| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/25/2009 8:49:48 PM | Another single mom of a 7 year old with autism here.
Same story as others, he's 3.5 years diagnosed, he's doing wonderfully, and I am exhausted. Child support is long overdue, oft promised, rarely arriving, and I'm too tired to chase it down. I run my own business and it's doing well enough. Some day, though, I hope to date again! | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/26/2009 9:13:47 AM | I have a son that has been affected since birth, but it took 9 yrs to get him diagnosed accurately. It was a very frustrating time in my life because I knew my child, and that there was more to it than what the doctors were saying. The doctors acted as if they knew my child better than I did and didn't want to listen to me (being about the sole caretaker of this child). I finally did find a doctor that valued my input and he diagnosed my son correctly. He has Asperger's plus about 4 or 5 other "labels". I turned to homeschooling him. It became my mission to help that child succeed, whatever that took. I did medicate him for a period of time, for different "labels", but in the long run decided that he had to learn to function without the chemicals. It has not been easy in any way...I will not tell you it has. I never had any support from the other parent, even though he lived under the same roof as us...(That may be where the autism gene came from) It was and still continues to be a rough life. Other people don't understand why you can't leave your 15 yr old in charge of the younger 2 to go out. He is 15 and appears very normal, but in reality, he is not completely normal. I do wait until I get to know a man...and see if there really is an interest for long term....before I get into the aspects of my son. I feel as if I have handled this situation on my own for nearly 16 yrs. and I am really not asking a man to come take over, or even help with him...except to be a good male role model. I can find the help offered by professionals on my own, but I can't provide a male role model under my own power...lol
BTW....for those of you with younger AS kids.....There is hope! I have had so many comments from professionals and people in general that they had no idea that mine is an AS kid. It takes many years of diligent work, but it's worth it! | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/26/2009 3:18:23 PM | What a an amazing and inspiring thread! I have two children, a thirteen year old daughter, and a seven year old autistic son. And yes, I too frequently feel "exhausted". My son is considered "high" functioning, and has some mainstream classes. We are hoping to fully mainstream him in two years.
The tantrums. The yelling. The echolalic speech. The Star Wars obsession where every pen in our house, all of the rolls of toilet paper are disassembled in order to make light sabers. Fighting with the school system, which I am winning so far (finally). The isolation. The frustration. The guilt. My husband died three years ago after a long term illness, and my son does not understand the concept of death.
And then there are the smiles. The laughter. First place in Special Olympics for bowling. The sheer beauty of innocence in his eyes. His fearless spirit. The discovery of his math genius, (the school had placed his I.Q. at 67) and to see him excel in that area. His unabashed delight when he discovers another piece of how this world works. His amazing ability to charm just about anyone. The very sweetness of his soul. Sigh. I can go on and on.
And then of course there is my extraordinary daughter.
Being a single parent of a special needs child is challenging, frustrating, and sometimes tearful. But I soooo would have it no other way.
Thank you for those who have shared their stories on this thread. Reading all of these posts has really made my day.
Thank you. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/27/2009 3:34:00 PM | | hi , my daughter doesn't have autism..though she does have sleep problems..i can't get her to sleep sometimes before 1100 on school nites and she's just six..could you send me to where i could learn about the diet your son is on that allows him to sleep through the nite...? ps my friend has autistic kids , so i was just reading this until i came upon yours and thought maybe it's worth a try..thanks Caroline | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:22:17 PM | Single mom of two, my daughter is almost 12, and my son who is autistic is 5.
I wouldn't change him for the world...but yes, exhausting. Sleep problems also.
We as parents are so blessed to be a real part of these children's lives...we all know what I mean....we're privy to knowledge that others aren't.
Keep loving them, keep loving yourselves | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/28/2009 12:39:49 AM | | I come from a small town so people do not know how to respond or act when they see me out with my son... it been hard on my marriage thats why i'am seprated, some times i feel like i live at the dr office as far as the testing goes, My son is 6 years old he has a pdd disarder besides that he is "globily chalenged" a nice word the Dr use for Mental redartion.. Even though he six years old he only fuctions at a 3year old leavel... I have had to move in to town because of the seperation i live in a apt complex other parents have asked me not to let my son play out side with there kids cause he does not under stand when spoke too...The school my child goes to is too small the teachers do not uder stand what Autism is so unfornitly he not getting the help he needs.. If any one has any advice... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/28/2009 1:49:13 AM | Hold your head up and know that you and your son are the better people. A lot of people don't know how to react. God gave you the challenge because he knew you could handle it.
