Kengne
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Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 101 | |
| love is not blind
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:02:49 AM | my love for them would not change, but my physical attraction surely would.
humans are visual creatures.
if i saw them packing on the pounds i would make subtle hints e.g. stop buying full-fat mayo and cheese, suggest *WE* both join a gym etc.. to encourage him to lose weight.
if THAT didin't work... well... then it'd be time for NOT so subtle hints. no point acting like the weight doesn't affect me, if it does.
just keepin it real.
K.
PS >>>> yea it goes both ways. I'm conscious about my weight/health so if I was blowing up faster than a hot-air balloon I'd appreciate if my s.o. told me before I turned into the McDonald's Hamburglar.  | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/10/2007 11:18:18 AM | I said it's not hard to get women... that doesn't mean it's easy either. Confused? Me too.
You can find women, just like women can find men; but that doesn't mean the men or women you find are really a good match for you. Does that make sense? I suppose I should of been more clear in what I was saying, but I figured when I started talking about filler relationships everybody would get what I mean. You can settle for someone that you know probably isn't going to be your best match, considering many different factors. Many people just don't want to be alone, or don't want to go without sex. Some people need that support structure that having someone in their life provides.
I don't understand why so many people have a negative slant on being online to find a date... that doesn't make you a failure, it just means you are trying a different avenue to find a potential mate. There are plenty of people on this and many other sites that are by my definition, desirable. However, the converse is also true; as there are many people online that are not desirable. But, that is a completely subjective thing. I know I'm not all that desired by most women... but, it only takes one... the right one.
If it eases your ills, I haven't been on a date for a number of months and haven't had sex for like 6 months. But, the sex thing is because I chose not too (I never thought I would be able to say that... because, I was a virgin for 24 years and not by choice). I don't really like dates though... I like the relationship part, but dating is awkward and strange. Must be a character flaw on my part... one of many.
I've never been a buff guy, I've always been strong, flexible, and fast even when I was 32o... but, never buff/cut/whateverthehell(what's really incredible is how my blood pressure has gone down since losing some of the weight). So, I don't know what it's like going through life like that. But, I can't imagine it being any harder to find a woman being buff... It would seem to me that you would find it a little easier to have confidence, which is a lot of what is required. I don't think many women would complain about you being too in shape... unless, you were a fitness nazi and you were one of those extremists that pushes your lifestyle so much on the person you're with, that the only way you could find a compatible woman was if she was also a fitness nazi... You have to find that happy medium, for the most part. But, I don't know if that's how you are, or if you are not really like that at all.
I just want to get rid of my bitch tits...
As to love... well, love should not really be conditional. However, most of us know that romantic love can be... It is in a way unfortunate, yet true nonetheless. I have toothpaste on my shirt... like a lot of it because I was sloppy with it today... I really need to change my shirt... do you love me any less?
the giggleparts - The only action my bed has seen has been my cat spooning with me... dude, it's not as weird as it sounds... I swear. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:00:33 PM | | well I certainly think there is a right or wrong answer...is he the wrong weight or the right weight for you personal preference...remember beauty is only a light switch away...the reverend | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/10/2007 12:05:35 PM | Hell no! If they don't have enough respect for themselves to keep the weight off, then they don't deserve me! Al (your pal)
What the h3ll makes you think a woman wants you...yes even the fat ones. More importantly what does a woman's weight have to do with her respect for you. If a woman was over weight, should she lose it for your sake or her own?
I've always encouraged anyone who struggles with their weight, smoking...etc to make the change for themselves and not anyone else.
So If you met someone and fell in love with them and then the relationship progressed to very serious....etc.etc..and this person was slim when you met them but gained 50lbs or more would you still want to stay with them...
To answer the OP's question...yeah I'd stick around. I dated a woman and we both got a little heavy over the course of the relationship. We didn't notice it...that's how gaining weight happens...you don't just wake up one day with a mad case of "fat". Both of us we're heavy and it didn't put much of a dint in our intimacy either and I still thought she was sexy. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/10/2007 1:37:01 PM | Weight gain ... she must love my cooking. I understand exercise is the answer, and I have just the program for her.  | |
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| love is not blind
Posted: 4/10/2007 2:15:00 PM |
my love for them would not change, but my physical attraction surely would.
humans are visual creatures.
if i saw them packing on the pounds i would make subtle hints e.g. stop buying full-fat mayo and cheese, suggest *WE* both join a gym etc.. to encourage him to lose weight.
if THAT didin't work... well... then it'd be time for NOT so subtle hints. no point acting like the weight doesn't affect me, if it does.
just keepin it real.
