| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/26/2009 9:04:33 PM | a part of what attracts me to someone is a mutual love of working out and staying in shape.
At one point in my life when I had a boyfriend that was about 200lbs muscle. He lost weight to like 180 or something and it was a big deal to HIM but not to me.
I've never had a huge problem with that. I've never been with someone that I complained about their body to. Then again I never had someone who gained 50 pounds. It's a mental thing. I guess I only date people who have a certain mindset that keeps them in shape | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:00:07 PM |
I don't think anyone just *magically* gains 50 lbs, OP, without noticing that their jeans might be getting a bit snug on their a$$, so really, if it's 50 lbs we are talking.....
I agree. 50 lbs on a woman is a lot of weight.
I'd have a discussion about it with them. If I felt that they were not going to do anything about it, then they care more about being overweight than whether or not their physical appeal to me will lessen.
If I met a woman who was somewhat overweight, but was showing discipline in lowering that weight, it would not preclude me from dating her. I'd want to feel sure that she would not rebound, however. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:04:41 PM | | I'd be goooooooooone way before 50lbs.... That doesn't happen overnight, ya know... tsk tsk tsk ... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:16:02 PM | | Often people get comfortable when they're in a relationship, so they gain a few pounds and start wearing cosy pyjamas around the house. I think it's the same with both sexes, but I would say if a person becomes completely unrecognisable to the person you initially fell for then perhaps it wouldn't do them any harm to make a little effort to regain that initial attraction. Attraction needs to be maintained in order to keep a relationship alive and healthy. Yes we can still love each other when we have gained 50lbs because we love the person on the inside, but to keep attraction alive (hence desirement of each other) we need to keep making an effort to at least look our best IMO. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 3:29:20 PM | | I would try to encourage him to go on a health food kick and work out at the gym with me...I have had weight fluctuations in the past when I didn't work out regularly, so I know how hard it is to lose weight....however, it could be a medical thing, regardless, one would have to encourage their partner to lose weight so the partner who is overweight can avoid getting a heart attack...or other medical complications.....that is what one should do for love... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 4:43:49 PM | Wow "Keep your a$$ in shape" coming from someone that size is amazing and astounding to hear.
I don't think someone who says that has to worry about any relationship.
So glad these posts go on your profile.  | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:12:46 PM | When I first start dating someone I really like, I automatically lose at least 15 pounds - I have no idea why I'm not hungry when I start dating, but that's just the way it is. As the relationship progresses I work extra hard to keep myself trim.
I hit the Ben & Jerry's after the relationship ends -lololol | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 5:22:29 PM | | Nope I wouldn't leave him but he would never get laid again. (at least not by me)Fat is not attractive on anyone for any reason. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/27/2009 6:55:55 PM | Yes I absolutely would...I wouldn't give a damn if someone changed from a physical perspective.
I also wouldn't care if they went bald, or grew more hair on their back than their head, went grey, got wrinkled, etc. I also wouldn't care if he got skinnier.... ah yes...women are not the only creatures who change...I would not have an issue if the 6 pack abs disappeared...or the big chest and arms got a little thinner.... that equation goes both ways.
Folks...and this drives me crazy here...we change! We are all human and we change mentally, physically and emotionally with time.
If I have a thing for someone, if I find them attractive..they have that certain something that makes no sense to others but revs my engines like there is no tomorrow well...that doesn't go away with time.
I'm sure if I bumped into my highschool sweetheart after so many years, I'd still go weak in the knees.
Hey Rob...you out here somewhere???? Come flash a smile my way. Hahahahahahahahaha! That's right baby and I still got it going on too! Who-ho. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:44:21 PM | A lot of guys take heat for not being as attracted to women after they put on some pounds into a marriage or a LTR, usually after childbirth. If he's gaining weight too then he shouldn't complain, but what if he isn't?
You often hear women refuse to date men who don't meet a certainly height requirement. They don't just express it as a preference, they refuse to even consider men below a certain height. So imagine a parallel universe where things were different than ours: A women has a 5'11" or above requirement when looking for a guy, and ultimately marries a guy who is 6'1". 5 years go by and suddenly the man has shrunk to 5'4" in height. Is the attraction gone? Does she want to leave him for a taller man who meets her requirement?
Of course this is a hypothetical that can't actually happen, so it's a rather flawed analogy. But realize that some men, and women as well of course, will be less attracted to their partner if they are primarily attracted to thin people.
I'm sure the rebuttal will be: "yes, but once you marry someone, the physical attraction is less important than the love." But if that were true, no one would cheat because their partner just doesn't turn them on anymore. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 5:54:51 PM | | Many people say that height cannot be changed and weight can be changed, so they are not the same when it comes to being attracted to someone. ( These are the men who seem to think that dating a larger woman is s fate worse than death.) | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:06:37 PM |
Many people say that height cannot be changed and weight can be changed, so they are not the same when it comes to being attracted to someone. ( These are the men who seem to think that dating a larger woman is s fate worse than death.)
Well, there's a large number of women who think that dating a short man is a fate worse than death.
