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weena
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Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 77 | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/27/2006 3:59:21 PM | Personally, I think the individual's situation should be taken into consideration. Are we talking about someone my age (which is significantly older than 26...lol) who is still living with their parents? Someone who has never been on their own? Or is this a person who, due to circumstances of one sort or another, is living with their parent(s) again?
I moved in with my boyfriend at 20, and was married at 21. When my marriage ended, I did live with my parents for a few months while I got back on my feet, and then I was on my own again. Now I live in a large house with my son and two roommates......one of whom happens to be my dad. Yes I live with my dad per se, however, we treat each other as housemates, not so much as parent/child. I have my life, he has his...........occasionally he gets in a shot to make me feel 16 again (like when I came home in the wee hours of the morning one time...lol), but basically we treat each other with the same respect that we treat my friend who also lives with us (with her two boys). | |
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weena
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Joined: 7/21/2006
Msg: 79 | |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 8/27/2006 4:22:52 PM | of course the situation should be taken into account. I'm specifically talking about the the whole failure to launch. Ie working, making a decent wage (enough to live on ones own) - parents don't need to be taken care of...etc. yet they're still living at home for no other reason than "it's easy, someone's making me dinner, doing my laundry, I don't have to pay rent"...kind of thing. That's what I have a problem with.
I dated a guy like that, and it drove me batty. We could never go over to his place. his grandma would be calling him if his brother didn't show up at a specific time...his grandma did his laundry and cooked all of his meals...it's one of the many things that ended it. I mean: be responsible for yourself, take care of yourself and stop milking off your parents, don't you want to be INDEPENDENT?!!!!! | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 1:41:57 AM | I'm 35 and I work, actually I've worked all my life and I make a much better than average living and own part of my house and a brand new Harley outright. No payments. My mother is 72, and though otherwise health badly arthritic and it's very difficult for her on her own. Also, she is my only living direct relative. A few years back I bought into a house with her as she needed the physical help and I knew I could trust her and that eventually it would be mine anyways. Though it's sometimes difficult and awkward I wouldn't have it any other way. Any woman I met who would have a problem with that kind of situation wouldn't interest me anyways so I'm not really concerned about what they would think.
I think you all should feel the same way. You are who you are, your situation is what it is. Don't give a second thought to what people think. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 5:14:19 AM | Zizag said it right. Circumstances matter.
I lived in the famly (on and off) home until I was 45!! What a lazy, mooching bum, right, living at home until that age!
Circumstances. I moved back to their house after divorcing and was looking for a place after selling the house. That was about 2 months. Moved out and turned my part time music hobby into a full time music career. That saw me on the road 8 months out of 12. I moved back into their basement so I wasn't paying for an apartment that I wasn't in 2/3 of the time. And my stuff was safe in their home. Unattended apartment might as well have a "Steal my stuff" sign posted.
Then my dad died and my mother couldn't handle the house by herself so I stayed a while longer. At this point I was back in college for another degree for my "it was fun but you're old now and music is over" career path. When that was done and I went back to working 9-5, I arramged landscaping and snow removal for my mother, found someone to come over when she needed something done to the house (if you had known my mother... when she wanted something done it had to be within the hour, not on Saturday when I am off), and made sure her loose ends were tight before I moved out.
So yes, I lived in my parents house on and off until late into my life, but more for convenience to everyone. I had a basement apartment, kitchen, full bathroom.... came and went as I pleased. Paid the utilities (there was no house payment), bought my own food and cooked for myself... Just a place to stay.
Now, the kid who is 26 and is just lazy and won't look for work, etc... Different story than most that have been described here. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 5:20:59 AM | Unless there is medical reason for you to be the house (sick parent or sibling )that you are caring for then you should have been out of the house 2 years after you started working. This reminds me of every movie I ever saw where the adult child is living in the basement of the parent's home.
