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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???      Home login  
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 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 51
What does a man mean by taking things slow???Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

There are some pretty cynical posts here.....


Sadly Doug, there's a lot of jaded people out here. And not without reason I would guess. I dunno, I've said "want to take it slow, no sex until we know each other" - and then been inundated with sex comments and even the "M" word after one date. You think I went on a 2nd date, much less had any interest in sex with her?? NOT. Unfortunately there's a lot of guys who will tell a woman anything to get laid. Really, for me, it means more along the lines of "I want to find a friend I can talk to about anything, and if it leads to more thats great, but its not jumping into 'committment' without that kind of connection first".

Sex is *part* of a good relationship, but its not *the* relationship, and I want to take the time to build a relationship with someone before jumping in the sack with them. Unfortunately I see a lot of people who have the attitude that if you're not having sex within the first 3 dates, you're not interested in them. And yet, these same people are the ones wondering why they can't find "meaningful" relationships. Not saying that it *cant* work that way, but just not the way I'm "wired" I guess.
 khrockproducer
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 52
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/12/2006 10:23:12 PM
This is a good thread and I've gotten a lot out of it.

I have been told this too recently.

Unfortunately, I do see where this can mean anything here posted....of the many perspectives. So, the only thing I can do in that regard is honor the person's request and take them less seriously.

The down side of this is that sometimes when people tell other people this, often actually, since we are all familiar with the "line" ...its that common, and more often associated with negative perspectives in the view of most people posting here is...

a) apparently this line is so common that many here are familiar with it.

b) most seem familiar with it as the style of people who may be avoiding relationships (ie those with attachment disorders)
....
c) we do live in an era when our lives can be endangered by this outlook, when taking it slow, means mixing body fluids with more than two people, for instance.

d) sometimes this backfires on guys and the woman they tell this to backs off because they have (as compared to clinging) driven her away rather than let things go naturally, they may find she loses interest because the natural rhythm of relating is being disorted too much to satisfy his fears.

Since I was told something similar in a situation where it was also going.... too slow (I hardly saw the guy), to the extent that I had to lodge multiple complaints, I found that the pace of this mixed with sex only makes me wonder what kind of sex someone else might give since I don't know if I'm in a relationship or not.

I don't like to mess around with more than one person for health reasons. On the other hand, ....I was looking for a relationship and don't want to end up an old maid because I wasted time on someone who made me jump through hoops when it was they who had no capability for caring. That's what scares me - Do people who lack that capability make you jump through hoops because it's a way of avoiding coming to terms with thier lack of ability to accept other people ?

That, I have seen here. It's as if my faults, however insignificant, become his way of avoiding his own fault - that he lacks attachment to women. You can ALWAYS find something wrong with anyone - and studies on people who fail to marry by a certain age (women) find that thier expectations of others and relationships are too unrealistic. Taking things slow is certainly a way of holding the door open for people who tend to find faults in others too much.

In that case, everyone has faults, so one can always use that to evade one's own faults....which is fear of love - the central most important issue in any relationship.

Love makes us accept people regardless of thier faults and this may be a central theme for people whose expectations are so unrealistic they never commit. They cannot love.

I do find it very unusual if I date someone who regardless of all of the very positive things about me....still won't commit. There are enough positives about me that are fairly rare so that I do wonder whether the other person is really psychologically alright.

I notice that guys who have been married and had kids, and the same for myself, tend to "flow into" being comfortable quickly because we seem to know that relationships are not perfect, and people aren't, and a relationship is something you can experience with just about anyone. But people who have never been married and use this line don't know this. They think relationships vary widely. They don't ----- most are similar and most couples are similar, except where one or the other is sick, criminal, into substance abuse, has a mental or mood disorder.

