| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:22:06 PM | It sounds like your friend's bf has a drinking problem, and he isn't a pleasant drunk.
I think you should advise her to insist that he go into detox and join AA, or she WILL leave. It's an abusive situation and should not be tolerated. She should plan to leave ahead of that conversation, so if he takes it badly, she isn't unprepared to follow through in an organized manner. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 3:35:15 PM | So why are you on a singles site? Looking for men to talk to? Do you this is the right thing to do? There are lots of chat rooms for florida gals with drinking guys..I am not sure what you expect out of this but here is my advice....
Take him down the river and give him a case...let him dangle his feet on a dock..and say..here gater gater gater | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 4:24:03 PM | windows, thx darlin ...i am checking myself to make sure my boundaries are stayin reasonable, sometimes my heart leads me into situations my head knows is wrong.....
rainbow, girl, i adore yer wisdom
myisland, special special heartfelt hugs....sometimes it aint easy bein a soundin board for this....and in my case it brings up alot of past hurts i thought i was over...........makes me realize theres still a few sore spots that just might never really heal.......
ceramics....where DO you get yer info....here, hun, have some crackers an cheese
steve, as usual, yer heart is showin there, big guy!
areaangel, i have been on pof for over a year now...i love my friends here, and i love tha forums here....i guess you could say i am one of those ppl who can use tha other choices in that little pull down thingee where you find tha word relationship......  an this swamp princess knows how ta call a gator REAL good......
as fer everybody else....i love yer thoughts, yer compassion, and advice .....tomarrow morning i am going to go over there armed with this thread printed and tha number to tha local domestic violence shelters in tha area....i even have tha number for her to just call and talk to a counselor.....thanks alot everybody for helping! | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:25:10 PM | Ask her if she would be better off with him or without him? Too many times I've rushed to the rescue of a friend who was in an abusive relationship just to watch her go back the next day because he said "he would change" WHATEVA...You can't help someone who won't help themselves!
Ohh and I would personally tell him Italian style...he has to go to sleep sometime hehehe
Never failed me! | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:43:45 PM | Good luck to you and her.
He has to decide what is important, her or the booze.
If he is going to get drunk and mean, he needs to quit drinking.
I did know a lady in Texas that got tired of her mans meaness.
She waited until he passed out one night, tied him to the bed.
When he woke up, she was standing over him with a baseball bat.
She broke a few ribs, both legs, his jaw and one arm.
Then she left.
It was 2 days before anyone found him, still gagged and tied to the bed.
No Rose, she wasn't Italian. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 5:44:03 PM |
tell me how ya handle it and when do ya go ahead and get out for good?
First time it happens. Damn, Di, this better be hypothetical. You better not be putting up with this kind of crap. You're better than that. | |
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toyoux
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 33 | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:05:07 PM | Toyoux response to your claim..
I don't drink..I was reading the first post and the profile..a kind of misrepresentation of what the thread is all about..she had to define that it was HER FRIEND and NOT HER..SHE IS AS HAPPY AS A CLAM IN HER RELATIONSHIP..but still wants to seek out men to talk to according to her profile...so there.. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:38:48 PM | .
SHE IS AS HAPPY AS A CLAM IN HER RELATIONSHIP..but still wants to seek out men to talk to according to her profile...so there.
Could be that some of us men have been talking with her quite some time and are happy for (and respect) her in her relationship, yet still enjoy when she comes around (infrequently as it is nowadays). Stuff like that used to be called friendship.
But, yeah, the OP wasn’t quite as forthcoming with details as it might have been, but that was quickly cleared up properly. Sometimes it is necessary to read a few posts before we start writing. Of course, I shouldn’t be talking much about that here. I learned that big time a few months ago. . . . LOL
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 38 | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:44:39 PM | What friggin diff does it make what her profile says?!?!?! I am so sick of people nit pickin on the bs and not stickin to the topic.
OT: Ladydi, tell your friend to follow her gut,,I actually was reminded of that advice by a good friend VERY recently
PEACE
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toyoux
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 40 | |
| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:54:29 PM | Helllllllllllllloooooooooooo!!
Profile = nothing to do with this post (NOT saying that sometimes it doesn't........but suggesting that isn't so in this case)
Msg 1 = initial question
Even after OP's response in Msg. 6 = some confusion on reading comprehension among "some" posters
Be nice or you'll be "gatored"! | |
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toyoux
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Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 7:02:02 PM | OP: Who can say? Your friend needs to do some serious thinking. Seems you may as well (though it's obvious you aren't feeling the responsibility to "save" her.........you want to HELP.....otherwise, this thread wouldn't be here).