K.
PS >>>> yea it goes both ways. I'm conscious about my weight/health so if I was blowing up faster than a hot-air balloon I'd appreciate if my s.o. told me before I turned into the McDonald's Hamburglar.
Precisely!!
Chaz | |
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| love is not blind
Posted: 4/12/2007 4:32:26 AM | keep you in shape is necessary to keep your charming shadow in the night. But, to me, I would stand to last...we could go to diet, then run or walk, swim whatever we can do together to loose those lbs...
Cheers, | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:19:20 PM | | It is a proven fact that being overweight is harmful to health and knowing this makes it comparable to seeing your partner adopting other self-destructive behaviors like drug and alcohol abuse. If the person is not willing to help herself to be healthy in the long run then it is normal to question yourself about if you want to continue being invested with this person. If the person gained 50 pounds and you have not tried to tell her about the fact that you do not like this then a little discussion is urgently needed.. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/17/2007 10:51:47 PM | | I would stay with her, and hopefully she would want to lose the weight and I'd be able to help with that. Also, I'd poke her a lot. Fat people are fun to poke. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:09:20 PM | In todays age if a woman gains unnecessary weight in a relationship and the man looks sideways for more than a second, he is a slimeball. If he gains unnecessary weight a girl can look sideways and can not get skewed for it. A man will always be crusified if his love wavers the slightest if she's gained weight.
The best take on it it is if I guy gains non needed weight or a gal gaines non needed weight and they stop taking care of themselves, that is fraud!!!
Thoughts or comments? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/17/2007 11:34:27 PM | I think society has programmed people to accept or reject others based on physical attributes...that if someone is "fat" they have no self respect, or that something is "wrong" with them....
Love comes from the INSIDE and if you truly love someone BEFORE they gained the weight the only thing you should be doing is SUPPORTING that person...there is a REASON for everything...whether its physical, mental, emotional or whatever...we support the people we love...we do not judge them!! | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:10:32 AM |
I think society has programmed people to accept or reject others based on physical attributes...that if someone is "fat" they have no self respect, or that something is "wrong" with them....
For me this has nothing to do with programming, many big people I know are happy, funny, life loving people with a really good opinion of themselves but if you are going to share your life to someone then you will want that person to be healthy and being overweight is not healthy and has negative aspects on many aspects of life. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 8:31:02 AM | I don't plan on being with anyone who doesn't want to eat right and keep some sort of active health regimen with me so I don't see this as an issue unless it's out of that person's control (temporarily until they found a solution), in which case of course I would stick around, although I might lose attraction, as they should me if I were in that situation. If they just pulled a 180 all of a sudden one day and decided it would be better to sit around, eat and waste a gym membership/stop being active, then my problems would be bigger than the weight gain, we'd have evolved into people who want different things. I agree that it would be the same as taking up smoking, heavy drinking or drugs. That's not superficial, that's a personality change.
I don't plan on getting married, so for the most part divorce wouldn't be an issue/option. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:35:35 AM | My husband gained about 50lbs after we got married, and I loved him just as much after the weight gain, as I did before it. I gained weight when I had children, and the same held true. He still loved me, new rolls and all! lol What ultimately drove us apart was certainly not a weight issue, but other issues. When I look at him now, I realize just how much weight he has gained. When we were still together, I thought he was still as good to look at as he was the day we got together.
You need attraction at first. But once you're in love, things like that don't matter as much anymore. Not that I want to be with someone who balloons up to 400lbs - but really, so what if they put on 50lbs or so? As long as they don't turn into a lazy slob, it's not a huge deal. Chances are, what made me fall in love with him was more than his looks, anyhow! | |
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| love is not blind
Posted: 4/18/2007 9:59:56 AM |
I'd appreciate if my s.o. told me before I turned into the McDonald's Hamburglar.
What the heck are you talking about? The hamburgler is hotness....all masked & mysterious! Don't you go casting aspersions on my incognito brother.....
I think it's the 'Grimmace' that's you would like to avoid resembling.
& rightly so! | |
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| love is not blind
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:13:58 AM | My last bf and I each gained 15 lbs over 4 months. I've managed to drop 25 since we broke up though!
