|
|
|
|
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 10/30/2006 10:04:23 PM | intelli_gent, I think there's differing reasons there. I know a woman, early 30's, who owns a condo she rents out, and is a few years away from paying off her house, and Mom lives with her. She's financially stable, has a good head on her shoulders, and Mom, Mom's a pisser... she has her health issues, but jokes about hitting on the older guys at the truck stop.  And she has no issues with her daughter dating, bringing guys home, etc. Taking care of a parent with health issues is a "noble cause".
The one above, "early 30's, who gets 'grounded' and 'spanked'", thats about control, thats about someone who doesn't have a life of their own (and at that age, thats a problem).
If you're in college, maybe working a job to help pay for it, but probably not making enough to really support yourself, thats one thing. If you've graduated college and you've got a job and are making decent money, and are staying home because its cheaper and you can buy more video games and 'toys', thats a sign you need to grow up and get some responsibility. (Taking care of a sick/elderly parent, on the flip side, in your case, may well be a sign *of* responsibility).
Being an "early 30's" baby, I certainly can relate to the fact that my parents were in their 60's when I was your age, and are mid-70's now, but thankfully in reasonably good health considering. That may not be your case, and as I said I don't think its a bad thing to be taking care of a sick/elderly parent. On the flip side, while I can see it being a good sign of "committment", you also have to realize that not everyone you will meet will want to be involved with someone who has so many other committments in their life. Is it fair to you? Maybe not. On the flip side, you may be asking someone to spend the next 20 years with you *and* your mother, and thats not a situation that most people would be thrilled about. If you've made that choice, then you have to live with the consequences of that choice, as "right" as it is for you, its not for everyone, and that does not make them 'wrong' for their feelings. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 2/3/2007 3:35:10 PM |
Many of the replies posted all have valid points. No doubt about it, it will all depend on the girl you hook up with. From the female perspective, a fellow your age living at home is pushing the envelope before becoming a total dependent and no one wants that. There is a lot to be said about making it on your own steam. At 26, most people will have graduated from college already and entering the career world. I don't think its necessarily your reasons for staying home that is in question. You can validate your reasons all you want but for every day, week, year you stay home, it emphasizes a lack of ambition on your part. Sometimes we have to do things in life we don't want to - like work at jobs that aren't our dream jobs. It sounds like you are waiting for the ideal job to come to you. In the meantime, because you have the safety net of your parents, your hand is not forced.
Your date is not going to want to come over and be around your parents all the time. Privacy at your age is very important. Do you turn and say to your date, "sorry, you can't sleep over tonight, my parents don't allow overnight guests." If you want to host a romantic dinner, do you ask your parents to go to the movies that night and don't come home till midnight? Do you need to ask their permission to entertain? If you said "yes" or "sometimes" to these scenarios, there's your answer.
If you are dating an independent girl, she has the right to expect no less from her partner. And I will likely get booed for what I am about to say next, but here goes....women also enjoy knowing that should they choose to start a family with a man, that he can provide for his family (even if its just for a brief period) I am not saying that we need a man to "take care" of us but its the comfort and security of knowing that he CAN when/if the need arises.
Take my comments with a grain of salt or take them to heart if you wish. Boy, it's time to take flight and leave the nest to develop into a man. The school of hard knocks will help shape your character. Stop leaning on mummy and daddy and stand on your own two feet. When you do leave, you will grow interpersonally and appreciate the experience. Good luck to you.
Area204, you are one intelligent woman. How eloquently put, and how precicely accurate! | |
|
| |
| |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 2/13/2007 2:32:06 AM | I am 27 and still live at home with my mother but do have reasons why i am here
i did use to have my own flat which i had to give up not going to go in to the reasons but as long as you are ok living at home why should that effect your chances at a relaionship
you pay your own way and do your own think i did use to worry when i moved back but its more like a house share atleast you do plan on moving out when you feel ready
so relax am sure its not a facter in any case but i dont plan on being here when am 30 do you lol | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 2/13/2007 5:25:34 AM | "but i dont plan on being here when am 30 do you lol"
Does anyone ever plan on living at home when they're 30? I think perhaps not but sometimes circumstances dictate that you end up doing things in life that you never saw yourself doing when you were younger. I always expected to be married with 2 kids by the time I was 25 and living with my husband on a little cottage with a white picket fence
Whilst some people perhaps live at home because it's more cost-effective and easy, there are those that have perfectly good reasons for being there. Take me for example, I'm 38 and I'm back living at home with my parents, where I have been since the break-up of my last relationship 5 years ago. Initially it was just as a stop-gap until I was ready to branch out on my own, although it is hard where I live to get a foot on the property ladder unless you are earning a cracking wage or prepared to live in an area where you wouldn't feel safe walking home of an evening!! I did move out to a rented city centre apartment two years ago, with the promise of a flat mate to share the financial stress but unfurtunately she being young and impulsive decided to disappear off to France to be a chalet maid in a ski resort with her boyfriend!! Perhaps I should have goe with them!!
