| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:19:56 AM |
I find this to be somewhat accurate. Over time I've noticed that"better" looking people are given more leeway in pretty much everything they do.
Example: In a constituents briefing there was a gentleman from my company that conducted a 15 minute talk. As I sat there I came to realize EVERYONE in the room was fixated on him...despite the fact he wasn't really saying anything. They even gave a standing ovation. When I discussed this with another coworker he commented that the speaker was over 6' with classic All-American looks that sprinkled in small anectodes about his quarterbacking days (I wish I made that up). So...in a room filled with highly intelligent business people, their objectivity of the relevance of what they were being told was thrown out the window, just because their speaker was pretty.
I find that freakin fascinating. I gotta go.
Yeah, this is known as the 'Halo Effect'. One or more outstanding traits of a person will influence heavily the overall judgment of that person. It's particularly effective with looks and appearance. Better looking people are considered more intelligent, wiser, more honest & trustworthy, harder working, better leaders, you name it. Every single quality you can think of will be judged more positively on a more attractive person. All because they look better! It's crazy but it's undeniable. This is exactly why you need to look your best for job interviews and suchlike. Come in looking good with an impressive CV and they've probably made up their mind before they've asked you a thing.
The opposite exists too. The 'Devil effect' - whereby everything is seen through a negative light because of something you said or did (or looked like). This is why first impressions are so important, everything is filtered through them, good or bad.
Also you'll note that you see this a lot in dating - there are 'deal-breakers' or 'red flags' that would have been forgiven or looked over in a long term partner or a relationship, but when happening early on will colour someone's entire judgment of the rest of another's character to such an extent that they will not wish to continue seeing them. Such as....
"He didn't offer to pay for my half of the meal, therefore he is cheap. He's also selfish & unkind, not very generous, and most likely does not treat other people with respect or admiration. I get a bad vibe when I look at him now, I just don't think it could ever work out" | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 12/6/2007 5:07:00 AM | Thank goodness I spent all my millions already couldn't have a guy dating me for my bank account
*On the real though, I might be money poor but I am filthy rich everywhere else it counts.
I dont need a man's money, I have two jobs for a reason. But I can certainly understand the paranoia that may come from having money and not knowing if someone is dating you for you or for your wallet.
The best thing to do in that case is date the person and not talk about finances. If you live in a house, go out in public places. Rent a motel room or something like that. Establish that the like factor is there or love if that's the case before you introduce money into the mix.
I have dated guys with money before and a lot of times it was them flaunting it for the world to see and that is the biggest turn off. I have also dated men who had money but chose to be more discreet, I knew about it but I still contributed and did things out of my pocket for us because I liked the person. Sometimes it's just that simple. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:53:56 AM | I don't really think gold-diggers are all that much of a problem unless you allow them to be. I mean , think about it : if somebody is after you for your wallet then they obviously aren't terribly profound right ? Given enough time , their looks fade and then what have they got ? Not much but a rather empty existence counting down the days until they are replaced by somebody more physically attractive. Ergo, I happen to believe that gold-diggers attract those that are equally shallow. If you go for somebody based on their looks as opposed to their substance well that's fine but it's a crapshoot and ultimately the character flaw is your own because you choose to entertain those that would take advantage of you.
Myself , I consider anybody who deems themselves as high-maintenance to be a gold-digger. This is hardly breaking news to anybody of course but perhaps my difference in perspective is that I define anybody who can't live without certain material trappings as high-maintenance. Can't live without a cell phone or television set ? Consider it fairly important to remain on top of fashion and trends ? To me that's a clear sign that you've never bothered to explore beyond the boundaries set by media. In that case it's also a fair bet that you swallow it all hook, line, and sinker as well. Or, to put it another way, if you would rather have your nails pried out with a pair of pliers than read War and Peace, there is a fundamental lack of independent thought guiding your ambitions.
It's all related anyway but as I said, gold-diggers attract people with gold and not much else. I think it's a great match. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 8:54:36 AM | | Goldiggers come in all genders. I have met two different guys who were more interested in how much property I have than me. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:15:13 AM | You can't blame anyone for wanting to become involved with a
wealthy rather then a poor partner.
A famous wealthy man once said" I've been Rich and I've been Poor, Rich is BETTER!"
BUT, I think it should be a secondary benefit, and not the primary
focus in selecting a partner. I think if it is your primary goal, then life
will teach you some painful lessons. I've seen it!