That's why I posed the hypothetical that I did. If a man were to lose his height due to some sort of lifestyle change in the same way people gain weight due to a lifestyle change, how many women would be OK with that? How many women would encourage him to gain his height back? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:09:45 PM | | if the wieght is bothering you..start walking with them...eat healthier...make sure there is not a medical reason...the older we get the harder it is too lose the weight...and then health problems will appear...gaining 50 lbs...is something to be taken seriously | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:11:59 PM | If I fell in love with a person, and he gain weight (or loss weight) I will not break up with him because of his body change, maybe due to medical reason or what ever. It is the mindset of the person that enhance my life with our bonding not his
gained weight... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:17:10 PM | | Well, when I married my husband, he was 6'2" and about 230lbs, which isn't slender, but not incredible husky by any means. In fact, he had an extremely attractive body in my eyes (i love a little cushion...). Then he joined the service and over the next two years, he wasted away to 140lbs. He looked sickly, eyes hollowed out, sunken cheeks and I would have never felt attraction to him if he was a stranger on the street. But, I loved him just the same because I had already been so in love with his personality. I would have never left him for changing physically...unless he ceased to have a penis O.o But I think thats a call that you can only make when you've been in a situation like that...I'm sure some people could never do it. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:54:30 PM | My weight got to be over 50 pounds overweight and long distance girlfriend in college became disinterested in my last visit with her...probably one of my worst experiences ever...ended up getting diagnosed with pituitary problems a few years latter after a lot of struggles, and after losing most of the weight contacted her....she is 75-100 pounds overweight now | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:37:41 PM | | Mine is the wrong answer. I'd probably be trying to "fix them". Encouraging them to eat right and exercise. Visually, I'd be disappointed, but I would still love them. Been there. And BTW, he became a runner (no credit to me...well maybe a bit) and lost the gut. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 8:53:06 PM |
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but as people age, they put on weight.
That's nonsense. That sounds like you're giving yourself an excuse to chub out just because you're aging. That's a copout. I wear the same sized 32 levis I wore when I was in my 20s and at my age, I consider that a worthwhile effort (not that it's really been an effor). It's just a question self respect - i.e. if you don't like what you see when you look in the mirror, then do something about it. I think a beer belly on a man is as disgusting as beer belly on a woman and, to me at least, it's a complete turnoff.
When someone suddenly gains 50 pounds (and I don't believe the OP indicated over what period of time that happened) and if it's NOT medically related, then there's something seriously wrong and I would not hesitate to address it. If it IS medically related, then you deal with it as best you can.
would you dump someone if they got so skinny they looked emaciated
I would hope that I would deal with that long before they got that emaciated. That's as much of a health issue (which is an equal turn-off) as being over weight.
That "unconditional love" some speak of is a fairy tale. You can't honestly tell me that if your once svelt SO doubled or tripled in size, you'd still be in "unconditional" love with them.
If you no longer want to be with someone just because they have gained weight, then you don't love them. What you loved is the way they looked before the weight gain.
Looks were only PART of the package that you might have fallen in love with but it IS a part and you can deny it all you want, but that's just what it is - denial. Of course the body ages but there are a lot of things you can do to preserve a healthy body and just "letting it go" because you're aging or don't think you have to stay fit because you've "trapped" an SO is plain silly. I guarantee you that if you fell in love with a guy who was a fit 170-180 and "all of a sudden" was getting closer to 250-300 and that didn't turn you off, you're being dishonest.
If I love a man, and he loves me I am not going to get upset and leave him when it turns out he is in fact human, and gains weight or goes through the aging process just as we all will.
I think it's a question of degrees, no? If someone puts on 10-15 pounds, it's probably not going to be terribly noticeable. But if they put on 50-100 pounds, there's something seriously wrong and should be addressed. And again, I am NOT TALKING ABOUT weight gain due to the onset of a medical condition, but as has been pointed out in the past, those cases are the rare minority.
Falling in love is no reason to get lazy and gain weight. Weight gain doesnt eventually ahppen unless you let it.
You got that right.
[quoteI could care less. If they are healthy and happy, then so am I.
Rubbish. First of all, being fat is NOT HEALTHY and it's rarely happy. Do you realize what a strain on the heart extra weight creates? Are you aware the for ever extra pound on your body you have roughly an extra mile of blood vessels the heart has to pump? Obese people are neither truly happy OR healthy.
She turned saying "two" and stopped abruptly when she saw me and my infant. Yeah, busted, I know you were lying. She turned red, grabbed her groceries and hurried out of the store.
LOL. Nailed it.
and I get into a wreck and damage my face
Getting into a wreck and becomming disfigured is not something you could control and you can't even begin to compare that with sitting on the couch with a 50 pound bag of chitos. That's plain silly.
It shouldn't matter to your spouse if you gained few extra pounds
What do you mean "a few". To me, a few mean maybe 5 pound and not 50.
Being in a relationship is not an excuse for turning fat.
