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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 1:41:16 PM | ROFL if you had any idea of my background you'ld realize how funny "proposing that people take their hands off the wheel" is. No what I am proposing is more akin to being a pilot to being a car driver. When you fly your eyes can and do often decieve you. You need to fly not just with your eyes but with the instrumentation that tells you that up really is up and down really is down etc. The problem most have this day an age is that they are soo busy with what their eyes are telling them they don't realize they are crashing into the ground.
"People are using online dating sites as another avenue to meet people, period." You are correct they are, but the point of doing that was to meet people you would not have otherwise. Hence you are given an oppertunity to do something you cannot do in life. Find out who someone is and what they are about without the normal social and societal pressures. The reason these sites used to work fairly well was people got to see a profile and peoples interests and be able to connect to that and work from there. Not seeing what someone looked like at least at first. You might have found sans an initial viewing that someone out there was exactly the kind of person you wanted to know.
Then you might have exchanged photos and yes maybe something was there maybe something wasn''t but was still friendly. Or maybe not at all. Now however people are just listing out what they think they want looking at the pictures for what they want and ignoring everything that would actually make for a relationship to succeed or not. THAT's where the shallow is comming in. Not ever experiencing something outside of your preconcieved notion of life.
As for people who use it as there be all and end all, how would you know? What equips you to judge if they are sad people or not? Trust me in advance.. you aren't qualified. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 1:46:34 PM | Shallow is possessing dating behaviors TOTALLY STEEPED WITH SUPERFICIALITY.
For instance, I am attracted to intelligent, book-smart women with long hair, fit bodies, preferably un-tattooed. These are all SUPERFICIAL physical and personality qualities.
I would be SHALLOW if I followed these rules all the time to the T when "sizing up" my date prospects.
So I admit to being attracted to SUPERFICIAL qualities in women. I believe we all have certain qualities that we are attracted to on either a conscious or subliminal level.
Your dating behavior becomes SHALLOW when you carefully react to your SUPERFICIAL dating requirements on a CONSCIOUS level.
Being shallow at a subconscious level is bad, but not as bad as being TOTALLY COGNIZANT that you never violate your superficial requirements.
Like a lady saying she never dates shorter guys. THAT'S SHALLOW.
Like a dude saying he only dates large breasted women. THAT'S SHALLOW.
A good question is: Is a guy shallow when he states "I never date shallow women."
Great post.
As for the last question you had is a guy shallow for not dating a shallow woman or a woman shallow for not dating a shallow guy? answer....NO!!, Thats a good requirement to have and it is not shallow in any way because they can control their attitudes and feelings about others. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 2:53:33 PM | As for people who use it as there be all and end all, how would you know? What equips you to judge if they are sad people or not? Trust me in advance.. you aren't qualified.
Buddy, you cruise around these forums spouting your ideals and while you do seem like a thoughtful person with good points at times, at other times you come off like a know it all. These people who use it as the be all end all of their dating lives? Yes, they are sad. Indicates to me that they lack a real life. You're a regular forum poster, you see what goes on around here. Lots of whining, incredible examples of complete stupidity and insecurity abound. You get a real taste of just how socially inept a lot of people are. Its frightening. Also, as you date more and more from this environment, it becomes even more evident. Online is full of people who think they're regular fully functioning people but many are not. I'd never seen such a collection of idiots in one place until I started online dating.
There are some pretty cool people here, very normal folks who are simply looking to date but there are many more questionable types. Anybody who's done this for any length of time knows this, its been acknowledged by many on the forums time after time. Perhaps if you can't see that, you might be one of them?
your pal, Joe | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:31:24 PM | Well I started the thread because of seeing the word shallow used so frequently and many times in my mind improperly. I like the word superficial, maybe that's the better word.
I think most really want someone who they would enjoy sharing their life with, or at least the more "serious" ones. It's not an easy thing. You meet people, and you have to decide who you want to possibly date and who you don't.
For myself, those that I've felt comfortable with, that's something that spurs my interest. Also some commonalities as far as lifestyle, and most importantly, the sharing of common values and morals. It's not easy to find a match, and it's never easy for me to try to turn someone down easily, even when I feel there's not enough interest to pursue anything further. I'm always willing to offer friendship, and offer it sincerely, but most want someone to date. The offer of friendship to someone who wants to date you is usually considered a turn down. And often not met with a polite response.
Anyway, thanks to all who've contributed, an interesting disussion, indeed.
