| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 10:53:36 AM | omg ~ the woman had sex at least twice in six yrs?? burn her @ the stake 
and I agree eldubu ~ I was quite offended by bubbles' statement as well. call me anything that you'd like, but leave my child out of it. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/13/2007 11:13:13 AM | OP-
Certainly as you have heard, there are many things to consider. Children are an incredible gift and responsibility. Only you know if you are really ready for that. It is awesome that you are thinking of EVERYONE'S feelings beforehand.
As for two children by two dads, given their ages, it does not seem that unreasonable. You only know the dynamics and how she copes and lives as a result of the two relationships that did not work out.
Can you really live with it and enjoy her and them?
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kirkey
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Joined: 7/5/2004
Msg: 104 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/15/2007 10:41:15 AM | Man,I would bang her and move on.If shes already screwed up 2 relationships.What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes?Nothing,her husband already told her twice. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/15/2007 3:14:39 PM | regardless of how many kids a woman has they're never to be considered as baggage or the relationship is never going to work. now, just because she has 2 children 6 yrs apart from 2 different fathers that does not mean that she sleeps around nor does it mean that she screwed up 2 relationships.
i have 2 boys, 7 yrs apart and 2 different fathers. my older son was born out of wedlock to my 1st ex husband. he left when my son was 2. a year after that i started dating my younger son's father.....oh, and i didn't marry him. when my younger son was born his biological father took off....now he's a dead beat dad. i met my 2nd ex husband when my younger son turned 3. he and i were together, got married and now getting divorced since he threw my boys and i out. he was accusing me of having an affair but with all fairness he was the one having the affair.
it's not right for any man to go saying women sleep around because they have children without knowing the story behind it. after all, women tend to get caught by mishaps like a hole in the condom, missed pills, etc. guys don't get caught, they just like to screw and run. | |
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e-wok
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Joined: 9/25/2006
Msg: 107 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/16/2007 1:24:19 AM | one issue people seem to over look is that dating this chick would eventually
lead to 3 kids 3 different dads....i dunno....maybe some people dont really
care anymore but i do mind what my friends and families would think of my wife
and evidently by many postings here, theres a good chance she would not be
respected.
its not as if shes being blamed for the past relationships but its the hassle of
having to explain away the multipule fathers.....its just stupid. at any rate, who
wants to deal with 2 other fathers who want to visit......LAME! sounds like a
dumb sit com to me. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/24/2007 7:36:42 AM | | To me it says she doesn't stick around when something isn't working for her. Does she take good care of herself and her kids? If yes, then what's the problem? If no, well - there's your answer right there - wish her the best and move on. Are you threatened by her past in some way? | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/25/2007 2:44:10 PM | it's a shame....a lot of you guys don't give the woman the benefit of the doubt. just because she has 2 children from 2 separate fathers that doesn't mean that she's a bad person...that doesn't mean that she runs to keep away from trouble...nor does it mean that she's not going to he any problems with any future relationships either. unless you know the facts behind the story, don't go knocking any woman down.
i tell everyone that i speak of honesty....what i previously posted, does that make me a bad person? no it doesn't. just because i had a son out of wedlock, then married the father. he wanted the divorce with me, not me with him. my 2nd son was also born out of wedlock, his father and i were planning on getting married after i had my son but instead his father chose to run.
there are plenty of women that have multiple children with multiple fathers and that doesn't make them bad. now, how many men out there can actually admit to everyone that they have a child that they may know of out of wedlock. you see, what most of you men seem to forget...it's the woman that has to carry the baby and raise it if she's against abortion and chooses not to put it up for adoption, not you. think about it... | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 1/26/2007 8:52:33 AM | O egads..very very shallow of you..but this may be a blessing for this woman..
I also..have 2 wonderful gurls..from *GASP*..2 different men..
I was on birth control..but that didnt work..
My gurls..our a gift from God..
Both of my gurls..were born outta wedlock..in which..I wasnt going to have children till I was married..but hey..Gift from God..
When I met my 2nd daughters father..I told him..my daughter..who was 2 at the time..
already has a father..I'm not looking for a father replacement for her..You accept me..yer accepting my daughter also..
Im a package deal..
I told him this..cuz I didnt want him to think..he was taking over..for her father..who lived 3 hours away..and was being thrown into a full time father..if that makes sense..
He embraced my daughter..with all his heart n soul..and did so much for her..
She is now 14..
We had a daughter..who is now 9..
We married..her father n i..in 98..
Both gurls walked me down the aisle..along with my father..
I am now a widower..with 2 daughters..from 2 different men..
August 22, 2004..I lost my best friend..my husband..my daughters father..(my oldest called him..dad..which didnt bother her bio father..whom was / greatful to her step dad)
to a sudden massive heart attack..he was 43..
Kids r a blessing from God..
It seems like..yer jealous..of the father of the oldest being involved..
Be thankful..cuz there r alot of dead beat dads'...dead beat moms out there..
Kids grow up..never knowing the other parent..
And there r kids growing up..with a deceased parent..
Kids r not baggage..