Do what is in your heart but watch out firstly for YOUR heart........if you're a caring person (and I would guess you are).....it can be too easy to get "zapped" by anothers negative energy..........
BREATHE............. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 7:22:52 PM | darlin, tell your friend that people that truly care for eachother don't do these kinds of things. They just don't.
It's that simple.
Now, getting her out isn't that simple, and even though I've done it, these
situations are quite complex. But she needs to begin planning for that, no matter
how many more spins he gives her, and he will. Until she is able to leave,
she needs to practice turning off her emotions and simply function as if
he's not there. Even if it means functioning like a robot, she'll have to be strong
just shut him out. She can't sit thinking about what was, she can't get all hot and bothered every time she looks at him...she has to distance herself or it'll just go on and on.
As our dear friend YamI says, "emotions cloud judgement", and FG thinks love does, too.
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:53:22 PM | | honey you nust get out...do it fast, he obviously has no respect..and he wont change...it will get worse...trust me...dont let any man give you less then what you need! dont think it was a mistake or that he can fix it...alcoholism is a disease and its tough to stop...but his actions arent all because of the alcohol...even if he was to not drink i bet you he would still act like a jerk...go now, dont waste your time...you will only be more angry and hurt later...be safe be strong...and msg me when ever you need me ok hun! ciao | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 10:08:28 PM | ladydi... YOU put up with this???? No no no mam.... being drunk is ALWAYS an excuse for everything we do wrong. They say you say what you really mean when you're drunk. Anyone who is mean to any point when they drink you should stay away from, TRUST ME this is something I know too much about girl!! It does NOT get any better only worst.
Anyways.. I think I would leave!!! The next time he says this.. make sure you have your bags packed .... at least for a few days... and when he says it have somewhere you can go and just hit the door!!! If not that night then early the next morning before he gets up!! Make sure you leave him a note explaining WHY you left. I assume this is his house you are living in? I'm serious.... he is using that like a control thing like he has that home/apt. over you. You should not let a man think he can scare you into giving in to him by threatening to have you leave where you live. That is just not cutting the cake ladydi.
MEN... this goes for you too if the shoe was on the other foot, I'm just talking about this particular situation before some of you get the wrong idea. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 10:24:06 PM | She should leave him and get out now..
Don't set the presedent and allow this sort of behaviour to continue..
He obviously thinks that it is ok to treat her like this and he is getting
away with it.. So he is thinking no need to change, it is accepted..
She should tell him how she feels about this, and give him an ultimatum to curb it..
or hit the highway.. but I don't think he will change.. So decision time.. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/16/2006 11:36:03 PM | OP. I can be very opinionated and can get very articulate when I choose to be. At the time I do so I mean what I say and it can be perceived as mean.YET!!! its not my intent in the very least. Fear is a funny thing...back a dog into a corner and they will bite you.
I am not saying your friend is backing anyone in a corner...but perhaps something is triggering her significant other to become fearful and hence aggresive.
Just a thought...
As for the liquid courage...not a good thing...but understandable.
Good luck to your friend and her sig other...anything can be worked out if two are willing, however it takes two! | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/17/2006 9:45:13 AM | well gang....i showed up all armed and ready with my printout and helpful phone numbers....even information on all steps to take and how to start making plans like putting important papers and extra clothes in a hiding spot easy to access..........and she informs me that things are better now....... .........but i can still understand....according to some of tha latest statictics i have learned that domestic violence victims have to make at least 11 (yes, thats eleven) attempts to leave before they are successful...........from personal experience i know myself how hard it was for me to leave....i also know that this girl, shes really alot younger than me, cannot learn from my experiences......soooooooo, i will be there if there seems anything that i can do to help her......but i am gonna take a break being someone else's guardian angel for a bit i think its really starting to drain my own resources and i am getting just too emotional about it....
i really do appreciate all you guys for your input...... ...and by tha way....i DID leave all tha info with her...........i led that hoss ta water, but its gotta drink on its own!
now i am off to go to tha flea market with my feller and pick out some lucious vine ripe tomaters..................and indigo love, they are for sammiches...NOT throwin at bad guys! | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/17/2006 11:13:14 AM | Funny girl
I'm glad you were able to get out of that abusive relationship. Obviously what you did worked for you. Just a word of caution though, shutting out a partner and trying to ignore them will not always work. Some will actually escalate and we all know what can happen then. I've seen it happen to someone close to me and she would have been killed had I not been there. It does take planning so people in these relationships contact the crisis lines and they can help and it's confidential.
Lady
You can only give her the info and offer support. You should never do for her what she can do for herself, that's enabling and further disempowering her. From what I see you've been a good friend and now it's time to take care of you. She has decision to make that only she can make. | |
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