| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 9:52:23 PM |
So If you met someone and fell in love with them and then the relationship progressed to very serious....etc.etc..and this person was slim when you met them but gained 50lbs or more would you still want to stay with them.
where do you people come up with this shit?
Or are you thinking that if you fall in love then its a damn good excuse for you to stop taking care of yourself and gain 50 lbs? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:05:14 PM | | I always hate it when people start with the weight threads because there are so many out there and they know who they are that say stuff like ............I eat less than my thin friends.....There is such a thing as a slow metabolism! Oh my God!!!!! How many "fat" people came out of the concentration camps ? If you don't know, I will tell you...........zero, none! Do you know why? Because they weren't sitting in front of the tube eating Mcfat bars and downing Mcfatter fries and washing it all down with McBiggestfattiest Giant Gulp ! America quit making excuses! Get off your bun and get moving and lose the weight so you can live and love................ | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:34:37 PM | | Cnote: Seems like a get out of jail free card for the bride. I agree it's good to love unconditionally, but a man's expectations of beauty don't work that way. I don't plan on marrying someone who would sit back and watch their chins multiply and expects me to still find them attractive while I remain thin and limber. Women, in general, take a great deal of pride and effort in maintaining an appearance to slay men on sight, and outshine other women. Who wouldn't rather a woman like that than one that has sagged into a jelly mass of self-pity? It's not skin deep and shallow to want a woman to maintain her good looks and by comfortable neglect she suddenly takes you for granted and grows slovenly and padded round the edges. If I balooned out with age I would feel it was a great service to me for her to ditch me for a better well preserved attractive man. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:39:03 PM | | Do you mean like the day after we "fell in love," if so then there might be an issue. But if you are talking long term then we probably wouldn't even notice. However, if we where in a healthy relationship then I think we would want to work on that, for her health and our union. I would expect the same if I put on huge weight too, I would expect her to become concerned for me. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 10:59:23 PM | This is a young persons problem. I mean that in our twenties and early thirties it is all about looks/perfection but as we mature those things start to take a back seat to feelings and acceptance because beauty fades, hips widen, breast fall, and what we find attractive in a person changes. If you really love them, I mean REALLY, It won't matter to you.
btw don't start on me about my being a BBW, I am not lazy or eat mcfatty food, I take meds that make me gain wieght so I don't want to hear it. I would take the pounds over the pain anyday. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:16:29 PM | I found this particular thread hilarious. Firstly because my ex-husband would have a cow if I ate popcorn after I had my daughter because I had gained a few pounds being pregnant (15), and more due to serious post-partum depression (another 20). I ended up leaving him not long after that ordeal.
So then I'm dating a guy, I have a full hysterectomy, then as soon as I am able to start working out again I get hurt at work and am back out of commission for awhile, the I kicked his butt to the curb for being a jack a$$, one event after another after another and I'm watching the scale creep up and up and up and up. I tried EVERYTHING to lose it, but I just couldn't. I finally stabilized at 290. I was with a great guy who loved every pound too.
So then I finally had enough of it (the weight), tired of trying every diet known to man, tired of working my butt off to hear doctor's say "I don't know, all your tests show you're healthy... but..." so I had gastric bypass surgery. HE knew all about it and was very supportive of me having it because I was always sick, always tired, my joints hurt all the time, etc... and I was doing it for my health above everything else. I guess he didn't realize the weight was going to drop off so quickly. I'm now 145 (by one year out) and holding and he left about 40 pounds ago (at 185) saying I was getting too skinny for him. I nearly broke my glass table when I hit it with both fists because I was soooo mad.
Anyways, seeing that I was left for getting "too skinny", I know how that feels and it sucks. My sister's husband has stuck by her side through her extreme weight fluctuations (thyroid) and I think it's fabulous. But I know of guys who just care about physical appearances too. It all depends on how long it takes for those pounds to pack on I guess and what's the story behind them. I wouldn't leave my man for gaining some weight, but that's just me. I always seem to find the guys with the super high metabolisms though... LOL. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:18:10 PM |
I wouldn't abandon someone for having cancer I sure won't abandon someone for a thyroid condition.
