| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 5/30/2008 8:12:35 PM | Yep it is!!
24/365 decision making that effects your childs future .
However, I have always said this followed by......
the most rewarding job on the planet
Wouldn't change it for ANYTHING
Watching your kid win a spelling bee, hit the winnning run for the game, and those forever little signs that you are only second to "God" in their eyes with the Non sugar coated"Unconditonal Love" .......
WELL, to sum it up...
Skilled labor.....50K/year
Stock traders bonus ..150K plus
Blue Chip CEO.....500K/year plus
Bill Gates income 2,500K/ yearly plus
Coming home each day to unconditional love from your child....
Absolutely...Priceless!!!  | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:22:39 AM | well just like the advert says, "remembering who you really work for....priceless"
im a single dad to 4 girls age range 12 - 2, i also work fulltime. im knackered pretty much everyday but i wouldnt swap it for nothing. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 5/31/2008 6:26:31 AM | I agree it isnt always easy being a single parent it is a job that was ment for 2 but in some cases that isnt always an option so for all the single parents out there that do it by there selves keep it up :) somedays are harder than other s but at the end of everyday its the strongest love ever that keeps you going  | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 5/31/2008 4:07:07 PM | Do you know what? I used to think being a single parent was hard. I've raised 4 alone, given birth alone, been to nativities alone and worried about their next meal on my own. God i thought i was so hard done by!
18 months ago i met a man on here, who now lives with me and my 4..plus his son. THIS is what i call hard!
He sticks up for his son, i do for my kids. The kids fight-we fight because they are fighting. We both have different ways of bringing kids up and none of which we agree on.
We are hardly looking at each other at the moment. The kids are unhappy-i'm desperatly unhappy.
Now i realise just how easy i had it!! No one to 'answer' to, no one to fight with, no competition between the kids....we may have struggled a little but we were happy. Now we're all stuck in a rut.
Yeah single parenting may be a little tough now and again, but i bet your kids are happier now than they will be when you let some guy into your life.
(from a complete pissed off cynic). | |
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Hodge
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 30 | |
| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:11:19 AM | Interesting post sasssie the cynic.
We join a dating site to meet potential partners and when we mutally allow these 'parenting partners' into our lives it sometimes does not deliver the utopia we first hoped for.
We naturally defend our children, we have learned how to deal with them on our own and suddenly we find our authority being usurped which can create an entirely different set of problems.
Oh! if life were just easy. Oh it was! When I was single!! | |
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MizQ
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Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 31 | |
| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 7:44:18 AM | There are roles as a parent that we play that are much tougher on us than doing it single. You do what you need to do and enjoy the process as much as you can.
We naturally defend our children, we have learned how to deal with them on our own and suddenly we find our authority being usurped which can create an entirely different set of problems.
So true!! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 11:14:06 AM | | As a single parent myself of 2 teenage boys, It is a gift, for the do give me a purpose to keep doing what I do. I would have lost myself a long time ago if it wasnt for them. But It has been a challenge as well, My 14 yr old is Bi -polor, in therapy , on meds, But it has not been an easy road getting to this point with all the doctors and appointments and time I had to take off from work which eventually led to my getting laid off because of all the time missed and late to work because of my son and the issues we had. I love him to death, he has one of the biggest hearts and yet he isolates himself and it breaks my heart to know how he feels inside. Anyone who has a child with handicaps or disorders, please feel free to email me ! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 12:39:26 PM | Valiebgood you are right when you have a child that is not "normal" it can be hard because they don't fit the norm, or always do things the way society thinks they should do it. But go back and look at all the great inventors and other types of greats. Most of them had something they had to overcome, and they did it with at least one person in their corner.
I agree single parenting is a hard job. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I think the hardest part for me is not being able to discuss things with their father. Sometimes you need another adult to see the situation with different eyes. But all in all I wouldn't trade them for anything or anyone. I just sometimes worry I can't give them the skills they need to have a successful, happy life. Sometimes I wish they were back in the toddler stage where the choices weren't that hard. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 1:08:01 PM | | ahh yeah we know all about all the great inventors and brillient people who had disorders and they achieved greatness, My son is an avid reader, He has a vocabulary beyond his years and writes poetry deeper than I ever have written myself. Though they are dark and sad. His emotions are soo deep, whether it is sad, happy , mad .. he is on the rollercoaster of emotions constantly ... we just never know which Alex we are going to get. Giving consequences have been the most hardest thing on us. But I made a list of all the things I will do different this school year, and hope this is the year I break through to my child and he lets me in. And possibly get into a group or therapy myself because it is such a drain on my own emotions because How it makes me feel to have a child so sad or mad... and its scarey because of the stories I hear about suicide.. My mother reminds me so often that it is something that might happen. I cant bear to even think it ... I cant even type this without just losing it... and crying ... | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:21:15 PM | If there is a group that you can get into that won't cost you an arm and a leg-- then do it!
