| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:37:55 AM | Just so you feel better about YOU making a bad choice?
Well, most individuals would like to make an INFORMED choice, but it is all but an impossability when some guys are practically total imposters and manipulators now isn't it? | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/20/2006 8:38:03 AM | I did not get a chance to read all the responses but I thought I would put my 2 cents in.
As good as it would feel its not right, for any reason.
We are no one judge or jury only God has that right.
If its life treating...like he murdered someone or may if he has Aids...you need to tell the authorities or health professionals, not the world.
As most know...
You believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see.
It could come back to bite you.
Good luck and try to understand this is one of life's lessons. | |
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KoiBoi
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Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 104 | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:05:52 AM | No, I wouldn't.
A relationship is never one sided, nor is a break-up. I might think my ex is a jerk, but there was a time I loved him and trusted him. He is the father of my children, and as much as we don't always get along, he will always be the father of my children. I would not want to lose their respect, or deepen the rift between us, just to emote.
Warning other people of one's behaviour, is hardly ever done with just good feelings. It's still trying to hurt or get back at the one person who failed you. We all expect different things from our spouses, partners. We all have our own expectations, agendas and goals. JUST because that person no longer fits into your life, for whatever reason, is not to say that he won't find the right person for him. Besides, most people won't listen to your warnings. They will need to find out for themselves whether your ex is a good person...or not. It's like telling people NOT to lick something metal in winter. People STILL do it, out of curiousity, perhaps thinking THEY will be the one not to suffer the consequences.
I doubt I'd be happy to read how much a jerk my ex thought I was. What goes around comes around, and relationships are a two way street. He probably thinks I'm a ****. It's all a matter of perception, and from whose point of view you are seeing things.
Besides, staying hateful and negative is such a waste of energy. I wish my ex the best. The one thing I know for certain, he is no longer my problem. We had a go at love, we found it, we held it, we worked at it, then we slowly let it slip away. It's just another door closed, opening opportunity for each of us to try again.
I'm happier now than I was in the last few years of our 11 year relationship. He's moved on, and I'm enjoying the process of finding love somewhere else.
The only time I think it necessary to report wrongdoing by a partner is in the case of abuse, attempted murder, theft, cruelty, domestic violence, then...the victim should be talking to the police, a lawyer, a doctor, and using legal avenues to ensure it doesn't happen to anyone else.
Good question.
Dev | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:10:16 PM | Thank you all for your opinions. I see about 50x50 division. Half of women would do it, the other half wouldn't. Half would want to read a guy's history and half wouldn't want to search for such an info.
BTW the website www. dontdatehimgril.com is only for reporting married cheating men with no names or other identity allowed. All of you have very good points. I appreciate that.
I was surprised that some people assumed I had a bad experience recently and gave me advice  Where did you get that idea? I am a happily married lady with two kids. I was just wondering why so many women drag their exes to court, like Judge Judy, after being dumped and whether this kind of a website will take the pressure off the courts.
I admit I was wrong about "Nobody making up stories". You got me there! I still believe that a wonderful caring successful guy will never appear on such a site. I still tend to believe that the only reason someone would be reported like that is that he hurt a girl and didn't take responsibility for it. She may exadurate the story. True, but to me any story, big or small, shows that this guy had one unsuccessful relationship, hurt someone's feeling and left this emotional business unfinished. If he didn't get it then, what's the guarantee he gets it now? And that's pretty much what I think girls want when they date someone - a guarantee that he is a good unselfish guy. It is hard to tell without the guy's history. And by history I don't mean just "his version".
Anyway, that you all for participating. It's been a very useful discussion for me and I hope for others too! | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:17:02 PM | No way. Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also. I wanted to take out an ad in the New York Times when my ex did what he did ~ it wouldn't have solved anything and would have opened a can of worms for me. I think it's best to leave it alone. If he is a decent person at all, he already knows he was a jerk. And if he doesn't "get" it ~ he's the one missing something!! I'd just let it go and move on.  | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:35:23 PM |
Sometimes people bring out the ugly in each other. He may not be a jerk to the next person and it certainly isn't my place to discuss him in a public venue. I try to think of the re-actions to my actions. Do you want him to do the same to you? Probably not. Private lives are exactly that ~ private. Unfortunately, maybe he thinks you were a jerk also.
May not be a jerk? What is it Russian rullet? He lets himself choose to be bad or not? Yesterday I hurt people, today I didn't... I wonder how I want to behave tomorrow? Lets throw a coin! That shows lack of dignity!
If he want to write bad things about a woman - again I WISH he did, because once again - I'm not dating a guy who's had bad experience and thinks badly about his ex! No matter which one is reporting it, it's a goal into his gates!
