| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/17/2006 7:16:04 PM | Spirit Seeker,
Thank you very much. What I meant was shutting myself down to him on an emotional
level. When we interacted, I learned to respond as neutrally as I could and that was really hard for me. He pushed every single button I had, and my reflexive response was to come undone on him. I had to teach myself to simply stop responding, and stop allowing his words to rip me into.
It only took one violent episode (being tossed across the room and into a wall) for me to finally shut down to him for good.
People that care for you do not hit you, they do not bully you, and they do not speak to you in an abusive, cruel way. Period. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 9:03:20 AM | ....i looked up my old domestic violence thread in tha poetry section and pulled out this poem i wrote last year......its about helping someone else in a dv situation thru offering freindship....and it just seemed a good way to end this thread....once again thanks for all tha input, fellow pofers...yall are awesome and dear to my heart!
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A NEW GAL IN TOWN
theres a new gal in town...
she lives on my street
justa couple of houses down
i walked by her house hopin we could meet
livin in this lil town
can be such a bore..
if ya know everbody word gets around
and theres really not much ta do..just one store
so i really wanted ta meet this gal
i figgered we could run around together someday
you know, be a couple of real pals
but she acts so shy, she ducked her head and turned away
and i swear she was wearin sunglasses on a cloudy day
she seems a lil odd at best
mebbe i will just let her go her own way
but theres somethin about her...i gotta confess
theres a look in her eyes
when she thinks no one is around
an seein it .....i realize.......
shes not really shy....just beaten down
an if theres one thing i know about in tha end
its livin that kinda life and its pain
i will keep trying ta be this gals friend
cause its there but fer tha grace of God, go i....again | |
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daisie
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Joined: 9/22/2004
Msg: 53 | |
| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 9:12:28 AM | | the first time I am treated with "disrespect"...he gets thrown out. Sure I've had fights with boyfirends...but we always kept it civil and related to the topic of disagreement. If any of them EVER started to get personal with me, insult me, or bring in irrelevant information to try to hurt me....well then....I end it. There are too many decent men out there...I don't need to keep a jerk hanging around past his expiration date. Adios. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:08:56 PM | Funny Girl,
I admire your courage and resourcefullness.
I'm reading a great book right now "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It's about recognizing the warning signs to a potential abusers/attackers. It's about trusting your intuition. I highly recommend it.
You're absolutely right, if someone loves you they don't hurt you, verbally or physically. There's never a good excuse to hurting someone you love.
Lady,
Thank you for starting this thread. I'm hoping some of the things that were said touches a lot of people. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:18:32 PM | I lived your life for 20 years - get out NOW!!! I am finally free and I am the best person I have ever been and loving life to the fullest - I have rediscovered me and I am allowing myself to feel the greatest joy I can seek - it's wonderful to be alive again!
My circumstance was very complicated - that's why he was with me so long - I had much more important things to deal with in my life - he was the last on my list and it took the cops to get him out finally. Called them when he was going to drive drunk, they picked him up and I locked the doors for good.
Grasp the brass ring and don't let go - go forward on with your life and happiness. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:28:28 PM | | Why is it that women get treated like crap and then they come on here to complain. I mean if it is that bad then just leave! Dont you women that are treated like crap see all the other women out there that are treated well with respect? Dont you want to be in a relationship like that? Spend your energy and time packing your bags and not boo hoo'ing on a computer to strangers about what I should do. If he keeps doing what he is doing then he obviously isnt going to stop. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:37:03 PM | Couplelooking4fun,
It's not that easy when you are in an abusive relationship....your self esteem hits rock bottom....and you don't see things with a realistic view. Now that I am out of an abusive relationship, I can look back and see what it was really like, and I wonder how I ever got there, or why I put up with the things I did....but at the time....I couldn't see it. I kept hanging onto the good side of my ex...kept focusing on all the good, loving things he did....and was in denial about the hateful, lying, angry, disrepectful side of him..... Sometimes it takes talking to other people (as in a situation like this) in order to work through things and realize that you are not deserving of being treated badly.
OP - what your friend is experiencing is indeed abuse. She needs to get some counselling to help her see the situation in a more realistic manner and to help get back her self esteem. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 61 | |
| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:38:58 PM | ^^^ women are treated like crap ... men are treated like crap .. that's the essence of being in a relationship 
But seriously, when there isn't a real connection, we tend to look for the negative and be over sensitive. Always looking for reasons to run. If she feels that way, she should leave. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 2:54:28 PM | Di,sweetie...
Sounds like the man has both a drinking problem ,and an anger problem.
I know it's tough to watch a friend go through this(been there)
Problem is..as long as she puts up with it,she's allowing herself to be a victim.
She needs to finally get the courage to leave.
You can help her try to see sense,but ,she has to be the one to finally take the steps of her own free will.
And,I truly hope she does. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 6:07:33 PM | | Personally the first time he says it is when I would leave! If you don't mean it, don't think it and don't say it! I've got better things to do with my time than to take a man (and I am using this term loosely here) to raise emotionally. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/19/2006 7:05:34 PM |
Funny Girl,
I admire your courage and resourcefullness.
I'm reading a great book right now "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. It's about recognizing the warning signs to a potential abusers/attackers. It's about trusting your intuition. I highly recommend it.
Yep, read it, and I agree. I discovered Gavin back during the OJ Simpson trial, (isn't he something else?!) and not only is it an awesome book, but he is one hell of an insightful and brilliant man.
LOL, he so made me want to become a profiler someday!
Thank you again.:) | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:57:21 AM | | HB2's right on this one Lady Di, your friend is being emotionally abused and that's far more damaging and insidious than the physical. at least bruises would heal and i hope that she seeks a women's shelter for help. i've helped my best friend through the same ordeal for a long time now. any psychologist will tell you that it takes years of hard work to regain your self worth and trust in others after dating such a monster. he won't even lose one good night's sleep over this woman though. they're almost pitiful creatures really. time to pull the plug on that sick relationship. | |
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| everytime hes mad....he says get out....but later.......
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:29:15 AM | get out..ASAP! drunks have their arms wrapped around the bottle, and their girl/guyfriends have their arms wrapped around the drunk. Sounds like co-dependancy to me...get help, get out. Hell, just get out! It's a no-win situation.
good luck! | |
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