| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:26:49 AM | Man this thread has been thrashed to death a million times..
Simply, it does not matter how you act.. If the glove does not fit the woman
she will take it off and find another that does fit..
Be yourself, if they are not happy with what they have got.. Move on.. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:33:25 AM | these "nice guy" threads are old and overdone. 
i believe some women go for the "jerk" type because there actually is LESS emotional investment with them. many women have as healthy if not more healthy libido as men. maybe these women don't go for the "nice guy" because she figures there won't be a chance of getting emotionally hurt if the "nice guy" decides to end it.
just a theory, ladies please don't flame a response back, it might be wrong. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:36:26 AM | Do you really think that a woman will like you more and give you a second chance if you "threw out a backhand once in a while"? Yes, it's the impression you get but you're confusing yourself and comparing damaged women with the image of the regular woman you seek.
Why should you care about how others deal with their messed up relationships?
Keep doing what you're doing, all the right things, the things that make you feel good about yourself. Don't start doubting yourself now. There is a balance, but you just have to keep looking for it.
Thinking that you should change your present attitude to adapt and settle for one of those women is not what it you really seek is it? Don't compare the wrong suspects with the usual suspects. Even though the Internet has made it an instant world, it's not.
Success to you. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 8:40:10 AM | I have ben asking myself this question for a long time now....the conclusion that I came up with is that......
its human nature...
when you see something beautiful before you....
you right away look for the flaws and deam youself unworthy to possess its beauty......
In your case...if she cant see all the things you do for her....thats her loss!! | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:11:07 AM | If your not talking the regular bad boy/nice guy thing, I think these women need to prove there love is strong enough to change that man, shrinks say it comes from not having enough love as a child from there fathers.
If you are talking the bad boy/nice guy thing, well like evryone says it's been done I've only been on here a week and a half and I'm tired of it. And I'm probebily what people call the nice guy, I hear your to nice all the time, I also hear "I just want to be friends all the time. Oh well, most women are going to be attracted to the so called bad boy, there more exciting. I'm a really mellow dude, I've done more then my share of hell raising, I'm not a whimp, I would stand up to most of these so called bad boys anyday of the week. If I hear your to nice or I just want to be friends ok if I want to be just friends I will, (but then I treat them like a friend, I don't take them out I don't buy them flowers I still open the door for them, but thats just comman, and if they call me saying some guy treats them like shit I say well maybe you need to look at what kind of guys your going out with, (I will listen once, everyone makes mistakes, the point is I'm not going to rescue them). I could easy be a so called bad boy, but I took off my macho mask for a reason, I got more women when I had it on yes but thats not me, and I never kept them, either they weren't right for me or they ran (usually saying something like "Your f**king crazy). I want to be loved for who I am not what I pretend to be, maybe it will never happen, oh well, I think it will when I find the right person.
If your being a so called nice guy to get women it don't work. I personal don't want women I want a woman that is right for me!! | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:19:23 AM | Be patient, you will find a woman who will truly appreciate all of the qualities you mentioned
and and she will be the ONE. Maybe you go for wrong women yourself? What qualities do you look for in women? I know I am one of thise who like a true gentleman and will not setlle for less.. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:42:08 AM | Indigo said something that I've read in mags: nice guys suck in bed. I dont know if that's true nor do I care but that is also a false generalization. I, by most women standards, am not a nice guy. But when a guy like me shows them that I can be nice it makes it more the sweeter. 
Church. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 10:10:52 AM | | I completely agree with kk_1972. We want a man not a brick wall or a doormat. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 10:13:24 AM | | There is not a SMART woman in the world who would leave a man who's GREAT in the sack and treats her like a queen ! What do you think we are looking for???? | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 11:08:58 AM | *raises hand* I know I know!!!!
Because after being with someone who treats us like crap for so long we get use to it... the ones that treat us good, *generally fleeting*, we fall hard for them and they wind up walking away when we have the slightest problem...the ***holes tend to stay...actually we can't seem to get rid of them.
