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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/14/2006 10:28:28 PM | OP Shallow is used when we judge others over silly or trivial things, or something that we shouldn't worry about in another person.
Like i would say hygien IS important, and even being healthy with weiaght IS important. But other things like hair what colour, what style, how much, how little, eye colour, race, etc stuff like that IS TRIVIAL and people should not judge others on that. Or i will put it this way. Although people have preferances, they should not becosme requirments to the point where you will absolutely NOT date someone at all if they don't have this or that etc.
We all have preferences , I have preferances, but we don't have to make them become requirments especially with regards to the trivial things I mentioned above.
THATS shallowness. But stuff like health and hygien is ok to be concerned over.
I hope that helps. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:26:44 AM | By the skewed definitions of what constitutes "shallow" used on these forums (especially any weight-related threads):
color me shallow in every aspect you want  
Everyone has preferences, we should not be derided for stating so, nor do we need someone that does not fall into those preferences trying to change our minds...  | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 6:57:33 AM | | I would say that if only and I repeat, ONLY sexual, physical attraction is what matters to someone, than I consider it shallow but if it is a part of full spectrum of what we expect from ourselves and our partner, than it's a different story. Physical attraction is necessary but it has to go along with mental, emotional and intellectual connection. By itself it's pointless as it will never be a part of mature relationshi, just a quick fix.. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 8:31:10 AM | While the thread has really turned into more of a comic routine and it is amusing I'm going to be the party pooper and actually answer the OP's question.
Attraction is important to the LONG term of a relationship. It's truely irrelevent to the beginning of one. I agree shallow is cast about far too often here, but equally we have become a society blinded by surface reflections. The truth of the matter is that preferences when used as such aren't all that bad. I prefer someone my hieght, i prefer someone with long hair etc. It's when they become criteria or requirements that one has become shallow.
If I only am willing to try to communicate or date someone with long hair I miss out on the chances that someone with short hair is really perfect for me. Hence shallow. Additionally as many have said as people grow into a relationship more becomes attractive that may not have been to start.
I guess here is the lowest level I can use to express the point. If physical attraction were truly necessary how do you account for those who are blind and in relationships?
As a wise man once said "there are stranger things in heaven and earth the are accounted for in your philosophy." | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 8:41:06 AM | Shallow is when the perfect person for you is right in front of your face and you deject them because they don't meet you physical requirements, they don't make enough money, don't drive the right kind of car, don't live in the right niebourhood, don't appreciate the same things you do, etc. How dumb!
This person is incapable of deep feelings based on superficial ideals.
They are blinded to the perfect relationship by thier own selfish needs! | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:26:15 AM | I don't know Leeanne, i have to disagree with you on the physical requirements thing. Even if you have the perfect person for you right in front of you, if they are too overweight or just plain unattractive and do nothing for you, that doesn't make you shallow. That makes this perfect person before you a friend as attraction is necessary for romance. i've known some really nice girls who would probably make great mates because the personalities match so well but no fire. I've tried to date women I liked on a personal level but had little or no attraction to and it simply doesn't work.
I find on these forums the ones who throw around the word shallow are the ones who haven't got the looks or body to get by on that and they're bitter. I say get over it. People can't help what they like. I've been rejected more times than i can count for not being attractive enough for someone. But there's no point whining about it. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 33 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:37:06 AM | I think preferences become shallow....at the point when the physical is the only criteria with which you judge someone worthy of dating you. If all I wanted was a man that was flithy rich, and looked like Brad Pitt....even if this man...say, was filthy rich because he was a drug dealer, or head of a tabacco company. Has a history of physical abuse, and a criminal record, and treated all women/humans like crap. If I didn't care about anything other than his appearance, and his weatlh .....thats shallow.