That's the bottom line. So many get into that "comfort zone" when they find someone to be with that they just let it slide. That's inexcuseable. It doesn't JUST HAPPEN. People let it happen.
Love is supposed to be a communion of souls, not a communion of the bodies; a melding of the minds, not just the flesh.
It is undeniably both.
However, weight is one small thing but I would bring it up if I was concerned about it being medically unhealthy where it started leading to diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.
And, ironically, weight gain is something we CAN control as we age. We can't prevent our hair from greying although people change that all the time. There are few physical attributes of aging that people can't minimize if they're motivated.
i started dating an attractive man who stayed in shape by farming, bicycling and walking. after 6 months, he moved in with me. almost immediately he started smoking pot 24/7, sitting on the sofa, watching tv and eating everything in sight. repeated pleas for him to get back into shape fell on deaf ears. in an attempt to show solidarity, i started dieting myself and got down to about 83 lbs. i took it almost as an insult that he made the conscious decision to become fat. he used to sit around naked too, which i found stomach-turning. i felt like i had a huge immobile slug on my hands.
needless to say, he didn't last very long.
But what ever happened to the "unconditional love" and until "death do us part" go? LMAO. Just kidding. I'm with you on that one.
I thought love was sopposed to be blind?
And I thought that myth went out with the tooth fairy.
You may not necesarily like it but you are in love with the person.
And you can be in love with someone you don't like? Really?
The concern of one's health should always be there but not a focus on weight.
If you don't see weight as a health issue, you're not paying attention.
I thought we were talking about weight gain and not somebody becoming lazy and not given a crap about there career.
We were talking about unconditional love. It's a myth. You mean if your man got lazy, stopped working, cheated on you, drank himself into obvlivion, started mainlining heroine, you'll still have unconditional love for him? Bullshit.
anyone that stays in a marriage just for the motions without offering their most of acting in deep compassion and love and is just a show of what the outside world perceives is not living what the body needs .. and teaching their children that lack of authenticity and deep caring are not necessary... that as far as I am concerned is emotional neglect
Man oh man. You got that right. "Staying together for the kids". What a huge huge mistake.
First, in terms of staying in a marriage for your children. Every study shows that children fare better in a 2 parent home.
I don't know what "studies" you've read, but every one I've read says just the opposite. If you think that you can be miserable in a marriage but stay together for the kids that you're doing them any favors? Good grief. Do you seriously think children aren't aware of what's going on? They may be too young to understand it on an intellectual basis, but they sure as hell can tell the difference between a loving relationship between parents that those that are simply tolerating the other until the kids leave the nest. Children are extremely intuitive and you can't fool them and you damn sure aren't doing them any favors thinking that way. You may be assuaging your guilt but you're not helping them one whit.
So, how come the one with the weight gain gets to say "it shouldn't matter, if you love someone", because he/she chooses to indulge, at the expense of his/her partner?
That's just rationalization. It's just the old "if you love me, you'll (fill in the blanks). That's bullshit. It's manipulation pure and simple. You tell here, "if you love me, you'll drop that 50 pounds" and see how far that gets you LMAO. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/30/2009 9:08:16 PM | | Smoking can be deadly, probably as deadly or moreso than weight gain. It affects the air others breathe. Weight gain effects the person who gained the weight. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/31/2009 1:22:10 AM |
Initeresting...a 90 lb weight lose won't do it...but losing the penis is the final straw
Yes, the penis would be the final straw...I need that... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/31/2009 1:42:45 AM | Ok, on a serious note, I put on around 45 pounds over a year in a relationship that I was trapped in and made me miserable. With hindsight this was a subconcious effort by me to make myself unattractive so that I could avoid sex with him and a sign that I was in serious trouble and very unhappy (pyscosexual councelling for his sexual dysfunction eventually gave me the courage to kick him out and lose 60 pounds). I made myself fat and unattractive.
Now if the weight gain is rapid, out of the norm for ageing (everyone puts on a few pounds as they get older), I would see this as alarm bells ringing. There could be deeeper seated reasons for why a person starts gaining weight like this that should be looked at. | |
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- don
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Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 247 | |
| love and weight gain
Posted: 7/31/2009 3:13:58 AM | In my opinion.....
I think the question should be 'Are both people in the relationship happy'
If yes,
weight doesn't matter.
If no,
find someone who makes you happy.
Why rationalize with popular opinion, do what makes you happy...not what people say you should do or what is popular. Life is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/3/2009 6:29:18 PM | Truth be told, if you both gain weight, it means you are comfortable with each other. You can also lose weight together if it means a healthier, happier life in the long run. The last time I lost a lot of weight, it was because I was going through a divorce and wanted something in my life I could control. I wouldn't leave my partner just because they gained some weight, unless I began losing a lot of weight because they ate everything... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/3/2009 8:46:19 PM | | No I would not stay with them. I would tell them when they started gaining! I don't want fat or skinny! | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:38:35 PM | | It probably wouldn't matter to me. If the weight gain results in me not being attracted to them anymore, then it might be a problem, but they would probably have to get realllllly big for that to happen. | |
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