| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:46:15 AM | | Hopefully not after months into a relationship that heats up quickly and numerous attempts to get it right. This might be one reason why meeting for a cup of coffee no longer holds any appeal for me. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/17/2007 9:10:00 AM | | i would always take the situation in hand pretty quickly. i mention what and why im here on the date and this is what my interests are . you need to know what you seek and allow the other person to open his/her thoughts as well.i start with me first and ask lots in return i think this puts them at ease and then add my sexual pleasure are open and perhaps willing to try something new. i prefere the man to start with this topic but if they dont then i must because i know what i seek and want. once said the other person ussually will respond and open their thoughts and ideas. sex today is as common as whats your name at least i find it that way. personally dont beat around the bush like i want friends and in truth a sexual partner or i enjoy what my partner like s bull.... its your happiness and make it work for you. all are differant so the approach has to be timed but definately done by the end of the night dont get involved if your not happy. i am happy in what i want but also happier if i can give them what they want as well the sex is better that way. example if its not mentioned and your having sex and your urges takes over and start to get freaky without you knowing would you really want to see their look of surprise then or before it got that far or perhaps she whips out one bigger than yours and says let me drive hunny lol. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/18/2007 10:56:24 AM | | I think you should discuss them pretty early on. I would like to know what they are so that I would know whether to get more involved or not. Some things I might really not want to do but also there are some things I would do just because of the one I was with. For instance, if someone were into whips and chains etc. I wouldn't be interested. I would like to try some different things tho to make things more interesting. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 6/20/2007 11:41:21 AM | I suppose it depends upon what type of relationship you want with a SO? Do you want open straightforward communication? If you choose to be with someone who is not comfortable talking openly with you about their intimacy and you are someone who wants and likes diversity, then they probably aren't going to be a good match for you in the long term. If you have good communication then you'll be able to talk about this subject before becoming sexually active.
Have some fun with the communication....ask what your SO likes best about sex followed by what they like least so rather than an inquisition...it's a fun, flirty conversation while learning about each other's preferences . | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 7:35:32 AM | | I am thinking about that a lot actually. I came to the conclusion that there is never going to be a perfect time for it. Either I wait patiently, spent time with that person and deep inside hope deep inside that the person is into the same.......Which is not that easy to find. On the other hand I dont want to go to the sites where i can find the people i know who are 100% into it as i dont want to start a relationship like that. I really couldnt figure out a way to do it . I dont wait too long anymore before telling about my pref. or asking the other person. I mean sex is important to me its 50% of a relationship and i really dont want to waste my or the others time. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:30:56 AM | >>As a female, I find that discussing sexual preferece early on may turn people onto that side of things more than getting to know you.
I've had the same thing happen. I'm a very earthy, sexual female, with definate preferences, some of them on the...hmmm.... unusual side. But when I hinted at that in my profile, as a "ask and I'll tell" kind of thing, that's what hooked guys in, and I got a lot of 'moron' mail. When I deleted the reference, I got fewer responses to my profile, but more quality. Then as we talk as 'normal people' getting to know each other, the subject eventually comes up. At that point, we can talk about likes, dislikes, and kinks without as much awkwardness.
Though not many men are willing to be on the receiving end of a flog! lmao
But honestly, I think women in general want to be appreciated for themselves, and their sexual proclivities are the extra special frosting when they meet the right guy. And as a guy, rereading your question here, I'd agree to wait until the lady hints at the subject, then slide those insinuations into the conversation.
Asking a bold "what do you like and dislike" will in most cases earn you a big fat BLOCK! | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:43:10 AM | lady_bugg65 says:
i like to have sex first and foremost.....before any indepth conversation........eliminates the problem entirely..............................:)
I am with you. If you annalize the crab about what you like or not you will not do d•ck. Just make sure you wear a condom and go from there, don't even ask, do. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 8:47:32 AM | Well OP>
I don't think it is over that first cup of coffee. maybe not even the second date. but somewhere in the phone conversations etc. Casually bring it up. Humor works well.
I recently asked a guy What is the difference between Kinky and Perverted. He paused and asked me my defination, That was my opening to let him know, What the ground rules were, Since I am not into playing games. I also know it will happen between us. I just pray we get out of the airport now. before the Kinky sets in.
Seriously depends on your approach, and if you are thinking about me intimate with her. then hopefully she is more than a one niter. Talk to her. I believe Communication is the key to everything.