Preferences are just that something you prefer in another person you are looking to date. I prefer taller men....however I am willing and excited about a date I have on Monday night regardless if he is 3 inches shorter than me..because he has every quality I have looked for in a man aside from that one insignificant thing. I would be pretty stupid to pass up this amazing man just because of 2 or 3 inches. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:40:16 AM | Shallow=not deep. LOL all it's synonymsn from the thesaurus
unintelligent , cursory, empty, empty-headed, farcical, featherbrained, flighty, flimsy, foolish, frivolous, frothy, half-baked*, hollow, idle, ignorant, inane, lightweight, meaningless, paltry, petty, piddling, puerile, simple, sketchy, skin-deep*, slight, superficial, surface, trifling, trivial, uncritical, unthinking, vain, wishy-washy*
apish, artificial, artsy, artsy-craftsy, assumed, awkward, campy*, chichi*, conceited, contrived, counterfeit, counterfeited, faked, false, feigned, fraud*, ham*, hammy*, highfalutin, hollow, imitated, insincere, melodramatic, ostentatious, overdone, pedantic, phoney, phony, playacting, pompous, precious, pretended, pretentious, put-on*, schmaltzy*, self-conscious, shallow, sham*, shammed, simulated, spurious, stiff, stilted, studied, superficial, theatrical, unnatural
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:43:08 AM | Unless i simply missed this, i think that the real point of the term is being missed in all these posts. You have it backwards. Everyone is discussing "shallow" as being why you reject someone based on issues of your own preferences. This is utter nonsense, as you have every right in the world to reject anyone you feel you want to reject, regardless of your reason(s).
One textbook definition of shallow is: "Lacking depth of intellect, emotion, or knowledge". By someone or something not being a part of you, regardless of how they or it stayed separate from you, it becomes irrelevant. If you followed that reasoning, everything not connected to you makes you shallow..
The real kicker is when someone or something is attached or related to you somehow, for reasons that are surface, not-thought-out, not-justifiable in some articulate way. Thus a man taking an absolute moronette as his bride because she has big breasts.. hmm perhaps that is shallow. A woman dating a guy because he has a fancy car.. hmm that is shallow. Me dating that Starbuck's barrista that i cannot stand because she has a rock-tight butt, hmm that might make me shallow.
...but to decide not to date a man because he is not your height, or a woman to not date a man because he is working in a field she doesnt' appreciate, that is **not** shallow, it is a choice, a determination, nothing more, nothing less, and is usually not a personal thing.
ok, gotta go chase that big-boobed blonde i just saw Ü cheers. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:50:55 AM |
I don't know Leeanne, i have to disagree with you on the physical requirements thing.
Well why the bag on your face then - you don't want someone to choose you based on how you look, but for who you are????
I have a very dear friend who is in a relationship with a man she could never in a million years see herself with - but his overwhelming kindness and love for her has developed into her love for him. She gave me the advice to step outside of my box when dating to find happiness and she is right - as soon as I did that I have found love and I had dated many wonderful men I may not have previously. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:52:52 AM | well I've seen many a profile of women looking for the following in a man:
A car
A hot bod
Being taken to a fancy dinner on a first date (oooh no no no NO!, Im not falling for THAT again. I know she'd get her fancy dinner then disappear into the night without so much as a kiss on the cheek)
Money (and lot's of it)
and the list goes on and on.
that to me is shallow. It shouldnt matter what someone looks like or what car they drive (if any) or even where they take you to dinner. I think one should date someone based on having common interests and enjoying their personality. But I think those days are over and this both saddens and angers me because I don't have many of those shallow things women are looking for.    | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:59:21 AM |
Shallow is when the perfect person for you is right in front of your face and you deject them because they don't meet you physical requirements, they don't make enough money, don't drive the right kind of car, don't live in the right niebourhood, don't appreciate the same things you do, etc. How dumb!
This person is incapable of deep feelings based on superficial ideals.
They are blinded to the perfect relationship by thier own selfish needs!
Leeanne, you said it wonderfully. I love that post, and it's so true. I agree totally and i am glad that some people agree with what I feel about this.
I also was thinking that peolple who are shallow, I dont think they have they capacity to truly love someone else (their partner) and they don't have the right understanding of what a relationship is truly about. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 11:07:37 AM | Actually Leeanne, if you took a second to click on my profile, you'd see 2 pics of me there. The bag pic is up as my main pic because i'm regrowing my hair and i don't quite look like those pics yet (they're from last summer) yet i don't look like i did with a shaved head, kinda in limbo right now.
Face it, most of us desire attraction to another. While its possible to find love for someone over time who you normally wouldn't date, its not that common. We like what we like. I can't talk for others but from what i've seen on the forums, i'm not alone on this. Many of us prefer some attraction. Others don't care. But notice who those people are or rather what they look like. I think it speaks volumes.