I tried it on my own but after a while I hated coming home to a cold empty apartment night after night. Then I lost both my grandparents in quick succession which made me realise that as much as there are people out there who love their independence and own space, I was one of the people who like to be surrounded by love and my family, so I let the apartment go and moved back home with my parents. I pay rent, do my own washing, etc and the relationship I have with my parents is even closer now than it was when I was younger. It is so much nicer to come home and be greeted by the wagging tail of the dog and sit down and chat to my parents about my day and what they have been up to. I am a people person and enjoy company.
If someone judges me for this then that is their prerogative, just as we don't all find the same face attractive or enjoy the same taste in food, so some of us prefer to stay close to people and not branch out on their own. It does not make me sad and pathetic or mean I have no substance, it just means that the time for me is not yet right. Just as different people choose to start families at different times, or take up a particular career it is about personal choice and we would be a very boring human race if everyone was the same. Those that do judge me without first knowing me are perhaps a little shallow and it is their loss if they label me and put me away in a box never to be opened again. I have a lot to give to the right person and my living at home still with my parents does not prevent me from doing this. I am no less a person because of this, I choose to be near those I love rather than be on my own.
I also find that living at home is a really good way to weed out those that are only looking for a quick physical thrill, as soon as they find out I live at home they're off like a shot and good riddance to them I say!!
Home is where the heart is and my heart belongs to my family so there it will stay until I meet a man whose heart beats the same as mine and hopefully he will understand this. | |
|
| |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 2/13/2007 6:56:36 AM | Well i have to say that i like younger men than myself from their mid twenties and up and i have chatted with a few that still live at home. I dont think its a big deal because first of all rent can be very expensive in a city. The only problem i have with it is when they are trying to hide the fact that they like older women than themselves from their parents and u cant talk on the phone with them for the fear that they will have to explain who's on it when asked by parents. Also because its their parents phone they cant ever call u (which that doesnt bother me as much since i do have a good long distance plan).
Also i would hope that the guy can at least have enough money to take me out since he is living at home and doesnt have that much to pay out. Not that were not in the day and age where we can go dutch. I have a 15 yr old son who's getting close to the age that he can be on his own but im not going to kick him out because ive raised him alone on my own since he's been born and i want to spend as much time with him as i can but that if he does decide to go that will be fine with me too.
So to the OP if the women u date dont understand then you should continue looking until u find someone who will.  | |
|
| |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 3/1/2007 9:17:17 PM | "I would LOVE to date a woman who is in her early twenties and still lives at home with her family, has family values, chips in and helps her family out. That seems to be rare to find these days!
I love a woman who has good values, morals, etc. So its totally not a turn off for me."
I beg to differ. Just because someone moves out of their parent’s home at an early age DOES NOT mean they don’t have good “values” it is called being independent. So what you are saying basically is if you move out you aren’t close with your family? If anything it would big you and your family closer because you would have time to miss them. You are entitled to your opinion, but you shouldn’t put down the independent and strong people out there who have moved out at an early age, you should congratulated them. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 3/1/2007 9:17:57 PM | "I would LOVE to date a woman who is in her early twenties and still lives at home with her family, has family values, chips in and helps her family out. That seems to be rare to find these days!
I love a woman who has good values, morals, etc. So its totally not a turn off for me."
