| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 4:18:22 PM | Please forgive my awkward and unsettling attempts to flirt with you.... That's what my next e-mail to the few guys I've been talking to is going to say. Well, maybe not - that's as gauche as my attempts to flirt in the first place!
Short answer, YES. I have given up. I don't want to look fior a mate. I *want* to look into the eyes of a friend at some point (whether it's the first time I meet him in person, or not), and realize that he *is* my mate.
I've felt less and less myself in the last two weeks, and finally, miserably out of sorts today, the revelation lodged in the "But I WANT It" section of my brain finally broke free. This business of looking for someone is too contrived, too emotionally charged with the constant stimulus of 'is that him?' 'is that him?' running through my mind every time I check my e-mail.
And quite frankly, my attempts at flirting are outrageously disturbing to me, and I'm sure, for the recipient of my dubious attentions, as well. Until this past Saturday, I thought I'd never miss the day that a girlfriend got mad at me for unintentionally flirting with her boyfriend. For me, it's those things that happen when i don't mean them to, laughing throatily, leaning in, checking to see where he is in the room... Then the quick realization that so-and-so's mad at me, followed be a mental review of my behaviour and a reigning in and letting go of my attraction to new boyfriend x, y or z.
*That's* real for me. I am grateful for POF because it's given me a chance to come to put down a struggle I was starting to pick up again - a struggle that was making me unhappy - the struggle to find a mate. I don't want to struggle. I want to cruise the forums and enjoy the intellectual offerings, and do what I do best with other humans: Love, laugh, learn, teach and care, regardless of what they have to offer me.
I was thoroughly enjoying my single life and POF until I decided that I would, in fact use it as a vehicle to force the Universe to let me have my mate on my terms, at my timing. I'm going back there, to where my faith in the inevitable was free. Already I can feel myself surfacing. I'm surfacing back into that loving place where I had no expectations but to share love with my fellow humans.
See you in the forums!!
~Thunder
Love and Light, Guys! | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 4:45:49 PM | | Here is my advice; never give up and never give up on hope; she is out there, and someday, you will meet (trust me), but never give up, never give up searching, hoping and looking for the love of your life (because she IS out there); keep a positive thought, and never quit! (NEVER) make it a quest to find her (and you will, trust me); and five years from now, when you are happily married (and on your second child) you will thank me; but mean while, LOOK FOR HER! :) | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:18:51 PM | | i can relate to what your saying about giving up, as i spend all my time away from my home town on the road there are times it seems pointless to worry about finding that special someone. but as another said to you on here quiters never prosper... so keep on looking and good luck. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:39:43 PM | I don't want to quit!
Yes I do!
No I don't!
Yes I do!
No I don't!
Yes I do!
No I don't!
Yes I do!
No I don't!
Yes I do!
No I don't!...
One of the downfalls of being a Gemini
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:42:19 PM | I know exactly how you feel. I've felt everything you've articulated in your posting.
I try to tell the younger guys that if they actually do find a woman who has a lot of the qualities that they seek, don't let her pass by. Hang onto her like grim death. I lived to regret not marrying the few genuine "keepers" that God brought my way when I was younger. I was foolish and****, and always thought I could 'trade up. Before I knew it, I was middle aged and my time in the sun had passed.
Now I'm older, and all I seem to attract are 40 'somethings who are bitter and angry torwards their ex's.
They seem to think I want to be regaled with vitriolic tales from their bad marriages.
And I live in Boston, which is notorious for being the 'coldest place in the U.S.A. to be single. They actually print articles in the local magazines that corroborates what I'm saying to you.
Anyway, don't give up because you're a decent hearted guy, and you still have plenty of time to find that one woman who will make your pulse flutter. Do everything in your power to win her heart. Don't be a fool like me, and let her pass by. Or you might wake up one day, and find yourself on this dating site where you're the oldest guy here. Just being here even creeps me out.
So DON'T give up! Believe that God can move mountains. If He can create this Universe, finding you a woman is like a drop in the bucket.