It's nice to see that some people take ALL things into account, before judging others. I just finished treatment for thyroid cancer, and if my S.O. decided to leave me because I've gained weight, I'd run ahead of him and hold the door open for him....so that I could MAKE SURE the door hit him in the a$$ on the way out!!  | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:24:19 PM | Firstly, they are not supposed to gain weight just because they are now in a relationship.
Secondly if they do gain some weight, they are supposed to lose it without someone telling them to do so.It's their body and their responsibility.Getting into a relationship is not an excuse for being lazy.
Thirdly:
If he gets fat then its her duty to tell him to start exercising and loose the extra fat.
If she gets fat then he should tell her to do so.
If neither of them listen to each other's advice on loosing weight, then sorry, but I don't see a future in that relatioship.
I would not leave that person just because he got fat.But I would definitely leave him if he is not willing to atleast try to change that and get back to his earlier shape.Unless there are medical reasons...there won't be any kindness from my side on the issue.Neither should any kindness be shown towards me if all I'm going to be is a lazy woman doing nothing but eating and becoming fat. 
I've always believed that the end result does not matter as much as the hard work that has been put into getting that result does.Therefore, if you try to lose it, I'm all yours.If you sit there like a lazy bum doing nothing, I'm out.
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/10/2006 11:49:35 PM | al
you are so out of facts you need to get educated on weight gain issues.
not all people gain weight for over eating....read the facts over health issues...wethers its a thyroid condition..or a stress condition etc etc.
ignorance as this is so annoying....yeah they will call jenny and run 10 miles a day and eat 500 calories..just to still gain weight lol
people need to find out the reason for the weight gain before they judge others,
if your relationship is based over a 28inch waist compared to a 32..then the judgemental partner..needs to get out | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:18:14 AM | Unconditional love is UNCONDITIONAL. Help your parnter through whatever is the true cause and if there is none - accept it as is... merely a moment in time, a phase that will pass and resume to the orginal state.
If if bugs you that much that you can't DEAL with it by any means.... then it truly isn't UNCONDITIONAL and you have no business continuing the charade.... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:31:57 AM | | I got lazy once and added a bunch of weight and my girlfriend at time said what is going on with you and said "that just isn't sexy" . that's all it took for me . I took a look at myself and now I can proudly walk around shirtless and feel good about myself 5'11" and 170 feels pretty damned sexy. when I was 230 I pretty much had a hard time dragging it around. the summers were hotter and the sex felt wierd. It's not easy to lose it but once you do it opens so many doors and it's easy to keep it off once you adapt to it. It has nothing to do with what your girlfriend or boyfriend wants from you ? It has everything to to do with pleasing your partner. Being sexy is what it's about and don't try to tell me that he or she should love me if I'm fat. maybe he or she will but will he or she want to have sex with you? big difference. I actually don't know why she put put up with it in the year that I got lazy . why would she want my fat ass climbing up on her every night , I actually felt sorry for her having to put up with it. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 9:54:22 AM | “not all people gain weight for over eating....read the facts over health issues...wethers its a thyroid condition..or a stress condition etc etc.”
But these are the rare cases, not the average. I don’t think that there are very many people who wouldn’t agree that medically caused conditions are what this thread is intended to address.
“a phase that will pass and resume to the orginal state.”
