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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:57:25 PM | Well I was thinking about this one. And thought well If someone is living at home its ok. There are reasons people still live at home. I see a few single mouthers do, I dont realy see anything rong with it as long as there is enough room and everyone is ok with it.
I personaly have a hard time with outher men who still live at home are single and have no kids. I honestly cant find a reason for a healthy man who is not in school of some sort to be still living with there parents. Not that I am talking about all guys who live at home,but the ones I have come across who do I see why. There spending habbits are out of this world.
I do realize there are reasons that guys do because of devorce lay offs and such. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 9:57:36 PM | Total turn off for me. How can you stand living there at 26? OMG I have a cousin who is in his late 30s and still lives at his parents....PUKE!!! He has been in and out of jail more times than I can count...but hey he still gets some chicks.
So there must be some girls out there willing to deal with your living at your parents...but not me.
Maybe if you had a kid or where going to school...
To top it off your not even working full time...
What do you do in your spare time? | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:07:53 PM |
And Sweet? You don't need a fortune to have an apartment. I was living in a small one-bedroom place when I first moved to Ontario and I was making less than $10/hr so don't give me that sob story. Most factories pay at least that these days so unless you're in debt up to your eyeballs, your wife cleaned you out in a divorce, you have child support payments, ect, there really is no excuse.
So you were able to do all that where YOU LIVE. Good for you, but expecting others to jump through the same hoop as you just because YOU did is not realistic. If I was where you're at maybe, but when you've got nearly $10,000 in student loans to pay back, health insurance, car insurance, car payments, car repairs which I had to do today, my own groceries, phone bill, credit card, etc. and NOT have parents helping to pay any of my bills even though I may still live with them, I barely have any money left over and certainly not enough to move into an apartment even a one bedroom apartment. The plus side is that I was able to save enough money from my previous job to put into a savings account so that way when I can find me a better paying job and have a bit more breathing room with money, I can put down a good down payment for at least a decent apartment, but when the time is right for ME not just when you or anyone else says so. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:12:11 PM | | Never mind your concerns about dating, that should be the least of your and society's concerns at this point. You are a non-functioning adult. You should have been out and contributing nearly a decade ago, yet you are enabled by weak parents and supported by a lot of pathetic enablers who have no business giving anyone advice. If it's not your parents tit you suck from it would be the government's, errrrrrr taxpayer's! If you wanted to move out/find a job that can support you it would have happened, no accidents here. Drag yourself down to the nearest Army recruitment center, see the world, you've got maybe a year left before you are not even welcome there. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:17:46 PM | Living at home isn't bad....I moved out on my own when I was 16 yrs old. Moving out before you are ready is a BIG mistake. I did ok for myself. I eventually bought a house. At the age of 33 I decided(at the request of my parents)that I move back home so I could afford to go back to school and achieve some more of my dreams. I sold the house, moved back home, paid of lots of debt. Now I can afford school....
I know I may get talked about here, but I would much rather have a man who is willing to make sacrafices to get what he wants. Now I am in the posistion where I can start out fresh, with no debt and have a very good paying job. I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone who was drowning in debt.....
Sweetguy6 do what you have to do to be happy with yourself, eventually the right one will come along and she won't care where you live. Don't rush it, just to be with a girl, its not worth it....Good luck.. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:21:05 PM | Dude, I'm not expecting you to jump through any hoops and I'm not telling anyone to be like me. I'm just saying that I've been living on my own since I was 18 and didn't have any issues paying my bills, without parental aid, so it isn't as impossible as you're making it out to be. After reading a lot of these posts, I'm not the only one who has been in the same situation.
YOU asked US if it was a big turn-off if a guy still lives at home and when we don't give you the answer you want to hear, you're jumping all over it like a skinny kid on a carrot stick. What did you expect us to say? "Yeah, it's great that you live at home with your parents and intend to do so until you're 30. Go Sweet! You rock!"
