| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 9:03:32 AM | | When a relationship gets serious such things as surface or shallow issues should not be factors. I found a man that is stocky but I like that build in a man. He says he would like to lose some weight. I know that as people get older BOTH genders tend to have their metabolism slow down, making it harder to burn up calories easily then. He says he wants to take walks in the warm weather , I took that opportunity to share that and we are going to make use of a zoo pass I got now to enjoy the scenery and walk together. It is a way to share something further we both enjoy and benefit in walking.When things get "serious" with someone such things should not matter in the long run . The concern of one's health should always be there but not a focus on weight. That is just saying to another I like you but would like you more IF..that's not right. Either someone likes another "as is" or they don't. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:59:55 AM | That is just saying to another I like you but would like you more IF..that's not right. Either someone likes another "as is" or they don't.
Why is that not right?
If I marry a woman, and over time decide I hate working and just decide I'm not going to do it anymore, and let my career go to waste, she is supposed to love me the same?
I think not! She may have chosen me due to the fact that I'm a hard worker, have a good career and will be a good provider. If decide that she has a good enough job for both of us to scrape by, and that I don't want work anymore, that is in no way fair to her, and reason for her to get very dissapponted with the relationship... And maybe even want to end it. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:23:37 AM | Concerns over health I totally get. Have said to my wife many times that I love her regardless of her weight. But after 4 kids she was packing on a few too many pounds (er.. I was too, just not as many); I still saw her as attractive and sexy but started suggesting that maybe we had lost some of the focus on ourselves (easy to do when kids come into the picture) and needed to get back into shape -- as we were both quite athletic prior to "settling down" and I knew *I* missed it.
I don't know how it works for anyone else, but extra pounds and saggy boobs did nothing -- and I mean nothing -- to dim my desire for or appreciation of my wife's physical being.
It did do a number on *her* self esteem though, something she is still working through.. I think women do have it tougher than men in this department -- not because of what men actually want, but because of what women have been led to believe that men want.  | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:34:43 AM | | its all a sign of contentment, i like my men content cos then i am too, i know from experience, i was as big as a house when he died, lost it in weeks..... its called real life | |
|
| |
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 11:42:27 AM | oh and men will always want....just never get
Can't the same be said for women?
| |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:00:58 PM | Ob5idian: really- saggy boobs and multiple layers to love didn't really decrease your view of your wife's sex appeal???? To be honest, it would affect me, and I don't think serious weight gain is sexy at all. Gradual weight gain is normal, especially as we hit the 50-60's, but not for anyone under that.
IF someone can't love themselves enough to take care of their body, then why should you love them as well? | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:20:44 PM | sfguy: yeah, really. men might be very visual when it comes to turn-ons, but with someone you know and love its all in the head. I can't tell you exactly how my mind works, but the visual package was at the back of the line behind the smile, the eyes, the hair, the way that when you're both in the mood the skin feels like silk as you rustle up against each other, the way that touching makes tingles run up and down your spine...
Um.. I'd better stop, you get the idea.
If I had thought the weight gain was due to slovenly living or her not taking care of herself, yeah, that might have had an effect. But my attitude has always been that she's doing the best she can with the knowledge and energy she's got. Some people put on weight easy, most diets are TERRIBLE and make it even easier to gain weight, etc. So I am very slow to make judgements of 'lazy'. That's too easy and usually far from the truth.
As to why you should love someone when they don't love themselves.. well.. why would you love anyone then? What is your goal, in loving someone? Why *should* you bother? After all, they might just be putting up a good front... would you leave them if you found out they didn't? Would you expect someone to leave you if you experienced depression and were unable to sufficiently 'love yourself' for a month? 6 months? a year?
Well?
My questions are merely food for thought, might want to get some BBQ sauce or something before you dig in.  | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 12:31:11 PM | Taking care of one's body and being healthy is one thing. Not the same as comparing before and now only (not talking obese to not be able to get around or leave the house even, that is in excess and may have self esteem factors and other issues). I feel that Ob5idian is conveying that he loved his ex DESPITE her "flaws" or such as she got older even though she had issues with that in herself later on. I applaud Ob5idian for looking PAST that and NOT trying to change her then but accepting her how she became. I feel that's what I mean in relaying before that someone should take another "as is" and not try to CHANGE them..I feel fortunate to be with someone that is not so seemingly controlling or superficial now. It is nice to feel wanted as you are instead of having been with someone before that tried to make me as they wanted me to appear to be instead. I cringe when I see past pics of the way I had looked so unshapely and not very happy in the photo. My family had often asked me before if I was eating ok when they would see me like that.
I am now more than the 108 lbs. I was back then. I have gone from a size 3-4 in pants to wear a size 8 pants.. so I don't feel I have let myself go. I am happier with having curves and a shapely figure more than skin and bones as I felt I was back then for someone else. It was not fun living with NO fat (no flavor)food, excercising 5 days a week for an hour or more at a time, taking care of two kids (one mine, one their's) and then being told if I had gained 5 lbs. I was gone then. I felt he became more controlling and I left him. I am glad that is behind me. I found a man that likes how I am now, gives me NO comments or suggestions to improve. He said he likes a woman with curves so it works out well for us both. I like him how he is and told him that as well. I feel it is a matter of being realistic. I feel it is seeing past the surface.Why not keep in mind what attracted you to that person in the first place? | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 1:43:56 PM | | Well I would still stay with my partner if he gained wiehgt along the way! Something attracted me to him in the first place! Love is blind. Now where is he lol :P | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 2:15:16 PM | "i know from experience, i was as big as a house when he died, lost it in weeks..... its called real life."
