| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/3/2009 10:47:26 PM | | it happened to me in a relationship i had, and i didnt like it because i am fitness conscious, if you do not want someone who has blow up potential, you should date someone that is health conscious and works out. you would also need to keep in shape also, this is not a single person deal | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/3/2009 11:06:23 PM | Hmm...this is a hard one. I have to say that if I was truly in love with them, then I would love them no matter what. But I think sexual attraction is a different thing. By no means would I leave them in a day, a week, a month. But I think they need to recognize that there is something more going on. It is going to be their choice to fix it. I would be more worried about their health and possibly losing them at a young age then I would be about their physical beauty.
If they gain a large amount of weight, but then show they are trying, working out, eating smaller portions, whatever, then I think it is different. but I have been overweight. I know that it is something you can change, you just have to have the willpower and motivation to do something about it. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/4/2009 12:25:59 AM | Gaining weight in a relationship is so common, and such a huge problem. Logic would say that if we are with someone we love, we'd want to make them happy and be the best that we can be. Which makes me question the dedication and love of some relationships.
A major issue is that someone falls in love with someone for who they are, both mentally and physically. When part of that changes, and someone gains weight, do they partially now become something that you wouldn't have fallen in love with? Did they change the terms of the relationship? I've heard others say this, that this isn't who they fell in love with, that person was different.
So it's a tough one. I think many people stay with people because they are comfortable with them, and often look past the weight gain.
But if is amusing how when people then end a relationship, so many begin hitting the gym and dieting, something that might of helped saved some of those relationships if they had done it while they were together. Guess they need to lure the next mate, so have to get better looking once again, just to let themselves go once again, once in a satisfied relationship. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/4/2009 5:39:19 AM | Huh.
I must be doing something wrong, men I date end up losing weight despite brunches and dinners.
Probably has to do with some sort of active way of burning all those extra calories ... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/4/2009 8:33:26 AM | When the boyfriend and I first got together, we were so swoonily happy that we forgot about the world, i.e. exercise, and put on some pounds (NOT 50 lbs. lol). We're still working at getting those off -- doesn't help that we've gotten a bit older during this process.
On an optimistic note, I just purchased 2 exercise DVDs that I'm very excited about following. My goal now is to mix up the exercise and get my kickass body back. My boyfriend is free to do (or not do) as he wishes. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/4/2009 11:30:44 AM | | My ex gained 50# over a 3 year period, losing most of it eventually, and I never changed the way I treated her or mentioned it. Once, while looking at old photos, she was very appreciative of it. I felt like I just did what everyone should do and didn't deserve such praise for doing the right thing. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/4/2009 2:22:51 PM | | Hell yeah you stay with her!!!!!! You dont fall in love with a body but with a person ... remember that grasshopper. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/6/2009 1:37:15 PM | The problem with all these hypothetical questions is that we answer them with the left side of our brain - the logical/reasoning one.
But love is very right brained. emotion based. So, we can say....er....write all kinds of things now - doesn't mean that we really act that way in real life. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/12/2009 8:25:48 PM | They wouldn't gain 50 LB that suddenly. I'd be pinching the fat asking "where did this come from" after the first pound or two...
Seriously, taking care of yourself is important, and so is taking care of each other and keeping each other on track.
Being sexually appealing to your partner is important too.
If I had a baby I'd be working hard to get thin and sexy again, for myself and my partner.
I love it when I do work on my shape and he notices the results. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 7:01:48 AM | C-NOTE..
I don't think it's shallow to break it off with someone because they gain A LOT of weight. I weighed 162 pounds when I graduated from college. Over the next seven years, I didn't exercise and I gained 38 pounds tipping the scales at 200 pounds. Every morning, I would wake up and look in the mirror and not be proud of myself. I had stopped liking who I was.
When I hit 200 pounds, I realized I had a problem. I never thought I'd be a fat ass. I am 6 feet tall. So I started running, biking, and got on a strict diet. In 14 months, I have lost 33 pounds. I now have a goal and am working towards dropping to 160. I have seven pounds to go. Once I get there, I will reevaluate my weight and make a determination as to whether I want to lose any additional pounds or just start weight training.
We are a reflection of how we feel. Another very true quote is "you are what you eat". Unfortunately, people feel they will be shallow for judging somebody for their weight but if you are getting fat today, you will do one of two things. You will either start working out and get healthy or you will continue to expand. I have rules and personal standards. I will not date somebody who smokes and I will not date somebody who is overweight, PERIOD.
That does not make me shallow. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:01:19 AM | If I loved her, I'd stay...but can't promise my libido would be up to where it once was. If she whines "why don't we make love anymore?"...I'd say "well, you gained a lot of weight and I don't find you as attractive anymore".
