| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/28/2006 8:28:33 AM | | That is a horrible thing to say about someone you know nothing about. So, Mr. perfect since you have never made any lack of judgemnts then why are you here and not with that perfect women. LOL alot | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/28/2006 8:46:31 AM | | This is the best thread that deals with this subject. Listen to this good advice and make your decision about staying or not staying around with this woman soon. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/28/2006 9:14:46 AM | Coming from a small town with several young mothers.. I guess what this comes down to is do you want to date HER?
The kids shouldn't be an issue until you know her. If her integrity/character seems questionable then decide, just dont become involved with the kids (and I am sure she wouldnt allow you to be at first, if she is smart) until you know if you want a future with HER.
I see you have children as well, are you looking for a mother?? Just because you are a person in her life does not mean she 'needs' you to be a father.
I think you should date, and see what she is like before you go playing daddy. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/30/2006 9:00:31 PM | | been there and done that ...really it was not that bad but your girl is not this girl | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/31/2006 8:03:45 AM | | I have 2 boys, both diffrent fathers, sometimes it just happens that way. I was told for years I wouldn't never ever be able to have kids, then at 27 I got pregnant, with a man I had only been dating for a month, who I told him "i can't have kids" then boom here I am pregnant. Luckly enough he was thrilled. I however on the other hand was not, well I was and I wasn't I was thrilled to be having a baby cause being told I couldn't just tore me up, but this not the man I would of chose to father my kid, but i decided to make it work, but i knew we wouldn't make it, thats why i never would marry him. I just hoped for the best and rode the wave. 6 years later the wave crashed. I moved on after a year of his "mid life crisis" I had had enough. Got pregnant with my 2nd son while on birth control, at the time to my husband. So you see, just cause a woman has diffrent kids by diffrent fathers don't necessarly make her a woman that gets around. I have to say, and i mean no disrepect to you when I say this, but you have this issue and you have to ask other guys what they would or wouldn't do then its not going to matter how many of then say, it wouldn't be big deal to them, its still going to be a issue to you. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/31/2006 8:23:59 AM | | Sure date her. She comes with children, that's all. I see nothing wrong with that. Get off your high horse man. If u end up liking her then accept her for what she is. Besides the past can't be changed. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/31/2006 8:35:50 AM | I can offer my experience and you can decide for yourself.
My ex girlfriend had 2 children. We were fine in the beginning. (g/f and I.) One child was withdrawn from start to end, the other was more for me in the beginning but not at the end.
I always said I was intrested in the mother ad in relationship and friends with the children, not less, more if the children wanted.
If one child doesn't accept you, no matter how hard you try, there just seems to be tension. If you and the mother are on an off foot as sometimes happens in all relationships, it can feel quiet intimidating being in a 3 againsed to one person in a house.
The mother with two diffrent fathers is honestly no problem or trouble at all, honestly, after afew weeks or months it won't even be something you thinkof.
Any person having been in a relationship will have bagage, emotional, children regrets, what ever. The people with loads of life experience can be well informed and know what they want or very independant and isolate you because they are worried about being hurt again.
Life is a chance, if you like the girl, take a chance. Tell her your concerns and explain why you consider your concerns to be a problem, ask her feelings about your concerns and ask her for advice. Aim to set a clear understanding between her and you.
My mistake was not having an understanding with her children at the start. I just let things happen and noboby knew where each fitted in or how. Nobody had any idea of what was new and what stayed.
Be clear and exact so there is no misunderstanding. If you have that, you should be ok.
If you have specific questions, feel free to message me. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/31/2006 8:36:22 AM | This is a good thread - stirring up lots of emotion!
Yes, I am a single mom of 3 (2 different dads). I have to say to chef that I think it's great that you are looking at all aspects of the relationship. That is vital to succeed in anything!
I have made many mistakes in my life when it comes to relationships. My kids are not the mistakes - my choice in getting involved with their fathers was. If I were still the same person I was two years ago - if I had not looked inside myself to discover why I made those choices - I would have been a mistake for anyone to get involved with. In other words - if she seems to have her life together - isn't a desperate cling-on who hasn't done anything to learn from her past - then you can go for it!
When my girls' dad and I split - I admit - I was looking for a father figure for them and someone to curb my loneliness. When my son's father beat the crap out of me and my girls, I ended it and went on a mission to discover why I'd made such poor choices that, unfortunately, will forever impact my kids. The girls' dad is not in the picture, my son sees his father regularly. I don't need someone else to come and be a father to them. I've spent the last 2 years modeling to them how to live healthy, happy and independently so that they hopefully will not make the same mistakes I have.
I think it's always important to deal with your "baggage" - whether it's old hurts, relationships, childhood dysfunction or whatever. Kids are not the baggage. All the crap we did to get where we are is our baggage. Kids are the product of our choices - good or bad. Either way, they are amazing, wonderful people who, like us, only want to be loved and cherished.
God bless! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 7/31/2006 9:00:22 AM | This is crazy, just because people have children and raise them on their own certainly does not imply they are irrisponsable or easy in any way... get a grip! We all have failed relationships just because some people dont get preganant means nothing for some on here I bet that is simply luck and nothing more! Her kids are 6 years apart! Maybe she did not have sex for the years in between??? Oh but wait thats not possible cause everyone knows her personally dont you! As for yo-you quit trying to act all tought and shit your not fooling anyone! Baggage is baggage if your alive youve got it! If you cant handle that people have pasts piss off and find someone who has lived in a closet there whole lives! As for the men whome think that it is the womans responsibility to make sure a pregnancy does not happen..... wait I guess I should call you boys cause you are not a man I am probaibly more of a man than you are. And just remember your a notch on the belt as well! If you dont want kids dont date her! She has children if you cant man up leave her alone if you think she needs more drama your wrong she works harder than you do and if you cant cotribute dont waste her time or those little babies time either. Someone who appreciates the miracle of life will!