Or just continue to get worse. I couldn’t watch someone I cared for create their slow painful death, any more than I could if they were a junkie sticking another needle in their arm. For most, food is an addiction like any other. And the unconditional remarks, uh, where is the love for the other partner when you are basically making them watch you ruin yourself? Real loving to put that kind of hurt on another person, not to mention all the other issues that go with it. Like a parent becoming so obese that they can’t even play with their kids. Or eating disorders that cause illnesses that take parents away from children who still need them. I try to stay healthy for the people I care for, so I can continue to do so. Even just the depression associated with obesity would be a detriment to my kids’ environment. Seems that if your partner became self destructive, you would advocate allowing them to take you down with them. Me, I would chose to save myself, and try to remain strong enough to help them. Last thing I would do is just watch them die as if I didn’t even care at all. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 11:18:52 AM | | Delytful: Well done! Drive the message home. Some people can use their slow metabolisms and medical conditions like a crutch. Sure, maybe they need MORE exercise and make MORE of an effort than I do to slough off the extra poundage, whereas I can be inactive and never see any fluctuation at all, but this is the price of their unfortunate genetic inheritance. Obesity, particualry in the States, is a rampant concern and should be monitored by those who take an active part in their own sense of well-being. Passing over the bullshit, laziness (or a lack of will power) is the true reason for allowing yourself to turn into Jabba the Hut, not the pills or other sumptuous meals consumed daily. What a waste of time whining it is to complain about your appearance when the solution is to spend that time you'd spend worrying about it getting some cardiovascular exercise. You're absolutely correct to see sudden weight gain as an illness, since many would rather argue and put up with their own hideousness than actually do anything to solve the problem because the solution involves tiresome physical exertion. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 11:38:22 AM | a thyroid condition..or a stress condition etc etc
I've often wondered about these things okay call me ignorant to this since I haven't taken any time to read up on these conditions causing weight gain but for the purpose of this post I don't see any of it as relevant.
What I do know is a simple logic , If a person weighs say 300 pounds , would it not in any event take a lot of food to maintain this weight ? how does anyone do this ? this is nothing to do with a condition that means if you eat a hamburger or something that suddenly it means that your body thinks that you just ate a whole cow .
All a person really needs to survive the day is simply one thing say a sandwich or whatever perhaps a single meal with a few courses and a salad or whatever and liquids , some days I forget to eat altogether and I'm fine . I won't die from it unless I did this for a lot of days in a row.
Some people say that you need to eat three balanced meals a day to sustain a healthy lifestyle but this just simply isn't true . This is what people are being told by people who design these dietary programs that they want you to pay for .
I know this whole weight issue is a touchy one for a lot of people but is it really necessary to go through life avoiding the simple fact that it's not necessary and quite detrimental to just about everything that we have to do in life. If it makes you happy that's fine but every junkie eventually crashes. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 11:50:36 AM | | What does weight gain have to do with love. If you love someone, then u love them inside and out, and nothing can change that. Would you love someone less if they were in a fire and got disfigured? or what about if they just age, get wrinkles, liverspots etc. Do you stop loving them then? NO WAY. Love is Love end of story. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 12:05:01 PM | If you are inlove with the person then you should be inlove with the person not the package they come in. Love is blind. It doesnt see the faults. :-0
Rose | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 3:00:36 PM | Its so interesting to see the opinions of people on here...i just have to make one comment to young and restless..and to those who mentioned that this was a redundant topic...if you read about the fifth or sixth comment i did mention that it was a redundant topic..and I do find it humourous that a person can put a question in and that it is so over analyzed and the person is made in to a psychological case of some sort..just a question guys and gals....thanks for your opinions though.. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 3:08:28 PM |
don't start on me about my being a BBW, I am not lazy or eat mcfatty food, I take meds that make me gain wieght so I don't want to hear it. I would take the pounds over the pain anyday.
Yeah, my ex-GF (still best of friends) is on meds for her thyroid, gained quite a bit and gets down on herself on it occasionally... I never miss a chance to tell her at those moments that she is as beautiful as the day I met her, and will be until the day I die. But then again, isn't that what best friends are for?  | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 3:43:42 PM | The belief behind unconditional love is that you don't limit, bribe, set boundaries, threaten or put conditions on your love. You love them for their accomplishments, achievements, and everything else that is wonderful about the person as well as their faults, imperfections and failures......
It's up to you if you give your love unconditionally to someone else, or love them as long as they abide by certain conditions you set for them..... No one said love wasn't without it's up's and down's or hard times.....
And the unconditional remarks, uh, where is the love for the other partner when you are basically making them watch you ruin yourself? Real loving to put that kind of hurt on another person, not to mention all the other issues that go with it.....
I stand by what I said in my earlier post. As I also posted earlier, Help your partner through whatever is the true cause....