And remember, the original topic was what is shallow? To me shallow is someone who bases their decision to date based on looks or status and nothing else. And there's plenty of that going on. But there is definitely a difference between being shallow and having some preferences like not being overweight or being reasonably attractive. Certainly there's nothing wrong with that? | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 11:17:43 AM | mardioluv4u - thank-you!
the joe show - worrying about your hair and how people would view it - uh ok but you sound kinda shallow to me - you really do! You also sound like you have been dejected a few times.
We can agree to disagree at this point - shallow may be subjective to some - not black and white - there is a fine line of perception here. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 11:17:56 AM |
Actually Leeanne, if you took a second to click on my profile, you'd see 2 pics of me there. The bag pic is up as my main pic because i'm regrowing my hair and i don't quite look like those pics yet (they're from last summer) yet i don't look like i did with a shaved head, kinda in limbo right now.
Face it, most of us desire attraction to another. While its possible to find love for someone over time who you normally wouldn't date, its not that common. We like what we like. I can't talk for others but from what i've seen on the forums, i'm not alone on this. Many of us prefer some attraction. Others don't care. But notice who those people are or rather what they look like. I think it speaks volumes.
No offemce to you Joe Show, but I think that some of your posts that i have read seem to suggest that you seem to have alittle bit of ..... confidence lask somewhere. i have read your posts in the past few weeks, and it frankly was alittle concerning how SOME people can take discouragement and actually care what shallow people think about them. You seem like a genuine guy and that , but I always get alittle nervous myself when i see or hear another guy being nervous about certain things and that can be contagious. Again I don't mean to bring any offense to you by no means but it is important to keep a right possitive view point about things and just hold your ground.
It also depends WHAT the attraction is. IF it is HYGIEN, or tryting your best to dress nice and neat when needed, or taking care of yourself than that is reasonable ai think most would agree on that. BUt there are certain things that are just not meant to be judged over, even though WE ALL have preferences, including me, we should NOT make a deal breaing judgment on them because of certain things. Those that do are not really seeing the pic picture and are bound to be unsattisfied because of selfish or unreaslistic or silly wants that they feel they need to make THEM happy.
Ignore those people that think shallow and just be you as best you can be and the right person will accept you and like you for you. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 12:31:22 PM | Leeanne - shallow,there's that word again. Calling me shallow because i prefer to make a good first impression? We live in a visual society, you can either prefer to live within it or play on the fringes, I choose acceptance and i'll tell you why.
I was a very overweight person most of my life so I've been the subject of society's preoccupation with appearance. Its only been the last 6 years that my life has been more "normal" thanks to losing the weight finally and you know what? I wouldn't change it. I've been on both sides and believe me, being accepted is much better than being on the outside looking in. So maybe i buy into the looks thing but its better than the alternative.
As to confidence, no worries. Anything i've posted recently or ever for that matter is usually based on online dating which is an entirely different animal than meeting someone in real life first. Online is a real humbling experience as you are judged right off by your pic most of the time, or lack thereof. Its not fair maybe but its the way it is. Right or wrong, we are a visual society and always have been even before the media machine was dictating what is hot or not. While the inside is ultimately what makes or breaks a relationship, you can't discount the outside and the attraction factor.
i do quite well thank you. Its amazing how people tend to read all kinds of garbage into the things you write. It happens all the time on the forums. I think it says alot about our little community on here and what kind of people inhabit it. Maybe most deserve to be single. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 12:41:31 PM | Everyone has their own preferences. If you are attracted to something about another person "physically" then that's not shallow.
What is shallow are having material requirements: IE: Someone asking for a sugar daddy, someone interested in the car you drive, someone interested in your portfolio.
Now, I don't believe it's shallow to expect someone to be self-sufficent (ie: Have a J-O-B/Career) but by stipulating a certain income level, I believe that is crossing the line that divides perferences and shallowness. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 12:45:36 PM | I was never called shallow or unresonable until I tried online dating...
then
everyone who I rejected had something to say about
me being shallow or unreasonable
because
I was not interested in meeting or talking to them.
I prefer what I prefer and would rather not meet anyone
unless he is those things.
Some of it has to do with looks and some with personality
and lifestyle.
