| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 12:01:19 PM | i see this is an older thread that has come back to life for heaven knows what reason...
but to go straight back to the original question; The guy referred to the lady's 2 children as "baggage" and seems awfully worried that he's beeing seen as a substitute parent first and a partner second.
My opinion:
This woman already has 2 REAL kids, why would she need a 3rd one, cleverly disguised as an adult?!
Cindy O | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 12:37:36 PM | Perhaps they did not treat her very nice. Don,t judge her.
You may end up regretting it.
Every child is a blessing and chosen by God. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 1:06:13 PM | | i have before and it hasnt bothered me thing is her children are part of her you cannot escape that if you cant accept her children then you cant accept her its as simple as that | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:13:09 PM | | I am really hurt by this. I have 2 kids by 2 different dads. It is not what we want in life but things happen and it just ends up like that. We don't want men to date our kids but to date us and be friends with our kids. Did she say she wanted you to be the father or father figure? Don't think too much into it. Just ask her what she wants and tell her how you feel. Guys should not think about wanting to be the kids's dad. All because there is no dad in the childs life doesn't mean that child is not getting what they need from their mom. We just want adult companionship for ourselves. If you feel this weird about dating her then you shouldn't date her at all. I prefer to tell a guy straight out that I have 2 kids and if they can't handle it then they need to get a steppin. Good luck and do what you think is best. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 3:17:23 PM | | How old is she, and how old are the kids? Would depend on the math if I would date a man in those shoes. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/8/2007 5:07:19 PM | I dated a woman who was pregnant with her second child, also from a different father.
There is nothing wrong with a woman who has experienced this necessarily. It's best to wait for real, solid facts to arise before making judgments. For example, she always told me when she was thinking about other men, and she also mentioned that she said no, and that she did so for me. It was very empowering, and she said it in a very sexy way. She was making the best of her mistakes, and using her sexual magnetism to make me feel gawdawfully lucky to be with her.
No matter how many volumes in the book, don't judge the book by its cover; not even if the later volumes are co-written by different authors...
~ David | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 3:15:22 AM | | The relaionships with the kids fathers may have been over lengthy periods. Their are with with no kids and they are sleeping with lots of men. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:25:12 AM | Geez, I have trouble enough finding someone and I have 2 kids (same dad, ex husband) ... I don't think it should be a problem.. I think many men are so imature nowadays.. I get really ticked when I hear' "Oh I don't get involved with women with kids" WTF???
I am nearing age 35.. what the heck do these men think? That I have lived in a cave all these years and didn't have a life... not to metion a sex life?? Good gosh egads..!!
Just because she has 2 different kids to two different men doesn't make her a slut.... now if she had no idea who their fathers were.. then that would be a different story.... heck some people are married more than once.....
Too many stereotypes in the dating scene today... (shakes head) | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:40:00 AM | | Its not the kids fault that they are in this world.I have live in a house hold where there was kids by someone else.My father never accepted my mom's kids and they have been married 53 years. It causes hard feeling on everyones part so if your not going to accept her kids then she don't need you!!! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:43:13 AM | | I have had two long term relationships that resulted in two children from each man. Does that make it bad for me? We don't have emotional baggage, and we are a happy family. I'm not sure what difference it makes in the long run? | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 9:43:30 AM | | If the kids are only a year or 2 apart I would call that pretty slutty. You would think after having one bast*rd child you would learn not to be so easy the 2nd time. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:19:26 AM | dont you think the issue is 'who is she ???'. Yours and mine kids can be a disaster. If you are not both mature and can handle lots of possible conflicts or scenarios.
If your dilemma is that she is good looking but she has 2 kids by 2 differnt fathers.. id say your not really where you need to be to deal with the issues that come with the situation.
just my opinion... you asked | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 10:54:55 AM | Children are not "baggage", they are part of the whole package. If you want to get seriously involved in this lady's life, be prepared to get involved in theirs also. At their young age, they can't be separated, if that scenario bothers you, do her a huge favour and leave her alone.
Being a single parent is the most difficult thing in the world, nobody gets a day off for good behaviour. They could all use a good friend who helps them out, but doesn't judge them. It's up to you to decide just what you have to offer her that would make her life better, instead of worrying about her past. She is who she is today.
And to Tigerwoods above, not all children that were raised by one parent repeat the pattern, what a ridiculous thing to say. Absolutely not true. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 6:51:48 PM | The important question should be how she is as a mother not who fathered her children.
Children are never baggage...they are a precious gift no matter how they got here!!!!
Look at the relationship with an open mind and without judgement, enjoy the fact that you have found a special person and go with it!!! Good luck! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 7:18:46 PM | Well, everyone's circumstances are different. Just because a woman has two kids from two different fathers does not necessarily mean that she has a lot of baggage. I've met single women, and men, for that matter, who have no children whatsoever and have more baggage and hang-ups than anyone. It's also all in how you look at it . . . in this case, the hang-up may be yours, but who knows.