That would hurt her feelings, of course, but might provide the impetus and motivation for her to join me at the gym. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 11:07:13 AM | The medical condition, thyroid problem, genetics excuses are for most, just that.
The era of excess, fat, sugar and salt laden "conveniece foods", super-size meals, larger portions overall as a rule and more sedentary activities at work and home since around the 1980's has expanded waistlines. Fact.
I travelled alot in the 70's and 80's. It was RARE to be seated next to somebody in an airplane who spilled over into another's space. Fact.
You didn't find the larger sizes in clothes that are now ubiquitous in stores. Fact.
Childhood obesity was mostly unheard of. Fact.
The military has seen a huge increase in overweight/obese candidates over the past 20 years. Fact.
Facts are facts, excuses are excuses.
If you refuse to be honest with yourself, then you do yourself and your partner a disservice. One of the concepts of AA is to admit you have a problem. You won't fix something you refuse to acknowledge. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:03:04 PM | PRIME WOMAN...
AMEN... Thank you for stating it as it truly is.. I'm tired of hearing people say, "what if they have a thyroid problem"?
Fact: Most overweight people don't have a thyroid problem.
I am also tired of hearing about people having their stomachs stapled.. Make time to live. Don't take the easy way out. That will not help you feel better. People need to get to the root of the problem and that is almost always psychological in nature. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:10:40 PM | If I was in love with them, I'd like to think yes I would stay with them.
In reality, I'm not so sure. Call me shallow if you wish, it's unlikely I fell in love with them purely for their personality. Physical attraction also plays a large part.
I think I'd need to look at the reasons for the weight gain & whether or not he was willing to do something about it. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:56:01 PM | then there is the Man who prayed to lose 30 lbs so he could get a date. He prayed every day, as he sat on the couch eating pizza, potato chips and soda. Before long, he developed a circulatory in his left leg and it had to be amputated. 30 lbs.
Answer to prayer?!?!?!?!? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 4:06:12 PM | Hm.. That's a toughie... There's so many factors that would influence my decision..
Did his personality change? Is he angry a lot more or pessimistic about things due to his weight gain. It's easier to say that I wouldn't care because I haven't been in that situation.. But I would think if nothing else changed.. as far as personality & charm.. I guess I wouldn't care, if I was in love with him for who he was...
Maybe I'll test my theory.. Find me an athletic man, fall in love, and get him to gain 50 lbs.. and see what happens.. hehe | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:13:20 PM | mmmmm
hard to say...depends on why they gained the weight. If it just because they became lazy and no longer enjoyed life then they need to get away from the person causing them to feel so dang bad about who they became.
If it is medical then...hey..love for better or worse right? At least one would hope that is the case. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 8/28/2009 6:19:13 PM |
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but as people age, they put on weight. Of course there are those freaks of nature out there who lose pounds with each passing year, but they're a minority.
Sorry, but aging does NOT cause weight. If it's NOT a medical problem, EATING causes weight. As we speak, I wear the same sized 32 levis I wore when I was 20 and when I'm buried it'll be the same 32. It's not an accident. I'm just conscious of what and how much I eat. A lot of weight really turns me off whether it's on me or her. Getting comfortable with someone doesn't equate to getting sloppy.
No one's body is going to be the same as it was...eventually we all disintegrate and lapse into hideously sagging beasts.
Sagging breasts have nothing to do with eating. It has to do with aging and gravity. That's not what we're talking about.
"Do you promise to love him/her in sickness and in health and through weight fluctuation?"
Normal body weight "flucuates" roughly 3-5 pounds during any given day. Adding 30, 40 or 50 pounds can hardly be deemed "fluctuation" by any stretch.
Or are you thinking that if you fall in love then its a damn good excuse for you to stop taking care of yourself and gain 50 lbs?
Bingo.
Unconditional love is UNCONDITIONAL.
Are you sure of that? What if, after 10 years of marriage, your husband became a sexual preditor? Or he decides to rob a bank to buy himself a new car? You still love him? Is it still unconditional? Unconditional love is a lofty goal but I don't think it has a place in reality.
I don’t think that there are very many people who wouldn’t agree that medically caused conditions are what this thread is intended to address.
Funny. I see it as the opposite. We are not talking about medical causes. We're talking about pigging out and overeating.
If you are inlove with the person then you should be inlove with the person not the package they come in.
When the "package they came in" begins bursting at the seams, that is NOT the person you fell for.
Id actually like to ask would you dump someone if they got so skinny they looked emaciated - i bet most men would say no........................
Either extreme is extremely unhealthy. To me it would make no difference. Again, if it's a medical condition, it's one thing, but if it's an acquired eating disorder, that's serious business and, yes, an emaciated woman is as unsettling as one who is morbidly obese.
What you loved is the way they looked before the weight gain.
