| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/20/2006 7:40:05 PM |
To ladyc4: You think I'm "selfcentered"? I thought relationships were supposed to be 50-50. Am I supposed to date a woman with kids who gives me nothing just for the priviledge of providing her with uncompensated fulfillment of her and her child's needs. Would you date a man who makes you wash his car, clean his house and cook his meals but kept cancelling your dates?
Do these women actually expect you to take care of their kids, or are you ASSUMING that's their plan? Don't throw all women with children in one room, a lot of women take care of their kids and don't expect help from anyone. I don't want kids either, but I wouldn't bother with a guy who blew his kids off for me, and if I date a man who has them, he won't be looking for me to have any...furthermore, anyone who expects to come before someone's kids is just not being fair. Should you eventually become part of their lives? Sure....no one says you have to dish out money to do that. That's what their parents are for. They already have two - whether they're still together or not. You don't like the kid thing, don't get too serious, but you still have to respect that they're a part of her life.
I would say look for a woman without kids....but the ones who don't want any are harder to find after 30 (still single anyway), or they are still looking to have them with someone and you'll end up dealing with that. You may not like your options, but you still have to work with what ya got. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:17:01 PM | To the author:
As for this money/ gold-digger biz, I think that if you take a woman who has worked hard to earn her degree and her financial status, who finally has the means to follow her dream of, let’s say, traveling the world. Then you try to match her up with an average guy who works for minimum wage all his life. No matter how attractive or quick witted, he is going to be eventually left at the airport holding his own baggage. Keeping a woman from her dreams is like speeding towards a red stoplight. It may be fun with the pedal to the metal but when the smell of burnt rubber and brake dust fades that big Rolls that was doing 35 the whole time is gonna eventually catch up. Whether you be man, woman, or Richard Simmons we should be able to not only be headed for the same finish line, but be able to clear the same hurdles.
You say that you don’t bring up the sex topic unless she does. I say if she considers you respectful then talking about sex with a non-perv approach just says you are open and confident with your own sexuality as well as learning about her views on sex. Ignoring perhaps the deep-seated of human emotions could only end in devastation.
I believe your dating challenges not only involve what you bring to the table, but how you carry yourself. Somehow I do believe that it’s all some kind of test and whether women know it or not, even if women are not looking for a husband they are testing us to find out if we are worthy marriage material. If we don’t look them in their eyes when they are speaking then we are considered too weak to protect them or pervs because we are staring at the twins (Here’s a little test. Give her the honest respect of looking her in the eyes when she is talking to you the whole time, then let her notice one CASUAL glance south to let her know she’s got the more carnal side of your attention. Besides she didn’t squeeze into that slinky thing for religious reasons, come on. If you haven’t given her any reason to make you a martini hat then she won’t, and if she does then she’s the one in need of a little self love, not you.). If we are too nice then we are not assertive enough to hold our own when important decisions need to be made. And, I say so be it. Women should be on the look out for losers and maybe those curves do naturally make our heads spin because it is somehow encoded in our brains that they are a sign of fertility. Damn chimps! Well, so what, I say don’t fight nature; as body language needs to be as powerful as it is, so does subconscious selection.
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:45:24 AM | To the author:
I really hope you didnt post this under your real profile. I cant imagine anyone being attracted to someone with such an ugly attitude. Sweeping nasty generalizations about women, based on a few bad experiences... well, even if you had an impressive income and rockstar good looks... women aren't gonna wanna date someone like that... | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:06:58 AM | | i don't care about income too much..as long as they have a job and don't spend it on alcohol or drugs or cigarettes all the time..and can manage it sort of ok then i'm sweet | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:38:52 AM | If it was all about the money, I'd have millions right now. Years ago there was a (MUCH older) man who was EXTREMELY wealthy, and head over heels in love with me. Chances are he would have passed on within a few years, (for that matter the wedding night might have done it!) and I, as his wife would have had it all. Back then I was not willing to go for money over love, and today is no different. As a matter of fact, I supported my last bf for over a year. (lesson learned-no need for a repeat) I have supported myself since I was 16 and don't forsee any reason for that to change. I may not have a six figure bank balance, nor can I always afford everything I'd like to have or do, but I do feel good about myself.
So for those who think that all women are only after your money, might I suggest that you date the right women and look into the possibility that maybe that's all you appear to have to offer.