People should just be more respectful! Speaking as a man, I've seen too
many women, with no respect for a man's hard-earned money. When I see
a profile read "Likes Fine Dining" I can't click the BACK button fast enough | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:20:46 AM | | just because someone asks you about your job/profession,doesn't mean they are looking to cash in on you....I just wonder what a lot of the fellas on here do,cos they spend so much time on here..certainly they all can't work from home or have access to a computer for playing?...so,one wonders exactly what they do do to support themselves..those who have nothing to hide and no ulterior motives usually do talk about their job and some do lie..in today's times,where anyone can go after half of another person's equity after a very short length of time of cohabitation,it is necessary to know whether or not that person has ulterior motives or not,AND,there are gold diggers in both sexes. If a person respects themselves,has pride in themselves,they should have an income,and I'm not talking welfare or living off the opposite sex.I find that most fellas who I've talked to on here are having difficulty paying bills etc. and really haven't accumulated many assets...so either,their wife made the money,or she had a really good lawyer or the court deemed that she was deserved of a bigger cut..and,from my experience,men really have a tough time balancing the budget..that's why the woman had to...one only has to go on tv,on those cop shows, or most wanted,and see men who prey on women financially...so,please don't get defensive when somebody asks you about how you live,it is just to protect ourselves from those who might be trying to find someone to support them..and if you do get defensive,then my first thot would be that you are hiding something...jmho | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:23:15 AM | What the hell is a gold digger anyways - someone who goes dutch on the first meet?
Someone who wont let a man move into her home, someone who buys her own cars, homes, clothes, holidays, someone who is successful, someone who can totally support herself.
Oh god yes: if she so much as inquires what sort of income the man has, then she is a 'stinking gold digger after his wallet'.
Nope sorry men! - lots of women these days have totally got it together and don't want to be burdened with someone on a low income who is out for a fast buck. Not that low income comes into it really, its about living within your means. If she wants to holiday four times a year, and he is on minimum wage (self explanatory)!
GOLD DIGGERS IN BOTH CAMPS, neither are nasty, just hopeful.  | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:04:26 AM | It is very sad, that there is no shortage of financial misfits,
male and female, EQUALLY without a doubt in my mind!
It is a real downer when twp peoples financial attitudes are
not in alignment.
I will never forget what a financial advisor told me years ago.
There are only two kinds of people. Those that PAY interest
and those that EARN interest.
How about each group only date within their group
Problem solved! | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:12:25 AM | I don't know... If I don't find a man hot, all the money in the world isn't going to change that.. and if I do find a guy hot.. I doesn't matter if he's poor.
But... he'd better not be lazy. 'Cause that's not hot. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:20:18 AM | One person you constantly, constantly, constantly, hear about is Brad Pitt. Now, does fame and fortune have something to do with his popularity besides looks? Based on what women say I would deduce that women consider him to be very good looking. But Brad Pitt doesn't really even look like Brad Pitt, a lot of Brad Pitt is a Hollywood image and illusion.
I think a lot of dating and trying to find friends or eventually a marriage partner is a process of inner growth. A lot of your post seems to ask if you can compete with "Brad Pitt's" wallet and looks. 99.9999% of men cannot. I decided when I wanted to start dating again that I would let superficial women pass me by, so you have to figure out what you value and find a potential partner who would agree with you more or less 80% of the time. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:26:16 AM | | I have read several threads on this and parts of this one. What strikes me is who responds. Men saying she looks for this or that, trying to show actions that would indicate certain behaviors. Women stating they make their own money and pay their own way, thank you very much. ALL state this is done by very shallow people ie: men wanting young women or some sort of "arm candy" no matter what age. Women worried that he seeks to empty their bank account or get on the deed to their house. The problem is "these people" who are supposed to be gold-diggers. They do not post here, heck they don't even read these threads!! For the vast majority on here I believe work a job, pay rent or mortgage, live what amounts to a normal life, for them. It is after all called POF, so you have sharks, barracuda and piranha mixed in with the tuna, guppies and others. Instead of lamenting that gold-diggers are in the pond or defending the good women who are here, just accept this and be aware. As always "if it looks to good to be true" why is it happening! Men or women who are looking to trade up or want to live a lavish or beyond their means life style will be giving all sorts of signs about what they want, who they are. It is then, early on, before you invest yourself emotionally in them that you will know. That is when you should decide that it is or not for you. A good woman will care not only about your money, but about you. Health, happiness and all the things important to you AND HER. After all if she doesn't do you really want a relationship with her? Is this who you want in your life reguardless of how she looks or how much she makes you laugh, how sexy she is. We are here to find people to have a relationship with be it dating, LTR, whatever we seek. A good person makes that possible and only time, learning who you are with will give you the answers. No gold-digger is going to post "the ten things to watch out for when I'm going after you to dig your gold" so wake up pay attention and enjoy the many, many great women or men here. My 2 cents, Bob | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 12:27:14 PM | That all sounds good to me. I`ll remember the fine dinning part.
They say all successful men have a woman behind them. I will guess the money don`t come to some guys before the woman is there first.
I`ve also noticed that when thier fist question is what do you do, and you tell the truth the chatting ends from the golddiggers.
The foolish man seeks happiness from a distance: The wise grows it under his feet.
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, something to hope for.