My son is just ADHD and a immature 17 year old and sometimes I want to pull my hair out. School has been a major issue since he was in 6th grade, up to that point he was a wonderful student. Excited about learning and loved school. Now he wants to go to night school because he hates school so much. You know how important self esteem is for children, but these kids it is essential that they believe in themselves.
A place you might want to check out is a mind at a time-- it's website by Dr. Mel Levaine. I wish I had of taken my son there way back when. Good luck email me if you need too. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 2:49:21 PM | | I tried to google that name .. nothing came up ... there are a few groups around from what I was told.. I called United way, They have lots of info and phone numbers of help. My son also has struggled with low self -esteem, it never mattered what I would say , he was teased relentlessly at school, he had some dental problems and was called shrek, and picked on to the point he has to defend himself. I had to switch his school in Elementary just so he can relax and get through 5th grade, 6th grade was even harder, Now I have him in a charter school, its very small, and things have really improved, he has a girlfriend , which he claims he is going to marry her ! as long as she makes him happy and they wait !!!! , so far were good.. he respects her more than any one on earth. And all the kids at his school idolizes him. And all the girls are jeleous of his gf. Now , if we can just get to school on time , and get all the work done and turned in, we will be doing good.... Just a little story, My kid had an F in Language Arts, 2 weeks left of school and greades was going in. He went from an F to a B in 2 weeks !!! I already warned him .. we wont be playing this game next year !!! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/4/2008 8:56:12 PM | I found one of my books but I don't see the web site. He is Mel Levine professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina Medical School
All Kinds of Minds Institute and the director of Center for Development and Learning
I'll try and find the web site. One word of caution- Make sure he values himself for who he is not other people's opinion of him (girl friend and classmates)
Good luck | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/5/2008 4:46:09 PM | Yes it is a very tough job but I LOVE IT!
Now, if only I could find a woman who LOVES it too......
When my son recieved his awards in 1st grade and cub scouts, YESSS, you go son! Nothing in life is worth living if you don't have to make sacrifices and compromises to make your family happy. In then end, you have an awesome family and friends gathering at the Holidays! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/5/2008 5:28:33 PM | My boys are my gift....but it hasn't always been easy. And, reflecting on them in the last few months, they have been very difficult gifts. I brought them up on my own for the past fifteen years. However, I wouldn't trade my ornery, spoiled bratz for anything in the world!  | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/6/2008 11:56:38 AM | Quote "We naturally defend our children, we have learned how to deal with them on our own and suddenly we find our authority being usurped which can create an entirely different set of problems."
Such is the bad inherits of the internet. She settled for a situation that she knew she shouldn't have but obviously there were factors involved that forced her to accept it.
It's just like with raising kids as a single parent, we're going to make more mistakes with raising them then a married couple would because we don't have our better halves to assist us, and generally we're not going to learn as much from those mistakes as we should have. Thus as fast as our kids grow up......those parts that we didn't quite understand the right way.....get bigger lol.
We all have to work harder and take care of more responsibilities thus tend to lose track of this and that sometimes so we really enjoy it when we have somebody who can step in and help us achieve that balance. Sure, that balance may not be great or what we envisioned it to be....even happily married couples balances aren't either......but at least it is a far better balance than what we had before and the kids are happy. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:16:34 AM | i'm a single parent, not by choice and god yeah its hard.
But i have the satisfaction of every time my little girl achieves something, i can say
'thats MY girl'
and those people who come by in the street and say 'that girl is a credit to you'
To ME, not her dad who cleared off at the first sign of trouble.
I love my little girl, and i'm proud of her. And i know that its down to me, and everytime she looks at me at night and says 'goodnight, i love you' then all the hardship is totally worthwhile. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/7/2008 7:32:38 AM | Reading all these comments reminded me of something I had seen once before. Yes being a single parent of two boys has been the hardest thing in my life I've had to face but it does come with wonderful rewards.........enjoy
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The Price Of A Child
Author Unknown
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle-income family. Talk about sticker shock. That doesn't even touch college tuition. For those with kids, that figure leads to wild fantasies about all the things we could have bought, all the places we could have traveled, all the money we could have banked if not for (insert child's name here). For others, that number might confirm the decision to remain childless. But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.44 a day. Just over a dollar an hour. Still, you might think the best financial advice says don't have children if you want to be rich. It's just the opposite. There's no way to put a price tag on: Feeling a new life move for the first time and seeing the bump of a knee rippling across your skin. Having someone cry, "It's a boy!" or shout, "It's a girl!" then hearing the baby wail and knowing all that matters is it's healthy. Counting all 10 fingers and toes for the first time. Feeling the warmth of fat cheeks against your breast. Cupping an entire head in the palm of your hand. Making out da da or ma ma from all the cooing and gurgling.
What do you get for your $160,140?
Naming rights. First, middle and last.
Glimpses of God every day.
Giggles under the covers every night.
More love than your heart can hold.
Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.
Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds and warm cookies.
A hand to hold, usually covered with jam.