This is what keeps me hanging on.
So think about it before you quit. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 5:51:52 PM | | Beautifully said, Alwaysfloss! I know exactly what you mean about meeting people in their forties whose idea of a first coffee date is to spout "vitriolic tales" from their bad marriages. And I wonder why I leave feeling dispirited? Too bad you live so far away! You sound like a gem. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:14:00 PM | | Very well said, alwaysfloss! Alot of the responses in this thread have actually inspiried me not to give up completely. At times I lose faith and hope that I will ever find someone, but the overwhelming urge to want to be with someone does come back and I want to start to try again. I don't want be so far down the road later in life and hate myself for not trying harder to find someone when I was younger, but at the sametime I also FEEL like that even if I do try I'm still gonna end up alone when I'm in my 60s or whatnot and it's really too late by then to start a family though it's not completely unheard of. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:20:29 PM | Coastergal: "I will tell you I got REALLY sick of hearing.. it will happen when your not looking!"
That is the one thing I CANNOT stand to hear! I have not been looking and I have been looking and NEITHER worked! So OP.........I am in the boat with you......have about come to the conclusion that I am one of those people in the world who will never find anyone.
C'est la vie! | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:28:57 PM | | ladysundevil, I hate hearing that line too because I think it can't possibly happen to me, but there has to be some truth to that because I've actually seen it happen. One of my friend's oldest sister had been in an off and on again relationship for over 3 years that lead nowhere except for her having a child and him not wanting nothing to do with her. So she said was totally giving up on finding anyone because there were no good guy out there and she was just gonna focus on raising her kid. Well one day one of our neighbors decided to put her on a blind date with someone that the neighbor worked with at her job. WHAM, two years later they are now happily married and are expecting their first child together (on top of the one she had with her ex). So maybe it just isn't our time yet? Or maybe it is just meant to happen to certain people when they aren't looking. Who knows. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:33:25 PM | | Everyone always tells me "it's like losing your car keys. As soon as you stop looking for them, that is when you find them". Aaaargh. I tell them "I don't wanna talk about it". Bottom line don't ever give up. It is the biggest rejection you can give yourself and the surest "NO" you will ever hear and it will be sadly from yours truly. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:46:36 PM | There are actually a few reasons why I think you'll find someone long before middle age.
1. You are not an arrogant punk. (I was)
2. When you do find the woman of your dreams, you won't ditch her for someone who might be better. ( I did, and boy was I wrong.)
3. You're 26 years old, that means you have 14 years before you hit middle age. Your best chances at finding 'Miss Right is now. It would be absolutely foolish to give up now while you're in your prime.
4. God actually cares about your heart, and the dispair and pain that you're feeling regarding this issue.
5. You won't sqaunder your chance or chances when they finally do come. (like I did)
So you see, your life will not turn out like mine. This alone should give you hope and encouragement. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6:53:45 PM | Hey, you have been looking at the wrong girls, cause this day and age, well at least my experiance finding a guy who wants to be tied down and have love is rare!!!!
you are the minority. I was hurt really bad on this site but i am still here with hope that mabey next time it will be better and he will accept me for me. the way i look at it is lesson learned. look for the signs that they are married or have a boyfriend. but dont give up!