One option is to move to a larger city. Everything is better. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/29/2009 3:39:43 PM | | I love my little guy very much, in his own little way he has tought me a lot, has made me a better person, I have learned at the end of the day to sit back and laugh at every thing that as happened through the day & at my self even if it stating at the clock at one in the morning .... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/29/2009 4:19:33 PM | tabernacle, how long has she had this pattern to sleep that late? does she watch tv? eat any chocolate prior to sleep?
if she's have had a long habit of going to sleep late, over period of time, that becomes a habit hard to break. If she watches tv, turn it off an hour before bed. Maybe after taking a bath, let it limit to doing something that less stimulates the brain to keep it active. Watching tv at night isn't effective, it keeps the brain/body stimulating as well as wanting to stay up later due to wanting to watch the next episode or show. Take the tv out of the room and see if that makes a difference.
lessen the sugar intake after dinner, if it's food or drink take it away.
there's a natural supplement called Melonin that makes you sleep sooner than later. but over period of time the effect doesn't stay that long since the body gets immune to it. I would try taking away anything stimulatory to see if that's effective then taking any supplements or medication.
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On that side note, my nephew's doctor suggested him taking some natural supplement that helps increase vocabulary, more receptive to hearing, and more attentive, we are hoping it will be effective in his speech and hearing. He is low functioning, doesn't talk unless it's one syllable. It's an effort to get him to talk. So cross your fingers and hope it works. I'll let you guys know if you guys are interested in researching it and such. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/29/2009 5:21:25 PM | hi its really late at night ive just discovered this forum i could cry with relief to find such an amazing amount of people who understand autism/aspergers adhd so many people, this is better than any site i have looked at, this is the real reality of how it is, ive only looked at a couple of posts !!
i have lots to give here and would love to be in touch with people who understand as opposed to the blank looks i get from teachers ect ect alot of the eduction system must be changed to accomodate these amazing children , along with public awareness,
my veiw is in schools the mainstream system i have seen is that very little knowledge means very little support, and to make a point and meant with respect you cannot make a blind child see only guide him/her ..... i find in school they teach the whole class to sign for a child who cannot hear and rightly so too, my child was diagnosed 2 yrs ago with asd, last week he started social skills at school for half an hr a week, they dont believe my other son has adhd.... i cant take them out the school now its their stability they have to have that.
as for dating anyone near these children or infact any person should be scrutinised | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 1/29/2009 6:48:29 PM | I didn't understand that last sentence....^....I hope...
MELATONIN
I got the slow release, 2mg tablets by a company called "Twin Labs". Had to order them via the health food store (not expensive) as they were recommended by someone who works with parents of autistic children
My son won't swallow the pill (of course) ....so I just grind one, and put half in a little bit of juice an hour or so before bed.
He tends to wake up at about 1 am and either STAY UP or get up every hour or so for the rest of the night. At first the half dose kept him asleep all night, for about..oh, 3 nights. Then he was back in the waking up pattern.
I started putting the other half dose in some water and giving it to him when he woke at 1 am....which kinda worked but not really.
The whole "experiment" lasted about 3 weeks.
Now I've stopped giving it to him to see what happens for a while.
Better he not be immune to it, so I can save it for extenuating (sp?) circumstances such as , say, a long airplane ride, or having to sleep overnight somewhere other than his bed .... | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/16/2009 5:22:49 PM | my children don't have a father. my six year old son is autistic. he is a challenge. men don't want into the situation. it is overwhelming. i am a 24/7 mommy without a break.
i am beginning to give up on the though of getting married and actually finding somebody.
my focus is my children. the men that i meet are selfish. has anybody gotten to the point of quitting on finding your other half?
somebody who actually cares? | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/16/2009 7:32:41 PM | | I haven't had the chance to read all the posts yet, but I'm glad I found this thread. I'm a single mom to five wonderful kids. My oldest two have ADHD, my second youngest has Broad Spectrum Autism Disorder, Pervasive Developement Disorder, and Verbal Dyspraxia. My youngest has Down Syndrome. Saying I'm exhausted is an understatement. Anyhow, I can't wait to get to know everyone more. It will take me a while to read all the posts, so be patient. I'll post more about my kids later. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/16/2009 8:00:59 PM | jitterbug2 , First things first. Even though your from a small town, your child is entitled to a good education. Has the school done an IEP for your son? If not, demand it. He may be eligible to have a special ed teacher follow him and help him during the day. Otherwise the school may be responsible to transport your son to a school/fascilities that is set up to better handle your child and his learning problems. The school my five year old was supposed to go to did not offer a special education class, or have a speech therapist. The school had to transport him to a different school where those programs were offered. As a parent to special needs children, I have realized that I am my childrens most important advocate/voice. You are your childs voice. Speak and MAKE it be heard.
As for the inconsiderate parents: People tend to fear what they know nothing about. Talk to the parents, explain that your son has medical issues, and that things are tougher for him than they are for other kids his age. And if they ask you to not let your son outside to play with their kids, ask them not to let their kids outside to play with your son. When the shoe is on the other foot, they may stop and realize how stupid they sound. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 12:30:33 PM | what a great thread
I am a single mom to an 8year old boy who was dx with aspergers, adhd,ocd anxiety, and mood disorders.
he is a challenge he just got kicked out last week from summer camp. he is on meds and still has behavior issues.
he is mainstream in school.