Everyone has so called baggage..ranging from alot of thangs.. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 9:32:51 AM | First of all, let's clarify that if you are a wife and your husband dies you become a widow. And a male is a widower.
That aside, there is a prejudice in some cultures against women with multiple kids and multiple fathers. My family would have difficulty accepting this and there is an unwritten rule and pressure from precedent to not have different kids with multiple fathers. To have a child and have one unsuccessful relationship is one thing. A pattern of having children without the stability of a father who is going to stick around is another.
It is a history of failures when the fathers don't stick around. Poor choice-making in selecting something as important as who fathers your children.
Then there is the complexity of family issues. It's difficult enough arranging a family get-together at Christmas with all the siblings and in-laws, never mind involving multiple families because you have multiple in-laws. Sheeeeesh.
It puts a different spin on things when considering whether to date this person. Not that you should or shouldn't just that you would take it into consideration. And yes, carry it to extremes like 4 children by 4 different fathers and alot of people would be turned off. | |
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kk42
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 112 | |
| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 4:15:55 PM | | Dating after a certain age you are likely to be meeting women with children. It is a package deal same for women that meet men with children. I do not think because the children have two different fathers should matter. Good Luck to you. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 4:58:13 PM | truenorth3410
my girlfriend had 2 kids from 2 different men. Promiscuous is the last thing she is. She is simply the victim of circumstances. Both men were physically abusive. Totally loyal, she is one of the most wonderful women I ever had the pleasure of knowing. And if she ever came back to me, I would take her back in a heartbeat
truenorth3410 I thank G-d for people with good hearts like yours, I actually shed a tear when I read your post. I have 2 beautiful girls by 2 different men (well at least one of them is a man anyway, Not sure what the other one is!)
My greatest fear is that people judge me as Promiscuous, and that is the last thing I am.
OP put yourself in her shoes and walk a mile before you judge.
Great post, Good to know there’s lots of people out there who have the same state of affairs as myself
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 4:58:22 PM | truenorth3410
my girlfriend had 2 kids from 2 different men. Promiscuous is the last thing she is. She is simply the victim of circumstances. Both men were physically abusive. Totally loyal, she is one of the most wonderful women I ever had the pleasure of knowing. And if she ever came back to me, I would take her back in a heartbeat
truenorth3410 I thank G-d for people with good hearts like yours, I actually shed a tear when I read your post. I have 2 beautiful girls by 2 different men (well at least one of them is a man anyway, Not sure what the other one is!)
My greatest fear is that people judge me as Promiscuous, and that is the last thing I am.
OP put yourself in her shoes and walk a mile before you judge.
Great post, Good to know there’s lots of people out there who have the same state of affairs as myself
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:04:45 PM | Chef Dad .. Do this girl and her kids a big favor .
Leave them alone. Move on asap
Thanks
Mimi | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/26/2007 5:14:30 PM | Gee, OP, maybe think how you'd feel if your mother had another child by another man. There's reasons, and unless you're planning on getting seriously involved, it NOYB!
Now if it were 2 kids by 3 different dads, well we'd just know she's not good at math!  Sorry, trying to lighten it up a bit! | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/27/2007 6:50:04 AM | well well
hmm
I can see all kinds of sides to this senario
what you have to do is take a stepback and ask yourelf what kind of life do you want for yourself
it is not only the children thats the problem it is the real fathers that are there too
it could be very messy and stresfull for all concerned
ex inlaws and the daily responsiblities ,money issues
we all know once the rose colored glasses are off
its the real world we are left with
she may be a wonderful person but reality is thats not enough
I am a single parent have two children from same father last one was a surprise around time I knew he wasnt going to step up and be a grown up ( had infertillity problems so getting pregnant again as doctor put it was a miricle 1 in amillion)so I hung around to give it a good go for the kids sake untill he got too abusive and left his ass thats my expieriance and all the years i was raising my kids ALONE supported them by myself I had other relationships but never alowed myself to get pregnant again I would have never alowed myself to get pregnant without making sure We were married and happy and all was going good and time was right and that is good for all concerned In this day and age there is no need for a surprise baby it can be prevented .
I do not know her or you but ask yourself if this is what you want then make it happen is this good for you her, her children , you , your family ,her family and all concerned . can you handle it ? can she handle it? can you blend the families well and will you be able to plan if your going to have another child or will there be a surprise! and if so will that be ok
there is so much more to think about | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 2/27/2007 11:07:54 AM | OK I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION....ARE YOU WORRIED BECAUSE SHE HAD TWO KIDS OR BECAUSE SHE HAD TWO KIDS BY TWO DIFFERENT MEN?
ASK YOURSELF THIS
SHE WAS WITH TWO MEN THAT YOU KNOW OF MAYBE THEY WERE ONLY ONES..
OR NO KIDS BUT 300 SEX PARTNERS LOL
WHAT IS BETTER FOR YOU?
