| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:10:17 AM | OP...
I wonder if often a guy who is able to communicate with women on par with them is often possibly a bit gay ? I noticed guys who really seem to be buddies and chatty with women are often questionable in terms of sexual orientation ... not always though.
Of course I think there are also those who are players who know how to play women and can listen "strategically" ...they play the game well !!
In my experience ..I admit that I don't always listen ... I honestly can't ..my mind doesn't work that way ..LOL ....but I must say that is not such a bad thing ....it's kind of nice having someone there to talk to you even if you don't hear all the points...it's a nice atmosphere, you don't have to hear the actual words ..maybe we're not meant to hear all the words? ...but the way it works is that at some point she say's "are you listening!! " and then I know it may be a bit important so I listen ...but it usually isn't important.. LOL ...but that's ok ... who cares ..it's a nice atmosphere . | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 11:43:58 AM | There are probably good reasons why men don’t listen or seem to be not listening.
- The average man is less verbal than the average woman,
- Men and women have different styles in communication. For instance . men tend to be precise & straight - to- the point in their communication. For instance, when a man says : “I don’t want to go out tonight” , that is what he means precisely, while if a woman were to use the same sentence, it’s usually a pretext for WAR LOL, over every single thing that annoys her about him ….
“ You don’t take me anywhere anymore Blah Blah blah…YOU don’t love me”. By the way Blah Blah Blah , is what men often hear.
- Research has shown that men & women process language differently. For instance, men use the left side of the brain - conventionally associated with understanding language - to pick up conversations.
But women also use the right side. That is why, women can often listen to two separate conversations simultaneously , because they tend to use more of their brain to listen to conversations. This is perfect for raising the kids and the husband of course.
Advice to men while attempting to communicate with women,
- Don’t say anything which might jeopardize your well- being. So your response to any sentence that beings with ‘ I feel’, or ‘ we should’, should be utter and complete silence coupled preferably with avoidance of eye contact, and anything else that might show that you really don’t care.
P.S.
Always remember in the war of sexes WOMEN Always Win, so you might as well admit defeat, and get laid. | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 12:03:09 PM | msg 102
I pretty much totally agree with your points ...except that I really don't think of it as a war ... but maybe women do??? ..maybe I was told it was and I wasn't listening ....(-:
I don't think men want war ...if they did they might actually put up a fight .....maybe getting laid is just that important??
I also wonder if since women often seem to have a better understanding of the deeper psychological aspects of communication than men do ....then why don't they try to be a bit more tolerant of the fact that we are different and work within that reality????
.....Actually I think I know why ....because they like trouble .... it's emotional .. and then there's make up time ....(-: | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:04:52 PM | I think what post 99 & 100 said is very important. We men like it direct and to the point. We don't necessarily understand hints & clues to what you are trying to say. You maybe missunderstood. A relationship should not just be one sided eather. Be a pretty boreing relationship for the woman to do all the talking and the guys just listening. Communication should be back and forth between both people.
- Don’t say anything which might jeopardize your well- being. So your response to any sentence that beings with ‘ I feel’, or ‘ we should’, should be utter and complete silence coupled preferably with avoidance of eye contact, and anything else that might show that you really don’t care.
Some women may veiw men that always agree with them as a pushover and maybe not good dateing material. Some like them to take charge every once in a while. I'm not always going to agree with a women and sometimes will let them know, but not always. Sometimes if I think its important enough.
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 1:23:01 PM | There's listening and then there is indulgence. She's got to be seriously HAWT for me to cross that line. | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 6:54:38 PM | | men listen if you say something valid. just like every other person on earth (male or female). | |
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fyi_me
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Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 107 | |
| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 7:21:08 PM | | hahahaha men listen they just don't know how to translate into Man-glish what a woman is saying....lmao | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 7:29:45 PM | Hello,
I'm listening to what you say! Is it real..I don't think so! Most people go with there heart, and if they don't, it wasn't meant to be.. Well, anyways,I hope your weekend is good...Hugs to you and your family Dee  | |
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XR7sc
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Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 109 | |
| men don't listen
Posted: 9/15/2006 8:07:39 PM |
When I want him to know something I am very staright forward and I make sure he heard and understood me. Hoping that a guy is listening and expecting him to read between the lines will only lead you to disappointment.