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:21:24 AM | Remember. You love them. Maybe you can join a gym together, but
it would be shallowto say you would dump them for being heavier than
when you met them. What if they got their hair cut, or went gray, or lost a
limb, or got skinny? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 10:23:58 AM | | siren10, have you ever seen the movie shallow hal? | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 12:35:01 PM | c note ~
Technically what happens is that as you age, the seeming "weight gain" is due to a slow down in metabolism efficiency, resulting in an increase in body fat combined with a gradual loss of muscle tissue. Unfortunately, most of this weight tends to settle on the mid-section (middle-age spread!). If a person does regular weight and aerobic training and follows a good diet (low in fat and simple carbs), they can counteract or at least slow down this natural progression.
I know the above plan works because I did it ~ I am now 47 and much leaner, more sculpted, and have more dense muscle mass than I ever had in my 20s and 30s. I was never a thin, lean person and it takes great effort to keep the weight off as the years pass but I'm happy to say I intend to work on being one of those "freaks of nature" you mentioned, through hard work, not luck.
Back to the OP question, a significant weight gain like that might indicated the person is unhappy in another area in their life (or their life with you) or they feel so comfortable in the relationship, they got lazy and don't feel they have to work on being as attractive anymore to keep their mate. Either way, nagging the person won't help. Let them know you are concerned and would appreciate their being slimmer, but they will have to WANT to change on their own. It would be better to "lead by example" (you keep in shape and eat healthy foods). Also, offering an incentive if they lose weight (vacation, new clothes, etc) might give them an enticing goal to work towards.
Hope something I said here helps but nothing can take the place of having willpower and self-motivation. Unfortunately, no one can give you that either. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 3:38:06 PM | | Kittybabe looks damn good. And she's right. With proper diet/exercise there's no reason you can't be lean and fit when you're older, regardless of genetics. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 6:55:13 PM | I call this the "nesting" Phase. Happens a LOT of the time. When a woman is still "looking" and going out with her friends, checking out guys etc, she wants to look damn good, but as soon as you get in a very long term relationship, after a couple of years you dont feel your on the market anymore and sure, why not sit at home on a saturday night with yr partner, sharing a huge plate of cheese nachos or a pizza smothered in calories?
Suddenly you realize you've put on 20, 30, 40, 50 lbs and your partner doesnt find you as attractive as he once did. This gets you even more depressed so you comfort yourself in more food. Its a very vicious circle. Women like to think, "well if he truly loves me, he'll love me at any weight".
Alas, thats when they find themselves single, middle aged and with a weight problem. I speak from experience on this one! | |
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Titian
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Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 123 | |
| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/18/2007 7:26:35 PM | Man oh man if it bothers you that much ..that your mate has gained weight...try to help them find ways to lose weight,but dont stop loving them...or caring for them...
People gain weight for many reasons....so dont be so quick to judge...My weight is up and down like a yo-yo-....I have a few reasons that could be the cause...One .....I had a tubal ligation and two.... I dont have a gallbladder( had it removed ) and it helps to digest fats..So bite me..... | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/26/2007 8:47:02 AM | what a touchy subject. Here are my thoughts...
If you're reading this don't categorize these statements as steadfast truth, just a few assumptions based on my personal observations. It seems that many single people take great care in their appearance in order to attract a date. However, also many people who are in relationships maintain a healthy body, to appear professional in the workplace, and it also gives you self-confidence (it just makes u feel good)
I would highly doubt that someone would gain 50 ibs simply because they feel secure in their relationship, and no longer feel the need to appear attractive (not that big isn't attractive) Could be that they are under stress. If my partner no longer appeared to be healthy, i would suggest that they excercise. Be careful with the approach, offer to excercise with your partner. Don't make your partner feel like a slob, it could be hurtful.
At the same time, the ass in me says, if she's getting sloppy and you've completely lost attraction, let them know, if there is no willingness to alter lifestyle, even after sensitive encouragement, then its time to move on. | |
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| love and weight gain
Posted: 4/26/2007 11:20:20 AM | If they put on weight then you need to talk about it with them. I mena after all if your going to be together communication should start off being very important in the relationship. Do you know how many bad relationships there are, marriages there are with terrible communication? It not a good way to start off.
Another thing is, if weight is going to be an issue with you or the other person, both of you should knowit right off and decide what it is your going do, if your going to be able to live with it or handle it, whatever. These are things that need to be dealt with or the relationship is in trouble. And if you are in trouble right in the beginning then how do you think it will be later on?
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