A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles and
skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.
Someone to laugh yourself silly with no matter what the boss said or how
your stocks performed that day.
For $160,140, You never have to grow up.
You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs and never stop believing in Santa Claus. You have an excuse to keep reading the adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies and wishing on stars. You get to frame rainbows, hearts and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray-painted noodle wreaths for Christmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day and cards with backward letters for Father's Day.
For $160,140, there's no greater bang for your buck.
You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off the bike, removing a sliver, filling the wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.
You get a front-row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, first time behind the wheel. You get to be immortal.
You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren.
You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications and human sexuality no college can match.
In the eyes of a child, you rank right up there with God. You have the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever and love them without limits, so one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:07:45 AM | | its not a tough job its a pleasure all the tears tantrums and laughter each day being different and its all mine to enjoy cant be anything better! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/7/2008 10:15:06 PM | | Valie, you are not alone in this endevor with being a single parent to a special child. I have a 15 yr old with Bi-Polar and PTSD + LDs as well as an 11 yr old with mood disorder and LDs. Just because our children are "not normal" does not make them unlovable or moldable, just takes a little more effort and imagination to succeed. I have had times when I just sit and cried wondering how I could ever make it work yet it does all work out in the end. Now that they are on meds and in counseling, things have calmed down but we have also had to relearn how to do things we took for granted. Yes it is harder to date or find a partner when you have special children but when you find that person you can rest assured that they are special too. Not every person can care for a special child. I have been divorced now since 2002 and I know that I will find someone that is just as special is my children, and they will be worth the wait. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/8/2008 11:01:07 AM | Thanks Rootabagga !!
I was wondering what is PTSD? Might be something I heard of I just cant recall it. My son is still under meds for ADHD along with the Bi -polor. I HATE summer because he goes to his dads and his meds get forgotten about. and he is out of therapy, every year he goes back to school it is so much Drama... I just talked to him last night and he seems to be handling himself alright but he felt a little out of control with his feelings and he called me to let off steam and just wanted me to listen . I realized after he hung up that he called for me cause he knew I understood and not his dad who was right there..... I dont know how many times when we were discussing things when I said , I know you hate your meds and you hate the doctors, but this is what you need to do , and Im right here with you , and I will never give up on you no matter how much you fight me . Just dont give up on me. Any way .. I was going to email you ROOTA but I cant, I opened my email if you like to chat sometime... since finding a good man on here dont seem to be happening , a good friend that understand would be Nice !!.. wait , let me back up ... ok I apologize ,,, there is plenty of good men on here, just none that is right for me ! | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/8/2008 2:23:07 PM | PTSD = Post Tramatic Stress Disorder
and I agree with you, summer is really hard around our house. For us it is different reasons, its the "down time". I don't get child support regularly, accually haven't seen any since 2005, so I can not keep up with things for my children to do. I am able to get them into a week of camp (by scholarships) and art lessons for my oldest but that is about it. We have days where there is nothing for them to do because I have run out of free things to do or things that cost very little. We have done rock painting with rocks we have found on the beach, we have gone blind folded on paths and used our senses to find our way. We have had picnics and playground days. We have even had water fights with just about every container and bowl in the house. We recycle like mad people because they can be used for craft ideas like the 2 lt bird feeders we made a few weeks ago. Being a teacher for many years in Maine, I have a good size list of web sites and ideas for kids but after many years of doing this sort of thing, they get old fast.
One thing I have found though is to keep kids busy. The lest amount of down time the better, I realize that children need to learn how to occupy themselves to be able to cope with life but when you mix a special child with down time (more then 30 mins) then you are most likely going to have problems arise. Keep um busy is all I can say for any child regardless of needs. Useing your imagination with even shall I say chores can make a world of difference. Believe it or not my kids love it when I let them scrub the kitchen floor because it involves a pair of "green scrubbie slippers" (thanks to a single dad online giveing me that tip). | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:10:17 PM | I think like with anything there are different degrees of "single parents."
In my case I have no help from the other parent at all. She gets them every other weekend and a few more days during the year.
Even funnier is her child support of $30 a week. That goes a long way for two kids. | |
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| Single parenting Toughest job in the world
Posted: 7/8/2008 9:30:31 PM | funone571 ,
I don't think I have the intelligence to have said it any better myself!!! My daughter whom I have experience first day of everything so far in her life. I don't think that a mere $ 160,000 is going to sway me from ever regretting bringing my child into to this sinical world we live in. I know that if I provide her the guidance to the best of my ability that she will turn out ok. A child's life is absolutely priceless and I wouldn't miss out for the all the money in the world.
Single full time dads and dating just doesn't seem like a possible combination for me right now. I'ts really hard for me to find anyone that even wants to be with a guy who represents, hard work, nurturing, gentle, willing to sacrifice, ambition,and so on and so on. If there's any good advice out there on how to meet a great woman that wants anything to do with this then please tell me.
Emilio | |
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