Countrypicker -- aka -- Midntcowboy | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 2:48:20 PM | The way to spot a potential gold digger is simple: She expects free food, drink & entertainment to be provided at the expense of the guy on the first date.
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 4:51:18 PM |
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, something to hope for.
I'm stealing this, and putting it on my profile. Oh, and goldiggers, men or women wouldn't understand this quote, so I'm safe from em.
And I'm changing it to:
All anyone needs for happiness in this life are something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.
So, that's not exactly stealing. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 5:51:25 PM | | Well a man I dated one time wanted me to keep dating him. I wasn't attracted to him at all and pretty much told him so after that he said he would buy me a house and I would have everything a women could want ( a doctor ). Well that wanted me to get away from him even more. I hate it when men think you will be all over them just because they have money Yuck. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/22/2008 9:13:26 PM |
The way to spot a potential gold digger is simple: She expects free food, drink & entertainment to be provided at the expense of the guy on the first date.
Uh, what? Not sure how they do things over in the UK, but here in the US it is customary for a man to pay the lady's way on a date, especially on the first date, especially if he invited her on this date (rather than her inviting him.)
I have no problems paying for a lady's way on a date, first date or fiftieth. That's just what I like to do. I have had girls insist on paying their own way, which is fine, but I don't think any less of them either way. I don't think a lady is a gold-digger for asking such simple questions as what do I do, etc. That's just normal conversation. When you actually encounter a gold-digger though, they are not hard to identify, with their 20 questions about how much your car costs, did you pay cash for it, etc. (Who do they think they're fooling?) I am not rich (yet) so luckily I have not had any gold-diggers interested in me. If I do though then my policy on the matter is just to get what I want from them and dump them. Serves them right. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/23/2008 8:45:30 AM | I find it funny that so many of the men that worry about golddiggers don't have any gold to dig. lol I had a man contact me from this site that talked about nothing but "not wanting those gold diggin diggers" writing him. The funny thing is the guy lives in a old rv and looks like someone you would see panhandling. This struct me as kind of funny and I wrote him back saying my ex had a mercedes (true) and needless to say that kept him from writing me back. It's kind of like an overweight woman calling herself "hot stuff" We all need to be realistic and not make ourselves out to be something we aren't.  | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:11:17 AM | Yeah that car thing used to work back in my teenage days
Doesn't seem to work quite like it used to!!
Just kidding
Sure, theres probably plenty of G/Diggers out there but, there'll be plenty more that ain't
Lee | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/23/2008 9:21:07 AM |
My Mom first went out with my Dad because he had a car
sorry that car thing - that makes more sense now, duh!
Lee | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/24/2008 11:56:23 PM |
We all need to be realistic and not make ourselves out to be something we aren't.
Who is making himself out to be something he's not?
The only men "worrying" about gold-diggers are the rich guys. The rest of us are just disgusted by them. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/25/2008 7:18:46 AM | | if your going to date somebody based on how much money they have are if there pretty it will never work.i nkow some women who dont have much and i do but that doesnt bother me a good person is just that.go marry some women who has just as much as you alot of times it never works why i dont nkow but it doesnt.if you dont like to be sterotyped dont do it with them because one of those so called poor women may set your soul on fire because she is who she is not high maitinance but a good women who appriciates her man. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/26/2008 11:10:22 AM | You can be poor and sexy if you've got other things going for you. Younger women and older established women are more inclined to date a man just because he's sexy. The younger woman might spring for all you do on dates together and so might the "cougar "-- but for different reasons. Immature women might feel like they have to take care of a man for her to appreciate him. Older women might just be interested in sex. Women in the middle, gray area might lean either way but that depends on their expectations of a relationship. I would have dated someone broke and sexy up until 23 years or so. After that I was spoiled with culture, experience, and chivalry-- it was hard to go back to sloppy joe's after having aged porterhouse in a 7-course meal!
I'm financially self-sufficent, pretty generous in the give/take in a relationship but I want to feel provided for the way a man knows best how to 'provide' and in turn I want to be able to provide for him the way a woman 'provides'. This isn't about sex either. It's about the roles in a relationship that nurture the relationship. I couldn't enjoy having sex with someone strapped for cash without worrying about his broke ass getting me accidently pregnant. Sorry but broke isn't for everybody. | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/26/2008 2:34:57 PM | | I live in an area with alot of wealthy people. So if you go out to dance or whatever, the first thing a guy will grill you on is what you do, where you live, what you have,very first thing. It is so annoying that I don`t even want to go out. I`m ready to start saying,Dude, "don`t worry, if you rub up against my leg it will not deposit your money into my acount. I don`t even date guys from here any more, so just chill. I came for the music." | |
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| Golddiggers and paranoia
Posted: 4/26/2008 6:16:28 PM | Let me guess OP, you are american.
In Europe this wouldn't even be a question. Must be matter of culture or non-culture.
In a culture where money rules, what do people expect, high morals and values? Give me a break.
Just my thought. | |
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