Good Luck | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 9:14:09 AM | | this is not about analyzing or petty sexual questions this is about strong preferences that are quite "unusual" something you cant be happy living without. Once you brightened your sexual horizon you cant go back to vanilla. Its quite simple and it doesnt have to do anything with clicking or not. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 10:54:18 AM | | I usually bring it up as part of the getting to know you stage of conversations. They are valid questions and can save time and grief further down the line. I work a lot with alternative lifestyles groups and intteract with them socially as well. So yes by most of society's standards then I am a "pervert" . It doesn't make me any less of a person because "missionary every tuesday ready or not" is not my cup of tea. Plus as I do interact on a social level with some of these "deviants" I would need my partner to be comfortable in that environment. Better to be upfront about it in the early stages than misunderstandings later | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 12:26:33 PM | I'm going to be vewwy vewwy cawful in this weeesponse:)
I think ultimately, it depends on what type of relationship you are looking for. If you are looking for a lasting emotional and physical relationship with someone based on their many qualites, and other things/compatibilities seem to fall into place, then I personally feel these things can reveal themselves over time. If you have some very specific sexual preferences and are looking for a primarily sexual relationship, then you might as well start throwing those things out there and see what response you get. If someone is offended at you being yourself, then they aren't going to be compatible with you anyway, are they? Best to lay your cards on the table if you feel strongly about your preferences. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 8/31/2007 4:39:22 PM | I've thought about this subject alot for a good reason I think. I have in my mind what I want in a partner that would make me happy. I never thought this way in the past and paid a dear price wishing I would have asked her before I married her.  I'm not talking 'kink' either, never got in to using the whole chicken! (from a joke).  I will ask this time but the time frame will have to be when I think we are both comfortable discussing it. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/3/2009 7:16:45 PM | I generally like to know my dates sexual preferences before I meet them because I don't like to waste time on someone I am not going to ever be sexually compatible with hpwever if the person is a little shy I will wait a couple weeks maximum.
Never ever wait til your in a committed relationship to find out things because it will make it that much harder to leave a relationship and you will resent your SO. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/3/2009 7:29:02 PM | I think the idea is that you should at least have demonstrated some solid interest in the person before you demonstrate interest in her vagina. It ought to be self-explanatory but the online world seems to have introduced a new and accepted form of discourteous conduct whereas people lay their sexual "quirks" out on the table to make sure they are getting a solid match.
I long for yesteryear when men were decent and women didn't have to behave like prostitutes in order to date someone.
If you want to know up front what I'll do/not do, get your visa ready. I figure if you're going to assign more or less value to me based on what kind of kink I cough up for your eager disposition, I may as well act the part.
When you begin getting physically intimate and you are considering actually dating this person ongoingly, I reckon then would be the time to start asking such intimate questions.
Then again you could just read through these boards and hope your prospect has been posting. You're liable to find out more than you bargained for based on what many share openly here. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/3/2009 8:32:51 PM | It starts with chemistry. Doesn't matter if the other person likes the same activities as you. If there's no chemistry, the rest is irrelevant.
I didn't discuss much with my boyfriend...but we had firecracker chemistry, and I knew that if the kissing was fantastic (which it was) I wasn't worried about having sex the first time. And now, two years later, we're still coming up with new things to try and new ways to surprise each other.
I couldn't imagine ever talking about my sexual experiences/interests with a guy I just started dating. It wouldn't feel natural to have that discussion before I knew him better, and there'd still be no guarantee that it would work out. Haven't you'all been in bed with a new lover who reveals a habit or sex style that you could never have predicted from the conversations that you had...and you can't stand it?
There are no guarantees...sometimes you just have to go for the ride to see what it's like | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 6:48:11 AM |
Maybe you should just put it on your profile if it means that much to you.
I put it in my profile. Although in my case, my preference is for a non-sexual relationship. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 7:49:43 AM | | Sooner rather than later and not just your kinks but also how important sex is to you. Vastly large differences in how often both of you want to have sex can become a huge issue later in relationships. | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 8:41:01 AM | this is a very good topic,i think it needs to be talked about before you develop feelings and are willing to get intimate , if a woman is not adventurous ,imaginative,and kinky, there is no point in going any further with her than simple friendship, everything could be perfect, but if your not on the same page sexually then any serious relationship is doomed to fail
so you might as well let her know sooner then later,its unfortunate that there are so few open minded women in north america | |
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| How soon do you discuss sexual preferences????
Posted: 10/4/2009 9:09:40 AM | i like to go out with someone a few times and try to gauge their thoughts before i open my mouth-figuratively and literally-if i think there may be some common interest-i lay it out.
the thing that i have noticed is that the guys suddenly assume all i want is a sexual relationship when i'm trying to comminicate what turns me on. i have a wide variety of tastes when it comes to sex so i am trying to find a man that can be my best friend and have sex that is what i'm craving. not ttrying to be a "whore".
So i guess i try and let guys know before we do "the deed" what i like...there have been a few instances when i've suggested something during and they man looks at me like i'm off my rocker-so if i discuss it before hand-saves me on the drama..... | |
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