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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???      Home login  
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 ascuteasabug
Joined: 8/8/2003
Msg: 126
What does a man mean by taking things slow???Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
For the men who have said that they wanted to get to know a person before taking a relationship to the sexual level - yee-haw!! Sincerely, YOU are the ones most of us are looking for. I think the reason for the question is that women tend to experience more men wanting sex while saying they want to take it slow, which several men on here have acknowledged. That has been my experience at least.
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 127
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 1:49:42 PM

(Msg 124) Nope, not jaded at all...but that is my experience. If a guy is not in a hurry to have me on the first date within the first hour, he usually has trouble in that department.


Your profile states you're 26. I just have to ask, "Are you dating senior citizens?"
 Drugstore Cowboy
Joined: 7/1/2006
Msg: 128
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 1:55:50 PM
it means the man is scared of the way he feels
or the way the female is making him feel
this usually happens when issues arise with committment
 natureboy1469
Joined: 1/7/2005
Msg: 129
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 2:22:11 PM
When I say,"Let's take things slow", it's because I find it easier than saying,
"Let's get to know each other better before we have sex. If things don't work out early in our relationship, it will make it easier on the both of us to go our separate ways without feeling guilty or feeling used".
Now if we both have really strong feelings for each other right from the start, then that is a whole different ball game. Then it's like getting an early Christmas present!

It's always best to think about the women's feelings. Engaging in sex without commitment can be seen as another form of mental abuse.
Guys, please don't hurt!
Let's not be responsible for making someone cry.
 Shorter
Joined: 11/19/2006
Msg: 130
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 3:10:01 PM
It means he's screwing with your head, and wants you to be addicted to him.
 Elfenlass
Joined: 10/8/2006
Msg: 131
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 4:06:13 PM
When a guy wants to 'go slow', it can be anything from "I've been hurt in the past and not up for that again straight off" to "I'm still not sure if I like you".
But yeah, it usually means "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 132
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:27:43 PM
Elfanlass said

"When a guy wants to 'go slow', it can be anything"

Wise words - it depends on the person and circumstances or where they are at with relationships

"But yeah, it usually means "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".

This sounds hurty- things didn't work out- but then there's the guys that go- "i was a perfect gentleman, we got along great, I didn't push her for sex-cause she was "the one" and she dumped him and ended up dating an alcoholic biker.

So - I guess everyone's time frame is different- and it's another thing that makes dating difficult.

Maybe it just means "I'm concerned because you want to move things along at faster than I intended and I feel vulnerable right now and don't want to get burned."

Or it means"I don't get married after one date"

or it means "I want to get to know you better before our lifes become too entangled"

or it means " "I'll happily have sex with you but I don't want to commit; you're just for fun".

Its just a muddy statement and it means different things to different people.

maybe guys are more complex than I give them credit for-

way a minute- I'm a guy-

Guess we just want sex- women told me so

Back to the drawing board-


 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 133
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 5:45:38 PM
Very funny Dave1234

Actually the older guys have no trouble with that...its usually the ones in their late 20s early 30s. Due to some previous physical or emotional scarring/baggage. But, don't want to get into the particulars of that.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 134
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 7:10:07 PM
It means to forget about any consistancy there was during the first three months of the relationship because things are going to be different now. Haha. I personally believe if you take it slow and easy to begin with, it will last a lot longer. But if it happens the other way then it will change.
 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 135
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:17:26 PM
not sure what it means??

any thoughts on this one.....after meeting 1 year before and running into each other all the time and having him stop you in traffic. For about 3 months you talk on the phone every week or two. Then the guy shows up on your doorstep in the middle of the night. he is distraught about his dog and parents....you help him through this. Then you have sex.....you continue to talk on the phone and text message (as distance is an issue) and see each other about every 3 weeks and hang out and end up having sex. After 3 months of hanging out, dinners and sex. After an awesome evening.....he text messages saying - he doesn't think he can call anymore, i don't have feeings that you deserve

i think he is running scared...any thoughts guys? gals?
how long do i wait before i contact him?
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 136
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:28:40 PM
My thought is wait till he contacts you and pray that he doesn't.