Now there is some great wisdom.....And I bet it would work the other way around as well If men could listen to women and women could listen to men life would be better for both  | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/16/2006 7:55:02 AM | I thought this was the one of the funniest forum discussions, it made me laugh because it will always be a question that people will ask, century after century... if they did a poll they would probably discover that it beats the standard 'what is the meaning of Life' question and is up there with 'Is there a God'... and 'Is she female?' (God that is)...
The answer is it makes no difference, if people only listen they sometimes fail to act or they only appear to listen so they fail to react appropriately when you suddenly realise that the reason they were so quiet was that they were snoring....
It is when they have glazed eyes that you need to check their pulse. I know men who never listen, but are amazingly receptive to pain, and their visual checks are superb... I know friends who listen and can do for hours... and nod alot and shake their head alot, but never get up from their armchair to act on what they have heard.
Is the question 'does he listen?' more important than... 'He /she hears... and comprehends... and when he/she does he/she acts.... sympathetically, and appropriately?'
.... Now I am going to go back and re-read the rest of the threads, I have laughed out loud there are some sassy switched on people here! | |
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LL3
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Joined: 9/10/2005
Msg: 112 | |
| men don't listen
Posted: 9/16/2006 8:11:25 AM | Here's a news flash....Men actually do listen, and believe it or not, we're able to seperate more than two conversations at a time....and can walk and chew gum even....HEEE
However, we also know when not to speak cuz yer lookin' for a fight, and we also don't normally "flower" the conversation.. I have something to say, I'm a gonna say it. Also, sometimes I really do bite my tongue because I'm not feeding into it... I'll let you stew on the fight that didn't happen, go to bed miserable and I'm still waking up after having a good night's sleep.
we do listen, but once the eyes glaze...you've gone well past the point of having me be bothered listen to you rant about something that really has no relevance, or you're spoiling on some long since passed issue......
Oh, and as much as listening goes.....we even hear it as well.... Just don't feed into it too too much sometimes.
Too bad some women haven't figured that out yet..... We analyze, but in our heads...we don't need to verbalize everything.....
Food for thoughts..... | |
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cmat
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Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 114 | |
| men don't listen
Posted: 9/23/2006 2:13:05 PM | most people don't listen, they just try to be polite and wait for their time to talk.
It's normally why I tend to be the quiet one in a group of people talking because I like to observe it all the time. The look of anticipation as they get ready to speak when someone finishes up, then it's a race. People start to talk over each other, then they fall off one by one till that one voice comes out the winner  | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/23/2006 2:39:41 PM | ooohhh nice post OP.
Ayep, men need to listen. Especially when Im on some earth shattering topic. There will be a quiz later. | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/23/2006 3:05:03 PM |
is up there with 'Is there a God'... and 'Is she female?' (God that is)...
Nah, God doesn't seem to talk much... must be a man.
Although, God could be a woman... because 'she' likes to communicate by giving 'hints' and 'little cues' rather than coming right out and saying what she wants.
Damn, I give up, I still don't know! | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 117 | |
| men don't listen
Posted: 9/23/2006 3:41:41 PM | Ouch, both sexes need to get the wax out of their ears. Everyone in the world wants to get their 2 cents in, and the hell with what the other person needs or wants.
It doesn't matter if its a man or a woman, don't expect the other to be a mind reader. State your wants/needs in a clear and concise manner. Get to the point. Don't put blame on the other person. The world is a whole lot better place if we do more listening and less talking. I agree with some of the men folk here, when the talking gets to pure gossip, I'm outta here.
What happens too much in relationships, is by the time the partner who hasn't listened for so long, begins to perk up their ears and listen, its too late. | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/24/2006 5:06:13 AM | Sorry OP, I see the opposite! I think men DO listen to women and are interested in their stories that they have to tell. I don't think women listen to men enough......really listen to them....they too have their stories to tell, but being the 'man' they don't seem to be able to open up as much as what a woman can. A woman tends to express pain easier than a man can express pain. A gender thing I guess.  | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:38:35 AM | Interesting topic.
If you suggest a woman playing with her hair is a sign of atttraction ,sure, I agree. Although there may be 30 other guys in the room, and it might be difficult to know to whom her "advancements" are for.
