage ( before he got diagnosed)
If you hold your child in a backwards hug they can throw thier head back or they can bite you. the only thing I can suggest is you need a calm room. A place they can go where they dont have anything they can wreck... or hurt themselves with. My little guy used to screatch himself...and bang toys against himself in anger. All of this was when he was 2-3 yrs.
It all bioled down due lack of speech and zero communication with anyone. Sign language really helped until he learned how to speak.
I really would NOT CONSIDER trust-funding... I would go with the pay plan. When you get ppl involved like speech behavior and OT and the like all you need to do is fill out a request to pay form..send the bill in and it gets paid for you with the GOV. Its very very hard to control the funds yourself.. you have to account for every penny it is such a huge hassle and too much work. Plus if you mess up and buy something that is not authorized you have to pay the funds back. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:15:43 PM |
If you hold your child in a backwards hug they can throw thier head back or they can bite you. the only thing I can suggest is you need a calm room. A place they can go where they dont have anything they can wreck... or hurt themselves with. My little guy used to screatch himself...and bang toys against himself in anger. All of this was when he was 2-3 yrs.
I happen to be lucky enough that I still posses allot more power and strength then my son still. But I will sit with my son in my lap. Holding is hands or arms crossed in front of him. And then simply place my chin on the back of his head.
He tends to want to knock me with his head a bit to get me to let go.. either when he moves his head forward, I apply pressure with my chin to prevent him from moving it back up. Or if he gets away and starts the motion. I purposely put my chin in a place that he will hit the back part of his head into it. Causing him some pain, and me very little.
Drives him nuts though for about 5 min. And then he usually calms down.. We then sit there for about another 10 or so.. And then I ask him if he is done. And if repeats "Done" or "Finished" to me I know it's over.. And just to make sure I get a hug, and we move on.
I've had episodes like this last anywhere from 10 min - to 4 hours. Average amount of time is about 20 min though of me holding him on my lap. He's come down allot in the past year or so.. And the need for such actions is allot less then it used to be as well. But we still have our moments. | |
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| Thank you so much
Posted: 3/13/2007 5:47:45 PM | I just wanted to thank you so much for making this forum. I am a single mom and I have a 3 year old who has autism. He is currently part of a new study here in Nova Scotia in which he is receiving Pivotal Response Treatment, a form of ABA. I have found it helps but my son does not enjoy it and now he dislikes going to daycare where the treatment happens. Unfortunately it's getting late. I'll have to write more later. Most importantly, on my darkest days, when I feel I have nothing more to give and that nothing and no one can make me smile, my son looks up at me and says "I love you, Mama" and suddenly everything is ok. He makes me smile everyday. He is worth all the late nights, early mornings, embarassment, meltdowns, meetings, meetings and more meetings...He has taught me so much about myself and how to be more patient.
I wish each and every parent who reads this the very best. You are not alone and I know how hard it is to keep going when you are exhausted, how hard it is to fight to ensure your child has the very best treatment you can afford and how hard it is to try to make difficult decisons about what is in your child's best interest when there is no "proven and effective" treatment for autism. You are all in my prayers. Good luck and good night! | |
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| Thank you so much
Posted: 3/14/2007 9:49:06 AM | THATS SO SWEET THANK YOU AS WELL....
im kinda glad that my son has only mild autism but there were very hard times at age 2-4, when he was at the height of his EPISODES.
He would get so angry! The hitting biting scratching throwing but the absolute WORST was the head smashing. He would do it up to 5-10 times a day. The very worst was when we were at the playground and he smashed it against pavement. I started to cry... his head was bleeding like crazy and THAT WAS IT.
My doctor has a son with autism and he suggested we monitor my son every month for signs of it. We also took him to the health unit and for hearing tests you name it..WE DID IT! The turning point was joining a parent/kid speech class where all of us learned sign and how to learn better ways of communicating to him.
Within 3 months his tantrums went down and then 9 months later he FINNALLY GOT DIAGNOSED. A mother knows these things... I didnt need a diagnosis..I KNEW IT. Reading the books...reading forums my son had all of the sings of it.
BUTTTT what really surprised me was it was PDD-NOS wich is a form of it. Plus he has extra sensory disorder wich explains why he is very touchy and is like a chamelion kid. Imagine something irritating you like a sound...something scatchy or your shirt is wet or the wind is blowing through your hair... ITS 10 TIMES WORSE FOR HIM. he cant even think straight until its fixed. It pisses him off so much that he cant control his emotions and drives him to distraction.
He used to drool like crazy as well..and even at age 4 he had to wear a bib becasue he HATED having wet shirts.sighhhh but hes my son... I love him no matter what and to ppl he look like a normal funcioning happy child.. ppl are flabbergasted when I tell them what he has..becasue he doesnt LOOK LIKE IT AT ALL.
a typical stereotype.. YOU HAVE TO LOOK LIKE A "SPECIAL KID" to be treated like one.. i think thats total bullshit.. | |
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| Thank you so much
Posted: 3/14/2007 11:42:54 AM | Trikersbaby
I don't know if you have already dealt with the school thing, but I thought I'd wieght in any how
I've had to step up to the various schools and teachers a number of times and make sure that they had high enough behavioural standards for my son and low enough academic and social standards.
I guess because it is a learning situation but often the school would have unreasonable academic standards (like Talon will learn to write, or Talon will learn to add....) and social expectations (Talon will ask for ____ or Talon will make a friend...)
And yet they would allow temper tantrums, biting, head banging, throwing things, hitting and screaming.
He doesn't do those things at home (mostly)because that is simply not alowed, good way to end up in the naughty chair (which he hates) or get sent to your room to chill out (which is where he would rather be).
His teacher now calls if there is a behaviour problem, to see if there is any changes at home that she needs to know about or to see if I can brainstorm with her, like could he be ill or something.
But if I can hear him in the background I tell her "thats a tempertantrum" and she gives him time in the back room with a wieghted blanket and a beanbag chair and that seems to work.
As soon as he figures out that a tantrum isn't going to work he stops doing it.
All that said the teachers and aids still have to be in tune with the child, to know if there is a sensory prob, fear, overwhelm ect...
Kay this is long enough, LOL
Later | |
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