I beg to differ. Just because someone moves out of their parent’s home at an early age DOES NOT mean they don’t have good “values” it is called being independent. So what you are saying basically is if you move out you aren’t close with your family? If anything it would bring you and your family closer because you would have time to miss them. You are entitled to your opinion, but you shouldn’t put down the independent and strong people out there who have moved out at an early age, you should congratulated them. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 3/28/2007 11:44:21 AM | | It's unfair and it is WRONG to denounce somebody who still lives at home. I'm 35 years old, have a part time job and both my parents are in their early 80s. They could use my help around the house, even though I have an older sister who lives here too....she is very busy alot so they could still use my help. I am in school now and hoping to get a full time job by next year. Even if I DO get a full time job, I will still be living here until I am ready. NO woman should judge me based on where I live for Christ's sake...I work, I pay my bills, I'm responsible. The level of responsibility I have shouldn't determine whether or not I'm a good and decent person to go out with. Hell, I'm italian, and many italians stay at home UNTIL they find their mate, THEN they leave home. There's nothing wrong with that. It really irritates me to think that NOOOOO woman is ever going to want me until I have a pad with my name on it. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 3/28/2007 12:01:22 PM | | it depends on what is gfoing on for one i had to sell my home in pa and move in with my dad to take care of him in he's last yrs it was that or nurseing home for him. 26 is still young to me and good jobs are hard to find these days.and the omore you save the better off you are. i have bought my son his own home so he has no morg but he 22 and has a roommate to help with the bills he has but he was lucky now i meet a gut in here that lived with his parents a apt off there home he 36 yrs old and has a income when i asked what he pay's them in he say nothing just cuts the grass for them i almost fell over he told me he was looking to get married again and i own my home free and clear 36 living off parents they probably looking to get rid off him and i was running from the free loader as fast as i could i'm not looking to get marreid i feel bad for the guy he lost his wife 6 yrs ago but its time for him to move on and grow up . not goingto be his next meal ticket | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 3/28/2007 12:52:49 PM | | See, that's just part of the problem...you women think automatically that guys like me are going to look at you to be our meal ticket....let me tell you something right now...I don't like the idea of mooching off of ANYBODY because I know how bad it makes me look and feel. I'm sorry to be ranting on the way I am but this topic really really bothers and disgusts me...I HATE the idea that a woman won't EVVVERRR want me unless I get out of my parents' house...I am NOT a free loader> | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:50:23 PM | This thread is funny. First off, I am 31, and yes, I live at home with my parents. CHILL OUT, OKAY? Before you start judging me, why don't you first let me first tell you what I do and what I've accomplished:
* First, I own and run my own publicity/coaching firm with star clients from shows like America's Got Talent and movies like National Lampoon's Pledge This
* Second, I am the published author of five books, one of which is a Barnes & Noble # 1 bestseller
* Third, I am a bronze-star nominated veteran, intelligence office, Captain, of Operation Iraqi Freedom
* Fourth, I hold a masters of entrepreneurship degree, and am a 3rd year JD/MBA student
* Finally, I am the host of a celebrity talk show
Why do I live at home?
a) law school is ten minutes from my house; why live in dorms if I can live at home? Law school is expensive enough.
b) after returning from Iraq, I realized renting is the stupidest thing ever if you don't have to. So, instead of spending money on rent, I save that money every month and am going to buy a house or condo, 50% down, in about 18 months and never have to rent again.
Is this lame? No, I think it's just smart, and it's because of decisions like this that I am well on the way to becoming a millionaire.
I frankly don't care what people think of me---take me as I am, or screw you. I don't make my life and business decisions based on public approval; I make my decisions based on long-term success. If a girl can see what I've accomplished, and then, bail on me simply after learning that I'm living at home... well, this girl is a complete loser. And there are MANY of these such losers. There are a lot of girls who totally fall for me, and then ditch me after hearing that I live with my folks. Well, there's a word for that: ****. Rude, shallow, judgmental, and insulting. And I frankly don't want to date a girl like that. Seriously, which girl would I rather have: the one who is impressed that I have my very own dumpy one-room roach-infested flat in Brooklyn, or the one who can see beyond the dumpy apartment and see the Hollywood mansion, Hawaii beach house, and NY brownstone that I am soon going to own? Just as I don't think much of one-night stands; I don't think much of girls who are so small-minded and near-sighted that they can't see the long-term success story that I already am, and am going to be.
The funny thing: I think I am still going to tell girls that I live at home with my parents even AFTER I own and live in my own place. Because frankly, any girl who loses interest in me simply for that reason is disgusting.
So to all you guys living at home with your parents: SOLIDARITY BABY! MOMMA'S BOYS RULE! Truly, as long as you are not a slacker, do your own laundry/dishes/cleaning, and are living at home for the right reasons... I APPLAUD YOU for making a smart economic choice. I am honestly sorry you have to deal with all this societal peer pressure and judgment: it's not right, and these people have no right to judge. I feel it too myself. But it very quickly helps me determine whether a girl is worth my time; most of them are not, and only get in the way of my dreams and goals. C'est la vie. I move on. And thankfully without them.
To all you girls making such judgments of guys: stop. Just because you sold out and are renting an apartment doesn't make you the epitome of success. And just because someone is living at home doesn't mean they are dependent on their parents. You girls are missing out on some amazing relationships; potentially even the most amazing relationship of your life... | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:39:50 PM | I beg to differ. Just because someone moves out of their parent’s home at an early age DOES NOT mean they don’t have good “values” it is called being independent. So what you are saying basically is if you move out you aren’t close with your family? If anything it would big you and your family closer because you would have time to miss them. You are entitled to your opinion, but you shouldn’t put down the independent and strong people out there who have moved out at an early age, you should congratulated them.