That IS where they differ and flow in the direction of negative, out of control. Many people who use this line, and have not been married, may have a disorder that is the problem,... the issue NOT being all of the other partners they turn away. I would say that slow is okay if you are taking the time to get to know a person....and it is a danger sign if you are not taking the time. That worries me.
 cynderalla
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 53
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/13/2006 12:33:23 AM
It means how fast do you want me to go slow.
 rainskiss
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 54
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/13/2006 2:43:04 AM
lol, they just want friends with benefits
 Mr Fair Play
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 55
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/13/2006 3:41:46 AM
What is wrong with friends with benefits? For what women expect a man to be in a commitment these days, do you actually blame men wanting friends with benefits? A man is expected to be a lot these days just to be good enough for a relationship. That’s why there are so many guys resorting to the one nighters or friends with benefits thing.

At least the guy can be himself and do what he likes without being judged on a relationship view. In many cases a woman expects a guy to be someone that is not naturally a guy or a guy who has a high status and owns a lot.
 rainskiss
Joined: 3/5/2006
Msg: 56
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/13/2006 4:08:02 AM
I didn't say anything was wrong with it did I?
 canali
Joined: 4/11/2006
Msg: 57
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:12:52 PM
it can mean different things to different guys,
as you've read.

I just requested this of a woman i was getting close with but I felt a bit racy (anxious) with, too (I been single for a bit so although I love dating again, it also can freak me out a bit, too for all the normal reasons, of course). I told her that I wanted to cut back on the romantic stuff and just hang out as friends (first) for a bit to get my footing/confidence again.

So it goes back to communication: clarify your thoughts/words.
 Orange Juice Blues
Joined: 7/19/2006
Msg: 58
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:17:41 PM
It means that if you go too fast, I'll chafe.
 vahbsc
Joined: 1/5/2006
Msg: 59
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:20:26 PM
taking things slow means your as$ is on the side
 po8vamp420
Joined: 2/17/2005
Msg: 60
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:23:32 PM
In the world of my mind, lol ... means I am not interested in dating you nor screwing you nor keeping you around as a friend Oh heck, I just tell them who am I kidding.... LMAO
 BombinLebanon
Joined: 5/30/2006
Msg: 61
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 3:34:56 PM
I've never had a man say something like this to me. The forums here are making me lose faith in humanity. I guess the intelligent, aware, creative men I've met in my life are a minority. Or maybe there is something about this place that draws out only the lowest life forms.
 halifax_sadie
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 62
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 7:10:23 PM

It means that if you go too fast, I'll chafe.


Priceless.
 Hello Kitty aka HK
Joined: 6/21/2005
Msg: 63
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 8:35:51 PM
this all just too mind boggling..........


Take things slow................
Why the rush? are you going somewhere? Okies , lets agree to have some good conversation, get to know each other more and get it on lots...........

what happens happens.......
That's it....no pressure, no expectations.......just two ppl that like each other, some type of chemistry,infatuation,"click" , communicate well together and understand each other possibly & lets be honest MOST OF THE TIME They wanna SHAG a whole lot .........sex feels good and it's fun as well as good for you both. It's a starting point that's it.


JMHO

HK
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 64
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 10:57:51 PM
A lot of excellent points have been made on this thread, but msgs 4 and 52 seem to be the most perceptive, to me. I think if a guy is into you, he can't get enough of you, in more ways than just one, ASAP.

Taking things slow, getting to know each other well, BEFORE getting intimate, seems to be the safest course of action for a lady to take, if you're wanting to avoid getting your heart broken. However, taking things slow does not guarantee that happening, anyway.
 heyitsdoug
Joined: 3/8/2006
Msg: 65
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:05:07 PM
It means that if you tell me you love me on our first date I'm going to
run like my ass is on fire!
 xamo
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 66
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:19:09 PM
Take it slow = look...I dig you, but I don't totally trust/know you, so don't act like you do yet, relax and get to know me because I think you don't yet. You're suspect, but no more so than anyone else, and I see something in you/us that shouldn't be rushed.
 xamo
Joined: 3/24/2006
Msg: 67
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/17/2006 11:26:28 PM
...and yeah a little of "You possibly could be the kind of girl who falls for jerk offs....I am not into that kind of person, but I don't want to judge so quickly so let's see"...
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 68
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:06:42 AM
What does a woman mean by taking things slow???