As for Daisy she is a mom she is not dead she should leave the dating game alone just as much as you should! She is still just a girl and she still craves the same things you and every other woman does! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 7:34:46 AM | Gracematters
When my son's father beat the crap out of me and my girls, I ended it and went on a mission to discover why I'd made such poor choices that, unfortunately, will forever impact my kids. The girls' dad is not in the picture, my son sees his father regularly.
ummmm. Is there something wrong with this statement???? | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 8:17:15 AM | She's looking for a sucka.
That is utter B*LL*X , relationships dont alwwys last that life but guess wot the majority of the time the woman get left with the children, if i met a man with children i would execpt him for wot i met him like ... If u think all woman are looking for a sucka that crap i been single mother for a yr with a seven yr old son and i can look after him myself without the help of a man, i work run my own car and home.. i dont NEED a man, it would just be nice to have one.. GIve the girl ago i think..We are not all out for the first fella that comes along, but if u do consider her children to b baggage then i would suggest u not really the one for her.. good luck! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 8:32:18 AM | | if you cant see past the fact that she has two kids then maybe you should look else where. its not easy for a woman to rase two kids, even more so if they are all on their own. if you like the woman then get over it. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:28:47 AM | | Ya what TrueNorth said.....if you think kids are baggage...I suppose if you had produced two kids with two difffernt women...it would make you a stud right? So her being a female....makes her kids garbage and her a slut right? Man I hope she reads this and runs...she dont need that. | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 65 | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 9:38:17 AM | | This seems like a no-brainer chef..........of course you should date her. If you find someone great, that thinks your great too, grab hold and hang on, period. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:25:44 AM | Hey, I can't believe you said that UNTIL I read your profile, Jessica Alba etc etc GET REAL How old are you really 15 or 16, I thought you had to be 18 to post a profile on POF.
I have two children by two different fathers, and I think that is not a big deal. If I had four or five children by four or five different men, yeah you could question what kind of person I was to be making such bad choices. Bottom line is that there are lots of second marriages where people DO HAVE MORE CHILDREN.
grow up | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:47:50 AM | For the men - would you date a great chick who had 2 kids by 2 different guys? would you consider getting serious with her or would you just keep it casual with her?
You need to understand where this girls head is at. Is she dumping these
men? Is she fickle about real relationships? How long will you last after you
have a child with her? Things like that. I simply wouldn't mess with that
it's just too much detective work.
I had a platonic girl friend who was on her 4th child/4 different dads....she
didn't want to work and by bringing in more babies, she was able to
collect social services and NONE of the dads were in the picture. Now her
kids are in therapy...each one - I don't have the patience to handle
a dysfunctional house hold. | |
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a1na2
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Joined: 10/3/2006
Msg: 69 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 10:56:51 AM | A person who has a picture of her boobs representing herself is telling ME to grow up ?!!
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:05:30 AM |
For the men - would you date a great chick who had 2 kids by 2 diferent guys? would you consider getting serious with her or would you just keep it casual with her?
No.
I do not have kids of my own.
Michael | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:07:29 AM | Firstly who you going to be dating her or the kids?
I have 2 kids from different mothers life throws unexpected things at as and the road is never straight and you know the sh!t hits the fan sometimes so she has two kids by two different dads so be it its life get over with it!
Personally for me when I meet a woman I,m upfront tell them I have two kids and whilst both have a mother they don,t require another one however if she wants to spend time with them thats great but if she doesn,t thats also cool but she has to understand they are my kids and they come first.
I,ve dated a couple of women who have had kids and yes I grew close to the kids and on the odd occasion one would call me dad but its a slip of the tongue and you laugh about it. Life is too short talk ter her tell her your concerns and you will have your answer. Ask her why she split up with the dads I get asked and I,m honest we did not get on as a couple and if we were not happy we didn,t feel we could make the child happy. Sometimes the answer really can be that simple. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:10:47 AM | Honestly - if you're going in with the mindset that you're going to be a replacement daddy, you're doomed already. Try going into the relationship with an open mind and don't worry about being a father to the youngest, nature will take it's course if it's right.
Oh, pray she doesn't have a PoF account to read that you just called her kids "baggage." | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:20:28 AM | My best friend in the whole wide world who would do anything including giving me a
kidney if I needed one has two boys from two different fathers - what is this a
new form of descrimination - I mean - to judge her because of this - you lose - she is
a great person
And reading the post here from the women who are also in her situation - I feel the same- beautiful smart women with tons to offer - just happens. Big deal - doesnt change the peson she is - Wow - Unbeleivable what people will pick on and make priority in a decision to date you - God ladies - this sucks - This really is looking like it is not worth it more and more every day!!
You say she is a great girl - GOD MAN - GIVE HER A CHANCE!!! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:32:49 AM | cant believe some of the mens attitudes on here, situatons are different but as i said WE are the ones that are genarlly left with the children.. tell ya wot if some of the blokes with bad attitude were GOd knows wot would happen to em! i agree wiv curlygal, doesnt seem much hope for us mothers.. and as far as some men are concerned on ere we should crawl under a rock! ..  | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 11:50:36 AM | | OP ... let's "put the shoe on the other foot" for a moment. You have children ... would you like someone to judge you, like you are judging her? I don't think, if you had custody of your child/children, that you would like to be seen as "looking for a mother" ... if you are simply looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with. Treat this woman with respect and compassion ... just as you, yourself, would like to be treated. | |
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