Sometimes when we see fault in everyone around us, it's time to look in the mirror! | |
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TishaG
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Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 106 | |
| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:43:10 AM | I've never cared if a man made more money than me. As long as he can take care of himself and his children (if he has any) he's doing fine. What I do not like is someone who complains about people who have "this and that". This type of person wants these things themselves but instead of putting the extra effort in to get them, thinks it's owed to them or they deserve it more but aren't willing to sacrifice for it. Ever work with someone who is quite content to do as little as possible while at the job? When I want something, I sign the overtime desired list at work and bust my butt to get it. It shows "drive" and a willingness to better one's self through sheer determination and having a good work ethic. If a man lacks this, I do find that I have a hard time having respect for him.
I also have two good friends; she is a mail carrier like me..and her boyfriend is a musician in a band. While she makes more money than him, he works nights and he does everything and anything he can to help her while she's at work (cleaning her house, taking care of the outside, errands,etc) that shows how much he loves her. I've never seen a couple more in love. It isn't about money. It's about ATTITUDE!  (i love that banana!) | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:05:41 AM | I've met very few women who were interested in how much money I had. All they cared about in the financial realm is that I wasn't after theirs. Uusally they are more interested in my spirituality and communication skills.
There were a couple of minor exceptions, such as the former trophy wife with champagne tastes and a beer budget. That one lasted two dates. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:12:15 AM | I don't argue with Mother Nature -- men see women as sex objects, and women see men as money & power (as evidence of success). Women are free to flaunt their "assets", but it's difficult for a man to exhibit his success without seeming crass. On dates I usually pay for dinner, but if I wined & dined everybody I know I'd go broke (or end up looking like a "nice guy").
Alas, there is a lot of truth in that. The book Freakonomics mentions a study done of a big US dating site. The conclusion was that men are go for looks, and women go for money.
In my own case that hasn't been a problem simply because I look for intelligent women. They tend to be well-educated and self-sufficient. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:16:20 AM |
God get over your damn self - NO ONE WANTS YOUR FREAKN' MONEY!!
No one decent anyway!!! I'll buy my own freakin' steak dinner!!
Exactly!
The conclusion was that men are go for looks, and women go for money.
Actually, money has never interested me. I go for looks and personality, thanks! | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:25:36 AM | Would you date a man who makes you wash his car, clean his house and cook his meals but kept cancelling your dates?
By the time I was washing a guys car, cleaning his house and fixing his meals, we would have been on one HELL of a lot of "dates",we would have fallen in love, and I would be washing OUR car, cleaning OUR house, and fixing OUR meals, which all were obtained by mutual effort and contributions,either in terms of money, labor, partnership in crime(oh, no scratch that, bad idea
)
And relationships, good ones anyway, are 100%/100%; so that you have 200%.
OP, I'll admit that it sounds like you've run into some flakey women, but that happens to everyone(women run into flakey men, I mean) and it has very little to do with income.
OK here's my honest suggestions;
Get your career/business up and running well before you worry about dating. Then, date only childless women near your own age,who are approximately in the same income bracket. This is going to sharply reduce the size of your particular dating pool, I know, but it should ensure that you don't get hooked up with someone who is just looking for someone to take care of her and her kids.
Cindy O | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:32:05 AM | | To say that it’s all about money is a powerful statement. However, I was dumped 3 times after months in relationships because I either lost a job or went back to University. Whenever I initiate contact with someone online, one of the very first questions that come up is what I do for a living. It’s not everything, but seems very important to most anyways. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:00:28 PM | | what matters to me....its important that he can support himself financally. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:18:17 PM | It's not always true that when someone asks you your occupation they are trying to find out how much money you make. Sometimes it's just an icebreaker question, although a rather cliched one.
I'm not one of those people who lets their occupation define their identity. I value my free time and make sure that I have plenty of it. My hobbies and interests define the real me, work is just a way to finance them. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:24:29 PM | | To Sorsha: When you say "I really hope you didnt post this under your real profile", are you saying that POF allows you to set up phony profiles in addition to your real profile? | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:26:06 PM | Indianaman, sometimes choosing not to have children is due to a selfish choice; that doesn’t make the choice wrong for that particular person. But it’s a decision that each person has to make for them self.
It's very naive for anyone to think that the opinions I express here reflect my behavior on dates. When I go out with a woman I'm very upbeat, positive, cheerful and talk about a variety of subjects, neither dominating the conversation nor being non-responsive when the woman talks; I consider myself an excellent listener.
So if you’re not living your opinions, does that mean you misrepresent yourself to people? Are you not being yourself or do you share these opinions with people?
Women say men never call them after a date but I always do (unless the date was obviously a total fiasco for both of us).
