| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 6/24/2006 10:41:01 PM | dirtguy and treeman - like you don't already know it... if they haven't walked in our shoes, they just can't grasp it!
The shame is it takes so much to 'do the right thing' for our kids!
Lawyer fees to date: just over $25,000.us
lost business and property: over $100,000.us
plus the torture of jail and investigations over false accusations of 'abuse' in a badly flawed system!
in the end: full custody with mom on supervised visits.
childsupport collected to date: zero
Aloha and keep faith to all the sinlge fathers fighting for theirs, and my deepest respect to the women who love their kids enough to respect their childrens Fathers right to be Dad.
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Posted: 7/2/2006 11:09:20 PM | | hanks for the suport babygurl36. i can't beleave how many dads are out there that really care as much as i do. god bless all of u. and i hope every thing works out for all of u. | |
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Posted: 7/3/2006 9:31:18 AM | your very welcome anytime. keep fighting and if you need to talk email me and i will give you my yahoo sn.
as far as i can concerned eventually the courts will see who is the better parent and if you dont give up which i knwo you wont you will have your lil one before you know it. just please dont use your lil one for information that will backfire on you and it will hurt your chances.
remember you have a friend here and i have been through it before its a long hard fight but have faith you can do it. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/3/2006 12:14:40 PM | My wife left me (and our daughter) for her cousin, who's married and a swinger. She initially took daughter out of state, but then brought her back after I flew down and attempted to get her.
airfare/hotel/rental car: $900
attorney' fees : $8000+
I kept the house, 1 car, and everything else; she still thinks she can get joint custody (if/when she moves back). | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/3/2006 1:03:32 PM | I like the way put that.I couldn`t have said it better myself.
For me I had to take her to court twice.I lost the first time,after mentioning safety concerns.Two years after we were back in court.Let`s just say they should have listened to me the first time.This time I got full custody,and the mother got nothing at all.
It all cost me about $40,000. and a good job.I was let go because I was missing too much work for court dates,etc.It cost me on a personal level also.
All that matters now is that my son is safe, happy,healthy,and well-adjusted.Being a single father is the most rewarding,honerable, and fun thing I have done or will ever do in my life.
I dont` want to think about life without him every day.Hat`s off to all u single Dads. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/4/2006 12:42:27 PM | It`s about safety concerns,U need to prove then.Also, a big part of that was the judge game her chances to go to parenting classes and she refushed.I was able to show a long term patern of neglect and abuse.I was able to show that the mother was given every chance to be a better mom ,but she didnt work at it at all.
The thing that really helped was, I hired a well-know child psychologist.He said"It would be best for the child that the mother has nothing more to do with him then a phone call or greating card on special occassions."I hope that helps.
Note; do whatever u have to to prove your case.Videotape,police reports,statements,Dr assesments,child worker reports,audio tape.Do whatever u can.I hope this helps. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:28:12 AM | The cost to get divorced with children can be as little a few days work and a few days pay...
My brother got custody and it cost well under $10K in direct costs, but a lot of emotional pain.
For me, direct legal costs in the six figure range, consequential costs in the seven figure range, collateral costs in the eight to nine figure range. I told the truth and was honorable. She has a lawyer that lies constantly (the inspiration for Shakespeare); she lies gratuitously and abuses the children routinely. She got literally and figuratively everything; the kids, the houses, the money. The real kicker is that she blames everyone else... and has an unending list of experts to support any claim, except when there is a need to swear an affidavit. Then the court looses the file and issues a judgment that is unrelated to any complaint. Got to love the courts in Massachusetts!
I figure she got seven figures in the divorce, has been getting six figures in support from the state (schools & support grants), close to that from private sources (insurance claims) and support from me that is in the words of the court "Beyond the guideline" (about $250K over the guideline last time I checked).
She has destroyed my business (refused to allow me access to lab, shop and office; then had a flood that destroyed everything); and bilked the insurance company for the privilege (on a malformed policy). She has scared off potential employers (subpoena, seek work orders, because I asked that support be set under my gross income).
After my Ex-wife’s counsel became GAL for my brother (can you say conflict of interest) he withdrew from the case and my brother's ex-wife then began a brutal litigation (using the same tactics as my Ex-wife). He gave her the kids, who promptly went form doing well in school into the truancy pool (expelled from school repeatedly).
Sorry for the rant, but the word of divorce corruption needs to be spread.
The cost of acrimony and abuse is without limit...
It’s about the best interests of the kids, not the sleaziest lawyer…
As a side issue, there is no oversight in the Massachusetts probate court.
In other words, the judges are above the law.