So in between the really bad parts, and the bad parts, and the sort of bad parts, are ok parts, and sometimes even good parts. And because they were there when we were having problems and were there for such a long time sometimes, dealing with a lot of emotional crap, so be it mostly brought on by the piss poor relationship, we tend to bond emotionally, unhealthy as it is, to the ***hole who stays.
And then when all is said and done we tend to try to forget the bad and only recall the good..this is commonly referred to as selective memory. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 12:16:39 PM | Went through this whole thing in highschool and did a bit of looking into it introspectively. Here's my bit on it.
Bad men have a few positive things going for them. They are spontanious, they are flawed and when they bring thier ladies out they are generally fun until they turn into a controlling jerk.
Nice guys have the disadvantage of overthinking things (like I did with this subject but it helped a lot). If you overthink things and are too concious of those around you, you give off an aura of perfectionism, non violence in solutions and predictability.
So, modify yourself a bit. Be considerate and kind mostly, but self centered now and then. Do let her see your flaws as well. Nobody is perfect and it's a lot easier to care for someone that does not make you feel inadequate for your own flaws (and we ALL are aware of our own flaws). Be contrary in opinion. Respect hers and be willing to hear her when she talks, but if your opinion is different, say so and why. This demonstrates an independant mind on your part and a respect for the fact she has an independant mind as well.
Be spontanious with things that offer physical thrill. An opera is nice, but a weekend of go-kart racing, sea-dooing or camping will give you a chance to play together rather than just enjoy something at the same time. This is critical.
Let her see the "big hairy man" side of you as well as the debonaire side. Hunter/gatherers provide a sense of security and well being, knowing that no matter what, you're there, your willing to do what it takes to make sure things are safe and maintained. The same way a woman who laughs and plays demonstrates to a man a part of her character, so does your big hairy man side.
Do remember things that are important, but don't fall into the romance trap. Flowers are nice. So are classy gifts. But bringing in her old childhood friend as a surprise speaks louder. It demonstrates not only thought but that you hear her, understand her and take the time and effort to show her you care rather than a five minute trip to the flower shop and ten minutes booking tickets to something.
There's tonnes more. Read books for women like men are from mars, woman are from venus. Mix it in with what you learn from anything written by Anne Rice or Anias Nin. Develope a rugged "Indianna Jones" side to your personality. Be fun, exciting and still stable and thoughtful. It will work and it'll work with someone worthy of the effort.
Dan | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 12:17:43 PM | | I have no clue on that, guess I'm over that? My last LTR lives overseas, don't see me going there except to see the countries, not him...LOL:D | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 12:54:42 PM | Many of the women seeking bad doys, have low self esteem to start with. Others to not see the bad boy until they are so far into the relationship, that it is hard to get out.
But no woman truly wants a total bad boy, they are looking for the balance that works for them...bad boy=protector, security, guidance, fun in bed....good boy=friend, confidant, lover! | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/16/2006 2:19:47 PM | | Hi thats not true! Some woman won't leave a man that is agressive or dominating cause they are afraid to leave them, I know I had 3 of them till I got smart! Then I stayed single for about a year and a half and found a very nice man that was kind loving sweet gave me flowers and cards when he was over the road, He showed me that there are some men out there that can treat a real woman with respect! That is what it's really about RESPECT!!! I would think that if you want to be treated nicely you would treat your mate the same way, It only makes sense. Communication is a great way to start, no yelling arguing fighting nothing but getting to understand better where that person is coming from! Think about it, if your both arguing then neither of you know what each other are talking about cause you can't hear what each other is saying, then you had already forgotten what you were arguing about in the first place! So the thing is, its not that woman like men that beat them up or is mean to them there just afraid to do anything cause they don't want to get hurt anymore then they have been already. There not happy, but they find some way to deal with it. And no nice guys are not losers for treating a woman good, just that the ones that think they are are just jealous cause they don't have a good relationship and they only wish they did, They know what they have to do to get that but some don't bother, I am a very secure woman in any relationship I have . I belive that you have to have trust in a relationship or you have nothing, I don't belive in being up my mans butt 24/7 I think we all need some space away from each other so that like the old saying goes, absense makes the heart grow fonder, and it does. I hate it when I can't hear from my man on an everyday bases. I want him to know that i am there for him, So we talk all the time, And plan things together as it should be. So finding the right match for you is something that takes time, its not like you can go into Walmart and find those falling prices hahaha you have to know what you want and go after it, That is what i do, Hope you find what you are looking for. Thanks for listening to my story. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/17/2006 4:42:27 PM | Hey, I agree with Jazz.. Nothing wrong with mixing in a little bit of ME time in with the ALL4U time. Most women like to know they cant just run over a guy, he's gotta stand his ground and have some boundaries too. And again NEVER remind her what a good guy you are... Dont pretend to be a bad boy either, lol. We can always tell when you are faking  | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/17/2006 5:53:16 PM | I think that if your partner dosen't please you in bed nice guy or not ya learn to
tell them wtf. Sheesh the next woman appreciates it. To the people who think nice
guys ya...................