It's so sad how few people seem to UNDERSTAND that. I've seen things in this thread that I think need to be moved over to the "Think hard: why are you still single thread" ... cause lots of people have said things here, and have whined in that other thread, and it's no wonder they're single.
I think we need a thread called "Love and Changes" ... cause I'd like to know... would people still love their spouses if they shaved their heads? Decided to get a tattoo? Decided to be more "au natural" (women) and stop wearing make-up? Change their taste in clothing? Develop a mental illness?
And how about years and years later... what if your partner gets... OLD. Then what?
| |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:49:11 PM | "If I marry a woman, and over time decide I hate working and just decide I'm not going to do it anymore, and let my career go to waste, she is supposed to love me the same?"
Hmmmmmm....I thought we were talking about weight gain and not somebody becoming lazy and not given a crap about there career. Got news for ya. Plenty of people gain weight and still work hard. They are not the same thing. Like comparing apples to oranges I think. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 4:57:24 PM | | I think excessive weight gain is a sign of unhappiness. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 5:55:55 PM | | This has not effect on the way I feel for the person. Underneath everything they are still the same person. Through thick or thin, they are the one I love..weight does not play an issue in the way I would feel for them! | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 6:49:46 PM | I thought we were talking about weight gain and not somebody becoming lazy and not given a crap about there career
Sorry, but most ppl gain weight becaue they get lazy, and don't eat right... They get lazy and don't give a crap about their body because they are now content in the relationship, same damn thing to me...
I would want to be in a relationship were we both try to improve ourselves over time, which includes diet & exercise. We all know it gets harder to stay in shape as you get older, but it does not mean it's impossible to do so and we should just give up on the idea. Giving up on that is giving up on part of the relationship IMO...
| |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:09:07 PM | Love is a funny thing. I think if they are still doing & enjoying the same things with you, then you could easily stay in a happy relationship. However, when that much weight is put on I would imagine it wouldn't be the same.... especially in the bed room. But hey, maybe it is??? I don't know. Then there's why? why did they put on that much weight? Are they unhappy, unhealthy? Poor self image? Those things will ruin the relationship before the 50lbs (which is actually a lot hey) When people are in love & have passionate in their lives ........ I reckon that alone keeps the weight down!  | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:21:14 PM | If I fell in love with them (the soul) and not their body (the vehicle), then I would love them regardless of whether they went bald, turned gray, got fat, were in an accident and couldn't walk anymore, or whatever.
And to all those who say anything different, then you probably don't know how to love and will never be truly loved in return. You'll be one of those older, bitter people in the nursing homes who don't know what happened... It's sad. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 7:55:25 PM | There is a bit of a weight epidemic . I think there has to more knowledge obtained about why this is happening.
It creates alot of unhappiness and pain.
On the one hand you have to have sympathy for people who struggle with weight ,
but it is undeniable that it really decreases sex appeal .
Hopefully there will be a medical breakthrough ! | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:20:47 PM | Respecting your health is respecting your friends and family. I would show a real concern for someone if they shot up that much and consider helping them adapt their regimine long before they ever reached such extreme heights. Clogged arteries and lymphnode disease relative to inducing cancer is not a good game plan.
Skinny does not necessarily mean healthy.. if it did those kids in Africa would be beyond fit | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:32:28 PM | to me, just because you meet a man or woman and fall in love with them being at a lessor weight and gaining 10,20, or maybe even 30 pounds more years later that's nothing to hold against someone. when guys gain weight they say that "it's the good cooking" but when a woman gains weight right away the guys think that they let themselves go which is wrong! a woman's metabolism is different than a mans for starters....then you have the thyroid gland. as women get older for some reason or the other the thyroid gland ends up not working properly and slows down causing a weight problem as well as some of the thyroid medications.
just because men and women both tend to gain weight that doesn't make them any less of a person. if you really love a person, you love them for the person that they are, not for what they look like. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 8:37:01 PM | Gees-- love this post-- it really brings out the jerks from POF-- now I totally know who to stay clear of!
You know I understand about health and weight-- but weight goes up and down-- even for the most well intentioned people-- unless your blessed with a forever-thin gene.
I have adored men from all shapes and sizes-- because of their hearts and their kindness to me .... the only bad thing about it is that you would be concerned for their health if the weight issue got to far out of hand... but for these bone heads who cant handle weight gain because of appearance-- they deserve what they get--shallow relationships.... | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:06:15 PM | If it was a problem and she wanted help to lose it, then sure I would stick around and help.
If it continued then she would lose appeal and she would have to go. Healthy body = healty mind for the most part. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:19:29 PM | There we go again, "Healthy body equals healthy mind" .... what makes ANY of you think we will have a healthy mind ALL the time... let alone a healthy body all the time... none of us are born perfect into this world... except those who think they are.... and they are dillusional and thats another point all together...
We all grow old... true love is what passes the test of time, wrinkles and the scale's many up's and downs.... | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/2/2007 2:56:12 AM | As I am much older than most of you, it would be nice if everyone read Shakespear "love is not love, which alters, when it alteration finds" if you truly love then you love unconditionally, change should not alter that, if it does then you didn't love as much as you thought you did. | |
|
| love and weight gain
Posted: 5/2/2007 3:54:57 AM | | 50 pounds is nothing----if it is such a big deal I would workout together | |
|
Home
login 
