| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/5/2006 9:01:14 AM | I'll certainly not be a downer here like some have been and say "no, they never work" because there are obviously lots of examples where they have. But I'm recently out of one myself that didn't work, so I can say that they take a great deal of effort and can be very difficult.
For us, it kinda came down to a classic catch-22. We were seeing each other about once every 3-4 weeks, which is all I could reasonaby afford to fund (the distance was Texas - Florida.) When you see each other like that, the meetings and time together are always romantic and wonderful, but you never get an opportunity to really see each other in normal, daily life. Its like a romantic vacation each time. So, we weren't to the point of making the HUGE decision and commitment of one moving half way across the country, but it was difficult to see how we were going to get close enough and comfortable enough to ever feel comfortable making that huge decision either. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/22/2006 7:58:57 PM | | The best relationship I have ever had was a long distant one. He was four hours away and we talked on the phone every night and saw each other every second weekend for five years. It worked out just fine until he moved here and we lived together... thats when it started falling apart. I really think that long distance relationships do have the potential to work. In my case it didnt work because once moving in together we found out things about each other that we just didnt know. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/22/2006 8:48:12 PM | I've done the long distance thing twice (both were successfull), and I've talked to many people about them. This is what I have found:
It will only work if there is an end in sight. If there is no end in sight, it may last months, or years, but it will eventually fail. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/22/2006 10:55:16 PM | Keys to making a LDR work….
1. Have to be comfortable with it --- some people don’t like distance dating for the simple reason a potential partner is obviously not available enough to be with them on a regular basis. For distance dating to work both need to be OK with this, at least in the short run.
2. Have to understand its limitations and be able to work within them --- distance dating is fine in concept, but the reality can be very different. Being pen pals and phone addicts is a good way to pass the time-between and to get to know someone, but for how long?
3. The timeline between first contact and a serious relationship (living together/marriage) should be short --- the longer the “distance” part of the relationship lasts the chances for success lessens, for obvious reasons: people tend to lose focus, interest, and commitment over time.
4. Cost --- distance dating is not cheap. Meeting even a couple times a month could run into hundreds of dollars; so who pays? I’m sure there are some rich sugar daddies out there that have the time, money, and patience to jet to you on a moment’s notice, how nice….on to the rest of us...lol. I don’t know about most people, but I simply can’t afford the time and expense of distance dating if it means I have to carry most or all the burden. This is something that MUST be worked out before anything starts. It may not be the most romantic part of LDR's, but it’s practical, and needs to be covered.
Even if you fulfil all the above, there’s no guarantee of success. Someone that sounds charming, sexy, mature, and intelligent in email or over the phone could be a real dud once you spend some quality time with them. Is it worth the investment in time, money, and emotion? That’s something you’ll have to decide. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/22/2006 11:34:32 PM | In my experience long distance relationships do not work no matter how much you may think you care for one another. In each experience as such I've had nothing but heart break for the other person felt it was too hard for them of not having me physically there with them. The last one ended up seeing someone else without telling me.
How I found out was let's just say devestating for I really cared for this person. I was in complete and utter shock of how I found out. I thought they cared for me too. It was nothing but false promises on their part which makes me wonder if I'll ever trust anyone as to what they say to me is true if anyone enters my life again. They claim they still care for me and are taking all the blame for it. They still remained friends with me, but I have to admit it's been hard knowing they are with someone else. I think they were in the moment with me and unfortunatly I got hurt in the end when I let my guard down with them offline when I met them. Having a long distance relationship is very hard to maintain for one thing and one person does have to make the move eventually for it can't go on being a long distance relationship forever. Nothing compares to having that person right there with you whom you can easily get together with in good times or bad when you need them to be. Plus, there's more opportunity to really get to know them if they are local. It's a pretty lonely thing to go through when you're in a long distance relationship. I refuse to waste my time on another long distance relationship.