I personally haven't met many people who I'd consider shallow. I guess I've been fortunate in that regard. I just know that if I were attracted to someone and he wasn't attracted to me, I'd want to know, and wouldn't dream of trying to push the matter, make him feel bad or try to talk him out of it.
We all have our ideals, our standards. What makes selecting someone we want to pursue romantically versus looking for just a friend is the element of attraction, chemistry. The spark, whatever you call it. In my personal experience, it's either there or it's not. I've given someone a "chance", hoped that maybe it would develop and it never has. Just my own experience. I also know that just physical attraction has never kept me interested for long. I need the intellectual or mental stimulation and have a weakness or maybe a preference for gentle, compassionate, tender-hearted men.
That's just what works for me, it's interesting always to read how others think.  | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:25:05 PM | CHEVY I hear ya, girl!! I've managed to find the man of my dreams, only from going through all that, and saying frig it!
I'm not jaded, only because I took a break or got off here when that was what was happening.
And it worked for me, only because I focused on being honest with myself, when being honest with the men just didn't work. I knew they weren't honest with themselves, but I just pulled back and decided not to deal with all the BS.
I've been honest and polite as possible, answered ALL my emails except the tacky, gross ones, and still got called everything you can imagine.
For a well worded and thoughtful no, not interested. Not once, but hundreds...nearly a thousand!! And yes, all these hateful, rude email responses from a polite turndown was from men who had a profile, the typical such a nice guy!!
They're nice until you say no, and then they're well...something else. I still get them although I've been obviously, SERIOUSLY involved for 9 months.
My profile has always CLEARED relflected that fact, yet I still get emails wanting to meet, although I'm dating, and my headline is someone's squeeztoy!! I even have the fact that I don't want to meet any new male friends. I'm stumped...how much clearer can it be that I'm taken, involved, in love? I only HAVE a profile so I can post on the forums, and stay in touch with many dear friends.
And I'll have it as long as I care to, until my dear man and I decide to leave. | |
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ledzep
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Joined: 4/29/2006
Msg: 80 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:56:41 PM | not sure if this is the right forum for it, but shallow to me is when you IM someone, they open their connection, then immediately close it for no reason. No thank yous, no goodbyes, just shallowness.
If my pic doesn't do it then that's fine, but at least have courtesy to say 'no thanks'.
We live and learn.
btw. This forum rocks! Kudos to everyone in here who writes!
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 4:46:15 AM | ....I won't date an unintelligent man.That is my preference which also happens to be a very strict requirement.
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Trish.
Are you saying this because you mean it.?? Or are you saying it because you think it will impress people.
Lets try a little list. Make that three lists.
1/ Brian McCusker, Watson/Crick, Neiles Bhor, Steven Hawkins
2/ Mick Jagger, Bruce Willis, Heath Ledger, Jonny Depp
3/ Joe Diamagio, Muhammand Ali, Tiger Woods, Beckam
Now tell me, off the top of your head, all you know about all of these guys.
At the end of the day it's the recording studios, the movie sets, and the training tracks that require the security guards to keep out the groupies.
Intelligence is not valued. | |
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Sigi
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Joined: 5/26/2005
Msg: 82 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 5:45:10 AM | Hi Bucsgirl, interesting thread to read.
I've been honest and polite as possible, answered ALL my emails except the tacky, gross ones, and still got called everything you can imagine. And yes, all these hateful, rude email responses from a polite turndown was from men who had a profile, the typical such a nice guy!! They're nice until you say no, and then they're well...something else.
^^Just wanted to say I can relate to this....unfortunately....
Sigi | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 7:37:05 AM |
I won't date an unintelligent man.That is my preference which also happens to be a very strict requirement. ============================= Trish. I'm with you Trish. I couldn't have an intimate relationship with an unintelligent man. The communication and conversation exchange between myself and the person I'm with is very important to me. I need to be mentally and intelluctually stimulated. I could have a relationship with an overweight or unattractive man though. What people say and how people act makes them attractive to me. Are you saying this because you mean it.?? Or are you saying it because you think it will impress people Sparticuss -- Just in case you're about to ask -- no I'm not attempting to impress anyone. While the list of celebrities you presented is nice I'm not about to be a groupie, or date a celebrity either. Intelligence IS valued by many (but you're right about saying it's not valued by all) I do value intelligence highly. If some folks consider that shallow then I say go ahead and knock yourself out. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 8:18:36 AM | I can't believe no one has nailed this one yet.
I've got it.
Anything below the ankles. 