Just because you pay your own bills and buy some chow doesn't mean you're taking any steps to becoming independent; it just means you're paying your own bills and buying some chow. This doesn't put you ahead. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:25:41 PM | Not sure if I'm qualified to answer this, since I live on my own and am not a woman, but a few thoughts:
1. The original question is whether it's a turnoff for some women when a guy's living at home. The answer is clearly yes. Whether that's fair or not is another matter, but I don't think that if a woman has a visceral reaction to hearing a guy lives with his folks that logic will convince her otherwise... probably because she wouldn't be around to listen.
2. If you're living at home as part of a sacrifice to better their life in the long run, it seems likely that part of that sacrifice is accepting that some women just aren't going to dig you. Of course, some women just aren't going to dig any of us, but the living at home thing is just another strike against you. It doesn't mean that you should forget about women or anything, and actually you should guard against assuming that all women are going to be turned off by it, because you'll be setting yourself up for failure.
3. I agree with other posters that suggest that focusing on independence is a logical step to take before focusing on finding the right woman. I lived with my parents for a year after graduating from undergrad (I was 22 at the time) so I'm not entirely unsympathetic, but being independent and gaining confidence from that independence will help a lot in life and, I would presume, with the ladies. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:29:31 PM | Maybe if you had a kid or where going to school...
To top it off your not even working full time...
What do you do in your spare time?
I've been working 40 hours a week (which is considered full time here) for the last 3 weeks because we've been short on staff. Now that things have been stabilized a bit, I generally work between 30-37 hours a week with usually one or 2 days off. I happened to have today off because I needed to take my car in for repairs. What do I do in my spare time whenever I get it? Either hang out with friends or job hunting.
Look, I get it. It isn't enough for someone to just be working towards their goal even if they haven't moved out at a certain age for whatever their circumstances or their reasons. I respect that you want someone who's already at least independent and living on their own by at least the mid-20s. I just wish you all could realize that not everyone in this world moves out by that age no matter what the circumstances or situation. I just hope soon I can prove all of you wrong by finding someone who actually is able to look past my living situation and realize that I'm actually a good catch and person to be with.
Joan Jett, I never said that put me ahead. All I'm doing is pointing out I CAN do some things on my own without the assistance of others. Like I said though, I get it. Living on your own is the ULTIMATE show of that. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:44:55 PM | | I was living alone by 18, by the time I was your age I was a single mother and have worked two full time jobs just to survive (yes, that is 80 hours a week). I am sorry, no matter what excuse you use, you COULD be on your own. Why can't you get a second job until the "right one" comes along? You worked full time for 3 weeks and say "when you get free time"!!! That is simply ridiculous! With only a part time job you should have no lack of free time. Right now, I am a housewife. The first time in my adult life I have EVER not worked my ass off. My husband is active duty military and works a second job so I can be home with our children. I have very little respect for people who claim they just don't make enough to move out! I am sure that most parents would be sick of watching their long adult child still "work toward" adulthood. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 10:56:28 PM | I would LOVE to date a woman who is in her early twenties and still lives at home with her family, has family values, chips in and helps her family out. That seems to be rare to find these days!
I love a woman who has good values, morals, etc. So its totally not a turn off for me.
Even I am back home now to spend time with my dad who has cancer. I used to be in the military prior to this and was hardly home. So its an amazing time. I get to hang out with my dogs, my Bro, my sister, and my crazy azz parents! But unfortunately I'll be leaving again...sometime soon.
The worst part about not being home is...FOOD. You wake up, There's food. You come home, There's food. There's food all the time. HAHAHA. I love it.
Oh and ladies, if you live with your parents, I WELCOME the opportunity to get to know you. I know you are the type that won't put your parents in an elderly home like most people now do.
They raised you up from when you were a baby, so help em out! Stop trying to act like you are "INDEPENDANT". I'd say CORRUPT more like it.
Any one who still lives with their family can still be independant. Unfortunately in our society, being close to your family is not a good thing. (Not everyone's family is bad.)