 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 137
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:35:32 PM
actually i would like him to call...he has been hurt in the past - he is a great guy!!
i think he is scared because he is so comfortable with me.
hope i am right that he will call....saturday is 1 week. other than my reply to the text message, i haven't contacted him at all.
 Sadie415
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 138
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:43:06 PM
Yeah, he'll need some time to figure things out on his own. In the meantime, you may wanna think about how distraught he really is, while keeping your own heart in tact. Let him take the lead and decide if it's something you are willing to deal with.
 right one
Joined: 8/6/2006
Msg: 139
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 8:57:04 PM
Thanks
well, i am patient and have nothing to lose if i wait. I am not upset by this whole thing, I am sure he will return - when is the only question. he is worth the wait, but until he believes that there is noting i can do.....
 lakeboy99
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 140
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:37:12 PM
I'm not sure what he ment you where there u should know.... an if you don't ask him... go with your gut... i tend to believe he's not really into you.
 johnglc
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 141
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 9:54:46 PM
It could mean that he's not sure whether he likes you or not and needs time...........
 tallest169
Joined: 7/4/2004
Msg: 142
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/23/2006 11:15:32 PM
Perhaps he wants you to "take things" such as his independance, self esteem, bank balance and favourite pet slowly, as opposed to quickly and all at once.
 mrgreek2003
Joined: 11/20/2006
Msg: 143
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 12:53:58 AM
No such thing as taking it slow... Maybe they are gay and unsure if they like women...

Peter
 blondnclassy
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 144
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 1:08:46 AM
mm interesting posts lol...
If a guy goes full steam ahead dosant take his time getting to know her. has sex the lot. marry me now.. how many will say yes.. an how long will it last.. exactly.. so Some guys will. make the effort to get to know her. if she is worth his time and effort.And build from that. hey sex can still be part of it. but if it comes first and takes over. what about the small things. the important stuff...Depends what we are all looking for. and if you click.. and you want to be with them on a permant basis. or if you are unsure.. if your ify.. you will have all kinds of excuses..which is ok.. just dont mess her around.. as you will loose out.. but then again.. that goes for men and women...
 eyesbluebrunet
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 145
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 1:42:29 AM
I totally agree with rick0415. I just got out of something very similar to the "going to fast" issue and not getting to know each other well enough. After 1 meeting and 2 dates this guys was pushing serious right away. I hardly knew him yet. I like to "DATE" and take my time a little to get to know a person before meeting family or saying he's my boyfriend. I think mature men understand that and until I meet the right one for me, I'm still fishin............
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 146
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 5:37:22 AM

It means he's screwing with your head, and wants you to be addicted to him.

ahhh ... such a 'willpower' I would gladly put under my 'microscope' ... just to see who loses the grip of the rope first.

Seriously, "stopwatch" for timing? If you don't choose , watch this space ... and smile.
 MEGA_CHULO2007
Joined: 11/15/2006
Msg: 147
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/24/2006 7:22:48 AM
When I've told women that, I meant that I didn't want sex right away. I have always experienced when getting sexually involved with women, they tend to catch feeling very early on. Unless it's someone that I'm REALLY feeling, then I wouldn't mind doing it on the first or second date.
 singleguy64
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 148
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:45:46 AM
It means to forget about any consistancy there was during the first three months of the relationship because things are going to be different now. Haha. I personally believe if you take it slow and easy to begin with, it will last a lot longer. But if it happens the other way then it will change.


that I agree with Sadie. I usually start off saying I want to take it slow, because I'm *not* looking for sex in the first 3 dates (although, yes, I wouldn't be dating her if there wasn't that attraction, and I do expect that at some point if it actually develops into a relationship, sex will be involved - its a *part* of a good relationship, but its not *the* relationship), I'm looking to get to know the person, and the rest will follow if & when the relationship gets to that point. Different for everyone, its not a damn "timeline" (ie, "sex in the first 3 dates or its over"... nah, how about "sex when you're both ready/comfortable, be it 2 dates or 20"?).

But, on the flip side, someone who suddenly changes that in mid-relationship, thats a bad sign. Thats someone who wants to back off the relationship, for whatever reason (fear, insecurity, wanting to cheat,... who knows...).

About the only time I'm gonna say "slow down" in an established relationship is if she suddenly pops up with marriage/living-together, and impatiently/demandingly wants it "now"... and not that I'm against either idea, but "ok, slow down, lets talk", and hey, maybe I will do it now, but it won't be me "giving in" (or "backing off"), it'll be us talking, both of us knowing how we feel about it, and what "we" want. But that just boils down to my belief that a good relationship has honesty and compromise, and those usually don't happen w/o communication. If any of those seem to dissappear in the relationship, if compromise gives way to demands, or communication stops, its not going to be "slow down", its going to be "this isn't working, its over".

Life is too damn short to be playing guessing games. If you can't talk to each other and have open & honest communication, if you're making assumptions of "this is what I 'think' he means when he says that", not matter which way that falls, you're setting yourself up to continually fail. If you are guessing how they feel, *ask them*, and "I don't know" isn't really an answer (and you can usually get past someone who "doesn't know" with some patience and real desire to want to help them understand their own feelings).
 tradeblazer
Joined: 11/1/2006
Msg: 149
What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:21:55 AM
Slow is good..but geoligically slow is no good..
 itsmeinco
Joined: 5/18/2006
Msg: 150
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What does a man mean by taking things slow???
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:50:17 AM
It means don't start nagging him to move in and/or get married for at least the first year.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > What does a man mean by "taking things slow"???