SOMETIMES THINGS AND LIFE ISNT WHAT PEOPLE EXPECT I MYSELF WAS WIDOWED QUITE YOUNG THEN REMARRIED AND HAVE 2 KIDS
AS FOR BAGGAGE MY CHILDREN ARE NOT THE SUITCASE BUT THE TRESURES INSIDE | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:35:49 PM | | O.K here's my opinion if it means anything! We have all done things in our past that didn't work ot the way we planned. Would you want to be judged on a continual basis on your past? As a singal parent, I can say that when I date NO I'm not looking for a man to parent my children I manage just fine on my own. If your even questioning the fact whether or not to date her the answer would be no! I say this because when you date someone with kids it 's a packaged deal and if your not man enough to take that for what it is don't waste her time or yours! Kids should never be in the relationship unless you both know where the relationship is going to go. Be responsible and save the heartache. It seem to me that people are implying that women who have kids by different dads are "HOES". When in fact that is not the case. What exactly does keep it casual mean? Does that mean it's ok to be friends with benifits? If so your putting yourself as the possible third father. Using safety doesn't always work! Another thing to think about is how many women have you slept with each time you do so your putting yourself at the risk of impregnating that woman. Women have choices abortion,adoption,or being a woman and rasing the child reguardless if the fathers around or not! So many times a man portray's themselves as something their not (as do women) and it's not till it's too late that their true side comes out. It's easy for the father to walk out and take no responsibility. This is the behavior that causes us to be single moms. Everyone has baggage each partner must accept if yo can't move on | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:05:30 PM | To all those who commented on this thread calling Children Baggage..you are complete ignorant human beings for saying such a statement.
Who are you to judge a single mother .
You do not know the situation on how a woman became a single mother.
There people go assuming a single mother is out there laying down and just poping babies out all over with this guy and that guy.
Stop coloring the kettle black.
As for the OP question....I think the young lady your speaking of on here needs to drop you like a bad habit and take her kids and run like hell cause you obviously don't see her kids as anyone you planned on getting to know and be around and are just seeking mom only ...well buddy it is a package deal with woman with kids...you men need to grasp on to that before getting involved with a woman with kids if you can't deal with this.
I know there are different situations and some not good , yes there are young single moms out there seeking a man to use to support there babies I know they exist but if this young lady holds down a job and not on welfare and is supporting her children then why would a man assume she is looking for a free ride or that the absent parent in this case is going to be a problem.
Geeesh... | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/27/2007 4:49:20 AM | | I have 2 gurls with different fathers and I do not see anything wrong with that.I am raising then on my own and they do not need them in their lives.I raised them on my own and always will til they are 18.I am not looking for a dad for them cause they have their own even thou they do not see them as much where they are in a different province.I can do everything for them on my own and they will grow up knowing that they do not have to rely on a man for anything...I just found myself a great guy on this site and met almost 2 weeks ago, we do things together with my kids and all kids.I am not with him to be a replacement for my gurls.He know I can do things for myself and for my gurls without needing help and he is okay with that and still wants to be with us.I enjoy taking care of other people and my gurls.I wanted my gurls and I learn to do everything for them and myself.I am just like Martha Stewart... | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:00:26 AM | | stop being soooo judgmental,it doesnt make her a bad person or a bad mother, | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/27/2007 5:17:18 AM | I just wanna add my input here as i have three children all with different dads.im not looking for a dad for my kids,just someone that can except i have them n be a friend to them,why is that wrong?i never planned to have three kids to three different men and was actually taking contraception when i fell pregnant with two of my children.should i refrain from having children because the dads left and dont want to be responsible.have you ever thought of the guy and why he doesnt do for his children?single mums are often the victim of circumstance,i doubt any woman sets out to have kids to different dads.i have tried to get my kids dads to be a part of their lives but cant force them so why should i be punished for what they do?i work two jobs to support my kids and im definately not promiscuos,seeing i havent been with another for 5yrs.I at least take responsibility for my actions unlike the men.im the one looking after them with no help from the dads.what about those men that have kids to all different mums and continue to do so all the while refusing to be responsible for the life they created.it takes two to tango.why dont you put the men down for abandoning his children rather then the mum whose taking responsibility. | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/27/2007 7:45:21 AM | as a single mum of 8, not all with same father, i thought i should reply to this. Not many single mums choice to be single, and if as you say, we must be looking for a replacement dad for our children, then does that mean that if the father of our children decides to have an affair and leave us, then we do not have the right to ever get involved with anyone else, or go on to have any more children?
I have two failed marriages behind me after suffering severe post natal depression and both ex husbands deciding that their way of supporting me and our children through it was to have affairs, so does that mean i have too much "baggage" to expect to ever meet anyone new, or am i meant to stay single for the rest of my life and just be "mum"?
My question would be what about the dads that have left and gone on to have children with new partners, are they classed as having excess baggage and expected to stay on their own for the rest of their lives too? | |
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| she has 2 kids 2 dif dads
Posted: 6/27/2007 7:52:33 AM | Of course the guys that go on to keep fathering kids will have baggage - its called child support.
Mind you, it would seem that you have created a pattern of failed relationships due to the fact that you refused to get medicated to deal with ppd (post partum depression) which is very common and very treatable. Considering that you knew that ppd was what brought down your first relationship, why didn't you fix it before entering a new relationship or fix it when you started discusssing having kids with ex #2?????
People need to start taking responsibility for their actions..... | |
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