Just because someone lives at home does not mean they ar e not independent. You need to stop making assumptions based on stereotypes. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:42:20 PM | has been in and out of jail more times than I can count...but hey he still gets some chicks.
So there must be some girls out there willing to deal with your living at your parents...but not me.
I agree most woman seem to be worried about it because they want to be taken care of which means they are not being indenpendent. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:45:20 AM | I think that some of this issue is cultural. Some ethnic and religious groups believe in living in one's parents' home until you marry.
On the other hand, there are modern women like me who would never date a man who hasn't lived on his own for many years because men who live at home with their parents have never had a complete opportunity to develop their independence skills.
Judith | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:54:06 AM | I have my own condo and I once dated a guy who lived at home with his parents. He didn't get along with them, and started using my place as an escape from his home life. He kept hinting that I should let him move in with me, but I felt he was just trying to get out of his situation and didn't want to do the work and take the risk in having his own place. I also was not ready for such a thing, and was very upfront with my feelings. He started sneaking his belongings over slowly, like moving in inch by inch. I became angry when I realised how much junk he had schlepped over to my house without my permission and dumped him. I felt he was dating me more for my place than for me. I felt he wanted a convenient "new mommy" to look after him and feed him, and he'd never have to be independent.
No...I don't think I'd date a guy without his own place again. I just would be afraid of him using me for a flop house or an 'easy out'. I don't want to be the assumed place for 'sleepover nights', and I don't want to 'sleepover' at a guy's house and end up running into the parents the next morning and have to make idle chit chat while feeling totally uncomfortable. I want to be able to go over to my man's place and make a quiet dinner, I don't want him to have to shoo mom and dad away if I'm coming over to his place. I'm going to stay over at my bf's house tomorrow for a couple of nights (he lives about an hour and a half from me), I'm looking forward to being at his place, chilling in his environment...it's nice and relaxing for me. I'd be a nervous wreck if I had to hear his parents' footsteps and had to be quiet and had to obey their rules (their roof, their rules) - I'd feel like a child. No...there's too many people to deal with in that scenario. Too uncomfortable (this is just my opinion). | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/29/2008 12:32:49 AM | | The real losers are the people who are judging other people on where they live and making assumptions based on stereotypes. They are the ones saying that people need to be independent but they are the ones who need to grow up. They act they are in high school or something judging people so freely. | |
|
| |
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/29/2008 1:35:51 PM | For me it's a definite turn-off if someone my age still lives at home, for whatever reason.
I'll even go as far as saying it's atually a turn-on for someone to have their own place instead of just living with a bunch of roomates. I guess I've always been an independant person from the get-go and have had my own place in some form or another for a long time. I've had to make sacrifices like not going out as much or buying as much stuff as others, but to me it's important to have my own place and I look for the same in someone I'll be taking seriously in dating and beyond. | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/29/2008 4:45:48 PM | I lived at home while I went back to school. Living alone in a big house can get mighty lonely sometimes when the dating pool dries up. I'm not sure I agree that it's a turnoff if someone lives with parents/ etc. I think living alone for too long can turn you into a weirdo.
The minute the neighborhood kids ring your doorbell and run away, it's time to pack it in. You are officially the neighborhood weirdo. (no, I am NOT speaking from personal experience.. !) | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/29/2008 5:03:10 PM | | It wouldn't bother me even though I live on my own...as long as he wasn't sponging off his parents and had his own vehicle and a job. If he was a student or it was only temporary to get his finances in order I would be understanding. Then again, I am asian and it is very common for asian people to still live with their parents/take care of them in the same household even when they are married. I rather have a guy temporarily live at home then have no vehicle! | |
|
| Is living at home with parents such a turn off for dating someone?
Posted: 11/29/2008 7:08:51 PM | | Hell ya! It's the biggest turn off ever. That is if the person living at home totally lives by the parents rules and is not their own independent person while living under the parents roof. He had a job and the ability to go out sometimes, but most times he was ordered to stay home and go by his parents rules. If he wasn't home then he was always ordered to do whatever his parents wanted. Of course he always listened to whatever they wanted him to do. Without a doubt. When it came to us, he always told me no, I can't. The guy turned into the biggest immature go i ever met in my life time! My x lived at home and it was a living nightmare. I will never date a guy who lives at home ever again! That was the biggest learning experience for me. That was my first time. Never again. | |
|
|
|
Home
login 