So then you don’t always call them…how do you know it was a fiasco for HER and not just for you? Usually the guy doesn’t call because he’s not interested in seeing the woman again…so how are you different from this?
I guess women think they can size up a man on the first date because if the fireworks aren't immediate they decide "this guy isn't my souldmate" and doesn't deserve a first. I feel that I'm being fair by asking a woman for a second date even if it wasn't "love at first sight" for me but I guess from a woman's point of view my policy looks like desperation.
You’re really assuming now…is that because the some women didn’t want a second date with you? Fireworks don’t last and they don’t make the relationship a good or strong one; and while love at first sight has happened to some people, that’s not the norm. Anyone who thinks that before meeting someone is bound for disappointment. And anyone who thinks all women are like this doesn’t know a lot about women.
I've found that most women who say at the end of the first date "please call me, I'd like to see you again" are liars because I call them and they either play phone tag or tell me they're "seeing someone else."
Again with the assumptions…I don’t know many women who would flat out tell a guy to call them if they’re not interested in seeing them again. If anything, my experience has been the guy asking at the end of the date if I’d like to do this again…and my answer is either a yes or a no. While some people may feel it’s less hurtful to ‘be busy’ rather than saying they’re simply not interested, I disagree with that behavior. But it’s not only women who are capable of doing this; I’ve heard a number of women ask why when a guy says ‘I’ll call you’ and then doesn’t, why does he bothering saying it if he doesn’t mean it…so both genders may do it…and they may actually mean it when they say it but then things change for any number of reasons. It’s pretty cynical to assume people lied rather than changed their minds.
I thought relationships were supposed to be 50-50. Am I supposed to date a woman with kids who gives me nothing just for the priviledge of providing her with uncompensated fulfillment of her and her child's needs. Would you date a man who makes you wash his car, clean his house and cook his meals but kept cancelling your dates?
Sounds like you really have a dim view of relationships and of women. Perhaps you need an attitude adjustment before you date anyone else.
You can't say that men care about looks than women do. On two occasions the women looked me over and walked out on the date
No, what one can say is that SOME people care more about looks than about the person…either gender is capable of this. If it happened to me, I’d count myself lucky that someone that shallow decided to walk out…I wouldn’t want to invest any time and emotion in someone like that only to find out later they had issues about looks. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:34:24 PM | | sas393,I agree that it is not about money that it is about how you are treated. He should have a job of some kind. I would rather have good treatment than the money. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:37:01 PM | This is why I read the POF forums. Because every once in a while I'll come across a nugget of information so insightful that it completely changes my life.
DATING IS ALL ABOUT INCOME!!!
To be able to break down the complicated world of dating and relationships in those 5 words...well it's just astounding. Thank you for taking time out of your buys life as Guru to drop this piece of wisdom on the rest of us.
I was going to type some more but the POF site just alerted me that I had used up all my sarcasm time.
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:54:29 PM | | Um, I guess you haven't noticed, but Jennifer Aniston is a dog-faced girl. ya twit. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 12:58:52 PM | | girls dont like boys..they like cars and money...it is a song..and it is right on...although it is forgetting ONE thing...if you dont have cars or money..you better have a big schlong..I know this is gonna piss ladies off everywhere but that is just cuz they dont like to be made out lookin so superficial..but it is true...hey dont hatethe player hate the game | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 1:16:40 PM | No its not about MONEY Haha ! Case of the Forked Tongue ,female .Sorry Flavia,Income and JOB are about the SAME in my books !
R.
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Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 6 39 PM
No, it's not a turn off for me , if you atleast have a job.
~*Flavia*~
MSG.95
eez....I hate parasitic women, not sure why or how men stand them!!!!!Those are the type of women who cannot stand on their two little feet and demand everything from men.They do not deserve you, so look for someone better.Goodluck!
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 8:22:58 PM | Redtransam,All women are not alike. If I cared about a man it would not make any difference if he had a lot of money. Yes I would exspect him to have some kind of income or a job.I sure would not support him. We would share what we would have. Dating to me is trying to find someone who will love and respect you for who you are. Not for what your bankbook states or what you have.It is not hard to tell the gold diggers and gigalos. As stated above, a couple of big macs with someone you really care about is better than prime rib with someone you don't. | |
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| Dating is all about income
Posted: 6/21/2006 9:15:06 PM | | I think with some people you are right, it is the money to them! But my personal feeling is that money only gets in the way at the begining of getting to know someone. I will not talk about money in the first, because it just causes problems! I would rather go out with a woman because of who she and how she acts. But i do get woman that ask to many questions about money and don't ask the important questions like who am i am what am i all about. | |
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