I have heard this a few times in my life. What always makes me laugh is how "slow" does figure, so prominently, in the equation when it comes to sex...

But certainly doesn't when it comes to marriage, and, certainly not, when it comes to divorce.

So girls....... What does "taking it slow" mean to you?
 BryceKefr
Joined: 4/22/2006
Msg: 69
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History
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:09:27 AM
it means he actually likes the person and wants to take the time to make sure he does everything right for that person.
 TheMachine
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 70
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:10:36 AM
the male translation to taking it slow is....

I'll keep doing you until a better ride comes a long
 am here
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 71
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:16:03 AM
ahhh only interested in sex... but don't ask for anything serious...............ATM

and don't go shopping for a wedding gown
 A_REAL_Sweetheart
Joined: 10/11/2005
Msg: 72
What does a WOMAN mean by taking things slow?
Posted: 8/18/2006 1:57:08 AM
What does a woman mean by taking things slow?

^sparticuss, It can mean, "I've been so freak'n burned by jerk-offs (as a previous poster mentioned), that I'm waiting to see if you're an honorable man, with morals and integrity, who will be faithful, before going any farther than friendship or dating." It can also mean, "I'm waiting until I feel safe with you before making a commitment." I think, generally, it indicates some reservation(s) (fear, caution) about the person, one's own self or relationships in general. It may just be a matter of needing to build trust. I guess, just as with guys, it can mean different things to different women. However, I do believe that women, in general, are usually more honest when saying this, as opposed to using it as a stringing along strategy, waiting to see if someone supposedly "better" comes along. (JMHO: I cannot speak for the entire female population, though.)

Also, not everyone rushes to divorce, when things start going sour. Usually, it's more like a slow, lingering death, from what I have observed and experienced. Some people live miserably for years, trying everything fanthomable, within their power, to make their relationship work. It is a sad testament about society that some people rush to divorce what might very well be a salvageable marriage and could, in fact, be stronger than it once was before.

... And, maybe I'm out of the loop, old-fashioned or whatever, but isn't is usually men who rush the sex? (Hello? Venus to Mars speaking)

... As far as women rushing marriage -- another myth. I've known men who have done so, even to the point of trying to "trap" the woman! Ha! The stories I could write about THAT!

 Simply*Enchanted
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 73
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:09:34 AM
TRANSLATION: "I WOULDN'T MIND SEX ANYTIME YOU'LL GIVE IT UP, BUT THAT'S ALL IM LOOKING FOR FROM YOU"
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 74
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 4:58:43 AM
I would think "taking things slow" means a relationship that slowly develops that works from both parties getting to know each other (and ha ha - yeah right) not necessarily with sex, over a longer period of time...Instead of ripping each other's clothes off, the "Oooh and Ahhh" session(s)...and moving in together and "playing house" after a month...

Some can't wait that long...so there's no "slow"...
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 75
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 8/18/2006 5:37:00 AM
While it may hold subtle differences for different people it means they just are not into you.

There is no justifiable reason to take it slow when "getting to know" someone. The whole idea is to know the person and that can only be accomplished by spending time together. If someone does not want to spend time with you then they do not want to get to know you or they already do and don't particularly like you.

We hear people say they want to wait until they know the person and at the same time they don't want to spend a lot of time with the person. The only logical explanation is they don't really care about the person. It's the same thing as if they said, "I don't want to commit to anything until I know you and I don't want to get to know you."

It is one thing for someone to say they want to go slow before they have sex or before they live together because they want to know the person. That makes sense. Saying they want to go slow getting to know the person makes absolutely no sense at all except them just not being interested.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???