Yes to me it is a real turn off | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 12:44:39 PM | | Well, I"m 23 years old and I still live with my parents but I'm slowly but surely working on moving out within 3 years or so. I know that there are guys and girls out there who get a little turned off when it comes to living at home with the folks. However, If I were to date a girl who was still living with her parents, it wouldn't bother me very much unless she was continually being ordered around by them or if we weren't able to get some alone time at her place. I mean, there are numerous reasons as to why they are still living with the folks. It could be due to lack of money, health, needing more help around the house, whatever the case may be. Thats why I figure by the time I move out, it'll be a relief and maybe that might improve my chances with the women. By that time though, I"ll probably have a roommate. If the girl was getting turned off by the guy living with his parents because he hasn't been working hard at it, thats a good enough reason to not date him. But if the guy is working really hard at getting his own place and has been doing so for over 2 years or so, then I don't think girls should get turned off by that, especially if hes been trying really hard to move out of his parents home. Thats just my two cents worth. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 1:03:34 PM | | Look, the fact of the matter is this...SOME guys just intend to live at home until they have met the right person and get married. There is NOOOOO RULE that says if you live at home at a certain age then that AUTOMATICALLY means that you are NOT independent, NOT mature, a MAMMA'S boy, etc. Did some of you girls ever consider that in some italian families, like my own, men wait til they're married til they leave the nest? I don't live off of my parents...I pay my bills, have a job, etc. and i am a late bloomer because now i am in college a second time at 35...yep 35. My parents had me in their 40s so now they are both 80 and can use my help around the house since they do have health issues. When I leave for marriage, things will be taken care of with them. I'll be damned tho if I'm gonna be judged my a woman based on whether or not I live at home. For God's sake, GET to know the guy FIRST before making a stupid judgement like that. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 9/10/2006 2:18:27 PM | RAOLMAO. I was 14 and supporting my family. By 18 I could not move out fast enough. If you are not in school, there is NO reason to still be living at home. You can not find a job that pays enough? Then learn a new trade. AND THAt goes for BOTH men and women. Now with all that said, there is reasons for living at home.
Natural disaster wiped out your house, 2 to 3 months with parents, Maybe.
A really sick parent, maybe.
Bottom line if you can not support yourself, How can you support a family?
Babies and kids are more expensive then your whoopdie
By 26 I had lost the 2nd house I owned to my first wife, and your still living with mommy and daddy? Not only should you be on your own but by that age you should at least have a mortgage on a house.
But on the other hand there are plenty of women like you. Go to the welfare office your find plenty of them.
Am I mean? You bet, because it is slackers like you that whine and cry you dont have what we have then you try and steal it from us.
* Forget the two cents. Followed your address and I will send you a bill*  | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 7:19:12 AM | Man I WISH I had lived at home until 26. I moved out at 16 after I had a baby, finished highschool fast track while working part time for my dad and having grandma babysit, thank god rent was cheap way back then. But 2 years later I went to college in Toronto, had to pay rent (which had and still is goin up considerably every year) and full daycare costs (nobody told me about subsidy) and go to school full time for 3 years which meant no time for job cuz daycare is only from 7am-6pm and had no family in this city, racked up a $40,000 student loan. Then I had another baby and lived with the father for a year and half, and do you think I could get him to help out with anything? I worked, paid daycare, rent, bills, took care of kids and him, eventually got rid of him, moved to my mom's city but still living on my own, got another job....then realized what I had gone to college for was just plain BORING to me $40g's wasted that hadn't even begun to be paid back yet....moved back to Toronto and went back to school again for a year, mom had a set back and now MOVED IN WITH ME LOL she pays me rent, this is great, I have live-in free babysitter, I have my station at home and I can work any hours I want now, I can go out when I want, I have someone to talk to when I get home. And while I have these opportunities I am definitely taking advantage, looking for second job at the moment just because I can, and Im getting my self ahead instead of just surviving. I love telling people I live with mom, it's kinda funny to see the different reactions, most ppl probably think I live at home, but actually it's the other way around....and if they take off because of it I dont really care. You shoudlnt care that much either about what other ppl think. Finding someone to love me is just not my first priority right now until I have everything else together, but if someone did fall in love with me in the meantime that will just make me love him more. Trust me If i had the choice to go back to being 16 and being in such a rush to be independant and change my mine and just live with mom a lil longer I would, cuz then I woudlnt owe the stupid government $40g's and would probably own a house by now. Just pisses me off to think in 10 years I've paid approx $100g's in rent which is maybe 1/3 the costs of a house, that could have been paid in mortgage. But at least now I can start getting rid of that debt and now I can teach my kids what I've learned along the way and try to keep them home until they finish college and have a steady job and save up a downpayment for a house, and so on.
My only suggestion to you and anyone else in ur situation is that if you are afraid of failing when you move out on your own, why dont you make a plan. Research rental costs in your living area, calculate your income and expenses right now and see how much extra you have left over if it's not enough for the rent in your area, then think about getting another job, when your income is enough to support all your expenses now PLUS rental costs, start saving that money that you would be paying on rent, and DONT SPEND IT FOR ANYTHING. Go back to school (correspondence?) as well if you have to so that you wont have to work two jobs eventually, youd just have to work one really nice job. Then once you are able to save that rent money without spending it for say another year or two.......LOOK you have enough downpayment for a house!! Buy your house and move out on your own, you'll have a great job, and you already know you will be able to make it work!! | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 12:23:19 PM |
What if you own the house, and your parents are living with you?