Anyway, things can work out. My brother just recently got engaged to and is going to marry a woman in the same situation. She did not expect him to play "daddy," but, as it turns out, he has taken to these children as if they were his own. The thing is, that the children are part and parcel of her. You usually can't have one without the other.
I don't know about keeping it casual. I think that it would have to be a decision made by both of you. If you just want to keep it casual, tell her. Then it's her choice if she's willing to accept that limitation on the relationship. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 91 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/9/2007 8:52:01 PM | Bubbles:
You would think after having one bast*rd child you would learn not to be so easy the 2nd time Well, that's nice. You just insulted the child of every single parent on here, both men and women. If a woman gets pregnant, that makes her easy? Hmmm...A woman could have sex only twice in her life and get pregnant both times...what a slut. Oh my.
Anyway, to the OP: Is she a good mom? Does she look after her kids? Do her kids seem to be happy? These are the things that matter. The fact is, a woman's life doesn't end because she's a mom. Relationships end. That doesn't mean that she should stop even trying to find someone to share her life with her and her kids. Cut her some slack.
Edit: I just read back over some of the other posts...wow! There are a lot of people who think that it's okay to ridicule the children because of the parent's situation. "Runts"? That's great. I hope the author of that post doesn't say things derogatory directly to his nieces and nephews. It's not their fault that one or both of their parents make bad choices or mistakes. Calling them bastards and runts is ridiculous. I am extremely offended by this as I have a niece whose parents are not together. Go to hell if you think it's okay to insult a child. It's hard enough for a kid to grow up not seeing their parents together and not having a constant father or mother figure in their life, it makes it even harder when other adults are judging them for something they have no control over. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/10/2007 3:28:49 AM | That is a terrible thing to say about a child bubbles calling a child a **stard.
Each and every child is worthy of respect and to be treated as an equal human
being. whether the parents are married or not. Lots of my friends are in their second marriages and have gone on to have more children. Its unbelievable some of the low down
comments some people make.
The women may have only slept with one of two partners in years.
Thier are lots of women without children who are sleeping around.................... | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:30:00 AM | | Oh, please. Both my kids have different dads. That's not a lot of baggage. A lot of baggage is 5 kids with different dads who are all in prison. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:39:33 AM | | The fact that you had to ask this in a public forum means you obviously have a problem with it. Nothing that you read here is going to change your mind. So just end things now and go look for your "perfect" woman before you wind up hurting her. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:48:57 AM | You sound like a hypocrite to me. You have kids, she has kids.....so what. It just seems like it's okay for a man to have kids......and they might even be from two different mom's. But if a woman has kids from different dad's. It's a different story.
I've been married twice and my boys are from two different dad's, and there 6 years apart, one is 13 and the other is 19. They both have their dad's, even thou youngest one's dad isn't worth much, i would never look for another "father figure" for him. Maybe someone to just be his friend and that's it.
If you think you can't handle that....then what can you handle...I think there are worse things in the world than what you are discussing here. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 8:59:55 AM | You are obviously as shallow as they come, and you even advertise it !
She hopefully is reading this and will run for the hills ! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:12:16 AM | | look at this from an outside view.on one hand you have to take "love" or your feelings aside to get it straight.Look at how good a mom she is and what she seems to be like when it comes to "hanging" onto a guy.In this day and age it is hard to have a kid by mistake unless you don't know any better.one is understandable but two would kinda make you think thier is a reason behind it.I have met allot of girls that gave me the pill speach but i have to still wrap it with them,cause you could be a cheque and a friend who she will allways know for the life of the child.I make a good living and am in a town that is based on miners who never make less than 100k a year so allmost every one with kids have at least two diffrent fathers and when you meet a girl here her first questions are were do you work?so i take it from me i know first hand i have a girl at home right now who got me!be carefull,wear a condom take a family photo if you shake your head or laugh or think you she be on springer get out. good luck | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 9:33:54 AM | I like the statement that refers to children/children's father's as complexity, rather than "baggage". As a dating single mom, I have to be so diligent about screening for men who could potentially treat my child as "baggage".
Even though I've worked out a reasonable (to me) co-parenting arrangement with my ex-husband, a past boyfriend actually wanted to make trouble that would eventually impact my child. He felt that I "got the short end of the stick" in my divorce agreement with my ex-husband and I saw it another way--my ex is very active in my child's life and supports extra-curricular activities, school band projects and even moved across the continent to be with our kid. And I do not need my ex's money nor do I want to sabatoge the relationship between my ex and my child.
Surpisingly, this man I was dating also was divorced and had children, so I thought we had something in common. As it turned out, he was not involved in his kids' lives until after they were grown. That says a lot.
The way I see it, children are a gift, not a chore. I agree with the poster who says the single mommy should be warned about OP--it does not sound like he has the right perspective to be a good partner to a lady with kids. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:39:51 AM | I see that you said that you wanted "some positive advice"...does this mean that you only want pros and not cons?
Truthfully, if you are even having this question, I think you are already of the mind-set that this is an undesirable and unpleasant situation that you feel she is in, and an un-ideal situation to find yourself in. Follow your heart, and don't start something you don't intend to finish.
Peace | |
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