Eric48
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Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 26 | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/5/2006 5:28:19 PM | | Being alone and content beats the heck out of being in a bad situation with somebody. It's sad to think I would spend the rest of my life alone, but I'd rather that than regret I was stuck in an unhappy situation. Lonely has its benefits, even if they're hard to see at the time. Good luck. Stick it out. If you never find the right person at least you won't be miserable. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/5/2006 6:22:13 PM | md ninja ,,,,l see your only 22 ,,,l wasnt lonely at your age either
but as you get older p[eople start getting a bit colder
attitudes change ,,life experiences you will have alot more of them
and you will endure more hurts ,,,
so maybe you should experience a bit more of life before you go and call people
weak and pathetic for being lonely  | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/5/2006 8:33:46 PM | A basic perception of lonely? How about "an empty space where someone used to be".
I find that loneliness is alot like a storm. It shows up every so often, and while it's here, it has my attention, but it's usually passes quickly and is soon forgotten. Maybe I've gotten used to it; I don't know...
Just pondering a few things. Next week would have been my 20th wedding anniversary, and I think to myself: "Dang dude. You've been divorced going on 6 years and have been "alone" for 7. What are you waiting for? The UPS guy to deliver her to your front door??"
It must not bother me that much because I know people who have met someone, married them, divorced and remarried another person in the time that I've been single. They couldn't bear to be without a S.O. in their life. Maybe I have a high tolerance for "loneliness"? Could be... | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/5/2006 11:16:07 PM | "When you have friends you start a band, when you're lonely you write." - Marilyn Manson
"Ya odin, no ya ni odinok (I am alone, but I'm not lonely)" Victor Tsoy - Kino (Russian Rock Group)
"Lonliness is such a drag" -Hendrix
Having feelings that you want to express with others, but not having any others for those particular feelings - Me | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/6/2006 12:54:49 PM | | Storm38, I have had depression in my life. It was something I was born with, I overcame it and now I am enjoying life. I have no time or patience for people that want to sit arround and cry all day. | |
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Eric48
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Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 32 | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:52:02 PM | Lonely? Hmmm Thats that feeling you get when you find yourself early in the morning with a good cup of coffee watching the sunrise or sunset. I know "Lonely"....it sucks so bad.
If you feel "Desperate", you've lost control, then anything can happen. Good things, but sometimes bad things too.....really bad.....Choose wisely Obiwon. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:05:56 PM | md ninja ,,,thats fair enough
l can relate to what your saying ,,,you want to surround yourself with possitive people
but on a net dating site ,,you are going to get a lot of lonely people .... | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:43:34 PM | I recently seperated from my common law wife of 4 years. No matter what I did for her it was never enough, there was always something else. Tragicly our love life suffered hugely. She became bitter angry and distant. Reaching out to her was like playing with a rattle snake. I then was injuried at work, this caused even more termoil. The pressures of being parents weighing heavily. Day to day with our lil girl. The distance growing, and her unwillingness to rectify. All attempte to reach her falling short, my frustration grew. then one night we had a fight. My hand I did raise, in a fit of rage. I knew then I had to go. Even though there was no blow. For 6 months I was gone, so is that rage. Metallica said it. "Turn the page."........
Lonely is only what we make of it....
I started boxing I kick loneliness, ass.. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 9:47:46 AM | I've thought about it quite a bit.
But as a woman, how often do you approach a man? How many times are you rejected when you do?
Being of the gender that's "expected" to do the work, and has a higher chance of rejection, it starts getting into your head, and starts off as a snowball and turns into an avalanche. And you start doubting yourself. But you can't let it get to you.
Now, you also have the advantage of being female. It increases the odds of a man approaching you, for both sincere and insincere reasons. Unfortunately, it's your job as a woman to fend them off. I know that for every one of me who talks to a woman, there are at least 10 other men to take my place.
So, the levels of rejection can make you feel lonely. There are so many times that you can throw yourself at a brick wall before it starts to hurt....but you have you push that aside. Get back on the horse so to speak. Or, sometimes you need to sit down and take a breather and recollect yourself.
Or, perhaps you've met men who know how to play on emotions and hope that they found someone lonely who will accept them. Of course that's the wrong reason, but it's a tactic. Maybe even a subconcious tactic. Even I know how to play the Christmas/Valentines Day angle...but games aren't my style either. Except for the hunter/gatherer game...if you buy into that. Men hunt for women, women gather/attract men.
There's a difference between desperate and tired. Desperate just means lowered standards. Tired is just tired.
So, to answer your question, "Don't you feel lonely?" can translate to "I'm tired of hunting." or "Do you really want to wait any longer, because I don't." And really, coming home to an empty apartment and falling asleep to a cold bed night after night is never any fun, and there's nothing wrong with trying to fix that, as challenging as it may be.
I hope that this offers another perspective. :) | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 10:15:23 AM | You know, I used to LOVE my alone time. Never ever had a problem with being alone, and just doing my thing. As a result I was single for a good 8 years before someone actually approached me. I wasn't looking and someone picks me out of the crowd, go figure.
Anyways, I was with her for over a year, and the hardest part is that we love each other imensly, but the long distance finally did us in. Ever since we broke up in January, a few days after our first ann, I've just been a hollow and empty shell. Before I met her, I was perfectly fine being alone, afterwards is a totally different story. There is a part of my soul that has been taken from me, and they won't give it back.
I've never felt lonely for the first 26 years of my life. I've had a handful of girlfriends, but not one that has ever touched my soul like the last one. I let her have ALL of me, and as a result, I feel very alone in this world today. I haven't really bothered trying to fill that void either.