Alright time to get outta here! L8er everybody! | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:22:29 PM | | Hmm.. I moved out at 17 and still managed to get a degree in plastics engineering and support myself... was it hard? heck yes... And ... I even decided that it wasnt the right career for me and worked a crap job as a courier and still managed to pay the bills. Eventually I opened my own courier company... | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:56:52 PM | Ok, after I've calmed down a bit, taken a breather and reread everyone's responses including my own, I've come to a realization and looked at things in a different light. If I really wanted to move out, I guess could have I just had to work harder and put forth more effort into it. And though I wasn't intending for my responses to a lot of the posts here to do this, I guess they really are excuses. It's NOT the fact that I don't want to move out on my own now that I've thought about it more, I guess it's the fact that I'm afraid that I will fail when I do try to make it out on my own. I am my parent's only child and so I feel there's more pressure on me to succeed and that makes me even more nervous that I could end up failing, but I guess I have got to give it a try or I will never know if I could've done it. I guess that is my biggest fear (and alot of other people's as well), that I'll end up failing, that I can't make it out there and that I'll end up being alone. As I've said earlier, I'm a cautious person but maybe I'm being too cautious in this case to where I'm not letting myself try certain things.
My apologies to everyone. At least I'm able to admit my faults. You're right, I asked the question, but I didn't like the answers when you were being truthful about what is and isn't a turn off to dating someone. So with that in mind if you feel you must roll your eyes and say "DUH!! That's what we've been trying to tell you!!!!" then by all means go for it. I guess I deserve it. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/20/2006 11:57:26 PM | OP,
I think it says a lot about a guy if he has the mettle to be out on his own.
I don't think that at 26 its easy for anyone to be out on their own, and its certainly easier to stay at home with mom and dad and save money, its much, much much easier that way. However I have more respect for the guy who is struggling but has the independence to be out on his own. I'll tell you what else, its a certain personality that I'm interested in that has the mettle to live on their own.
I moved out when I was 18 and I haven't been home since, does that mean I hate my parents....goodness no. I love my parents to bits and pieces, but do I want to live with them goodness no, I'm my own adult and I want my own place and space. There were days when I only ate Ramen noodles, there were days when if I couldn't get what I needed from the 99 cent store I didn't get it, but you know something, I think that it gave me character and I wouldn't trade those struggles for anything.
If you're looking for a perfect time you'll be home until your 68. I don't think you should move out to get a chick, I think you should move out because having your own place and struggling to keep it all together will show you a strength and ability you never knew you had.
I think that with few exceptions its tough to build a case for being an adult if you're living at home with your parents.
But hey, thats just me | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 2:22:35 AM | OP, I don't think you are doing too badly, I just know that you will find it easier to date when you move out. People say all the time that things shouldn't matter if they love you. There are a million people in these forums complaining/moaning about something..one thing that they think people should over look about them. Height weight, having no money, having money lol, living at home, having children. We all are here looking to date..there is always something we could change about ourselves that could make us potentially more attractive to a wider range of people (well short men they can't really grow taller lol, and single parents RULE!). And we all want to be loved for who we are dispite this one issue. For example you with living at home, and not having the career you want yet..and me my weight. Can we find people dispite these flaws, yes...is it harder because of them yes. That was my point.
You are doing great....keep up trying to find that job, and if you meet someone great, but realize that alot of woman are wanting a man who is independent...its just the way life is, so for some women this living at home is a turn off.
Edit: We are all afraid of failure. I think you sound pretty put together. I also think you are probably a great catch. That first real step into the great big world...(not in school) is HARD, no doubt about it. But I bet once you do it you will wonder what you were so worried about. I find I have been terrified b4 all my major life steps but once I made them I have always looked back and said you know what I didn't think so but I WAS ready. | |
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kmhstx
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Joined: 8/23/2005
Msg: 42 | |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:27:19 AM |
Oh and ladies, if you live with your parents, I WELCOME the opportunity to get to know you. I know you are the type that won't put your parents in an elderly home like most people now do.
They raised you up from when you were a baby, so help em out! Stop trying to act like you are "INDEPENDANT". I'd say CORRUPT more like it.
