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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:18:38 PM | 2 he was involved with?! 2?! He's done it before?!
How is this thing still alive?!  | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:21:52 PM | omgomg omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok...this is someone just looking for attention right?!??! Tell me this isn't a real thread because I can not believe someone wouldn't be doing EVERYTHING humanly possible to stop this!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's 17!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is just a child herself!!!! WTF?!?!?!?!
I am at a loss..and I am heartbroken...for her, and for her unborn child. Get her the hell out of that situation NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:24:00 PM | LL3... I think I have to agree with you. Hearing bits and pieces of the situation doesn't give anyone the right to really cast judgements. However, what is being insinuated sounds fairly alarming either way.
This would be a fine time for the OP to demonstrate what being a strong parent is all about for her daughter. Don't see yourself as walking on egg shells... Don't use her pregnancy as a reason to not deal with the issue. A family get-together is the least of your concerns. Your daughter would thank you for being an advocate for her and her baby if she isn't able to. She's young! Of course she isn't able to stand up for herself or make wise decisions because she's still a child herself!!! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:24:38 PM | I hope it is as well, if it was MY daughter, I wouldn't be posting a thread about it ANYWHERE, let alone a public forum. I'd be getting her OUT OF THERE!
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:25:10 PM | Damn  hehehe good points to consider.........
Let the cat out of the bag? what did this dude do? What do firearms have to do with a sexual offence against minors and why is it only the two ?
Inquiring minds now need to know???????
ditto
Get it dealt with internally first
edit to post and ditto what the others say. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:26:18 PM | | The 2 girls that were involved were (one being hjis own cousin) in the care of his grandmother at the time..it had gone on over a short period of time but was just brought to their family's attention 6 months ago.I myself did not find out about till they were already going to court an then didn't find out everything till the case was over. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:26:58 PM | One final comment from me before I blow my lid and say what I'm REALLY thinking....
I see you are a child care provider yourself, OP... Have you thought that having someone like that within your circle could harm your role of caring for children as well? Food for thought!
How about you log off of here, go find your daughter and do something about her situation. This is hardly the place for something like this, to be honest. I know that POF can be a shoulder for some, but... | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 33 | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:31:52 PM | "The 2 girls that were involved were (one being hjis own cousin) in the care of his grandmother at the time..it had gone on over a short period of time but was just brought to their family's attention 6 months ago.I myself did not find out about till they were already going to court an then didn't find out everything till the case was over."
Just brought to the family's attention 6 months ago? Ok....ever been in our legal system? Nothing happens in 6 months...TRUST ME!....Now, you still have not spelled out exactly what it was..... I'm sorry hun, I may change my way of thinking here, but until I know exactly what is what, I can't... I'm not not on your side, but I'm only seeing a tiny portion of one of the perceptions here..... | |
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LMAO
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 34 | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:34:01 PM | Okay there is always many sides to the story for ONE
Many are told and heavily advised by lawyers to PLEAD GUILTY,,,yes even if they did NOT do anything wrong,,,,,yes this is TRUE
Okay get all the facts,,,and in everyones eyes no matter if you are incocent you are always guilty in many peoples eyes
so the system is not inocent untill proven guilty
the system is GUILTY<<,and not alot can prove you inoccent in anyones eyes
just becareful there is not more to it,,a conviction does not mean anything nowdays, is the best in the interst of the client most times, as the setence is lesser than fighting it, for years,,etc.
As for your daughter,,,,,well,,,she has to draw her own decision, as if she is having a child she must be able and capable of making her own decisions,,,of coarse with guidence from MOM.
Just beware,,be cautious,,and if they feel they shoudl be at the event,,then,,there must be a reason and feel comfy with it as well, meaning they are not at all embarassed on what has transpired
Just becareful in what you hear, and what you read, alot behind the scenes are the truth which never , ever come out!
That can be both ways in a guilty conviction or inocent!!! ........Take that statement to heart please!!!