A huge part of what you loved is the way they looked before the weight gain. There is no way in hell you can disassociate the two.
A lot of weight is because of heredity,metabilism. varies medications, and illness.
Again, for the umteenth time, we're not talking about medical conditions or illness (PHYSICAL illness).
I eat tiny amounts of food many times a day, instead of 3 big meal a day.
That, by the way, is a better way to eat. The other extremely important thing is eating slowly. If you eat too fast, your brain gets the message that your're full but it gets that message too late. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:25:24 PM | | This happpened to me and my fiance that I was living with. He was superfical and only was into looks. It was one of the main things that destroyed our realtionship. I learned I had a metabolism promblem. He did not care about the reason why I gained weight. The last time I went back to my home town I ran into him and he is bloated up like a balloon like 300 lbs. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:53:05 PM | It's not a hypothetical question when you have actually gone through it.
I've been on both sides of that issue.
I topped out at 200 at 5'9" and didn't like myself. I did the things you are suppose to do and now I'm 168 lbs and back to a healthy weight.
When I was married she gained weight. I didn't think much of it. She did have my child so it was common. Her weight was never monumental, but it was enough to make her not happy with herself. That bred insecurities, depression and many other undesirable feelings for her.
The weight was not directly responsible for the end of the relationship. In the long run it may have indirectly led to the demise. In hindsight maybe I should have made a bigger deal about it. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:00:17 PM | The person I fell in love + 50 lbs = not the person I fell in love.
Bye-bye. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:03:53 PM | I have to be honest and say that it would more than likely affect our relationship. Most men, whether they'll admit it or not rank your looks fairly high. It's just a superficial as the girl who loses interest in a guy whose been out of work for a while...his social status is affected by his job and income, and social status is ranked fairly highly for most women whether they admit it or not.
So essentially both sexes are superficial in their own way. We can either villify each other or we can accept our natural preferences for what they are in ourselves and each other and try to overcome them as best we can. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:38:10 PM |
I know this whole weight issue is a touchy one for a lot of people but is it really necessary to go through life avoiding the simple fact that it's not necessary and quite detrimental to just about everything that we have to do in life. If it makes you happy that's fine but every junkie eventually crashes.
I totally agree that this is not necessary in the main, but going towards your comment about junkies reminded me of a comment I heard on a program once, about obesity. How many junkies are told that they have to keep taking a small amount of the drug that is causing their problems for the rest of their lives? With junk or alcohol, you CAN remove yourself from the source of the physical problems, but it ain't quite the same with food.
There ARE a number of reasons why people either gain or maintain excess weight, and yes, it IS technically as simple as "eat less" or "excercise more", but in the real world, there is often more to it than that.
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:52:46 PM | | well i never thought i was a shallow person but i guess i am because of what happened to me. i decided to see an ex just for the hell of it. hadn't seen him in 2 years. well i didn't even recognize him!! the man must have gained at least 50 lbs in those 2 years!! i was beyond shocked. i mean he was maybe a few pounds overweight the last time i had seen him but he certainly had ballooned out. i guess the thing that bothered me was he never changed his picture for his personal ad and never even mentioned it to me once. when i said something about the weight gain, he didn't make a big deal about it but 50 lbs in 2 years is a hell of a lot of weight!!! evidently he must have been eating away his problems since our last encounter. i felt differently about him because of that fact, also i felt he had been dishonest and could have at least mentioned he had put on a few pounds. never saw him again even though he did want to see me. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 10/13/2009 6:47:30 PM | my wife weight 110 lbs, when we divorced, she weight over 250 lbs. she loved food more than me.
my family members are all thin, they live to be 110, 105, 104, 100 years old. they eat to live, my ex-wife's family all die befor age 80, they live to eat.
my only child, a 22 year girl, weighs over 350 lbs, her mother got custody.
do you know what it's like to go somewhere with a 22 year old child that weighs over 350 lbs, chairs, car seats, tables,walkways, are to small. buying clothes, and people looking, saying, laughing.
it is my fault, i should not have married this women that i knew had a weight problem, it was i that worked with her and got her weight down to 110 lbs for our marriage. everone told her how good she looked, and i thought, with all these complements, how would she ever gain weight again. she loved food more.
it is so disgusting to me to see a nice young, thin man with a woman that he married only 110 lbs ago and i have so much respect for him for staying with that fat pig.
being overweight is grounds for divorce in some states.
a marriage license and a child birth is a ticket to be as big as i wanna be!
if you are not fat or if you do not live with someone that is a fat pig, then you need to "but out"
i weigh 170 lbs, 5' 9", yes i am overweight, i should weigh 145. when i place a dating ad i request that the woman responding weigh less than me, they are few and far between!
yes you got it, this is a real issue for me! | |
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