you will find someone whois just perfect for you! | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:19:56 PM | | I know that I have just about given up on this love relationship stuff completely. After being majorly burned twice,I don't think it is worth it.Once bitten twice shy, twice bitten time to give up. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:20:40 PM | I have had it with the whole thing...every guy I meet ends up being a creep and just wanting sex...is there NO men left that know how to DATE first? You see them one time or one weekend, and then they disappear, no explanation...or they flat out LIE (like one that claimed to be a former youth pastor and left me stranded 2 hours from home then won't talk to me)...I don't have an ego, but I know I am a good person and a good catch--so what am I doing wrong? This is the only way to meet people in this retiree town, so there's no other choices there...I won't settle, though..I have too much of a conscious to do booty calls like other people, but lots of times wish I could :) The one person I fell in love with on here (and it was mutual), decided that us getting engaged, etc would mean choosing "us" over his 7 yr old son! I cannot convince him that he doesn't have to choose and that we could be a family--instead of his soon-to-be-ex-wife that has used him for his paycheck and treated him like s**t...now he feels too guilty to talk to me! If one more person tells me how cute I am or how someone will come along, I'm going to hurt someone! Any advice besides just going to sleep and not waking up? I feel it is not meant for me to have any happiness, and I don't know why, since everyone says I give and give and help people.   | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/22/2006 5:32:20 PM | The last time I was single I was rejected by 158 women in a row before I met my ex.
Now I'm recently divorced and really not looking forward to repeating the process, especially since I have no interest in ever being married again and all the women my age are desperate to get married TOMORROW.
It promises to be a very ugly adventure. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/22/2006 7:08:42 PM | | yah im on the edge here..i dont wanna give up but bad things happen when i try to get close to people ..last one really hit hard im still rearranged from it. the worst part is getting to know summone. and i mean really talking to summone and listening to what they have to say meanwhile being honest and respectful only to have them gone in the blink of an eye.... maybe a year alone wasnt long enough. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 6/30/2006 5:12:12 AM | Never, ever give up. Have a little confidence my friend. Women like confident secure men.
Just like yourself before anyone else can like you.
Don't dwell on looking for someone as it ususally happens when you least expect it.
I have had bad expereinces but that is all part of life and I figure oh well their loss.
Keep you chin up and have fun!!! | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:39:13 AM | "Right now, I certainly feel like calling it quits on trying to find someone. Anymore I just feel it is impossible for me to find someone out there who I can fall in love with and who will actually fall in love with me. I feel like I have better odds of winning the lottery. I'll admit I haven't explored all avenues for looking for someone, but anymore I think what is the point? Anytime I find someone I'm interested in, it always comes up they have a boyfriend, fiance, or husband and never have an real interest in me. Others here have said that I have be confident in myself and not look as hard and then it'll happen when I least expect it, but I feel that just will not be the case with me. So maybe I should just call it quits and enjoy being single if that's possible. My biggest dream is to be with someone, but maybe I should just focus on something else. Anyone else here feel this way?"
I've already given up finding anyone. The only thing beating your head against the wall brings you is a headache, and who needs that? I can relate to where you're coming from, man. People told me the same thing so many times over the years, and I kept a positive outlook, well now I'm 41 and it still hasn't happened. I've had enough. Unless someone comes along that gives me a compelling reason to change my mind, I see no need in pursuing anything regarding a relationship any further. I come here nowadays for the forums. Now, if I'd killed my pregnant wife and unborn son and threw them off a boat at sea, or if I looked like a leading man from a Hollywood love story and had loads of money, I'd have plenty of takers.
Oh well, there are other things in life. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 8:49:09 AM | Giving up solidifies/guarantees/confirms a "NO".
If you quit because things aren't working out, then aren't you just making things "not work out" that much more? | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:16:55 AM | Well its like this:
The way I see it before the start of our last relationship, for what it was worth, we were all single, did we give up then? No we didnt, we did whatever we did to let that person into our lives and then that ended, so here we are in 2006 doing the trendy internet dating thingy, cos we work funny hours, shift patterns, lost confidence, have too much confidence, etc.,
This virtual dating is something to be reconed with, cos it just aint real, people stretch the truth, others well we have all met them one way or another virtually and for real or on the phone, leave me totally befuddled what they are doing on a singles site in the first place. But if you work on the reality that this is not real and treat it all with a pinch of salt, and if someone comes along that matches with you YIPPEE but if not then hey ho nothing lost.
As for letting it happen, well I am like everyone else waiting for it to happen, maybe that is what we do wrong, 'wait for it to happen', maybe 'we should stop waiting' and then see if something happens.