Not only that, family is blood, not friends, if there has been any altercations at all in the family,,they wil stab on another in the back so fast it wil make your head spin,,remeber not all families are loving and caring!!! | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:34:48 PM | | No I am not posting this to get attention I am posting cause I need help without jeprodising the birth of the baby..The police say they can't do anything cause no where in the probation does it say he can't be around my daughter,the baby when it is born or other minors other then like I said the two he had sexual contact with.The children's aide is also informed of all of this an was told by them as well nothing they can do unless I can prove he has done something to the baby.My daughter knows how I feel about things but all she can see an hears is her boyfriend loves her an he didn't do anything wrong.yes she needs help an I am looking into but have been told by different agency's unless she sees things for her self or something happens to the baby by him nothing can be done. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:37:08 PM | well the tiny portion that I am seeing is making me see red!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No...this may not be the place for it but OMG this entire post is making me sooooooooooooooooo angry...and soooooooooooooooo very very sad!!!!!!!!! As a survivor of abuse.......I NEVER want to see anyone go through this. Bits and peices are all we are gettting...just enough to make some of us CRAZY!!!!
I hurt...for the 17 yr old daughter...and for her child.
ETA -
unless she sees things for her self or something happens to the baby by him nothing can be done.
and she is willing to wait until that point when it's already happened twice?!?!?!?! OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok ...now I'm really angry
and won't post again. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:41:16 PM | This guy has abused 2 minors--THAT WE KNOW OF
He is abusive of your daughter-- doesn't let her out of his sight; He's already trying to isolate her by trying to get family members out of her life-- Huge red flags that he may already be physically abusive of your daughter-- often violence escalates after the birth of the baby
She is pregnant-- is the baby his?
If you do tell the daughter to leave and she is unable because she thinks she loves him, STILL BE AVAILABLE-- she may attempt a series of getting away from him; she'll succeed in the end; it will be frustrating for family and friends who don't get why she keeps going back--BUT STAY AVAILABLE; she will need you throughout this process. Success in leaving is much impacted by her support system. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:52:31 PM | ok i will assume your daughter wants to stay with him. If she doesnt then not allowing him at the family gathering won't be a big issue.
Now you may be protecting the unborn child , but think of the other children at this gathering. Besides, you don't even know if it will cause complications. ALot of pregnant women go through very stressfull events and babies are just fine.
Personally, i'd let them attend the event. At least your there to protect her along with anyone else that's going. If he tries ANYTHING with ANYONE, ( providing he is that stupid )
you have a great opportunity to kick his A$$ and prove to your daughter what he's like.
furthermore, if you are going to start a thread like this try and offer some more information. Maybe i mis read this but i havent seen how old he is. and in all honesty, is this type of personal information really best suited for a public forum?
err out | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:54:41 PM | 1. He was a sex offender against minors.
2. He controls your daughter.
3. Your daughter stays with him.
Do you want that drama in your life?
I can speak from experiences I witnessed and know of regarding situations very similar to your daughters. And in every case when the mother (you) tries to make accomodate environment, the mother ends up being emotionally beaten.
As much as you love your daughter and as much as you would like to change the situation.... you can't... Your daughter has to make that decision to change things.
You are going to suffer emotionally, as you already are, so do what is best for you and minimize your suffering by staying clear (in my opinion).
Go to the event alone and keep your credibility good between the others.
(you really don't want to hear what I have to say about that fvking ***hole and the rock he should be shoved under, after stoning him with it) | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 8:58:40 PM | | I don't think there's anything wrong with asking this question on this forum. You look for help wherever you can. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 9:09:15 PM | | Believe me I would be the very first one throwing the first stone..thank you for all the in put it has given me alot to think about.This really wasn't an easy thing for me to post but I am really distraught over this. | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 42 | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 9:19:17 PM | Ok....credibility for the thong shot aside......Hun....like I said earlier...I'm not not on your side, or hers and the unborn's for that matter....but in all seriousness....I can't take all to heart without knowing what the heck happened....totally from start to finish. Many a person's life has been ruined by semi truths, or only half a story... I get the sexual thing now...re read again as this is a pretty serious post here.
I have no basis to judge anything without ages, and the actual conviction....be it age gap, or just the age of the minor...(-14) It's a hard sell for any of us to make a decent unemotional opinion due to the nature of the whole thread...Because really, if it is in the worst nature of what we're thinking, it is an extremely bad state of affairs.. If it is something that falls into the Grey areas of law and life, unfortunately as much as we're all probably going to be sad about things...it is the way things work sometimes...
Again though.....only as much help and sympathy can be offered for what is put forth......
And you do have my sympathy......I hope it winds up well in the end....(no pun intended)... | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 9:57:17 PM | Is your daughter's baby his?
How old is he?