I also have a 6yr old neurotypical boy.
work fulltime nightshift as a nurse.
that keeps me busy
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 1:01:04 PM | So for the parents who do have autistic children, what kind of behavior/signs did they display before they were diagnosed?
I am just wondering, because my friend's son will be 4 in October, and he does not talk like he should be talking. He does not prounounce words correctly, and does not put sentences together. Her daughter will be 2 soon, and she talks better than him. I have heard problems with speech can be a sign a child is autistic. However he is very social and plays well with other children, when I have heard autistic children do not play well with others. She has had his hearing tested, so we know the problems with his speech are not related to his hearing, which was the case with my neice when she wasn't talking like she should have been when she was younger. We found out she is partially deaf in both ears and therefore was only prounouncing words the way she heard them.
Does this sound like a form of autism to anyone who has been through this? She will be getting him tested soon, but how can one really test a 3 year old? | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 1:06:20 PM |
my children don't have a father. my six year old son is autistic. he is a challenge. men don't want into the situation. it is overwhelming. i am a 24/7 mommy without a break.
i am beginning to give up on the though of getting married and actually finding somebody.
my focus is my children. the men that i meet are selfish. has anybody gotten to the point of quitting on finding your other half?
somebody who actually cares?
Dr. Phil had a show where a woman had deaf blind triplets and she got remarried:
www.drphil.com/shows/show/853/ | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 4:31:53 PM | I also have a 5yr old with Autism and have just found this thread, some wonderful posts.
Carter, as you say about the speech that was the first major thing that led me and my partner at the time to realize our son wasn't quite where he should be. Other accompnying things were disordered sleep patturns which started at about age 3, obsession with having to have things in certain orders and facing the same way and meltdowns caused by his inability to cope with crowded or unfamiliar places. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:19:42 PM | I never look in the forums but decided to do so tonight. I am so glad I did. I too am a single/only parent with an almost 9 year old gifted daughter and a 7 year old Asperger's/ADHD son for whom I have spent almost 5 years seeking answers to things/behaviors that I knew were not 'right'. I am just now beginning to get real answers.
On the dating front- well..
It feels damn near impossible to believe that a man would be ok with stepping into my world with all that it entails. I read another post where a mom mentioned that she is a full-time mom with no break- I SO relate. I personally would be happy to meet a single father be it of a special needs child or not simply for the understanding from another parent.
I think this forum, whether or not it is a dating thing or not is a wonderful thing because as those of us with a special needs/ exceptional child know you often do feel alone. I hope that the parents who have already posted continue to do so and I will be checking back to see what is happening with others because it really does bring a sense of comfort knowing that other parents have experienced similar issues and may have some great advice for the rest of us.
Kristen~ | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:28:38 PM | Hi.. your post touched me and yes, I have just about given up too on finding someone, a partner to share the road with. I don;t need a man in my life but I do miss those times when I could lean a little and have a shower without being 'on' to listen for the yelling, upset and potential trouble. I have dated. I am very hard to date though. I don;t have a lot of babysitting options ( another issue for the single parent of a special needs child) you cannot just have anyone watch your child afterall. The men don;t want the responsibility although i haven't asked anyone to take it on in the first place. As far as somebody who actually cares, well, I have found that even my closest circle has started to unravel so it does make one wonder how it is possible to have a close and loving relationship with anyone other than possibly a man who also has forst hand knowledge and hands on experience with a similar type of child.
I just wanted to acknowledge your post.
Kristen~ | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:34:56 PM | | My last post was specific to Vivacious Vixen.. I did not realize it would not attach to her posting.. can you say newbie! | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/20/2009 6:39:29 PM | | It is hard enough when men leave relationships which involve children, but for a husband to leave his wife (or for a wife to leave her husband) and a special needs child seems especially cold. I guess it depends on the circumstances. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:28:42 AM | Bravo, great post. Having a positive attitude is more than half the job.
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 7/21/2009 12:43:55 AM | Ok I still don't know how to post without "repying" to someone. This is the first website I've known where you simply can't post. But have to respond to someone all the time.
My son has high functioning autism and I'm proud of him (which was misdiagnosed as PDD but my ex-wife wants it that way.) He has a great personality. His autism enables him to have a high iq, be curious, innocent and not be fake like the masses. Today's materialistic society puts rudeness and aggression at the top while having a heart is at the bottom of the barrel.
Our society has lost it's way to label "autism" a disease. Everyone has a gift and to try to pill a high functioning highly intelligent person (because they tell the truth) is the epitome of a society that has lost it's way. We worship & reward $$ CEO's that work 80+ hours a week (sometimes for misleading the public) while paying the lowest salaries to workers who take care of Human Beings (elder care, nursery care workers, etc.)
To me high functioning Autism is not a disease. But having a cold heart is; they are the ones who should be pilled. | |
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| Autism Parents
Posted: 9/19/2009 2:09:57 AM | a wee poem for all the parents like me with a very special (AUTISTIC ) child Welcome to Holland
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland. FOR MY SON AND ALL OUR KIDS | |
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