And only because he hurt me privately, it doesn't make his behavior good and it's not an exuse for covering it up! That's exactly how they get away with it and that has to stop! | |
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psssst
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Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 111 | |
| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:50:24 PM | Bazooza,
It is obvious in your postings in this thread you have some issues with the way you were treated in a past relationship (or relationships).
What I find concerning is how you have tried to sway other's opinions when they don't agree with you.
Are we not allowed to feel differently from you in matters of relationships? | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 1:54:29 PM | May not be a jerk? What is it Russian rullet? He lets himself choose to be bad or not? Yesterday I hurt people, today I didn't... I wonder how I want to behave tomorrow? Lets throw a coin! That shows lack of dignity!
Firstly, it's Russian ROULETTE.
And just because he's "bad" doesn't mean it's totally his fault. Consider who he's being "bad" to; a vindictive, self-centered, stubborn woman who's already shown serious intent on interfering with his new relationship, his NEW RELATIONSHIP THAT DOES NOT CONCERN OR INVOLVE YOU.
He's not "covering up" what he did to you. He's *gasp* moved on, and therefore does not see the need to involve you in any way, shape or form into his new relationship. Apparently you need some counseling or something, because you've got issues letting go of the past.
And does anyone else find it oddly suspicious that no matter how we shoot her logic down, she somehow comes up with some other lame reason to continue spouting this "WELL HE DID THIS TO ME AND EVERYONE ON EARTH NEEDS TO KNOW" mentality? Seriously, the only reason anybody cares what he did is because you're making a complete fool of yourself to try to convince the world that not only are you right, but he is wrong. Get over him, and get over yourself, please, for all our sakes. | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 2:18:14 PM | | I wish this site had a rating system. So, we could rate a person after meeting/dating them. Rate things like how honest they were, if there picture is current...things like that. | |
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psssst
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Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 115 | |
| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 2:21:17 PM |
I wish this site had a rating system. So, we could rate a person after meeting/dating them. Rate things like how honest they were, if there picture is current...things like that.
I'm sorry, this would help how?
I can see it now... bitter men and women bashing someone because the other person didn't feel the connection that the other one felt.
You can argue this all you want but it would happen... just look at all the negative men and women bashing that goes on in the forums right now.
And I know I've seen dummy profiles set up by angry women 'outing' what they are calling players.
Ok, stepping down from my soapbox now... | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:00:42 PM |
I wish this site had a rating system. So, we could rate a person after meeting/dating them. Rate things like how honest they were
Oh, I agree. That's what I had in mind too. And not just rating from 1 to 10, but say several ratings of this person's qualities. Like is he reliable, honest, hard working, trust worthy, selfless, sweet, caring, good listener, in good control of his temper, shares finances and house chores, respectful to women, respectful to authority, career oriented, loves kids, has good values, right priorities, faithful and so on and so forth. I mean a guy could be caring and very career oriented, but disrespectful to law, and that's a deal breaker for me, or he could be sharing his financies and doing house chores, but not be in control of his temper with you, and that's a deal breaker too. You know what I'm saying?
Plus I understand that one woman's opinion is not enough statistics, but if three-four-five of his exes leave the similar feedback - you can get an idea who you are dealing with. In fact, it could be an eye opening experience for him too if so many people agree on his "flaws". He can see it as a chance to improve.
I'm not saying the guy shouldn't be allowed to find happiness. But if he is starting from scratch with a new woman and resists change it's not helping anyone to remain silent about it. It's a watse of time for all of us.
She who doesn't want to know - won't search for his name in such a database. But it doesn't mean that it's wrong to have one! | |
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psssst
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Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 117 | |
| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:03:26 PM | OMFG!!!
But if he is starting from scratch with a new woman and resists change it's not helping anyone to remain silent about it.
Now I see why you have issues with relationships... you are out to change men.
That is just wrong on so many levels... | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 3:14:30 PM |
Now I see why you have issues with relationships... you are out to change men.
Where did you get that idea? In case you haven't read on of my replies or my profile, I am a happily married woman with two kids and very proud of it! You see, it's ok for you and I to disagree on this issue. I respect your opinion and mine isn't changing much either.
That is just wrong on so many levels...
Could you be more specific? Could you please give some examples? Just because I don't agree with you on every aspect doesn't mean I don't want to understand your position. That's the whole idea of this thread. Plus it's not just me vs the world. I see about half women agreeing with me and providing some constructive feedback. Any idea could be made better. Only if you critisize constructively, like what exactly would you do differently? See what I'm saying? | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:25:11 PM | | you bet i would but its an ex husband not boyfriend. this man beat me had affairs and convienced every friend i had that i was in the wrong...he is the best in the world at making people believe anything he wants too and i would love for the world to read what a jerk he is..not that he could not convence them differently but i would love to throw my two cents in anyway. | |
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KoiBoi
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Joined: 6/18/2006
Msg: 121 | |
| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:31:09 PM | You shouldn't spread this manure for two reasons.