What was the nature of his conviction? | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 10:08:35 PM | | At the time my daughter's b'f was 16 when he had sexual contact with 2 minors being the age of 10 an 12 yrs of age(one being his own cousin)..he is now 19 an my daughter is 17.He originally had 13 charges against him ranging from sexual assault involving a minor to sexual misconduct.All but 4 charges were dropped(why at this time I haven't been able to find out) the 4 charges that remained an he was subsequently convicted of where the lesser charges(2 each for each minor victom) of sexual misconduct involving a minor).he was given a yrs. probation an can't possess fire arms(my understanding of this was cause of threats an past trouble he had been in when he himself was a minor).He also has a record of using drugs.An to the extent of his controlling and brain washing of my daughter well this is another issue it is to the point she cant contact me or anyone else unless he is there.He has her convinced that everyone is out to get him an he hasn't done anything wrong.She can't/won't see that no judge will sentence him with jail time or probation if there wasn't anything there.I have tried talking to her about this even with him present she just won't listen an then he tells her it's time to leave.Maybe it is a fear of being left alone with the baby to take care of(which I tell her all the time I an others will be there for her an the baby no matter what),or she can't let herself believe he is capable of doing such a thing.Like I said I have talked to the police an to the children's aide an both told me nothing can be done cause nothing was put in the probation order about him staying away from other minors or his baby when it is born(why I don't know I have written to the courts to find out and have called there as well)I was told by one assistant from the prosecutors office that I can't be given details cause the case involved minors even after I told them the cirumstances an who I was.Only time they can an will step in is if I can prove he has done it again to his own child or someone else. | |
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Posted: 6/19/2006 10:30:00 PM | Ok whats the problem here?
Are there going to be MEN at the Party?
If yes then take them both to the party, tell all the men there what this little prick has done.
Then let the men take him out back and give him a good "talking to"
If he continues to see your daughter, invite him to another party for another good "talking to"
Problem solved!
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Posted: 6/20/2006 3:53:24 AM | | SAVE YOUR DAUGHTER!!!! | |
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Posted: 6/20/2006 4:45:06 AM | | Be there for your daughter .... he wont let her do anything ?... thats just wrong ... .she cant live her life like that ... its not going to get better .... can you get her into councelling or something .... get her some help to boost her self esteem .... she needs to get away from him .... especially now having a baby ...... hes not going to get better ... hes only going to get worse .... shes so young ... | |
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Posted: 6/20/2006 5:35:09 AM | Pangel...OMG, I can so truly feel your frustration, hurt and concern! Some folks here are totally correct..there is nothing much you can do but be there for your daughter when she decides she wants out....do pay attention to the little signs she will give...you cannot do much without her wanting to make a change...tis sad for the most part isn't it? For you folks who have berated Pangel here, take a sit back and ponder for a minute...what can she do other than be there? The law won't do anything, CAS can't do anything, and her daughter thinks the sun rises and sets on this pervert! Pangel is in the middle without much assistance....And I think it is ok for her to post this here...if we do not care to be aware of her situtation, then we do not have to read or participate in this thread....for the most part I think your anger is directed at the pervert, and with this, I totally agree...Pang? Good luck with this, try not to let it get you down...be strong girlie! | |
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Posted: 6/20/2006 7:17:37 AM | Please, please, please, do not think for one second I am defending the guy, but if these things happened when he was 16, was he not a minor himself????
I'm confused.... you said it was just brought to the family's attention 6 months ago, so that means it was left for 2 and a half years before either of the victims came forward, and if they were 10 and 12 at the time.... and one being a cousin.... I'm really iffy on that fact alone.
Personally, I would be MORE concerned with the controlling factors in this relationship your daughter has with him. It sounds like he's terrified of her leaving him over this situation and doesn't see it's only making matters far worse. Do the two of them live together or is she still residing in your house?
By no means do I advocate this type of behaviour, or the situation, I truly feel for what you must be going through inside your head, and your heart. Be strong for your daughter because chances are pretty good that she'll need you more than ever before too long.
Good luck! | |
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Mayor
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Joined: 1/2/2006
Msg: 50 | |
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Posted: 6/20/2006 7:57:42 AM | Best I can Suggest is to be there to help pickup the peices. I have found one of the roughest parts of being a parent if letting our kids make their own mistakes, and helping them take the right lessons afterwards.
Best of Luck | |
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