Oops, wrong thread. Gotta go  | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 85 | |
| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 8:18:52 AM | I'd date a dumb woman .. as long as she has a hard body
See .. I am not shallow  | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 8:53:25 AM | "Trish.
Are you saying this because you mean it.?? Or are you saying it because you think it will impress people.
Lets try a little list. Make that three lists.
1/ Brian McCusker, Watson/Crick, Neiles Bhor, Steven Hawkins
2/ Mick Jagger, Bruce Willis, Heath Ledger, Jonny Depp
3/ Joe Diamagio, Muhammand Ali, Tiger Woods, Beckam
Now tell me, off the top of your head, all you know about all of these guys.
At the end of the day it's the recording studios, the movie sets, and the training tracks that require the security guards to keep out the groupies.
Intelligence is not valued."
Lol...that's funny.I can tell you a lot more about Bhorr and Watson and Crick( who stole the idea from Rosalind Franklin, who was an intelligent woman, by the way) than I know about Mick Jagger(heard his name, but I know nothing about this man) and the likes you listed( I do know something about them, though).I also happen to know a lot about Ali and Beckham.
What can I say, I'm a biochemistry student and a huge football (soccer) fanatic and a moderate boxing fan.Also, Ali's life fascinates me more than Bruce willis' or Johny Depp's does.Try something else sweetheart.
Wow....and you know so much about me through just my post?????? Why would I say anything to impress people,lol?????I have no one to make an impression on , on pof.Sorry, sparti, but that's the truth.Also, as far as your theory about unintelligence not being valued goes, then you could not have been more wrong than that.Why is it that I always have crushes on the geeky looking science nerds, instead of the muscular football players or the good looking studs????????Also, in my world intelligence is valued the most, believe it or not, if it was not valued, I would not go to college in the first place.Sorry if I sound weird, but for me Marie Curie(yea, I'm a science geek, so?) has more value than an Anjelina Jolie or a Madonna
Thanks, Basicallysweet!Some men need to realize not all women go for dumb studs like most men go for dumb bimbos.Don't tell me otherwise,Sparti.You can see far many intelligent men with dumb(but pretty) women then you can see intelligent women with dumb ( handsome) men.That's because more than half of the male population look for sex and it does not matter whether they screw around with a dumb woman or an intelligent one.It seems you fall into this category.
~*Flavia*~
P:S: if you have a thing for bimbos with no brains.Then more power to you.But just because you do not value intelligence does not mean I do not.But why am I even bothering to explain all this to you???????Lol, I must be on crack.
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:01:01 AM | The people that were listed were entertainers, performers. That's their business show business. Hmm, intelligence not valued, not even relevant. Tell me is Steven Hawking doing a concert tour?? It's so apples/oranges...sorry but the study of the sciences is not something you can dial into on TV or go to a stadium or concert venue to SEE.
Entertainment has it's place in life, we can't be all about work. A balanced life has interests outside of professions and occupations, time for relaxation and FUN! | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:06:30 AM | Actually, I have a friend (total geek) who is entertained by science books, and lecture tours. He comes out to the bars and concerts with us, but will also get tickets to see some scientist talk about stuff I can't begin to describe. Its his job, and what he does for fun. Of course, he's very celibate, so the original point still stands. Intelligence and education are valued if it results in more money.
Some people are like that. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:28:49 AM | | ...the term 'Shallow' is a word misinterpreted by women who get rejected. The real meaning of the word is not to be confused with being careless, frivolous with a women's heart, nor concerned only with outward appearances, nor a superficial skirt chaser , but it is a choice men make along the way in the 'getting-to-know-you phase' to not look any deeper into that woman's personality because something she said or is, turned him off. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:46:47 AM | | I didn't read much of the posts here but thought I would give it a "whack". There is only one category which makes me think someone is shallow and it is when a girl will date a guy because of his car or not date him because of it. That's too high schoolish for me. The rest of the stuff comes down to preferences really I think. I have decided to drop labels and just work towards what I want. Everybody out there needs to realize they all have a segment of people who will be interested in them and THAT is where they should focus. Being happy with oneself and targeting your segment. The car thing is just a little overboard. "Oh he drives a Mitsubishi Eclipse, I am getting wet!" Just ain't my thing. | |
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| What is shallow, really?
Posted: 6/17/2006 10:08:44 AM | Just for the record it's "Niels Bohr".
At least that's what Schrodinger's Cat told me and I always listen to him...
Colin | |
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