The problem is often that guys will post old pics, lie about themselves
and you end up wasting time
and then get told your shallow because they arent who and what they claimed or seemd to be........ I dont worry about it because I know who I am... and what I like....
they are just mad they cant manipulate me.
I also dont stalk people and was once called unreasonable and uncaring because I wouldnt help a woman on this site stalk someone.....
shesh
crazy people !!!! | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 12:47:41 PM | ^^^^full agreement.
I've never heard the word shallow used more than it is here. And like i said before, just look at those who throw that word around. Bitter. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 12:52:38 PM | Now someone has brought us to the crux of the issue "We Live in a visual society"
I argue that is exactly the problem and if people don't get out of that mentality society is going to self distruct. People have been pushing society into this mode of thought that surface impressions are all that matter. Community has broken down, family broken down, civility broken down, enviornment approaching disaster, health going down not up. I love that fact for all the health conciousness and focus people are LESS healthy now including those who make up the "fitness" world. Who cares if you die of unusual cancers as long as you look good doing it.
It used to be online you were judged by what you wrote and did no one knew what you looked like. Ask anyone who's been on the net for more then 10 years and they will almost always tell you it was better back then. The point of my ramble the seeming wildness of it is that people here are blinding themselves and stoping themselves from finding happiness and blithely running about congradulating themselves for it.
If you only look at surface and ignore what's beneath and that's why its called shallow you are going to find yourself in a world of trouble. The joke really does apply ifyou see someone walk off a bridge are you going to follow them just so you can be accepted? | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 1:10:00 PM | I was never called shallow or unresonable until I tried online dating...
then
everyone who I rejected had something to say about
me being shallow or unreasonable
because
I was not interested in meeting or talking to them.
I prefer what I prefer and would rather not meet anyone
unless he is those things.
Some of it has to do with looks and some with personality
and lifestyle.
The problem is often that guys will post old pics, lie about themselves
and you end up wasting time
and then get told your shallow because they arent who and what they claimed or seemd to be........ I dont worry about it because I know who I am... and what I like....
they are just mad they cant manipulate me.
I also dont stalk people and was once called unreasonable and uncaring because I wouldnt help a woman on this site stalk someone.....
shesh
I would somewhat agree with you in that there are SOME things that are important and obviously teling the truth about yourself is one of them. I am against manipulating others.
I do however just want to clarify that is DEPENDS on WHAT we are judging them over. NOT the fact that we are looking for someone who has decent hygien and health or whatever, but it depends WHAT that thing is about the other person that we are judging. I had stated earlier that some things are not really meant to be taken too seriuusly and should be understood that they are not important!!. Things like , eye colour, hair colour, race, noise appearance, head apearance, hair style, hair length , no hair, no tattoos, or tatoos, piercings or not , etc, those things are not at the top of the list on what makes a person who they are. People that judge others and make REQUIRMENTS based on those things are shallow because they can't see the big picture and are narrowminded in how they see others and they lack depth and character because they make superficial issues and things decide whether or not they will date someone, THAT IS SHALLOW, and those people that do that WILL NOT and CANNOT be satisified in the future because they don't have things together in themselves and are not truly capable of GENUINLY loving a mate. WHy? because they put insignificant issues and trivial things THAT THE OTHER PERSON MAYNOT EVEN WORRY ABOUT, and they can't over them and they hold that against someone. That prooves to me that they obviously DON'T know what they want. I am not trying to be mean or disrespectful but thats how it is!!
Now again things like HYGIEN, and health and how one dresses , is more acceptable to like. Becuase people can control those things either way, and that shows you alot about the person and how they take care of themselves. So those things are ok.
NOW..... we all have PREFERANCES, BUT we should not make a deal breaking decision as it relates to dating or being with someone if our preferences aren't met. Or else that preference is a REQUIRMENT. Having PHYSICAL requirments is shallow and narrow minded and unrealistic again depending what they are.
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 2:07:47 PM | If I put in my profile that I don't date fat chicks ... what kind of mail do you think I would get?
Having preferences is a personal thing ... sticking them into someones face is shallow. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/15/2006 3:31:29 PM | | Call me stupid, if you like, but isn't shallow about feelings? Shallow to me, is someone who isn't interested enough in life to be deep | |
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