 <-- Awesome smiley by the way. It is wrong that a smiley helps brighten your day? lol. :P | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 10:36:40 AM | I work a lot of hours, like 50+, and I have a daughter that I see 12 days out of 14 and a son about 4 days out of 14. No time to get lonely. I love my alone time. My guess is that these guys have too much time on their hands.
My definition of lonely (in the way you asked) would be: having a constant yearn to be with a SO and just not being happy with having any alone time.
At times, I wish I did have a partner...it would be kinda nice...but, right now, I am happy. This is good because, like yourself, I am not going to settle just for the sake of it. Hopefully I won't get to that. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 10:49:42 AM | Perhaps this has been said, but you are never alone. Where ever you go, there you are. That didn't become a cliché by accident and if you feel fine by yourself with just yourself for company, you can go for years and years at a time not feeling lonely.
Sure, there are people I haven't seen for thirty years. One in particular I miss. I don't know if she is even still alive and I'd like to see her face once more before I die, but I can still handle it. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 12:53:34 PM | | i can understand how u feel ive been without a significant other for about a year and a half now and yes i am "lonely" and i hate it. i have girls tell me well why dont u find someone but for me it seems twice as hard as that. but to me "lonely" is being without a girl and i realy think thats how it is unless im around lots of friends to chear me up. but also i injoy being alone some times and its great i can do my own thing and not wory about cheating but i never have to worry about cheating when im with a girl cause i cant stand it. but that is what "lonely" means to me. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/7/2006 1:01:58 PM | It's simple, really. Unless you can find complete happiness in being you, being single and loving who you are and your life. Even if you do manage to find someone else you won't be able to keep them.
Fill your life with FUN things, love who you are and be happy being single and someone will find you -- because they want to be with someone who is having so much fun. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/8/2006 9:18:00 PM | Lonely, wow! that is a powerful word. And the sad part is that there are so many people out there myself included who feel so lonely.
It would be nice to find someone to do things with he/she does not have to be a boyfriend or girlfriend, but just a friend to , go to movies or dinners or walks, bowling shooting darts anything to pass the time, when your a lone so much it plain sucks!
Mariah | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/13/2006 9:21:11 AM | Thanks everyone. I don't feel as lonely knowing there are tons of people out there missing some part of their lives like I am. Yes, the loneliness I feel is having that SO to share the journey with, or for the most part right now, my daughter. When my ex-wife and I split up I was agonized by the fact that I didn't have that wonderful kid to greet me at the door every day and wrestle with or put to bed and and make the funny voices for storytime. We've made the best of the time we get together and it's getting easier to take her home on Sundays.
For me being alone is having the ability to gain my independence and not rely on others help; Being lonely is wishing there was someone there to help when I've gained my independence.
It's funny, a couple of people touched on it, but I can be around a room full of people and feel lonely - some times I choose to be alone when I should probably be around people and other times I choose to be around people when I should be alone.
Gary | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:39:25 PM | | I can travel the world alone and not be lonely, I find people to socialize with no matter where I am. I`ll tell you what lonely is though........walking into an empty house and seeing your child`s stuff and empty bed when it should not be empty or untouched.......... | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:49:04 PM | I like feeling lonely now and then,it keeps me humble and floods me with feelings and thoughts about past relationships and brings a smile to my face, thinking those were some good times and then wonder just what the future will bring.... I don't look at it as a bad thing at all. I think its in everyones best interest to be able to claim this feeling.
hey Op its nice to see you ,,Ya I'm out here now on the East Coast. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/1/2007 3:58:08 PM | I'm not sure of where your comment comes and it depends on the level of autism but as a mom of an autistic child (aspergers level) I assure you, everyone is an individual even with a disability. Too many assumptions are made about what someone else is feeling due to circumstance and I think that is exactly what this thread reflects.
Yes, too often emotional and physical is confused, by men and women alike.
I have found that many will list they want long term when what they really want is something insubstantial and inconsequential.......to them, no matter how it affects the other person. | |
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| For The Men...Your perception of Lonely
Posted: 6/2/2007 9:27:31 AM | hmmm...
You don't need to answer aloud, but:
Do you live alone?
Are you more introverted than extroverted?
Some extroverted don't understand well people that are introverted.
extro --> need to be around people a lot, like interruption by people (at work), phone calls, etc. cannot survive to be alone for too long. Like to be the centre of attention. Like to meet large group of people.
intro --> don't mind to be alone. Does not mean don't like to be with other too, but like to have some time for them too. Don't mind living alone. Happy living alone and like to meet people. Extro would have a hard time living alone (would need roommate or go out often to meet friend). Prefer smaller group of people. Don't seek to be the centre of attention or to stand out in a crowd.
Then you have degrees in between.
In my case, I'm more introverted than extroverted. Introverted is kind of an advantage because you don't need much not too feel lonely. If I go out with friend once per weekend, then at work, I see co-worker, I have enough social interaction to be satisfied. I don't need to go out on Friday night, Sat and Sunday. Actually, I prefer to have one day for myself. If I don't see anyone for a long while, I might start feeling a little lonely (as anyone will do). If I see too much people it is not better, I feel I need a break for myself. There is kind of a balance that I try to keep.
Some people on these online things seem to be really lonely. They will often be on the online chat and would want to chat a lot. I think they need a lot of social interaction but don't get enough in their real-life. Also, they might be online chatting with a lot of people at the same time to fill that need but might not be interested in meeting them in real-life. They kind of need to fill a need of having a lot of attention by a lot of people.
Lonely people will usually use words like "I'm bored. I don't know what to do today, it's so boring.", etc. I don't remember the last time I was bored... I will always find something to do. | |
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