Adam Taylor has a very good point,
also what if you where in a financial situation
and to top it off where involved in a motor vehical accident.
i think every situation is diffrent.
some people are shallow? lol.. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 12:43:07 PM |
Dude you're at home for the right reasons, don't second guess yourself. I just moved out of my parents home and I'm 31. I just finished my Master's degree at NYU in 3D animation and special effects and there would have been no way to do that financially if I had such a narrow viewpoint that only considered living indpendently, not actually life planning and achieving goals I set for myself. I've been dating and some women were totally immature and even wanted me to quit school and try get a job I would have absolutely hated just to get an apartment. Quite naturally, they got kicked to the curb. I have a house and a big one now at that, which is one of the things I always wanted. I knew what I was doing and so do you. The biggest problem is that when you start listening to immature women and make bad decisions that just aren't aligned with your life goals to get some nookie you need to ask yourself why you're allowing someone else's opinion wiegh so heavily on your decision making in life. It happens to everyone from time to time, but it's good to step back and reevaluate from time to time.
well said ButchNYC , im in the process, soon to buy a nice chunk of property
up north, to start building a place of my own, no postage size lot..for sure.
long term it will take some work, but well worth it, beats paying rent for a place
that you will never get your money back from.
a landlord has all your $$.
id rather own a nice place, and acreage..
its moment's like this, you can weed out some shallow narrow minded people.
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:07:52 PM | sweetguy6...there is no perfect time to move out. get a room mate. my ex and i divorced 14 years ago. the only time he lived on his own was while we were married. when we seperated he said he was moving back with his parents for 2 or 3 months. that was in 1991 and guess what he still lives with his parents and he is 47 years old.
granted there are times when it is an absolute necessity. your situation is not a necessity you have options. sounds like you are taking the easy way out. how much money is enough money? take your friends advice...the sooner the better or next thing you know you will be 47 and still living at home. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:27:24 PM | " Most factories pay at least that these days so unless you're in debt up to your eyeballs, your wife cleaned you out in a divorce, you have child support payments, ect, there really is no excuse."
Well said. Not everyone who lives at home, does so because of their own choosing. Divorce can financially strap a person, then there's child support, old debt, etc. There are times when you have to live at home. But to be 26 years old and just not made the move yet, thats unacceptable.
Sweet, you need to not only set goals, but follow thru them. Here's some guidelines:
1. You wont have a lavish apartment like on Friends or Seinfeld. Get used to living in a one bedroom studio apartment in a cheaper part of town. You wont be there forever.
2. You wont have every amenity at first. Cable? You dont need it. Several ways to save on the water bill and heat bill, too. Dont run around in shorts in teh winter, put on some sweats and socks and turn that thermostat down.
3. You cant go party every night. THere's many a 'party' night that I nursed one beer all night long, or drank a refillable soda because I had a bill due that week. Hey, I still got to go out, which was fun. And I dont have to get blitzed every time I go out. Dollar beer nights RAWK!!
4. Take a sandwich to work and read a book in the park or jog to get out of the office. A lowcost meal nowadays is $7 minimum, not counting tip. Thats $150+ per month you just saved by not eating out every day for lunch. Ditto for the starbux on the way to work, another $75 per month, easy.
5. GET A PART TIME JOB!!!! I've worked two jobs for years, plus building a business.
6. STart shopping at Goodwill or Salvation Army. There's some pretty nice stuff there sometimes. Either that, or buy cheaper brands of clothing. Splurge on name brand stuff when its on sale.
7. Get rid of expensive hobbies. As you get on your feet, you can add them back one at a time.
8. Get room mates. Choose wisely.
Good luck. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:28:20 PM | I would say that its a blessing that you HAVE your parents to lean on and you have goals!
I know when I divorced my first husband my parents were wonderful about it. I had to move back from California to Texas and I left everything but my personal belonging, my bank acount and my cat. So, I was starting over. Thats the great thing about "stuff and money"...you can always make more!!! My parents were only part time residents in their home in Texas so they gave the house to care for and utilities. Hellva deal to gain some ground...and I did. It only took a year and I was independent again!
Anyone who judges or critisizes without knowing all the facts is someone you don't want to know anyway...these people generally hear what they want to hear and never rely on the actual facts.
Hey and by the way, you are very young...for all we know, if you hadn't of said anything...you might have still been in college!!!!