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tekrok
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Joined: 6/28/2006
Msg: 61 | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/10/2006 11:28:21 PM | | Time, about two years worth. In the end the kids made the choice. Even though I lived 200 miles away from them I always made time and effort to see and be there for them. My Ex just blew them off and they got tired of being ignored. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/11/2006 4:03:49 AM | hi,,, im in the uk so things are diff here,,,shouldn`t it be up to the kids,,,,, i have my kids alll the time they go to there dads everyother weekend,,, he does not call them during the time he does not have them not been to a parents evening or sports day he pays me maintance of £56 a month for two kids,, he owns his own limited company 3 cars, 2 holidays a year,, we are fine we have each other but my kids are 6 and 8 and do not want to go to there dads but the law says until they are 12 and old enough to make the choice,, i have to send them crying everyother weekend,,, the law sucks,,, | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/11/2006 2:35:18 PM | | In Massachusetts kids (14+) can let it be known how they feel. But the judge has the final say until they are 18. I went through it and had to give up everything including child support and agreeing to sell the house (my daughter had 1 1/2 years left to high school) to get custody. She wanted her money out of the house so she could get off to a new start. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/11/2006 3:03:01 PM | | It only ran me approx $3,000. But my ace in the hole was that my ex is not real bright. I've been a nurse for about 5 years. She told the judge that I couldn't take care of an infant, and only wanted me to have visitation. His reply was that if the state licensed me to work in any health care facillity in the commonwealth, that I could most certainly care for a child. And that was that. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/12/2006 3:18:05 PM | hmmm had full custody that cost about $3,000.00. Ex returned been fighting to maintain shared custody that cost in the area of $100,000.00 it looks like by the end of september i will be down to alternate weekends and a substantial maintenace bill ... mom doesn't want to work and her lawyer told the judge she wants the children for the money and the judge did nothing...
figure its going to cost about another 40,000 to get back to equal custody and a lot more to get full custody but to be honest i would prefer sharing the children with their mother. They need her as well as me! Just wish she could see that!
to all the rest good luck hope yours stay small!! Side note i only make about 50,000 a year ha ha ha | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:01:11 AM | Wow... Been reading all your posts about gaining Custody of your children... Expensive Ventures...
For me it cost nothing. 0.... My Ex just simply gave it up.. and then signed the paperwork. In Canada, Family Law cases don't cost anything to file, or to have heard. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/20/2006 1:19:38 AM | I say all of us fathers that have no rights contest the powers to be to let fathers have more rights then just being a sperm donar, We fathers should have an equal right to our children, our children are not posesions, they are human beings with feelings too, they are used as pawns in the courts and with the ex's, I have had my son taken from me after a messy relationship and his mother doing things that where not moraly right, My son was taken from me on Easter Sunday and I was going to be arrested for kidnapping my own son when his mother had abandend us for the fourth time, It is not right that we fathers have no say so in our childrens lives because the issues that you may have with your ex, the children have nothing to do with it. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/25/2006 8:14:41 AM | I am a step mom of two boys.. and until i met my x's ex wife i did not know there were women like her in this world..
My x and his family paid over 300,000 in canadian to keep his children. Yes he won . but it was a big price...... he had custody of his 8 month old baby and his 3 year old.. . He was able to retain custody until the oldest was 12 years old..but ever month for 10 years there was a letter or court processings. . .. in the beginning a judge ordered that the children were in danger living with their mom as she put her life and needs before her own children..
as for today. the mom fought for full custody in 2001 and won.. due to the fact dad did not have money .. or the heart to fight what the oldest child wanted. .........
now the oldest boy is 16 and does not like living with mom........and the youngest is not happy either. ( mom moved in with a new guy)......... so now the boys are looking at moving back with dad...... i hope everything works out for them.......
yes it was a lot of money . and mom had legal aid lawyers so she did not have to pay a dime.. but it was worth it in the end.. as these 2 boys know what family life is.. and that they can always come home..
I dont understand the canadian court system.. why when a judge has deemed a parent unsafe,. can they continue to bring applications to supreme court ........... somewhere the rules have to change.. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 7/25/2006 7:28:59 PM | I paid about 15 grand for nothing. I fired my attorneys, read up on the law myself, figures out how to do things and did in 2 years what they could not do in 8.
If you have a brain that functions half way decently you can do it without a lawyer. Some things I learned that might help others;
1- Call attorneys and ask questions. Usually they will take some time and give you a few pointers.
2- Be really nice to clerks of court. They can make you or break you and if they like you they will be more than helpful.
3- Speak from the heart without being sappy. The judges and lawyers aren't used to people talking that way and since they are human it tends to snap them out of their robot minds.
4- There are a whole lot of little rules that mostly get overlooked. In Montana where I live (and I think they are basically the same in other states) they are called Uniform District Court Rules and Rules of Civil Procedure. Most attorneys don't bother with these little rules and judges won't call them on it for 2 reasons; one being that they may no them themselves and second, they don't necessarily have to unless someone brings it up. Well, those rules are exactly that, rules. They are not guidelines and have to be followed NO MATTER WHAT. They are quite useful for getting long standing things that were not properly done tossed out.
5- Most states have everything you want as far as state laws on the web. It makes it very simple to look up what you need. What may not be so easy is case law stuff which you'll have to go to your local law school to find.
6- There is a saying that you will hear many lawyers say to you, "Only a fool represents himself." The proper thing to reply to that is "I'd rather be my own fool than somebody else’s."
Shalom,
Robert | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 8/21/2006 11:45:48 AM | | well, i'm going through the whole custody battle as we speak. But, she is living with the guy she left me for in North Carolina, and this guy told her that she can stay with him but he's not going to support her. I think he's just using her for a booty call and is mad that she left me and she is his responsibility now! She also has a CPS claim against her for child abuse, so i hope it swings in my favor cause she took my son and i haven't seen him since the end of last month. | |
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| Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?
Posted: 8/21/2006 4:48:24 PM | I chime in around the middle of the stack
Complete liquidation of all assets somewhere near the 40K mark, after debt servicing etc, but who cares its only money. My kids and I will sacrifice for a while, living in a rental home, no more dinners out just because, but irrelevant. My kids are safe, happy, and well cared for, I woulda paid 10 times that to see this point. | |
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