One, it may be an otherwise very good person that you pushed into being mean. You didn;t give us both sides, and obviously you can't tell anything but your version, and that will be jaded by your hurt.
Two, it is just so childish and cowardly. Like going to their house at night and damaging their car. Very immature. | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:45:23 PM | Absolutely NOT .....I mean really, who cares what the rest of the world thinks anyway. Each and every situation is unique to those parties involved. I say, just move on.....Lover without the "L" is just "over" .....plain and simple. Onward and hopefully to better things that is of course, if one had enough sense to learn from the bad situation.
Just my thoughts!! | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:46:56 PM |
One, it may be an otherwise very good person that you pushed into being mean. You didn;t give us both sides, and obviously you can't tell anything but your version, and that will be jaded by your hurt.
A bully is otherwise a good person and he is a bully only because his victims asked for it? What planet are you from? This is what bullies do! And they do it because they CAN, because nobody fights back and holds their feet to the fire! Done with one victim - turn to another. There is plenty of fish in the see who don't value themselves enough to say it wasn't ok to treat them this way!
Two, it is just so childish and cowardly. Like going to their house at night and damaging their car. Very immature.
Not really. By damaging his car you actually hurt him back. Well, somehow at least bring inconvinience to the table. By posting the feedback and yes YOR JUDGEMENT of him you equip others (potential new victims) about the possible outcomes.
If you want to predict what a person's going to do tomorrow - look at what he's done yesterday and the day before and the day before... Likewise if a woman let men treat her this way and hasn't learned the important lesson that it wasn't entirely her fault, she'll let others step over her again and again and again. It's until she learns to stand up for herself and make a point that it's not ok, she'll keep justifying HIS behavior and covering it up. | |
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psssst
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Joined: 2/8/2006
Msg: 124 | |
| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 4:57:37 PM |
Now I see why you have issues with relationships... you are out to change men. Where did you get that idea? In case you haven't read on of my replies or my profile, I am a happily married woman with two kids and very proud of it! You see, it's ok for you and I to disagree on this issue. I respect your opinion and mine isn't changing much either.
First of all, I have been paying attention to this thread. I may not have read every single reply offered by yourself or other posters, but I have read enough to realise that once someone responds to you in an intelligent and irrefutable format, you adjust your scenario to become even more persuasive in your favor.
Please show me on your profile where it says happily married. I did notice your profile says married as I have a habit of looking at someone's profile prior to responding to their inquiry.
I'm only interested in chatting online and people's opinion regardless of who they are.
^^^ Nope, no happily mentioned there.
Your adjusting your scenario shows that you don't respect other's opinions. Additionally, the use of multiple exclamation marks indicates vehemently standing by your words, not quite yelling, but certainly in a conversation you would have your ears closed to other opinions. The nuance of forum posting is very clear and in this thread, anyone that disagrees with you is beating their head against a brick wall.
That is just wrong on so many levels... Could you be more specific? Could you please give some examples? Just because I don't agree with you on every aspect doesn't mean I don't want to understand your position. That's the whole idea of this thread. Plus it's not just me vs the world. I see about half women agreeing with me and providing some constructive feedback. Any idea could be made better. Only if you critisize constructively, like what exactly would you do differently? See what I'm saying?
I couldn't phrase that any simpler. Trying to change another person is WRONG!
Is that a little clearer now? Can you understand that sentence?
As for half the women agreeing with you, well I see man bashing threads started quite often. Seeing some of these women that started threads with titles that ask, why are all men morons or why are all men just out for sex just kills me. No qualifiers placed in to ask why the men they have met are morons or the men they have met are just out for sex.
Blanket statements and these are the women that you are agreeing with. So I would have to take the leap and assume that since you agree with these women, all men are morons and just out for sex, including the man you are happily married to.
You also very vehemently stated early in this thread that women don't lie about being abused. I'm not sure if you rescinded your statement, I would be surprised to find out if you had, but maybe you should spend a little bit of time around centers that research false memories. Just because someone says something and even validates it with seemingly positive evidence, still does not make it true. Evidence can be fabricated to prove anything.
Additionally, when you ask a question and get an intelligent response, then you adjust the original question and get the same response... ad nauseum... don't be surprised when people start to think of you in a somewhat odd light... fanatical comes to mind here.
Good luck with starting your own little man bashing community, you are apparently doing a fine job of it.... y'all. | |
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| Do you want the world to know what a jerk he is?
Posted: 6/24/2006 5:21:17 PM | Did this discussion turn you on quite a bit? No need to take it so personal.
Your opinion is heard and point well taken. You disagree that it's a good idea to launch such a website. I get that. Thank you. | |
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