If you're suggesting yes means no, or vice versa, then yes...errr, i mean no.... i mean./... oh screw it. next line
Ironically, we (m/f) both have tail tail signs of interests. I don't, however, subscribe to any notion that women are vocally making their thoughts known, but rather, they give signs that men are somehow supposed to be able to decipher. It's like learning to read/speak Greek.
If you call too soon after a date, you're being codependant or desperate.
If you call too late, she's off on another date with your arch nemesis.
Women try to be non-vocal with men, and expect our interpretations are the same as theirs would be. Men, on the other hand, are vocal, and reason better through direct communications.
It might be easier if women subscribed to at least a few male calling cards. Say for instance, a wave,....... a smile....... a look in your direction (Gawd forbid making eye contact, as this would surely give her away completely)
There was a time in the not so distant past , when women weren't afraid of walking over and saying hi to a guy she liked or found atttractive. Nowadays, she's usually with 8-10 of her friends, laughing and finding (organized) contentment without those men. It's now a game to see how many men she/they can attract, and at the same time, act as if you're a retard for even trying. Or so my experience goes. it's much like going to Court-Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Personally, I'm in disagreement with the notion that guys don't listen. I think that's a dramatic oversimplification of some very complex communication techniques, which men and women widely vary on. In my estimation, the changes women have invoked over the past 50 years has given rise to an ever changing set of dynamics between the sexes, and men are hardly able to keep up with the stringent (silent) means through which we're supposed to understand our gender counterparts.
Women: Start using the old-fashioned techniques of communicating verbally. Men and women communicate differently, and those "non-verbal signs" of interest are all too complicated to decipher. Let's get back to basics.
Ever been a guy(singular tense),... in the presence of 10 women....... and try having part in the conversation? Ok, you get my point. Most women think highly of their female couterparts, and greatly encourage their thoughts. Yet, the minute a man speaks up, his every word is discernably under strong critique. he leaves himself WIDE open for humiliation and ridicule. Only the very strong survive.
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:50:02 AM | if you think someone didn't listen to you ....and its important.
try writing it down on paper
read it
see how understandable it really is ... in words without all the emotional inflection.
if it makes sense
then he probably did hear and understand it
its just he didn't know how to respond to it without hurting your feelings or causing a fight.
remember you ... don't always say what you think you say.
other people hear what you say
its you ... that doesn't hear what you say.
your too busy talking. | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:10:52 AM | OP
It's a nice thought but women RARELY mean what they say.
That being said you should still listen but you need to know what they REALLY mean when they talk... especially when they are telling you what they "think" they want in a man. | |
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| men don't listen, but I do!
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:30:53 AM | ah, a subject I know firsthand. I listen to women and ask many questions. If I didn't ask questions than that means that I wasn't listening. Right?
My problem when dating someone is that they don't ask questions of me and I feel that they don't want to get to know me.
I can sit and listen to someone for so long. Maybe, some men don't care to listen to something that doesn't interest them?
Men are visual and only want to hear things that interest them or will benefit them. Not all men but most men.
If you talk about shopping for clothes, men won't be excited, But, if you talk about a car, sports team or how to do something, Men will listen.
Men are problem solvers and want to get the last word in. they want to help everyone and anyone.
If you throw a few sexual things in your conversation, that will prick up their ears. Try it next time, if you think a guy is not listening, throw in sex and you will have their attention. | |
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| men don't listen, but I do!
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:57:53 AM | Now I know where I have been going wrong...I have been dating deaf men for all they want to do is sign language and they are not talking to my face.  | |
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| men don't listen
Posted: 9/24/2006 9:59:31 AM | | Whether one is listening is an interesting question. One may not digest information quickly, and be able to recount it, or one may not interpret information the same as someone else. Parents have told me to keep my shut and ears open at almost all times! Goodness, how am I going to know when is the right time to ask a question to clarify? I don't digest information at the same pace as everyone else, and to top it off if I ever do discuss things, I find myself out of step with what is being talked about. I have to wait till the time I'm one on one with someone to really comprehend what is going on. External distractions hurt my chances and listening. If you want someone who will listen, note their ability to filter external distractions. If they have none, take them aside to a different room. And don't expect everyone to be able to read non-verbal cues. As someone who hasn't been social very long, my understanding of them is very limited. If you want men to listen understand they may take listening at a different pace than you are used to. But they do listen, if you give them a chance to. | |
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