And your friend sounds like they want you to be as miserable as they are. Its damn expensive to maintain a place on your own...if you have a chance to save...then do it!
Solution...since you're saving...YOU can afford to splurge (once in a while) and treat the lady to a romantic weekend at a swank little hotel....can't do that if you're carrying all the weight of rent and bills on your own!  And won't she be impressed.
It also prevents the hangers on from attempting to move in with ya!!!!
Just my thoughts...
VM | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 1:50:08 PM | For me, it would depend on the reasons as to why the guy lives at home.
If he is living at home, solely because he is a mama's boy, and has to
listen to everything she says, then that is a turn off!
Actually being 26, and living at home is not bad. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 2:55:11 PM | Grow up! I mean you are how old? I think it is time for you to say good-bye to your parents and become a MAN! You are a little boy still! Maybe you should watch failure to launch! You can't take care of yourself never mind someone else. How do you even have a date? "Yes my parents are out for the weekend! .. woohoo" You are so childish. How do you have sex? This doesn't bother your parents? Or do you take turns seeing who can be louder? If I was your mom, I would moan soooooooo loud, you would pack your bags and leave the house!  | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/11/2006 3:27:02 PM | i know tons of people in their mid-twenties to early thirties most with university degrees and full-time jobs that pay very well who still live at home. one guy is even engaged and will remain at home until he gets married. i think times are changing and there is a tendency for children even in young adult ages to stay at home. if anyone read that time magazine article about "urban tribes" or watched the news highlighting this trend of staying at home past a certain age, then you would understand that it's not necessarily a big deal or like a new phenomenon. i think if you make it an issue, then the person you are trying to date will make it an issue.
i live by myself, but i still think of myself as living at home. i fly home nearly every month and i go home--not to my parents' house but my home. my bedroom is as i left it and i do what i normally do when i'm at home. i'm so grateful to have a home to go to whenever i want and i would never ask anyone if it's okay or not okay with what i do that makes me happy because it's my life and not theirs.
it's a very lonely world out here and look if you are allowed to remain at home past a certain age, then alright do it. i would say that there's probably as many people who choose to stay at home for emotional needs (social interaction, sense of belonging) just as much as those who stay at home for financial reasons. i honestly feel a lot more calm and happy when i'm at home.
anyway, it's your life and do whatever you have to do to live it. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/12/2006 1:07:33 AM | | well I am not going to judge every guy who lives home with their parents are losers but I must say my ex husband live with his parents from day one when we got married and I lived at my in laws for a few years and let me tell you they were nice people but I needed to be on my own but he never wanted to go because he admit he is scared to go and rent an apartment and become independent and as a year go by I felt we were not working out and I got a better job and moved out on my own and guess what he still lived with his parents at the age of 43.lol to me that is not a good thing. | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/12/2006 2:13:55 AM | | Well, I think it all depends on circumstances. I'm 33 and living with my parents, but only because my step father has cancer and my mum can't cope by herself. I wouldn't say I'm happy living with them..I left a well-paid job to move here and devon is hardly exciting, and I miss my old life, but what can you do? | |
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| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/22/2006 12:26:27 PM | Tango!
"Grow up! I mean you are how old? I think it is time for you to say good-bye to your parents and become a MAN! You are a little boy still! Maybe you should watch failure to launch! You can't take care of yourself never mind someone else. How do you even have a date? "Yes my parents are out for the weekend! .. woohoo" You are so childish. How do you have sex? This doesn't bother your parents? Or do you take turns seeing who can be louder? If I was your mom, I would moan soooooooo loud, you would pack your bags and leave the house!"
Grow up?? Bawahhhhhhh. You are 18. This site should actually restrict its members to 21 and up. You would not be considered a grown up yet...sorry. All we have to do is read your above post. Gee..where would a potential date meet you? At the mall or in your latch key program?
GEEEZ! The OP is 23 or 24..doesn't mention whether he was in school or specific circumstances. No matter...if you read the other posts as to reasonable explanations for being home or returning home you might actually gain some respect for ADULTS and insight to what life can sometimes bring. Life happens at breakneck speed and we are all fairly powerless when it comes to fate/destiny. I shudder to ponder yours with an attitude like that.
To further illustrate your childish tendencies, the bulk of your post is about sex. The OP did not address that issue...seems he's one of those rare young men that has already developed some respect for women and himself by not being so crass. Hey, maybe he's thinking about it but that was not the advice he was looking for.
"If I was your mom..." PLEASE DO NOT PRO-CREATE. Spare us all the misery of dealing with your future offspring and all the suffering they may endure with you as a mother.
VM | |
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