Wow. girl
I think I don't want a nice guy if he doesn't know how to say NO.
Nice guy's often have shitty boundries with family and friends to.
Nice and smart..........ok we are cookin. It is wonderful when others determine we are nice but often times ya gotta wonder about motive if nice is on the table.
Is it a person who is running to catch up to nice or is it a wisdom. The motive of the question begs the question of.... Do you put people into a catagory based on what specifics. Like past people here have said........to react at a certain level to match a certain circumstance. But to be nice across the board and eat crap isn't nice or attractive.
So ya got two many nices..........lol  lol | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/18/2006 8:59:24 AM | Sara, Suzanne and little kitty,
Yes Yes Yes to all three of you...we want a balance...of both...good and bad....because if we are honest with ourselves...we are both as well. It is just a matter of finding the person who's personality and qualities match and compliment ours.
We are all different so we are looking for different combinations to fill our needs. There is someone out there that will meet them, we just need to keep looking and not get stuck in a situation that has no real chance. If it is not working and needs are not being met..then move on, the person is not for you.
Although, if you feel that there is a connection...then it is definately worth the time and effort to see where it may lead!
To OP...yes, sex and cheating can be an addiction, very much like crack! People who have this addiction will go to great lengths to get what they want/need and eventually do not care how they get, who the hurt to get it, or what they do to get it...sound ? | |
|
| |
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/18/2006 2:42:11 PM | | its that little thing called love,and love is sooo blind you may see her being badly treated yet she sees nothing but love,,she will learn and she will stand back one day and realise what people have been telling her for years and then when someone like you comes along she will appreciate every little thing you do xxxx | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 6/26/2006 10:52:09 PM | kk-1972 agree with you 100%.
I'm a "good girl" looking for a nice decent guy but I have to have respect for him and how can anyone respect a dishrag? I know a guy who is pusy whipped and it's pathetic but he seems to like it because he's a guy whose major relationships was with "bad girls" that want to get rid of him but keep him around for conveniece, the women who didn't treat him this way were dumped.
Op I'm wondering, what kind of women do you go for and where do you meet them other than on here? | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 7/16/2006 4:59:58 AM | | rainbowfishh- absolutely yes the nice guy theary is true- women love a bad boy/player/guy who is a bit dangerous until they have to get a restaining order, retain a lawyer and need the number for the local battered women's shelter. Women, time after time, seem to fall for this and are too stupid to be able to figure it out before hand. | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:09:08 AM | | It only seems like that!,of course most women want nice men !id love a man that treated me like a princess ...just no takers yet lol | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 7/16/2006 6:55:05 AM | Same deal when guys go back to women that are unfaithful time and time again...
Give them all the comforts of home anything they want and they still hit the streets prowling for something else... | |
|
| am I missing something?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:50:24 AM | Why does Hermione go for Victor or Ron and not Harry?
Why does the first Matrix fail?
Answers, answers, hidden in questions. Best way to get em! | |
|
Xtype
|
Joined: 7/6/2006
Msg: 50 | |
| am I missing something?
Posted: 7/16/2006 7:55:07 AM | ^have to disagree with arealangel^
Give a man all the home comforts and this one in particular wouldnt even blink at another woman  | |
|
Home
login 