At the end of it all we all nice valbale people with a lot to offer the right person, I am hoping that a nice man, who wants to share some time with me will come along, if not I have made lots of mates along the way, and that is always a good thing in this life.
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:24:11 AM | itsmeinco
Not all women your age want to get married tomorrow 
That is what makes me cross = do all men think just cos we passed the big four zero that the only place to go is up the aisle again.
Move to England hunni, you will find a lot of us dont want marriage, but a partnership, of equals.
So dont write all us forty somethings off as potential brides or ****es cos some of us are quite human.  | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:29:00 AM | Greeneye- I know how it is to live in a small town where there are few options- not to mention I travel a LOT so I'm rarely in town, so it's very hard to meet people, other than through the sites.
There ARE guys out there who want more than sex. I'm one of them. But the kicker is, no woman seems to believe it. They all seem to think my "super nice guy" persona is fake and all an act to......get sex.
If I could get then to meet me and get to know me, they'd see for themselves. But, what can you do?
I'm not going to go into the online expereinces I've had- you've all heard the same stories a million times, and mine are no different. A weird thing happens to me, though- every time I tell myself that's it, I'm done- someone contacts me. So then I buck up a little. But inevitably they wind up being just like all the others before. it's like a cruel tease.
Am I giving it up for real? Probably not. Am I discouraged? Very.
All I want is to meet someone decent, that I can relate to, and fall in love. She's doesn't have to be perfect. Just good and loving, and feel the same about me that I do about her.
Is that so much to ask?
I did meet a woman like that online, and I thought, wow, I did it. But we couldn't make it work because of the distance, and other issues that neither of us could change, or had any control over. If we could have fixed them, we would have.
Now I feel like I missed the one chance to be happy after my divorce. | |
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~Bob~
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Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:32:28 AM | For a long time I have done my best to have a positive attitude towards my lack of a girlfriend presence in my life, despite the fact that I have never been accepted by someone I was truly interested in having as a signifigant part of my existance.
I've told myself and been told all the usual catchphrases; just be patient, you'll find someone, anyone who doesn't want to be with you must be crazy, better to have loved and lost........
It's that last one that really gets me...."It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
Since my love has never been returned, I suppose I'm in that latter, less than better category.
Have I given up? I don't really even know. Maybe I never really believed in love. I just want there to be some of it somewhere, for somebody, even if it's not me. | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 9:43:09 AM | Hi, well yes I have felt like giving up alot on here,, and I took the whole summer off...and came back on in the fall..just to play around and find a few people to talk too....and one day someone Im'd me and I answered which I usually don't on POF..i will accept messages but won't answer I'm's but lo and behold it was a Monday morning and I thought what the hay...and now well I would like to tell you that I'm happily dating and seeing this person...He is wonderful and has all the qualities I was looking for....I was close to giving up or actually I guess in my mind had given up and was just going on POF for a past time...so don't give up b/c it is going to hit you when you least expect it....and well I'm proof of that....
I found that when I was trying it wasn't working then when I just though well i'll wing it...look what happened...and he was here last nite with his son...and will be here shortly again so we can go out with my daughter and his son and go for a drive and do whatever...and its fun b/c nothing is planned and we just wing it....So don't give up but have the attitude that well just be yourself and don't put all your eggs in one basket when u start talking to someone or are going to meet them b/c when you set your heart on something its sure to bring disappointment...this time I just went with the flow and thought well whatever....I mean this man wanted to come over while I had the flu so bad I was throwing up on everything...I couldn't believe it.....I think my dreams have come true...
Good Luck
Winnipoo  I found what I was looking for!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Has anyone here given up or thinking about it?
Posted: 10/7/2006 10:19:10 AM | "All I want is to meet someone decent, that I can relate to, and fall in love. She's doesn't have to be perfect. Just good and loving, and feel the same about me that I do about her.
Is that so much to ask?"
That's all I wanted too, and in my case it apparently was too much to ask. | |
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