Seriously...because I live away from home now I am going to put my parents in a home, and become corrupt? WTF. My parents would kick my butt out if I was living at home at 29. They are in their 50's and loving it, and I would cramp their style I will tell you that. I love them, they love me. They show me they love me by supporting my want to be my own person, an adult. I question parents that encourage children to stay and home and not leave the nest. Its stiffling there growth as a person. I am a very moral person. When my parents can not take care of themselves...which is along ways away..me and my brothers will decided what is needed. Its wonderful that you are home now and spending time with your family and dad. Thats awesome. But to judge women as immoral because they want the freedom to find out their full potential as and adult. I think that is way off. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 3:48:37 AM | Well I still live at home, I kinda feel self concious about that at times. The situation is somewhat unique though.
I lived here untill i was 18, then moved to van to go to college. 2 years later I got out of college and did some job searching, and the job I got, was extreamly close to where my parents home was, so I decided to move back in, convience sake, and made sense financially.
2 years later my parents buy a place up North, a retirement home, and they start living there 5 months a year (its up to 7 or 8 months now). However my dad still owns a buisness down here, and they don't want to sell this house yet, becuase he still has to work part of the year, and they don't want to sell and buy, just to resell in a couple years when they make the permament move.
Now they can't just leave the house empty for 8 months, wouldn't be safe, I need a place to live, so it works out as an arragement.
I suppose that still carries the stigma though, despite that I really do live alone, I buy my own food, I pay my bills, I do my laundry (well, I try to, but when my mom is here she steals it everyday to wash, its quite annoying becuase she keeps making my socks go missing  ).
I do plan on getting my own place, I have been planning for this fall, though I've been forming my own buisness, and I don't know if I want to risk having a mortgage on a place, when I can't be 100% sure that all my clients won't desert me. Though then I'm also stuck with what am I going to do about them and the house being empty?
I don't know :)
So how pathetic is my situation? lol | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:40:22 AM | i moved out when i was 15 and have supported myself since then. my feelings on this situation is if i can do it anyone can. we are all motivated to do different things, but i think being self sufficent is a quality the majority of decent middle class people find attractive.
i agree that when your 18 u become an adult, adults should be indepedent, unless your living at home to take care of sick parent or to help with your parents oput of a financial rut. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 5:51:02 AM | msg 1...
dude, just find someone who accepts it.
For me.. there is no freaking way...
I have been on my own and supporting myself since age 16...
worked HARD all my life, double time... made sacrifices... investments
and my life is on "cruise" now.
I would not go back or wait for anyone...
you need to find someone at your level... whatever that may be in life. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 7:23:48 AM | I dont think it is a turn off - your working and have goals set. If your parents are ok with you living there then take the oportunity to save some cash to help meet your goals.
I dated a guy - way older than me - he was 50 and living with his parents. He moved back in with them after a failed marrage and a failed common law relationship. He kept saying it was to help look after this parents because they were elderly. That excuse worked for the first little while but after 4 years - yea it was a huge turn off. Not because he was living with them but because he didn't seem to have any ambition or intention of leaving to be on his own.
When you find the right girl and explain what your goals are - I'd think she would accept it and it wouldnt bother her. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 8:50:05 AM | "I would LOVE to date a woman who is in her early twenties and still lives at home with her family, has family values, chips in and helps her family out. That seems to be rare to find these days!
I love a woman who has good values, morals, etc. So its totally not a turn off for me."
Hey...I'm exactly like that, wanna marry me??Sure, I'll be staying at home until I come out of med school, oh and no worries about values...I have them all intact.Hey and you are a soccer fan too, that's a plus!!!!I'm a huge soccer fanatic.Lol.So when's the wedding, hon????????
 
~*Flavia*~ | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 6/21/2006 11:30:59 AM | | Get real!! I moved out at age 17 and now have everything I want- materially- go get a real job!!! then get a house then try a realtionship. sounds to me you just want to half way to things. I know this sound mean but really think about it..... | |
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