No one is saying sit by and do NOTHING, but how can you truly possibly love some one with no strings attached if you're too angry of what "they are doing to you" instead of trying to help them through whatever their problem/issue is? To me, that just sounds WAY too selfish.
People’s lives change on a regular daily basis.... Things happen: some are able to cope with those changes that impact/effect them, and some are not able to.
I think it speaks to a person's own character and sense of integrity in how they would choose to address this situation.
....My partner could 'stick a needle in his arm,' but I wouldn't walk away..... It'd hurt me like a b*tch to see him hurt himself in anyway, but I'd be there for him in every capacity helping him fight for his life.
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 4:01:06 PM | | My love isnt conditional upon how much you weigh - other things influence my feelings more............in fact i actually dont mind a bit of the ol' chubba wubba. Id actually like to ask would you dump someone if they got so skinny they looked emaciated - i bet most men would say no........................ | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 4:15:25 PM | | The 'most men' you talk about are fools. Anorexia is the same as being fat, it's just the opposite illness producing withered skeletors. A woman should have a healthy appetite and forbid herself from feeling guilty about rabbit food like alphalfa sprouts and celery sticks or whatever it is they call food. I'd say any preoccupation with weight is unhealthy so this will be my final post on the subject. I'll leave it to the experts. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 4:35:56 PM | I read through some of the responses on here, and I am just shocked. If you no longer want to be with someone just because they have gained weight, then you don't love them. What you loved is the way they looked before the weight gain.
A lot of weight is because of heredity,metabilism. varies medications, and illness. Some people can weight because they eat more when happy, sad, depressed, etc.
I have been very lucky with the weight thing, and other than when I was pregnant have weighed the same since I was about 15. I did at one point after my divorce drop down to 90 pounds, as I don't eat at all when I am depressed. I think one reason I don't gain weight is because I eat like a cat. I eat tiny amounts of food many times a day, instead of 3 big meal a day. I simply can't eat very much at the time. When the kids were little and we went to a fast food place, I would get a kids' meal and usually couldn't eat it all.
In any case if I loved someone I would not leave them because they gained weight. If the weight was so much it was a health issue, I would try to get them to lose the weight because I would want them to stay alive. For me, the fact that I love them would make them sexy to me.
To those who would leave someone because of thier size, would you leave them if their teeth were lost in an accident? If their hair all fell out and they couldn't grow anymore? When they get old and have wrinkles?
I just don't understand why people are so shallow. If I love a man, and he loves me I am not going to get upset and leave him when it turns out he is in fact human, and gains weight or goes through the aging process just as we all will. People grow up!!! | |
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kame
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 4:57:53 PM | | It depends what was causing there weight gain if medical reasons ,medications or just letting yourself go ,I dont think love is just going to disappear because they gain weight ,the attraction might though,Id be on him about it as soon he reached 15 to 20 lbs over his weight when I met him inless as I said it was caused by medical. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 6/11/2006 5:09:34 PM | I got very sick, struggled with sudden weight gain, my bf at the time was horrible to me about it, ten years later, he broke his back and he ballooned (for the second time, since he never lost the weight he gained after I broke up with him), last week he comes crying to me about it. Uh, honey, yes your a$$ does look fat in dem jeans. But I had a wonderful friend five years ago and while my health was still a mess, he decided he was my bf. OK, why not have friend you can trust as your SO? (lernt me a gud lesson thar ma) and he used the excuse of me not getting out for him to sit and watch tv (keeping me company?) and eat and eat and eat nothing but crap. His daughter (my adopted too, oh, what a hillbilly mess I've made of things, but I love her) has taken him in hand, and he's dropped some weight, but the FACT is the t-shirt in Mexico I saw of *mission impossible* of two fat nekkid lovers facing each other is TRUE.
and I need lots of good lovin.
So, yeah, if he's being lazy and won't eat right, I'd leave him BEFORE he gained the weight. I don't want to be courting a heart attack nursing position anyway. I want to be climbing machu pichu at some ridiculous old age, not spoon feeding a man who couldn't pick the right foods and get up off his butt twenty years ago.
Gini | |
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