I learned my lesson well. Local is better. It's the simple things people seem to forget like calling up someone saying that they'll meet them in 10mins or half an hour for a movie etc. Nothing compares to that so no long distance relationships don't work out for the most part. Not to mention financial costs. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/23/2006 2:43:49 AM | | i think at some point you have to spend more than a few days together to know if it will work...not online...in person...I think it can work beautifully though if you both realise the toher is human...and not perfect...they will have very real things about them you may hate..just like everyone else...make an effort...keep an open heart and mind and good luck!!! | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/23/2006 5:40:12 AM | Of course they will work if you TRUST each other, have FAith and PATIENCE, It worked for us ... we met on POF last October and are now married.... CANADA TO UK.... BEST OF LUCK TO ALL... AND MERRY CHRISTMAS....  | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/23/2006 6:41:34 AM | Does not work... Realistically.. and like Subotia said.. it can be very Romantic but the novelty wears off real quick.. it is just too hard to maintain. And even if a person is willing to relocate.. Once the person has, there is a LOT of pressure to keep things going. ( obviously you feel like you HAVE to stay with the person if they have moved for you )
From my experience I would advise against it.. | |
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PickyC
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Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 89 | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/23/2006 11:05:42 PM | | Long distance or short distance, it doesn't really matter, both require time, effort, and dedication. It is a matter of if the two of you are able to meld together. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 1:42:25 AM | Mine did not work. I told him I was willing to make the sacrifice to move closer to him, after it became clear that he would not move here if he could possibly avoid it; he finally told me that he had secretly put a profile on POF and had found himself a female "friend" who is local to him. He also told me that when he was with me, for 18 months, he was "not living in reality". Yet I was totally committed to him.
From what I understand, the odds are against a LDR - the trust issues are huge, and, as others have pointed out, it takes extraordinary determination and constant communication - then there are all the logistics of moving and who gives up what - having said that, some people do beat the odds - and I congratulate them.
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 8:46:31 AM | I've found once a person has had a couple bad experiences with LDR's their views are pretty much entrenched. It only took one experience for me to do it. 
For all those that have had nice experiences, good for you. I'd certainly like to know the details, though. In almost every case it's because somebody had the time, money, and patience to burn in order to make it work.
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iris37
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Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 94 | |
| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 10:05:32 AM | I'm not good with Long Distance to me can you really spend enough time with someone to really gt to know them or you always in the honeymoon stage of the relationship? To me although I have never had a long distance it would appear that both people would always be on the their best behaviour because you only have a few days a month or couple of months to see each other. I think it would be very difficult at best.
Good Luck!!! | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 10:29:45 AM | I've been in a couple of LDRs, and the first question you need to ask is (although it sounds premature to ponder on, it's important to acknowledge, because otherwise, what's the point in proceeeding?)
Who's going to move if this works out? | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:13:39 AM | Who's going to move if this works out?
*Raises hand*
*British accent* Shall we begin now??
Not with you, Creativguy. Just in case you were wondering, mate. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:25:49 AM | Absolutely and as a matter of fact the spice that waiting between visits creates can truly add to the relationship - that's not to mention the communication which builds and has to be even better because of the miles between you. When you can't always touch, when you have to rely on words, the lines of communication are more open and honest and this develops a deeper commitment - I think - than being next door or just down the street... So many relationships fail because there's a lack of communication... It truly depends on the individuals involved but my answer to you is that yes, definately - long distance relationships can be tops!!!   | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:30:01 AM | long distance relationships can be tops!!!
I'll borrow some lines from my profile:
"I'm sure there's great men [women] locally, but I know about disappointed people that have looked overseas [another state] for their love and have been successful, and this is the reason why I embarked myself in one. Its a matter of coming across the right one, either nearby or far away."
If you come across the right one, you will walk the miles no matter what. It was a great experience for me, regardless of the outcome. It put me to extreme situations where no man would possibly go for love. Honestly, I would give it another shot if a woman came across and proves to me she's worth it.
When you can't always touch, when you have to rely on words, the lines of communication are more open and honest and this develops a deeper commitment - I think - than being next door or just down the street... So many relationships fail because there's a lack of communication... It truly depends on the individuals involved
Been there, done that. The bond you can create with a person is simply remarkable.
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 12:33:04 PM | Long distance relationships work great for married men who are mobile, manipulative, managerial types with money to burn. The distance provides a cover for them.
Long distance relationships also work out great for single men who are mobile, managerial types and can manage travel if they find a woman worth it.
Be sure you know which type you're dating.
I know a married man who has mistresses in 4 different states. None of them know he is married. And each one thinks she is his only lover. He talks to each of them daily on the phone and travels to see each of them about once a month. Or he pays for their airline ticket to fly where ever he happens to be travelling on business - which is frequently Chicago. | |
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| Long Distance Relationships Do they work?
Posted: 12/24/2006 12:36:08 PM | | Yes it does work, takes a lot of committment and trust but it does work..you have to give 100 percent to the relationship, both parties.... | |
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